Saturday, January 2, 2016

Monologue Mania Day Sitting Shiva # 690 by Janet S. Tiger Jan. 2, 2016

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Monologue Mania Day # 690 by Janet S. Tiger Jan. 2, 2016
                             Sitting Shiva
                                                (Final Scene From Two Sisters)                                  
                                 (Not a monologue) by ©Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved Jan. 2, 2016

       (Lynn enters, carrying some bags.  She is dressed in black and she looks around, taking a deep breath.)

LYNN - Well, Daddy, you never know, do can happen anytime....

         (Pam enters, also dressed in black.  She sees Lynn and grabs some of the bags)

PAM  - Are you talking to yourself again?  Better do that in the bathroom when the others get here, I mean everyone knows you're nuts, but there's really no reason to prove it, is there?

         (She looks in the bags)

PAM -  How much stuff did you get?  Why do we need this?

LYNN -  (As if to a child)  When people come to a shiva....they expect food.

PAM -  And God forbid you should disappoint them!  Who made up all this stuff for shiva?  I mean I thought that in the Bible you just have to get the body into the ground as fast as possible, because it was so damn hot there in the is this shiva stuff in the Bible, or is it just a bunch of things people decided to do because no one wants to sit through a rabbi droning on with absolutely no chance of anything to eat afterwards!

LYNN -  Food brings people together....

            (Pam is opening chairs, putting out some of the items in the bags)

PAM -  Did you think of that yourself....or did you hear that on Oprah?

LYNN-  You never quit, do you?  Even on a day like today.....

PAM -  What are you complaining about?  This shiva thing was YOUR idea!  I don't think Daddy really wanted it....

LYNN -  It's the right thing to do when someone dies......

PAM -  Someone?  You mean when Daddy dies.....

LYNN -  Please don't keep saying that....

PAM -  Why not?  Because you live in a land of delusion where no one dies?  Here's a newsflash, Miss Lynn.....everyone dies.....

LYNN - (Putting hands over ears)  Stop it!  why do you like to torture me?

PAM -  Because you like to torture me with apples and cantaloupes.....

LYNN -  But who would think....

PAM -  Who would think an old sick man would die?  It was a surprise to all, but then again, so is the sun coming up every happens! It can't have been that big a surprise - he was talking about dying all the time.....

        (At this, Daddy enters, also in black)

DADDY -  Did I hear someone talking about me dying?  Isn't it enough my best friend in the whole world died?  My only friend that was left over the age of 80......and you two wish it was me?

PAM -   Daddy, stop that!  We don't wish you were dead!  And you know it!

LYNN -  We just wish that......

DADDY - You didn't volunteer to do the shiva......

PAM - Exactly!

DADDY -  But you did volunteer, Lynn!

PAM -  Of course she did, she always does!

DADDY -  I don't appreciate it either!

LYNN -  What?  You just said Abe was your best friend!

DADDY -  So?

PAM -  (Triumphant)  I told you he didn't want to do this!

LYNN - (Amazed)  But you said.....

DADDY -  Since when did you start listening to me?  Look, Lynn, you were always the girl who couldn't say no....and that always comes back to bite you in the ass!  So just suck it up and let's hope not too many people come, because Shark Tank is on tonight, and they have the one with the rabbi who invented a new device for mohels called easy slice!  I just love that one.....

LYNN -  Well, only a few of the folks from the coffee shop are coming.....

DADDY -  There are only a few folks left, so that is not surprising....what is surprising is that I never thought I would be sitting shiva my own house.

LYNN -  Oh, Daddy, I know this can't be easy for you....I mean you and Abe go back a long time....he was such a nice man...

DADDY -  He was an annoying idiot......and he even tried to make a pass at your mother before she died......

PAM -  (Amazed)  Really?

DADDY -  Which just proved he was an idio......

LYNN -  You never said anything!

DADDY -  And ruin his reputation?  No, Abe was annoying, but when he grabbed your mother's rear end one night when we were at a restaurant all of us.....I knew he was slipping.....either his eyes or his brain....turned out to be both......

        (Pam and Lynn try not to laugh)

DADDY -  Look, girls, I realize that one day....this will be for me....

         (They start to protest, but he holds his hands up and they stop)

DADDY -  That's the way it works on this, I want you to know something.....that I appreciate your having shiva for Abe.....he was all alone at the end.....wife gone, no kids, only child.....a little may complain....but I truly appreciate everything you two do for me.....all the good care, well, I know it's not easy, but I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the two of you.....

         (He takes their hands and holds them, they are very affected.  He looks out the window and waves.)

DADDY - Look, they're coming.......Now I just have one request.....make sure that nice young nurse of Abe's sits right next to me......

          (He plops on the sofa)

PAM -  Daddy!

DADDY -  Look, I may be old....but this ain't my shiva yet!

          (We see them hug each other as the lights dim.  Curtain)
For those not familiar with shiva -
it is the custom when someone dies to have a nightly service for seven days after the burial.


Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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