Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #315 by Janet S. Tiger What Could Possibly Go Wrong? Dec. 24, 2014

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Monologue Mania Day #315 by Janet S. Tiger What Could Possibly Go Wrong?   Dec. 24, 2014 

                               What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
                                             (for The Senior Channel)
                                       ©Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved

            (The actor enters, carrying a bag, which is placed on the floor.)

Ladies and gentlemen of the Senior Channel.  As we approach the New Year, I am reminded of all the people who have spoken here, about all the problems of the world.  I believe, if I remember correctly, that they call these ......issues.  I call them complaints, and in the case of some of the speakers, more like rants.

Well, I seek to discourage the future of these, we can all focus on the important issue of peace......How will we attempt to do this?  I have prepared a preemptive list of  the things that can go wrong, so that, in the upcoming year, no one else will have any need to repeat these,

Here it is......

           (Opens the bag, removes a large scroll and opens it, it falls onto the ground and keeps rolling- it is long.)

I will start with the obvious things, on the human body, there are no end to how our billions of cells can get sick, but I have broken them into distinct categories according to accidents, aging and ......what the hell happened here?

             (Picks a second scroll out of the bag, opens it, it, too unrolls a great distance)

Next I have the category of mechanical items that can go wrong - including but not limited to.....automobiles, cars, toasters,. of course, computers and cell phones, and unfortunately, toothbrushes.......

              (Takes the bag and holds it up, showing many more scrolls)

As you can see, this will take some time..  Kind of like the Jerry Lewis Marathon, but without the singing and dancing.  That's why I am here we will all have time to consider these issues, apply the appropriate level of worry, and still have time to get ready for the New Year's party.

              (Removes glasses from pocket, wipes them, puts on nose, starts to read from one of the scrolls, stops)

Oh, I did have a summarized version of this....would anyone care to hear the shortened version?


Very well.....

             (Removes an envelope from pocket, opens with a flourish to remove a folded paper.  Opens the paper, removes index card..... then reads)

What could possibly go wrong?

             (Turns the card over)


             (Puts the card into pocket, turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Now, with all that worry off your plate, have a wonderful New Year!

             (Exits, blowing a paper horn thingy from the upcoming New Year's party.  Happy New Year!)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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