Friday, January 27, 2017

Monologue Mania Day #1080 The Magic of Caregiving (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan.27, 2017

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Monologue Mania Day #1080 The Magic of Caregiving (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan. 27, 2017

        For the series on Caregivers Anonymous - 
                           The Magic of Caregiving  ©     
                          by Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved

         (Woman enters, has a checkbook in her hand)

My father is 94.  I am 67.  Thank goodness he is mentally all there, well, mostly there.  See this checkbook?  I wrote a check for him last week.  And I left it for him to brother helps on the weekend, so when I came back Monday, I look to see if he's signed the check...and the check is gone.

So I ask.....where did you put the check?

And he responds...what check?

Ah.....the magic of caregiving.  The mystery of the missing check.  Which goes in the collection of missing keys, hats, gloves, underwear, socks and anything else that can get lost.  Which is everything.

So I ask my brother, who is an artist and never liked math, did he see the check?  No, he stays away from all money stuff.  And I trust him, because, first, he is my brother, and second, he has a lot of money, so why would he steal a check for $200 made out by my father to my father?

Now of course, the mystery deepens.  Who has the check?  My father is worried.  What if the check is cashed?  I try to reassure him, several times, that if someone snuck in the house and stole the check and tried to cash it, they would be thieves, the check would not be honored,.....

But he is worried, and now, so am I.  Where did he put it?  He doesn't drive anymore, so he couldn't sneak out with it, is his mind going - at 94, he does forget things. (Yells) WHERE IS THE DAMNED CHECK?

         (She goes around the stage, looking for the check)

Where did it go?  I look in all the regular places, and unusual ones, like the freezer, but NO! No check!

And I am baffled....where could he have put it?  Is it time to have his memory checked again?  I never like these 'memory checks' because he usually does better on them than I do.....

Here is where the aliens come in.....I tell him that the aliens have taken the check, and are laughing at us on an intergallactic reality ....the game ends when we mention the aliens, now they have to return the check!  But, still, no check.....maybe it's not the aliens......

So he asks me to call the bank, did the check clear?  I tell him I have looked online - it has not cleared.  Not good enough for him - he does not trust the Internet ....actually a sign of intelligence, I believe....he wants me to call the bank.  So I go INTO the bank, and they print out the page of recent transactions - the check has not cleared.

Not good enough, he wants to see the NUMBERS on the checks.  So I go online and print them out.....

      (Sighs deeply)

Here's where the magic comes in - magic works on a very simple concept.  Get the audience to agree on a false premise.  (Illustrates by holding her arm)  There, folks, nothing up my sleeve!

Or ....(imitates the magician voice)  The box is empty!

But there is something up the sleeve....and the box is not empty.

What was the magic here?  The question - where is the check?  Who took the check?  Only three people had brother, me, my father..we are forgetting the alien option here.....who took the check?  And the answer is....

        (She looks at the group)


The false premise is.....there was never a check!  I wrote the number and the check in the checkbook, but NEVER WROTE THE CHECK!  I could swear I wrote the check, BUT I DIDN'T!

So of course, no one could lose it or hide it......the disappearance was because.....of me!

(Sighs)  And so I share the magic of never the old person you are taking care of sliding mentally?  Is it you......

           (She goes to her seat)

Or is it....magic?

            (Lights down, end of scene)

Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315      
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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