Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #293 by Janet S. Tiger Surprise Dec. 2, 2014

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Monologue Mania Day #293 by Janet S. Tiger  Dec. 2, 2014 

                                 A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved                                                   tigerteam1@gmail.com
            (A woman enters, she has a card with a bow on it.  She smiles.)

There you are!  I know you're the birthday boy, but I want to have you to myself for just a few moments, to indulge an old lady who is about to give you a very nice surprise birthday present.

            (She holds out the card, pulls it back quickly)

Not so fast, my young man!  I am pulling rank, and insisting that you listen to the story attached to this gift.

Of course, you may have heard it before from me...or your father, but after all, I am your only surviving grandparent, so I think that allows me a little extra in the 'boring stories you have to listen to' department.


Thank you!  Because you are such a lovely young man - and a very convincing liar! - I will make this short.

Back in the days when I was your age, I loved to play baseball, just like I hear you do.  And in my time, there were baseball cards, just like now, only then, we would play the flipping game - and flip cards against each other, in order to win cards from other children.  Actually, boys, because only boys - and your grandmother - collected these cards.

And the boys never thought I was any good at flipping the cards.

         (She stands and pretends to hold a card next to her hip - she releases it and 'watches' it fall)

In my prime, I practiced for hours until I could flip 100 cards in a row - all face up or face down.  When I met some boys with cards, I pretended I wasn't very good, and let them win the first few times.  Then I would cry, and get angry, and challenge them to 100 cards - and they would jump at the chance to defeat me.

I told them the only condition was that, as a girl, I go first.  No problem.  They never objected.  Not once.  And I would then flip 100 all the same - it was impressive.....

           (She illustrates the flipping)

They would watch, sure I was about to lose, and how much would I cry then?

For the first ten, there was no reaction, but by the time I reached 20 all in the same direction, their faces had started to change.  By thirty, they were transfixed, by fifty their mouths hung open like dogs, and as I approached the last ten, their heads were shaking, stunned.

Sometimes the other fellow would make a feeble attempt to get some in a row, but as soon as one card differed, it was the end, and he would just hand over the cards to me.  100 cards.  A veritable windfall!

But the best part was, after being defeated, the boys would bring friends to go up against me, and they would inform their friends of my strategy, but....and here's where I learned a great deal about men......even though they knew, they didn't care, they still would take the bait, like a fish offered a tasty worm.  And they, too, would lose.

After years of this went on, I had amassed an enormous collection - thousands of cards, at least 10 of the rookie Mickey Mantle, many Willie Mays, all assortment of the other fellows, Sandy Koufax, Yoggi Berra, Harmon Killebrew.....

The boxes filled an entire bookshelf in my room.....which made it very difficult when we had to move, and could only take along one box of goodies.  I cried twice - first, the day we had to leave behind boxes and boxes of my youth, the second time, years later, when I found out what all those cards were worth!

Now, if you are not asleep, you might be wondering why I told you this story.   .......I have a secret.....I no longer remember.  (Thinks)  Wait a minute, I remember!  I'm telling you because you never know......I had cards worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.....in the future.  They were left behind to become a part of my past.

And now, you are beginning your journey through life, and ....just as your youth will be different from mine and you will probably never flip cards, there is something that is similar.  You never know what will be worth something in the future......or who will be worth something to you.

So enjoy the minutes of this birthday, and this small present.

         (She now hands over the card.)

I'm glad you think that cat is funny, I do, too! 


The key?  That is a key to a special box that you will inherit when I die......all you have to do is remember where the key is.....because I'm hoping to last for a quite a few more years.......

What's in the box?  Ah, but that is the whole point of this story, and this gift!  ..Is the box filled with the few valuable baseball cards I saved?  Or does it just have some silly letter that will make no sense for years?  You don't know, and you won't know....and the circumstances are completely out of your control!  That is the life present I am giving you today....
Happy Birthday, my dear boy!

          (She turns to leave, stops looks back)

And that's why they call it....a birthday surprise!

            (She exits.  Not the end of this story)


Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315 
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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