Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #300 by Janet S. Tiger The Other 300 Dec. 9, 2014

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Monologue Mania Day #300 by Janet S. Tiger The Other 300  Dec. 9, 2014 

                                                    The Other 300
                                 A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved

             (The woman who enters walks very tall.  She is dressed as - and is - an old time teacher.  She holds a ruler in her hand, which she holds up to get attention)

If everyone would please take your seats and please be quiet!   I know that this is only a small organization, but using the power of the internet, we have now become more than our original group of five, we are now, officially......

             (She takes a paper from her pocket and reads)

With our latest computer tally of members.....we are...the 300! 

And just like those Greeks of old, we will stand firm against the war raging now on every computer, in every newspaper, on every TV channel.....the war against the English language!

And we will fight with every resource at our fingertips......we will not allow sloppy broadcasters to say....(she shudders)...these ones!  We will send them the grammar book notations so that they will always remember you cannot have two plural pronouns together!

We will protest, on paper, on computer, and in person, if necessary, against the horrors being inflicted upon our gentle ears....We will teach them the correct pronunciation of difficult words, such as ......the word is spelled -A-S-K!  and is pronounced ASK!  Not AX!  I do not want to be AXED a question or anything else!

We must be strong in the face of adversity - and of people who will laugh at us.  We must ignore the smirks and derision that greet true patriots!

We will fight the newsprint ninnies who allow T-H-E-R-E to be placed instead of T-H-E-I-R or even worse....(she hisses)  ITS!  I-T-S is possessive!  I-T- apostrophe -S means  (she screams)  IT IS!

              (She wipes her forehead)

We will fight in the schoolrooms,  we will fight in the boardrooms, we will fight in the chatrooms,  (crescendo)  WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER TO BAD ENGLISH!

              (She takes a deep breath, leans over, listens)

 Sorry, (quickly)  we will never surrender to poor English.

(Sighs deeply)  You see, even I can be subverted without realizing it.  We must be eternally vigilant ....my friends, our work is just beginning.  But unlike the original 300, who, unfortunately, were brutally murdered in the defense of their beliefs, we will survive!  Even if it means burning every single T-shirt that says.....

         (She holds up a T-shirt and shudders)

(Horrified)   I BE A TEACHER!

         (She turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Please join me as we commence our cleansing of the English language.....and this awful clothing......

          (She takes out a cigarette lighter and smiles)

(Gracious)  And just remember, where ignorance flourishes, the tree of knowledge can wither and die…(loud and saucy)…and that really sucks!

          (She waves for the crowd to join her.and exits.  Maybe the beginning of the end of...bad English)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315 
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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