Saturday, January 28, 2017

Monologue Mania Day #1081 I Hate Jews! by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan. 28, 2017

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Monologue Mania Day #1081 I Hate Jews! by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan. 28, 2017

                             ©     I Hate Jews!
                          by Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved

(Young man enters, he is angry.  This is Bryan, and he looks at his father, sitting in an easy chair, reading.)

BRYAN-  I hate Jews!

         (The father looks up, shrugs and goes back to his paper)

BRYAN -  Didja hear me?  I said that I hate Jews!

FATHER- So?  I hate Jews, big deal.. I hate a lotta people, and I'm glad to see you do, too.  I stopped all that polical correctness shit in you kids, except for your brother, who decided he wanted to be a fairy, but you can't win 'em all. Five outta six winners, can't complain.

BRYAN -  From the first day I remember you tellin' me stuff, I knew Jews were the enemy, and they were the worst, because the others didn't have money like the Jews, and the Jews used all their money to keep us down.

FATHER -  Ok, you got it, what's eatin' your ass now...

BRYAN -  You know that girl I been hangin' out with, Christie?

FATHER -  The pretty one with the big tits.....?

BRYAN -  Dad!  That's girl...

FATHER -  I know.  And if she had little tits she wouldn't be your girls, so I ask again, what's eatin' you?

BRYAN -  Her father is big into family....before we get, you know married or have a baby...

FATHER -  You better get married first, I don't want no bastards around here.....(thinks)  Wait a minute, is she knocked up?  is that what this is about?  Is it yours?

BRYAN -  (Getting madder)  No!

FATHER -  Not yours?  Then just fuck her and let someone else take care of it....

BRYAN -  I mean, no, she's not pregnant!

FATHER -  Then what the hell do you want from me?

BRYAN -  The truth.

FATHER -  (Getting irritated)  I always tell the truth, even if people don't like it....I tell the truth always....

BRYAN -  So how do you figure this?

           (He waves some papers, his father takes them)

FATHER -  What is this?  What the....

BRYAN -  Christie, she saw this ad on TV.....

FATHER -  -(Waves this aside)  That girl watches too much TV, she told me her favorite show was (derogatory)  the Bachelor!  Not too bright, and when those tits start to sag....

BRYAN - Shut up!  ((Breathes heavy)  She wanted to know who I was, what our family was.

FATHER -  So what?

BRYAN -  So she sent some of my DNA in...

FATHER -  Jesus, and you didn't know?  Now that's stupid....spendin' good money on crap like that....

BRYAN -  These are the results, Dad.....

        (He points to something on the pages)

BRYAN -  There, read that!

FATHER -  Eastern European what?

BRYAN -  Do you know what that means?

FATHER -  Some of our ancestors were Pollacks, again, who cares, it probably means you could have some dumb babies.....

BRYAN -  Incredible!  Boy this harder than I thought.....when she saw that, she made me get tested for all these diseases, and you know what came up?

FATHER -  Cabbage and potatoes and vodka?

BRYAN -  Tay Sachs

FATHER -  Is it tasty?

BRYAN - (Scornful) It's a idiot...

          (His father smacks his son across the face, but the boy doesn't flinch)

BRYAN -  It's a bad disease, kind of like it kills your baby.....

FATHER -  So, don't have babies, get a yellow one from China....

BRYAN -  It's a disease  (reading)...primarily found Ashkenazi Jews.....

         (His father sits heavily)

BRYAN -  No punch?  No reaction at all?  Do you know what that means, Dad?  It's from the patrilineal side - that means you, Dad!  That's means... there's a Jew in the woodpile!

         (His father now jumps up and rips up the papers)

BRYAN -  That's really smart, I guess the Polish part landed in you, right?

         (His father moves to smack him again and he ducks this tim)

BRYAN -  It's just a copy, we have the originals.....did you know?  Or did you suspect that all along because you love money so much!

FATHER -  Shut up and get the hell outta here!  I don't have to listen to this shit!

BRYAN -  Shit?  I don't think so, Dad.....why would I make this up?  I mean, what this means is......I hate

           (His father turns away, and is trying to get a hold of himself)

FATHER -  Your grandfather, on your mother’s side, he ….once told me he escaped from Russia, back at the turn of the last century…..something called a….pogrom….
But he was senile, no one listened to him…..especially not my father……

BRYAN -  So it’s true…..

FATHER -  I don’t know…..and I don’t wanna know!  I don’t wanna listen to this!

          (He shakes his head)

BRYAN -  But you hafta listen…..unless I was adopted, I’m part Jew… can I hate, part of me……

FATHER -  Just focus on hating…….

             (He slumps and his son goes to him, touches his shoulder)

BRYAN -  Look Dad, I didn’t know what to think, but maybe, we can kinda, learn about this …together?

FATHER -  Okay……

BRYAN -  Maybe we could even go to synagogue sometime?

              (His father hugs him, and turns to leave)

FATHER -  Look, I’m gonna get a beer, want one?  I mean, do Jews drink beer? 

BRYAN -  Yeah, I guess they do!

              (His father exits, and Bryan watches, then turns to the audience)

BRYAN -  And that’s exactly how it went… my brain….the truth is, my father beat the crap outta me – I still have a scar here…..

            (Points to his temple)

BRYAN -  And I haven’t seen my father in four years…..and I broke up with Christie, because she didn’t wanna marry a Jew, let alone one with a marker for a disease!  And my brothers and sisters don’t talk to me….and I don’t get it, I mean, they have Jewish blood, too?  Right?

So here I am, rabbi, ready to learn….but first, just one question… do I stop hating….myself?

              (Blackout.  The beginning of the end of a bit of prejudice.)

Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315      
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8


1 comment:

Jennifer Silva Redmond said...

Wow. Good timing for this one. How do we as a country stop hating a part of ourselves?