Monday, March 30, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 411 by Janet S. Tiger Roller- Coaster March 30, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.comSome days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit.  Hope they are improved!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 411  by Janet S. Tiger  Roller- Coaster  March 30, 2015

                                                               Roller-Coaster
                                                         by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2015 all rights 
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

            (An older gentleman runs, weaving through the crowd to come onstage, a bit breathless, holding a hat in his hands)

I just love the rollercoaster!  Ever since I was a kid!  My parents hated it, so I had to find another adult willing to ride with me - I would wait in front of the ride with a forlorn face, until a father with several kids would take pity on me, and I could ride in their car.

            (He beams, re-living, each memory with a different expression)

That first ride!  I relive it every time I go on another coaster!  I've been everywhere - to all the famous wooden coasters - the Mean Streak, ooh, they were right about that name! - in Ohio.....and Belmont Park in San Diego, with the salt ocean air hitting your face on a windy day!  The Cyclone, the Big Dipper...I even got to go on the Colossus in Germany!  That was only twenty years ago!

             (He sighs deeply)

But I'm not allowed to ride anymore - the doctor says my heart can't take the stress.

He has no idea what stress really is.  You see, life is the biggest rollercoaster.  It's got all the twists and turns, and scary, slow climbs until you get to that incredible point where the car drops down and gravity does its magic and your stomach falls...but it has something no coaster has....or will ever have....the final turn.  That's what I'm on now....the one where, it's the end of the ride.

And I'm scared.  I laugh and tell my family I'm ready, but that photo they just took shows the fear on my face.

           (He makes a face, it is frightening)

You see, it's scary, because....on a rollercoaster, you can go on again and again, as long as you have enough money for a ticket.........this ride, no one comes back.......no one can tell me what to expect......I guess, to quote some famous grafitti........death is the greatest kick of all....that's why they save it for last.......

           (He turns to leave, stops, looks back)

And I dunno, what if I wanna go on again....where do I get my ticket?

           (He exits, jogging slowly, holding his hat with both hands.  The end of this ride......)
        
----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 410 by Janet S. Tiger Last Passover in Cairo (re-run) March 29, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.comSome days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit.  Hope they are improved!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 410   by Janet S. Tiger  Last Passover in Cairo (re-run) March 29, 2015

            Note - this piece was so popular last year, Day #  61 am rerunning it because Passover is this coming Friday.
                                             

                       Last Passover in Cairo
                                       (for the Senior Channel)
                                            By Janet S. Tiger
                                      © all rights reserved 2014
                                         tigerteam1@gmail.com

         (A man comes out, in Army fatigues, he is holding a box of matzohs.  He speaks calmly, with    no discernible accent to start)


First let me say I was inspired by that gentleman who told the story about Palm Sunday - which always comes around Passover, followed by Easter.  In my lifetime, I was lucky enough to experience Passover in many locations, but my favorite was ...the last one in Cairo.

Now when you say,'Cairo',  people think.... exotic...and pyramids.  But actually - in the United States, there are 36 places named Cairo -  most of them in the South, and one, the one I am fondest of, was near  where my father was based for two years of his Army career. 

(More of a Southern drawl)  You will notice, that as I speak more of the South, my accent returns.  The South is a place that weaves its spell on you, like the tentacles of the honeysuckle do - pretty, so pretty, you barely notice the life being squeezed out of you.  Or at least that's what my New York born and raised mother used to say.

We were oddities - a Jewish family in the military.  My father had been drafted for WWII, and stayed on when they offered him a reserve commission after the war.  My mother objected, but he - as always - ignored her, saying, 'Miriam, there's not gonna be another war!  We won't allow it!  So, I was born in New York, but Korea and that other war we wouldn't allow - Vietanm - made sure my father and our family traveled all over this great big country for over 20 years.

But this memory is of one of the most memorable Passovers that our family enjoyed - the last one in Cairo, as my mother used to call it.

Now in most small Southern towns, there are few Jews, and our Cairo was no exception.  There was a traveling rabbi who handled the 50 or so families throughout the county - but mostly we had to spend time explaining to people what Jewish holidays were, and why we did not celebrate Christmas or Easter.

