Monologue Mania: December 2014

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Monologue Mania Day# 322 by Janet S. Tiger Countdown Dec. 31, 2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

                      - for a whole year!
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Monologue Mania Day# 322 by Janet S. Tiger Countdown Dec. 31, 2014

For those counting, only 43 days left to this year of monologues!

Countdown

tigerteam1@gmail.com

           (The actor enters, dressed for the New Year, doing somersaults varied with cartwheels. Stops right in the middle of the stage. Smiles.)

Ten.....

            (Removes shoes and socks. Turns another somersault)

Nine. What a great year!

             (Cartwheel, then takes off jacket. )

Eight, seven six.....

             (Does three somersaults, takes off shirt)

Five, four, three......

             (Starts to do a cartwheel, removes pants, stops, now only in underwear)

Maybe I don't want the ball to drop this year.....maybe....I don't want to see it end.....

             (Does a half-hearted cartwheel)

Two......

              (Deep sigh, sits heavily)

Where do the years go? I mean, just a minute ago, I was turning cartwheels, and now.....

(Tries to stand, can't)

One........

              (Turns to leave, looks back over shoulder, smiles, starts crawling like a baby, giggling, happy, removes a New Year's blower thingy and starts blowing it)

Happy New Year!

(Exits......still blowing......and so does 2014. May the New Year be a Happy, Healthy Year for all!)

------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Monologue Mania Day # 321 by Janet S. Tiger Drafted Dec. 30, 2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

Monologue Mania Day# 321 by Janet S. Tiger Drafted Dec. 30, 2014

Drafted

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(This monologue will need at least two chairs, but three or four would be even more effective. The woman enters, imperious, strong, veddy upper class British accent, this is a woman who knows what she wants. She is dressed beautifully, purse in hand, looking over the room carefully - which table should she pick?)

Oh, hello, Charles, I'm so glad to see you, you have been so helpful the last few times we were here. And your suggestion to come early to solve the table problem is an EXCELLENT one!

I will start with the table where we sat last time......

(She goes to one chair, sits in it, moves, tilts her head up, makes a face)

I feel.....a DRAFT.

You people must have a different window open, the draft is evident tonight, even though last time there was no such air disturbance.....so I will try this table....over here.....

(She picks herself up and moves to one of the other chairs. She sits, repeats the motions from when she was in the first chair - sits, moves, wiggles a bit, makes a face, sneezes loudly.)

There it is, the same DRAFT! You know how I hate drafts! Drafts while eating are not healthy, I remember quite clearly how we were having a lovely dinner at the Chez Bouillabaisse, which had the most delicious soups, and we were in the middle of dessert, when my father announced...(imitates male voice) My dear, I am leaving.....

(She picks herself up and moves again - this time with even more annoyance - to yet another chair.)

And my dear mother replied, 'Were the bananas flambe cold? Mine were perfect.'

(She shakes her head, sneezes, moves again, this becomes a bit like a strange dance, with the chairs being partners, but never good enough, all the while recounting the story)

And my father answered, ' No dear, the bananas were delicious, I am leaving you for your friend, Lavinia.' My mother looked up and said, 'Well, that's interesting, goodbye, dear, please pay the bill and gratuity before you go.' My father bowed slightly, almost insulted, and said, 'Of course, dear, this will be civilized.' And he left.

(Finally she plunks down in the very first chair, tired, breathing heavily)

That's when my mother looked around and said, ' I feel a a draft' so we moved to another table, and even though we were almost finished with the meal, my mother insisted upon eating another dessert, as she claimed father had ruined her enjoyment of the first with his abrupt departure.

What happened next was not civilized at all…. it was known as World War II, and my father was..... ...drafted, even though he had children and two wives. He was killed at Dunkirk, and I never saw him again.

(She shivers as if in a draft, then looks around, realizing it is the chair she sat in originally.)

Well, this is still the best of the worst! If your Beef Wellington wasn't so scrumptious, I would have to dine elsewhere, as the drafts in this room can only be bested by the Arctic winds of Norway!

(She stands, very tall, looks around)

We'll be here tonight, Charles, promptly at 7:45, so I will check to see if this table will be acceptable. I would appreciate it greatly if all windows in this quadrant remained closed for the duration of this day, to ensure a non-draft sensation.

(She hands a gratuity to Charles)

Thank you......

(Listens, as she starts to leave, stops, looks back, irritated)

No! We are not dining with the Biggleswades! He is acceptable, but she, she is impossible…. with all her stories – the woman just lives in the past!

(She exits, making her own draft as she goes)

------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monday, December 29, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #320 by Janet S. Tiger Neighbors Dec. 29, 2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

Monologue Mania Day #320 by Janet S. Tiger Neighbors Dec. 29, 2014
   Note- For other monologues from the full-length play, Crime, please see Days # 171, 172, 190, 193, 219, 220, 221,222, 223, 226, 239. To purchase the one-act Crime, click here

                             Neighbors
(for Crime)

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(A man walks onstage. He is in a suit jacket, but no tie. He defines the word ordinary. In a crowd, nothing about him would stand out. He stops, looks at the audience, and for a moment, gives a smirk.)

