first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015 second year - Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016 third year - Feb. 13, 2016 - today!
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop - if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
Get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site on Facebook, Google - with friends. Wishing you much success!
----------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 1527 Slide Rules by Janet S. Tiger (c) April 22, 2018
This one-act is being entered in a contest tonight - by 11:59pm - any suggestions are greatly appreciated!
This one-act is being entered in a contest tonight - by 11:59pm - any suggestions are greatly appreciated!
Slide Rules
by Janet S. Tiger
© 2012 all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
SETTING
- an old-time small town newspaper
office – one large paper on a wall can read CACTUS
CREEK WEEKLY PEEK first edition, and there are only two signs that this is not 1945, but today - a modern computer and printer – and a large
container marked RECYCLING.
CHARACTERS
–
MARJ- Editor of the Cactus Creek Weekly Peek, 50s
SHERRY – Marj’s longtime assistant
and friend, 70s
BRANDON – Young man, late 20s, suit
and tie, excited, but nervous
LIGHTING
AND SOUND –
Whatever the director prefers –
there are no special needs for this play
(Curtain
opens to show an old-time small town newspaper office – one large paper on a wall
can read CACTUS CREEK WEEKLY PEEK first edition, and there are only two signs
that this is not 1945, but today - a
modern computer and printer – and a large container marked RECYCLING.
A
key is heard and the front door opens.
In walks a woman in her 50s – the editor, MARJORIE - who looks like she
could have been happier in 1945. She is
chewing a big wad of gum, which she will replenish throughout. She takes a scarf out of a pocket, wipes her
forehead – it’s hot already – and goes over to an old fan to turn in on. It doesn’t work. She tries jiggling the switch – nothing. Now she kicks it. It falls over – and still nothing.
As
she is picking up the fan, in comes a woman in her 70s, CHERYL – SHERRY to her
friends – and she doesn’t just come in, she makes an entrance, wearing an
amazingly large hat – it could be used to create shade in the desert – and
waltzing, while humming)
SHERRY
– I could have danced all night, I could have danced all night….and still have
wished for more…..
(As she does this, she puts her hat
onto a hat rack, places her purse by the computer, and sits down as she finishes the waltz.)
SHERRY
- Did you see Dancing with the
Stars? Wasn’t that lovely? My father used to dance with me when he….
MARJ-
(knows this) ……came home from work.
SHERRY
- (Doesn’t care) Maybe I have told this story before…
MARJ
– ….once or twice…
SHERRY
– (Gonna tell it anyhow- it’s part of the morning the day after Dancing) And he would lift
me up and whirl me around
(She illustrates)
SHERRY- And then, when I got taller….
MARJ
- …..he would have you stand on his shoes…
SHERRY
– he would have me stand on my shoes!
MARJ
- And a bright and cheery good morning
to you…
(The next lines are said while the
two of them get the office ready for the morning- coffee started, blinds opened – whatever the set
designer can come up with on their budget.)
SHERRY
- My dear Marjorie, I think you would
enjoy watching those beautiful young people dancing…
MARJ- Maybe if I had cable…
SHERRY
– Or a computer….it’s available on the computer, you know..
MARJ
– I may be forced to look at a computer here in the office, but there is still
no law forcing me to do that at
home…
SHERRY
– What a beautiful day! It’s so warm and
sunny – amazing how you can be so miserable
so early in the morning…
MARJ
- It’s not warm, it’s 7:45 am and it’s
already hotter than the hinges of hell!
SHERRY
– It’s only 90 degrees –according to the weather report, the hinges of hell
won’t be until about 3pm…..
(Looking through mail)
MARJ
- I hope we got some good letters,
otherwise you’ll have to make up a few…
SHERRY
- Why don’t you let people send in their
letters on email?
MARJ- For the same reason I will never read a book
on a piece of metal! It’s not natural!
SHERRY
- But driving around a two-ton pile of
gas burning crap is just fine and dandy?
MARJ- You know I have a Prius!
SHERRY
– Pardon me, one ton.
MARJ
- I don’t see you riding your bike when
it’s 100 degrees in the shade!
SHERRY
- Come on, you print the paper on modern
machines!
MARJ
- I do not!
SHERRY
- All right, Danny Yang does at his
print shop, but you know what I mean!
MARJ
- Here’s a good one..
(She holds up a letter)
MARJ-
Anna Lee Contreras is complaining that the tire recycling place may be
harboring illegal bees….
SHERRY
– (Suspicious) Is that really what it says?
MARJ
– Well, she’s upset at the tire recycling somehow - what does she have against recycling?…..
SHERRY
– The stink of the tires? The ugliness
of the tires…it’s probably just the..
