Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 680 Breeding Grounds by Janet S. Tiger Dec. 23, 2015

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Monologue Mania Day # 680 Breeding Grounds by Janet S. Tiger Dec. 23, 2015

      This is from a one-act, same name - this can be split into two monologues, which I will do another day.

                      Breeding Grounds                               

                                          (Not) A monologue by  Janet S. Tiger    
                                © 2015  all rights reserved 

        (Simple set, one chair stage right, one chair stage left.  A man in his fifties enters, looks around, sits in one of the chairs.  This is Barry, and he is niiiiiiiice.  Dressed nice, hair nice, smile nice.  He is looking around, waving at others occasionally and then he stops to stare as Ellen enters, also in fifties, nicely dressed, a little hesitant/  He perks up, looks around.  Ellen notices him and looks away in the standard flirt response, to which he responds positively.

When she looks back and smiles, then turns her head away, he picks up his chair and takes it over, puts it next to hers, smiles, sits down.)

BARRY -  Hi, my name's Barry, what's yours?

ELLEN - Does it matter?

BARRY -  (Taken aback)  Beg your pardon?

ELLEN -  Are you deaf?  You don't look old enough to be deaf.  I said...(louder)  Does it matter?

BARRY - Excuse me, but I thought, well, it looked like you were ...I don't know, smiling at me, and I thought, well, that, perhaps....

        (She gives him an almost withering look)

ELLEN -  You thought I was interested because I smiled and looked away.

BARRY -  Well, yes, I guess....

ELLEN -  You guess, or you know?  I mean, I'm almost fifty-five, and I've been divorced seventeen years and I don't think either of us is getting younger, so you guess or you know why you came over.

BARRY - (Stumbling, never dealt with this before) Well, I .....thought that we had a moment of connection, but obviously I was wrong, because that moment of connection was probably just some gas from the rotten eggs you ate for lunch...excuse me....

          (He stands up to take his chair when she laughs and reaches out to his arm, pulling him down)

ELLEN -  Not so fast!  That was better!

 BARRY -  (Now totally confused)  So....what's happening here?

ELLEN - We both know what's happening...Barry?  It is Barry, isn't it?

         (He nods)

ELLEN -  Barry....we are here at this singles event and I've never seen you and you've never seen me, so we are almost complete strangers, except for the fact we are here which means we are fairly desperate, although not as completely desperate as those of us who go online and fail miserably....which I have to admit I have done, have you?

BARRY -  I have...but I'm, you may be able to disguise that lovely acidic wit of yours to pull off a first date - am I right?

ELLEN - (Delighted)  You are!  I am the queen of first dates!  

BARRY -  But for some unknown reason, there is no second date....

ELLEN -  Oh, please, don't slip back!  We both know the reason for no second dates.....most men are complete idiots and I am past the age of putting up with all the crap.....

BARRY -  That assumes the men want to put up with your crap...

ELLEN -  Completely true....which is why I come to this Jewish Forever Alone club and refuse to act weeds out those who are unable to deal with the reality of what will hit after a few months of dating.....

BARRY -  You mean that you're a giant bitch?

ELLEN -  Oh, so crude!  I like that!  The reality of what happens when everyone stops acting I decided to stop acting nice right from the start to see where it gets me...

BARRY -  Well, this is where it gets you....

           (He stands to go)

ELLEN - When I first saw you, I thought you had more balls than that....
BARRY -  Just two, which has been enough for me so long as they don't get chewed off....

ELLEN -  Oh, come on, you know that if I was 25, you'd be happy to let me chew at them!

            (Laughing in spite of himself, he sits)

BARRY -  All right, I'll bite, why are you here?  Is this some kind of psychology experiment?

           (He looks around)

BARRY -  Is it for some graduate thesis? How do men react to women who insult them?  Do they walk away, run away?  Do they stay for more abuse like in that Shades of Grey movie?

ELLEN -  Well, I'm not into that....

              (Holds open her purse)

ELLEN - You can check me for whips and chains.....

BARRY -  So what's the deal?

ELLEN -  I have some magic words that most men find completely irresistible......I have absolutely no interest in a long term relationship.

BARRY -  So you've really been hurt!

ELLEN -  No....... I'm really sick.....and I have only another year or so to live......

BARRY -  That's not funny...

ELLEN - I didn't think so either when the doctors told me, but there it foreplay, just the climax.  I really only want someone for the good months, I'm not asking for anyone to hang around until the bitter end......and I won't have parts falling off of me in bed, so it's an easy decision - can you handle it?

BARRY -  Whew, that's a lot!  Can you give me a minute?

            (She takes out her phone and sets the alarm)

ELLEN -  You've got it!  Sixty seconds counting down!

            (He looks a bit stunned and she points to her watch)

ELLEN - Tick tock!  I literally don't have forever.... but if it helps you, I have had a wonderful life.  I have one child, who is not a complete disappointment to me, so I am happy to leave behind something worthwhile.......I have many friends, and I have watched you as you came in, and I know a lot about you.....

BARRY -  You do?

ELLEN -  You are most probably recently divorced or widowed.....and your children encouraged you to meet others in person rather than the disasters online, and you are looking for something important, but you are nervous about being hurt.....I can solve that dilemma right now.....I'm very easy and I will break it off long before I check out - or you start caring too much.....

            (Looks at watch)

ELLEN - There, sixty seconds.  What's your decision?  Do we go to dinner and beyond, or is this it?

BARRY -  Well, this has to be the most interesting of my three times's certainly different from the breeding grounds of my youth, the dances, the concerts, the Friday night services spent in the hunt for hormonal satisfaction.....but....

ELLEN -  (Horrified)  Oh, no, the ...the big BUT!

           (Barry is silent and she quiets)

BARRY - I let you speak, now it's my turn.  I can understand that you are in a ...what's the best way of saying it....a shitty situation?  And that the urge to take it out on someone is very strong.....and you certainly don't need a whip with a tongue like that.....what is your name?  Never doesn't matter......

            (He stands)

BARRY -  I may be a nice guy, but I'm not a doormat.....I had that with my first wife.....and I learned with my second wife, may she rest in peace, that I don't have to be stepped on like that in mind, my answer is no....I am not yet desperate enough to get sucked into your crazy....

             (He turns to go, starts to walk away.  She looks down, puts her head into her hands.  He stops and looks back, sees this and nods, walks back, touches her shoulder.  She looks up and takes a deep breath)

BARRY -  On the way here, I turned a corner and some guy ran a red light, almost smashed into me with a giant SUV...but he didn't, missed me by inches.....You may want to be a mystery woman...but the real mystery is that no one knows how long any of us have.....For all I know, maybe not even God knows!.....I do know one thing....we are alone....but we are alone in this if you're interested in perhaps .......making a new choosing life ......for the time you have's my card.....

            (He hands her a card, which she looks at)

ELLEN  -  (Taking a deep breath)  My name is case I call.....

              (As lights fade, he touches her cheek.  Blackout.  Not completely the end)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

1 comment:

Jennifer Silva Redmond said...

Wow. Fantastic! You amaze me.