You think I’m ordinary, that I looks just like your neighbor.......but that’s what they thought about Clark Kent. I don’t care what you think about me, because I know the truth.

Underneath this meek, calm exterior, lies Superman.

Superman is a serial killer. So are all the superheroes - they fit the technical description of a serial killer -

(reads from a card)

'A serial killer is typically defined as an individual who has murdered three or more people^[1][2] over a period of more than a month, with down time (a "cooling off period") between the murders, and whose motivation for killing is usually based on psychological gratification'

If that doesn't define Batman and Marvel and all the other caped wonders, you are not being fair.

(He folds the card carefully and puts it in a pocket.)

If you haven't guessed by now, I am a Superman - and...I fit the other description, too.

I live in a neighborhood just like yours. You may have seen me driving by, or in the store, or maybe I've been to a movie at the same time you have.

(Looking around)

You look uncomfortable, I understand. But you have nothing to worry about, I have no more intention of killing you than Superman would.

You see, Superman believed in justice, so do I.

Superman helped society, so do I.

I understand that you may have some...reservations. That I get.

(Holds up a paper)

Now, this, this I don't understand. (Reading).... there is a murderer targeting homeless people. If you are sleeping in the open, please consider a shelter, or sleeping in groups. If you have any information, blah, blah, blah...'

(Folds the paper very carefully)

They will spend thousands of dollars to advertise that these homeless people should ...(laughs) be careful. And even more to gather all types of irrelevant information. But not once would they think to use that money to help get those homeless people into a home.

(Listens)

Why do I call it irrelevant information? Because they will never catch me. I've been doing this over 25 years and I am VERY careful.

I move to a smaller town near a big city. I never kill anyone in the town where I live. In small towns, people have nothing to do but watch out for their neighbors, and they pay attention. So I go to the city. I always have a good reason, and I wait and watch and see where the best place I can go to help out society by removing undesirables.

This is usually not hard to find. Places with a high concentration of liquor stores, combined with a high poverty level, near to areas where the homeless can sleep without being easily seen. That's why I use these -

(He holds up a pair of night vision goggles) -

(Excited) They are just wonderful! You can see anything that has some warmth left in it!

One time, it was winter, and I was in a cold state like...Ohio. And I used these to find someone who was so drunk that he was sitting next to a campfire, in the snow.... in his underwear. (Remembering) I watched him fall asleep. Now, I could've let him freeze to death, but that would've been the work of a cruel person, and I am never cruel.

He might have frozen, awakened with frostbite, stumbled to the highway, had someone help him to a hospital, and bingo! You and I would be still paying for his surgery, care, and probably his hospice and funeral. This way was much easier. I waited until he was asleep and slit his throat. Then I watched through the glasses as the warmth left his body - pretty quickly, too.

Just like Superman. I've lived in many states - done this many times, by my last count - over 75 times. According to my calculations, even after the investigational expenses, my work has saved the society up to 50 million dollars in medical, legal and assorted other expenses. Not bad for Superman.

(Listens)

Why haven't I been caught? Because I'm very careful. I use different methods to kill in each area, so that on databases, my work in one state will never be connected to another. I never do more than 4 or 5 in any one area, and I take the money - which I donate to charities - but leave the wallet and ID, making police work easier, and implying that the murder was due to theft.

I buy knives in big stores, and throw them in nearby rivers. I never keep souvenirs of what I do, because Clark Kent wouldn't do that.

When there's an article about the dead person, I just read it online, along with many other items, in the library.

Why do I do this? Because I am actually doing a favor for the people I kill. They are drunks, living in the open, sooner or later they will die very unpleasant deaths. And because of me, they get their names in the paper! They are on TV! Usually, for the first time in their lives. I have made them famous. And, unlike most people who do you a favor, I require no thank you notes, no tokens of appreciation. My reward is...... knowing that I helped.

Why keep it secret? For the same reason Clark Kent kept his secret - he couldn't have continued if his identity had been revealed.

I have to go now, before the police come for me, I'm moving far away, but don't worry, if at any time I feel I can't continue, I am going to commit suicide. (Smiling) I plan to use kryptonite of course.

(He turns to leave, looking at someone in the audience)

You're afraid, aren't you? That's all right, you have nothing to be afraid of from me. Yes, I could be your neighbor .....

(He continues to walk offstage)

….but the scary part really is that......I am your neighbor.

(Lights down. End of scene)

------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #319 by Janet S. Tiger Little Voices Dec. 28, 2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

Monologue Mania Day #319 by Janet S. Tiger Little Voices Dec. 28, 2014
Little Voices

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(Woman comes onstage, she is smiling - because this is a short monologue and she didn't have a lot to memorize.)

I have little voices in my head, they are always telling me what to do.....I've been hearing them for a long time, I don't tell anyone because I know they will put me away!

But how can I make those voices go away! They are unavoidable, indestructible, and, like people you meet in a long line at the grocery store.... they are always talking!

Always talking! In my head, all the time!