MARJ
– (This is almost like a mantra) …Bees in her bonnet? The…
SHERRY
- ….ants in her pants…speaking of recycling, how many of those slide rules do
you have left? A million? Ten thousand?
MARJ
- You have your father teaching you to
dance, I got my father’s slide rules…
SHERRY
– He might as well have left you manure…. now that’s an important commodity in
the desert…..
MARJ- (snide)
Well, there’s plenty of manure in this office…
(They both laugh)
MARJ
- One day, when our modern society
destroys itself, and there is no electricity, people will appreciate a return to the basics – and they will
need slide rules again!
SHERRY
- Of course, dear, when the sun burns
out and we can’t use our solar calculators!
(They are interrupted by a knock on
the door. A nice-looking young man in a
suit that is rapidly becoming very sweaty
pokes his head in the door. This is
BRANDON, and he is bright, perky and
carrying a briefcase – a man on a mission.)
BRANDON
- (Interview ready) Hello, my name is Brandon Williams….
MARJ- We’re not really open yet…
SHERRY
- (More polite) Did you want to place an ad?
We’re not set up to do that online yet…
BRANDON
- (Polite) It is about the ad, I’m here for the job you advertised…
(The two women look at each other)
BRANDON
– (Starting to get nervous) Here, I
printed it out….I know I’m a little early…
(He hands the paper to Marj, who
reads quickly, then passes it to Sherry)
SHERRY
- (Reading) Under Jobs Available - ‘Have you been out of work for over 6
months? We
are offering something a little out of the ordinary – a chance to help a small
town newspaper grow. We need someone for advertising sales,
willing to work hard. Good pay, great benefits…’
(Both Sherry and Marj laugh at this)
SHERRY
- (Stunned) ‘Do not reply by email or phone. (Loudly)..
Interviews on Wednesday morning, the 23rd, 8 AM sharp. ..
BRANDON
- I know it’s only the 21st…..but when I show up
on the right day, there are usually hundreds
of people waiting…even in places like
this, so I figured I’d come early and you’d
see how much I want the job….
MARJ
- (Getting mad) Who would do this? Neither one of us can use the Internet that
well!
SHERRY
– (Examining the paper) It must be a
joke of some kind…
BRANDON
- (Getting upset) Whaddaya mean a joke?
MARJ- I mean, young man, that we never put this ad
anywhere….Did we?
(Sherry looks horrified)
SHERRY- Don’t look at me! I stay away from those dating sites…
BRANDON
- It’s not a dating site! It’s Craig’s List!
SHERRY
- But didn’t somebody get killed on Craig’s
List…
(During this, Brandon is looking
less and less confident)
BRANDON
- (Starting to figure it out) Oh, my God…
(He sits down on a chair, suddenly
looking not so upbeat)
BRANDON
- I’ve heard about things like this – I
mean, other people I’ve met in lines told me….but
I didn’t think out here in the…
SHERRY
– (Helpful) Stix?
BRANDON
– Desert…. I figured, oh, boy… I figured wrong, I guess …
(He shakes his head, looking
stunned)
BRANDON
- Someone has a grudge against
someone…or just wants to play a mean practical joke….they
put in a help wanted ad….no email, no phone…you just have to show up, like a cattle call….
(Marj is half-listening, looking at
the paper)
MARJ
- If what you say is right, there could
be hundreds of other people like you out here on Wednesday! What are we
gonna do with them?
BRANDON
- Sometimes there’s even riots…
SHERRY
- Look at the bright side, we’ve never
had a riot in Cactus Creek – it would be a big news
story….
MARJ
– Good thinking, there, Sherry….just what we need to stir up all kinds of
trouble right before the water board
meets!
SHERRY
– (Doesn’t realize it’s a joke) Maybe we
could call up the national feed TV station over
at Temecula…
MARJ
– (Annoyed) I was joking! What are we gonna do? I hate that computer!
SHERRY
- It’s not the computer, it’s what
people do with it…
MARJ- A little like- only guns kill people?
SHERY
– Let’s not get into politics, dear..
(Turns back to Brandon)
SHERRY
- Young man…
BRANDON
- Brandon..
SHERRY
- Brandon…Who can we call? Is there anything you could do to help us fix
this?
BRANDON
- I could try…
(Sherry indicates that the computer
is on and he sits down and starts typing.)
MARJ
- I hope he can fix it…whatever it is
that is broken! Who would have a grudge
against us?
SHERRY
- You mean… who wouldn’t! There’s Anna Lee who hates what you say about
bees in her bonnet…
MARJ
- How does she know what I say?
SHERRY
- You print it every other week!
MARJ- She’s just too sensitive….