To avoid fights, I soon found it easier to explain Easter as being Jesus' last Seder - and the other kids understood that.

And, over the years, we invited many families to join us for Seder, allowing my mother to explain the peculiarities of her family's Passover observances - that the hard boiled egg came AFTER the soup, and that the horseradish had to be VERY hot, so your eyes teared - and each of these came with its own family tale, always appreciated by the story-loving Southerners at our tables.

And people loved coming - my mother made sure the Seder itself was shortened for their benefit - easy to understand, and with amazing amounts of food - something Southerners truly appreciated.

But the problem with the year I remember best was one of transference - the transfer of my father, that is.  He was being transferred right around Passover that year - and my mother was in a tizzy.

You see, she had always hated the moving, but had gotten used to it - in fact, she had it down to a science.  Our first few moves, she was ready one week before the actual day.  But then, there was the fated Passover in Texas - and we were all set to move, all packed, items sent on ahead, when the order came through - we were staying!  Another 3 months!  You could hear my mother's shrieks in the real Cairo!

Since then, my mother had decided to wait until the absolute last minute - armed with lists and lists of lists and places where she had secretly stored boxes - to make sure orders hadn't changed.

This worked fine - until, in our last year in Cairo, it turned out the last week when the FINAL decision came down – was right before Passover!

We couldn't leave - what if the orders changed?

And yet, everything was almost packed!  What could we do?

 My mother was horrified - to pack or not pack the fancy dishes?  Did the Army care?  For those who have never been in the Army, here's a news bulletin - the Army never cares!

So, our very Passover was in doubt.....just like the Jews waiting for Pharoah's decree, we huddled and worried, well, maybe not huddled, but we went to school and worried.

My mother decided that we would have a 'petite'  Passover - scaled down to the very basics - no extra charoset, chopped with those delicious Southern pecans, just enough for one mouthful as the Seder dictated.

It was very sad - and that was on top of the sadness that always went with moving away from new friends that you would usually never see again - or if you did, they would have changed.

Actually, it was sadder - because Passover was always such a family event - with us and all the new friends and Dad together, and now it was just going to be lonely and....sad.  Especially because Dad had been called out of state, and would not be back until after Passover.  He would call us, of course, but he had only missed one other Seder, and that was when he was in Korea, and it was a distant memory.

Passover was on a Monday night that year - and when my mother came to pick us up at school, the principal came out to wish her a Happy Holiday.  The woman spoke for what seemed like hours - as Southerners and Jews are very good at - and finally we got to leave.

As we pulled up to our home, we noticed there was almost no parking, just one spot in front of our house.

My mother was surprised - then she remembered the principal had mentioned one of the neighbors had gone into labor early, and so maybe the baby had come.....

We went to our front door, and just as we got there.....

          (He takes out a handkerchief and wipes his eyes)

Just as we got there, the door opens and everyone screams - in a Southern accent, of course - (Yells)  Hog Someach!.....Which should be...Chag Sameoch, but it didn't matter, you see, all the neighbors had gotten the traveling rabbi, who was there, too, by the way, they had gotten the rabbi to give them recipes for Passover.

And they had lovingly made all the items - from the roasted shankbone done by Mrs. O'Reilly, to the delicious Matzoh Ball soup by the Dunns to the hit of the evening, Ole Miss Mcclintock's KFC - kosher fried chicken.......the women had brought fancy tablecloths and napkins and silverware and dishes - all the packed away items had been lovingly replaced by beautiful Irish linen and Waterford crystal and even some silverplated candlestick heirlooms that looked like they had been through the Civil War.

My mother took one look and started to cry, and her friends and neighbors hugged her and it was a very incredible scene.

We sat and the rabbi did the Seder - edited a bit due to the fact everyone had to be at work and school in the morning.

When he talked about the Exodus from Egypt, somehow it meant so much more that night than any other time I've heard it.

And that, my friends, was my most memorable holiday.

