Saturday, December 19, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 676 Hit by Janet S. Tiger Dec. 19, 2015

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Monologue Mania Day # 676 by Janet S. Tiger Dec. 19, 2015

                                       by  Janet S. Tiger    
                                © 2015  all rights reserved 

        (Actor enters, young, attractive and very excited)

Thank you!  It's so good to be here on national TV - and with my favorite talk show host, what's your name again?  But want to know what's going on....I just got a great new job - I'm going to be on a pilot show!  It is the best new show, I guarantee it!  I'll bet you can't guess which one!

I'll give you a hint - if this show is successful, it's a sure thing I will be shot, stabbed, beaten up, get multiple contusions, abrasions and bruises of all different sizes and shapes on every part of my body.

I will be captured, kidnapped, tortured many times and any one who knows me will suffer the same fate - and some....will DIE! Usually friends that don't have good ratings......and I, will have to face fire and flood and earthquake and car accidents, plus problems in the ocean and rafting, and on amusement park rides and in every type of odd situation where I have to have beautiful clothing and no clothing at all!

There will be murders in airplanes, trains, buses and probably even at a race track ,,,, and of course while visiting childhood friends.....terrible serial killers that strike in my grocery store, tales ripped from the headlines.  And although I will have received life-threatening injuries that would have put normal people on the permanently disabled list, at the end of each episode, I will have only a few bandaids, perhaps a sling or walking cast, and by the next week, all will be healed by the miracle of modern television series!

But at the end of one season, I will will be horrific, the fate so devestating that watchers will be talking and texting about it all summer, betting if I - due to some act of God or the writers -am, by some amazing twist of fate and pen.... still alive!  Because the murderer might be a nemesis built into the scripts from day one...or a new killer who could be a lover that is avenging the death that I caused of a loved one......and the solution will leave everyone breathless.....except when they talk about it at work the next day, or whenever they watch it vie Tivo and DVR.....

Plus, as the years drag on, I will have affairs with dozens, maybe hundreds of characters, until one will stand out in the ratings, often my trusty sidekick, and a love story will begin, one which will drag on longer than Rachel and Ross or Scarlet and Rhett.....and will have all the complications mentioned above PLUS the added situations where I have to save them or they have to save me....

I will also get to use every kind of weapon - gun, knife, martial arts of all varieties, plus clever ways to defend myself like strangling my attacker with an old sanitary napkin belt,,,,,dated but funny for our senior demographic!

And....let's not forget the unforgettable dialogue that I will get to say....including the original lines of.....I know how bad it looks, but I don't believe my friend did this!  He/she just couldn't!  and the...'I think we might be overlooking something.....and the inimitable....'Wait a minute,,,,I think I know how they did it!'

Or the famous look as I figure out the final solution to the problem....

       (Makes a face with the light of discovery on it)

Well, thanks for letting me share this with your faithful viewers, gotta go!

        (Stand to leave, stops, looks back)

Whew....I'm already tired and I don't even know if we're gonna get renewed......

       (Exits hoping for another season of originality)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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