SHERRY
– And what about your dear ex-husband who hates your vociferous views on the
water board…of which he is the head…
MARJ
- But these people have hated me for
years! Why would they do this now?
SHERRY
- Maybe they got new computers?
(Brandon indicates they should come
to the computer.)
BRANDON
- There, I notified Craig’s List that
this is a fraudulent posting, it’s been removed, and emails are being sent to everyone who looked at the site.
SHERRY
- (Impressed) So… it’s all taken care
of?
MARJ-
- (Impressed, but doesn’t want to show it) And there won’t be a thousand people
here on Wednesday?
BRANDON
– (Laughs) No riots! Maybe a few people won’t get to read the
email, but I’m pretty sure you’ll be ok. (Has an idea)
Look, I’m good with a computer….and I’ve done sales work before…
MARJ- Not so fast, honey – there is still no
job…there never was a job….to be honest, Sherry over there gets all of $50.00 a month – to cover her gas…
SHERRY
– Which it doesn’t cover anymore…
MARJ- And I get paid the grand total of one dollar
a year …
BRANDON
– (He doesn’t get it) I understand…
SHERRY
– (To explain) Marjorie’s father owned a slide rule company, which did very
well for many years – and although
Marj inherited the unsold thousands of inventory….
MARJ- …which will be usable one day, I’m sure…
SHERRY
– (continues over her)…. the money he earned in the good years bought a great
deal of land around
here….including this building…
BRANDON
– (now he gets it) Oh….
MARJ
- The subscriptions just about pay for
the printing costs. We just got the
computer…
SHERRY
- That was MY idea!
MARJ
– And so you see, there’s no job….
BRANDON- (Deep breath, this is hard) It’s my own fault…I should have done more checking…it’s just that, well, I
have a wife and two kids to feed, and my unemployment is about to finish…and I figured, even if this wasn’t a
high-paying job, this area might be cheaper
to live than in Barstow…
SHERRY
– (Horrified) You came all the way from
Barstow?
BRANDON
– Used the gas and electric money for the gas to get here….but I would have hitchhiked if I’d thought I had a
chance, I guess after a year without work you get desperate…and the ad said only people who had been
unemployed for over six months…boy
I guess they really got me….
(He removes his jacket and wipes his
forehead)
SHERRY
- Oh, dear, would like some coffee, or
juice….?
BRANDON
- Thank you… just some water…
MARJ
- The water is 10 dollars…
(Brandon gives her a look and the
two women laugh)
SHERRY -
That’s a desert joke…. Here’s some nice cold water…no charge…
(He
takes the water in one gulp, and Sherry refills it)
MARJ -
Maybe he should be on the water board…..
(He
drinks, then spills some on his head.)
MARJ -
You look like a nice young man, an intelligent young man….let me explain
something to you about me and about
the whole purpose of this place. My
Daddy taught me that nothing
on earth is wasted. He said that life is
like this desert – and nothing is ever wasted
in the desert. Nothing. Not a drop of water. Not a cool breeze. I grew up here, and I have seen the glory of this truth. Some people (she gives a nod to Sherry) think
I’m crazy, that I should have put
my 10,642 slide rules into the dump
many years ago, but I have not because I
believe that someday, there will be a use for them! And that is why
I live for recycling. I re-use
everything! I save everything! I have a mulch pile for all the food I don’t eat. I
even chew the same piece of gum for 7 days…..
(She indicates a can on her desk.)
SHERRY – I think that was a little too
much information…
MARJ -
Don’t interrupt! (Getting
passionate) I am telling you this
because I want to make it clear
that everything I do here is to encourage recycling, to promote recycling – and
most of all, to let the world know that
recycling is the future! I have just
enough budget to take care of
my goals, and I cannot – no, I will not – be diverted from my dreams! So when I say
we do not have a job for you – or anyone else that might walk through that door
– I mean exactly that! Now, is that clear?
(Brandon
nods and we see he is affected by what she said.)
MARJ -
Now, you may want to go to the City Hall and see if any jobs are posted
there…
(He
nods)
BRANDON - Thank you…
MARJ -
(Softer) And I would be glad to
cover your gas…
(She
goes to a drawer and takes out a can, handing some money to him)
BRANDON - (Stiff)
That won’t be necessary.
(When
he refuses, she tries to push it on him, but Sherry pulls her back.)
MARJ -
Suit yourself.
(He turns to go to the door, his
head is down, he looks completely defeated. He takes the piece of paper with the original ad and throws it into the
recycling bin. He sighs deeply, walks
to the front door and opens it. Then, as
he does this, he looks back at the recycler, and
his shoulders straighten - something
happens to him and he turns back to the women.)