         (He turns to go, stops)

Almost forgot.  There's a part where the door is opened for a mystical guest, Elijah.  And when the door opened, we half expected my father to be standing there.
But he wasn't.  You can't have everything!  Then the phone rang.......that was my father!  Calling all the way from Montana, he was thinking about us, and how much he missed us.

(Sighs)  I've been all over the world, but that last Passover in Cairo will stay with me forever.......

         (He leaves)

Hag Sameach!

         (And next year in Jerusalem, too!  The end)

----------------------------------------------------------------
Wishing all a wonderful Passover!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 409 by Janet S. Tiger Who Told Me That Story? March 28, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.comSome days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit.  Hope they are improved!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 409   by Janet S. Tiger  Who Told Me That Story?  March 28, 2015

                                                Who Told Me That Story?
                                                                            (for Crime)
                                                         by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2015 all rights 
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

              (A man stumbles onstage, he is no longer a boy, but there is something still boyish about him.  Maybe because he is drunk......and dirty......and he sits heavily on a chair, puts his head in his hands.)

I dunno.  I can't remember much......the story the guy told me was just horrible!  He had gone into a restaurant and they weren't very nice to him, so he....he got a knife, and he.....went back, and he was.....oh, my God, he stabbed some waiter, I dunno, maybe it wasn't the waiter who was mean, I can't remember, I've been pretty wasted since he told me....it was....

           (He looks like he is about to throw up, then gets a hold of himself and takes several deep breaths.)

Look, do you mind if I smoke?

           (He takes out a crumpled cigarette and lights it, hands shaking)

Thanks....I need this....if I can't have a drink, gotta smoke.....

           (He takes a deep breath)

Describe the guy.....oh, that's tough, it was in the alley you know, and it was very dark......he was I guess about my height, about my age......he had on....(thinks) ....clothes......pants, a shirt.....it's been warm now, for April, so no jacket......

            (Takes a deep draw on the cigarette)

I dunno why he started talkin' to me, maybe he felt bad.....what?  Blood?  I dunno, I don't remember, maybe it was dried up.....I dunno....he was pretty upset, we were both drinkin' from this bottle of Jack I had found.....where'd I find it.....in a car....someone left the window open......they had gone back into the liquor store....they musta forgotten somethin'......(Outraged)  I didn't steal nothin'!  I asked 'em, I called out, hey, can I have this bottle?  And I definitely heard a yes......so.....we were sharing, guys in an alley do that, you know.

Maybe I could have somethin' to drink now?  Or eat maybe?  Just a burger, with some fries?  Thanks.  I haven't eaten for awhile, ya know......

           (Listens)

His name?  Oh, I can't remember if he said it......maybe it was...(thinking)......Jack.....like mine, yeah, I thought it was funny......two Jacks drinkin' a Jack.  Funny, huh?

           (Listens, starts to cry)

I was scared, he was a scary guy, ya know?  He just told me he that he hurt a bunch of people.....
what?  Two of 'em are dead?  Oh, my God!  He coulda killed me, right?  If he'd a wanted to, right?

           (Listens, gets edgy)

I didn't come in and tell you guys because no one ever listens to me.  I tell people lots of stuff and no one cares.  I'm sorry those two people are dead......that guy, he seemed to be sorry, too, that he'd done it, I mean....where is he?   I dunno.....I can barely remember what day that was.......yesterday?  It happened yesterday?  Well, this happened a long time ago I think.....

          (His eyes start to glaze, he looks down,  puts out the cigarette very deliberately)

I don't even remember who told me that story?  (Thinking)  Who told me that story?  Do you know?  ....What?  This guy did this before?  A few times....different places?  I hope you catch him....he sounds like bad news......That's all I remember....so I'm gonna go.........(listens)  Whaddaya mean, I can't go?  (Starts to get irritated)  I got my rights!  I don't have to stay anymore!.....

         (He bangs the table, his face starts to get red)

Look, you guys better leave me alone!  I know how to take care of myself!  I been on my own since I was 12!  So just get outta my way!