(Imitates voice) Do Not Eat That Piece of Cake! You'll get fat! Take a walk after dinner! It's good for your blood pressure! Stop doodling and finish the taxes! If you don't pay, you go to jail! And the worst one.....stop worrying! It's giving you wrinkles!

I am afraid of the little voices, they scare me.....because I am afraid, one day.....I will listen to them!

(She turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Or maybe not……now where did I put that chocolate?

------------------------------------------------------------

The original one- shorter, even less to memorize!

(Woman comes onstage, she is smiling)

I have little voices in my head, they are always telling me what to do.....(imitates voice) Do Not Eat That Piece of Cake! Take a walk after dinner! Stop doodling and finish the taxes!

I am afraid of the little voices, they scare me.....because I am afraid, one day.....I will listen to them!

(She turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Or maybe not……

------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #318 by Janet S. Tiger What's Next? Dec. 27, 2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

Monologue Mania Day #318 by Janet S. Tiger What's Next? Dec. 27, 2014
What's Next?

tigerteam1@gmail.com

           (This is a very physical piece, designed to show off the actor's talents in movement and ability to hold the audience's attention in a very tight space. The ideal start would have the actor face down on the floor when this begins. The timing here is suggested, but will work. Try different counts for different audiences. First, absolutely still for a count of at least ten. Then, movement begins, a twitch, barely perceptible, then another, until slowly the actor has rolled into the fetal position, very tight.)

Mmmmm, would someone please lemme outta here?

           (Person starts vibrating, count of 5 , stops, count of 5, then vibrates again, longer this time, with a stop of 4, vibrating 7, stop of 3...you get the idea, this is birth happening, and the actor is wriggling, bursting out, still on floor)

(Screaming) Waaaaaaah! Waaaaah!

            (The person feels a slap, stops, stunned.)

What the hell was that about? You slap me, I'll slap you.....

            (Waves arms wildly, unable to do anything else)

Oh, so that's the way it's gonna be...... Waaah! Waaaah!

(The person starts sucking)

Mmmmm! Better!   Mmmmmm! That is so good!

(The person stops, takes a deep breath, tries to sit up, can't, it takes a huge effort, but finally does.)

This is easy! I can do anything!

(The person now attempts to crawl, also very hard. Finally gets crawling and does it in place, never moving from original position on stage.)

Oooh, now I'm movin'! This is gonna be a breeze!

(Struggles to stand, falls. Repeats a few times, each one improving)

They all can do it, so can I!    I can....

   (Falls)

What the hell is the secret here?

             (Yawns widely, lies down)

I am tired, maybe a little nap would help. I just love naps....

             (Hands under head, asleep for a count of 3)

Oooh, that was great! I feel so much better now!

   (Stands up, very wobbly, but doesn't fall)

I guess there's a lotta secrets no one tells you......

   (Walks in place, slowly at first, then starting to run, falls in place again)

I wish someone would give me a clue.....

   (Gets up, runs a bit more carefully, then gets the hang, starts to go fast)

Wow! This is incredible! It's like I'm Superman/woman! This living thing is so way cool......

   (Hits something, goes down hard, is stunned)

Maybe it won't be as easy as I thought.....

(Gets up a bit more gingerly, runs in place more carefully)

Why won't they let me go to school on my own? I'm big, I can get there without them....

(Does some different steps, walks a bit)

And everyone knows it's a wise psychological move to foster a child's independence, and that's what I want, my independence!

   (Sits on the ground, puts feet out, has hands on the wheel of a car)

Vrroooom! Wow! I love to go fast! And I'm such a good driver! Now this is really the way to go! I knew I could drive, and I can get away from everyone and everything and.......

   (They shudder, the car stops)

Oooops.....waaah!

(Stands up, walks again)

Now I have to walk to my job, to pay off that stupid repair!

               (Sits in car again, older)

Thanks, I just paid it off, it's all mine....

   (Leans over for a kiss. Arms wrapped around self, heavy breathing, vibrations, faster breathing, heavier vibrations ......an explosion of movement, then quiet.......

Wow, that's even better than driving.......

              (Breathes quietly, turns, smiles)

I think it's a good idea, too........

              (Hugs, then sits back, one hand on the wheel, smiling, suddenly starts driving like mad)

We'll get there.....we'll get there......

               (Stops, holds out arms.)

Amazing......even better than......(stops themselves)....better than everything else.....

               (Puts the baby down, lets it crawl, then walk away)

Don't run so fast, you'll fall down.....

               (Shakes head)

I told you so.....

They never listen, do they?

               (Sits down, slowly)

Boy, it's hard to get up sometimes......

              (Tries to stand, cannot get up)

I guess you just have to get used to it, thank God for wheels....and wheelchairs......

(Tries to wheel the chair)

Thank you, dear, my arms are a bit tired, I think I'll take a nap.....

   (Lies down on ground, hands under head)

Mmmm, I just love to take naps....

             (Relaxes, lies very still, same position at beginning, only now lying on their back, hands crossed over the stomach, a final breath, stillness, count of 5, then, very slowly stands up,looks at where they were, then around, turns to walk off, stops, looks back)

That was fun! What's next?

             (Exits, the end ....for now.)

------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8