BRANDON- (As he speaks, he gets stronger) Look, you
have a lot of great reasons to say ‘no’ to
me, but I want you to think about this – here I am, a young man with a family,
and I spent the last week
preparing to come down here to try to get this job. I have an entire notebook of my work that you never even looked at….here….
(He opens his briefcase and shows it
to them.)
BRANDON
– Now, I know that you may never have had any intention of hiring anyone, but maybe this is one of those times,
like when there’s a storm, and something blows up on your doorstep and you look at it, and it’s
something useful…maybe even valuable!
What if I hadn’t come today? What if hundreds of people had shown up on
Wednesday for this job that doesn’t
exist? What if there had been a
riot? What if…..someone did worse than this on your computer and
stolen something important? Maybe this
happened so that I can be here now for
this newspaper! Maybe I can make my own
job! You need advertisers – I need to work!
What if I split the money with you – 50-50 for any ads I bring in – for a website I design for
you? You have nothing to lose! And I’ll find a good virus protector and alert system so that no one could do this to
you again!
MARJ- Young man, what part of ‘no’ don’t you
understand?
BRANDON
- The part that looks at me and can’t
see that I am as important as all your mottos and
beliefs and ….
(He shakes the recycling basket for
emphasis)
BRANDON
- ….papers that save trees! What about saving……Me! What about recycling a human being who has a lot of value
left? What can be wrong with that? (takes a deep breath) What about
recycling…me?
(Marj is struck by this and silent,
she sits down. Brandon turns to Sherry.)
BRANDON - I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?
SHERRY
- No, honey, you said something just
right. Her Daddy – the one with all the
slide rules - used to say that people
were …
MARJ – (In her
father’s voice) ….’the most important
commodity, and when you forget that,
you
need to stop and go out into the desert for a moment to think.’
(Marj hands Brandon his notebook.)
MARJ
- You have six months to put together
the website and get some advertising for it.
And it’s 40% for you, but I’ll
pay your gas. That’s six months. Got it?
Not one day more. So don’t ask, as I never change my mind.
(She grabs her keys and walks out
the front door)
SHERRY
- (She knows) Where you goin’, Marj?
MARJ
– (sighs) Out to think for a bit….I’ll be
back soon.
(Looks at Brandon)
MARJ
- (The boss again) Maybe you can get
started on that website?
BRANDON
- I’ll be glad to…
(She exits and Brandon looks at
Sherry. We hear an engine rev up and
Sherry smiles,
pulls out the
chair for him at the computer.)
SHERRY
- Here you go, Brandon.
BRANDON
- Thank you……Aunt Sherry.
SHERRY
- Better not call me that when she’s
around.
BRANDON
- You were right, I guess she didn’t
remember about me…
SHERRY
- Why would she? I’m only an ‘honorary’ auntie…
BRANDON
- Guess I was worried she’d remember my
mom..
SHERRY
– They barely knew each other – and your momma moved you all away when you were what, eleven? Twelve?
Boys change a lot in eighteen years …I must say that acting you did in LA did help. I thought you were gonna leave out about the
recycling, but you got it in just right…
BRANDON
– (Pleased) Thanks, Aunt…I mean, just
plain old Sherry.
SHERRY
– I may be Sherry, and I sure am old, but I am not plain!
BRANDON
- (Laughs) I love you, Aunt Sherry. And I thank you.
SHERRY
– You are welcome.
BRANDON-
(Laughs) I have to admit, Craig’s List
was a great idea – how’d you think of it?
And how did you know it would
work?
SHERRY
- I don’t just watch those dancing and
reality shows….I’m a big fan of the police stuff,
too –lot of good ideas. And as for Marj
going along, it’s like that old commercial about
laxatives…sometimes you just have to give nature a nudge…..
(Brandon doesn’t get this, so he
looks around the office.)
BRANDON
- I don’t think this place has changed
since I was a kid…. You know, I always wondered
what this thing was….
(He points at something hanging on
the wall)
SHERRY
- That, my dear boy, is a slide rule.
BRANDON
– What?
SHERRY
- To understand Marj- and this whole
town, you have to understand about slide rules.
Have a seat, this will take a few
moments…..
(He sits and she takes down the
slide rule and shows it to him)
SHERRY
- Many years ago, before the Internet,
before cell phones, before calculators…..before you were born…back when there were dinosaurs….man realized he didn’t
have enough fingers and toes to count
everything…so he invented something that used no batteries at all….and it was called…the slide rule…..
(Lights out. The end of the play – but not the slide rule,
which will live forever in the minds
and hearts of all who knew and loved them)
------------------------------------------
* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
No comments:
Post a Comment