          (He grabs into his pants leg, takes out a comb that he snaps and it becomes a knife, he waves it)

I said, get outta my way!  All of you!  I gotta go find my friend!  He knows what to do!  He'll tell me what to do!

           (He backs off the stage, frantic)

I don't know who told me that story, but I think this is gonna be another story unless you let me out!  I don't wanna have to send my friend back here to get you guys........

           (He is almost off, when he realizes others are around him, his hands are pulled behind his back, the knife drops, he sags)

At least, can I have that burger now?  I'm awful hungry.....my mother always said....I never behaved real well when I was hungry.....

            (Blackout.  End of scene)

        
----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Friday, March 27, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 408 by Janet S. Tiger The Towel Lady's Gentleman March 27, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.comSome days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit.  Hope they are improved!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 408   by Janet S. Tiger  The Towel Lady's Gentleman  March 27, 2015

 Note -
I am known for a monologue called THE TOWEL LADY - for those who wish to see it, there are several online - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZ1At8dh9sM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5JPTyEODhM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgPhsmUdGQA
I suggest watching it either before or after reading today's monologue - looking forward to hearing the responses - is this a good companion piece?  Should I have it as a duo only? Thanks!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                            The Towel Lady's Gentleman (first draft)
                                                         by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2015 all rights 
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

        (A man comes out onstage, he is older, dressed as nicely as he can without his wife's help.  He is holding some flowers.  He sits in a chair, moves his hand to pull back a screen so he can talk with his wife through the bars/window - yes, she is in jail)

Honey?  I can see you, can you see me?  I wish these bars weren't here, but they won't let us sit in the same room after....well, after what you did, with the gun and all.

But I don unnerstand....when I told them I wasn't pressin' charges, they said you insisted.....and this is what I really don't understand....you are insistin'  they charge you with ...lemme get this straight.....attempted murder?

          (Scratches his head)

And you refused bail!  What is goin' on here?

I mean, I understand you were mad about...about somethin' and that old....I mean, that (says it very carefully)......SPECIAL towel of yours......but the rest, I am still unsure.

         (Listens, shakes head)

Of course I was listenin' sweetie?  Don't I always listen to you?  Evah since we met, you are the most important thing in my whole life!  And, maybe I don't tell you that enough......ooh, I almost forgot....I brought these for you.....

          (He hands the flowers up to the window)

I know you can't smell them, but they are good-smellin'!

          (He takes a big sniff,  backs off)

Oh, God bless you.....I forgot you hated daisies ....that they make you sneeze.

I still don't get why you were so angry that day.....I know you didn't mean for the gun to go off, and then it hit those antlers and they fell onto me, and my God!  The point went right through my shirt and there was all that blood!  What were you thinkin'?  And my shirt!  That was my favorite shirt, from the concert by Johnny Cash.....now it's got a big hole in it.....

         (Pulls back, the window has been shut from the other side)

Well, that's strange!  What is her problem?  (Louder) I just wanna help!  Why would you wanna sit here in jail?  I mean, please, can you give me a clue?

I mean, if I did somethin' wrong, you could at least tell me what it is!

          (Listens, shakes head, turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Why are you laughin'?.......If it's funny, why don't you tell me the joke, too!  I think we could use a good one right now.....

         (She has thrown something and it hits the window, he runs out.  End of scene)


           
----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 407 by Janet S. Tiger The First Bite March 26, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.comSome days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit.  Hope they are improved!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 407   by Janet S. Tiger  The First Bite March 26, 2015  
                                    The First Bite
                                                         by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2015 all rights 
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

             (A young man ambles onstage, he is happy, smiling like a young man would if he had just been with a young lady, which he has.  Then something stops the happy, he looks, shock registers and he is horrified.  Runs, looks up)

What're you doin' honey?  That's my clothin'!

              (He jumps out of the way to avoid being hit)

Whoa!  Take it easy!  What the hell you so mad about?

               (Listens and jumps again, now he knows, is upset, too)

Oh, honey, I am so sorry you had to find out that way!

I was gonna tell you, I swear!  You know I love you, honey!

Don't say that, baby!  You know you don't really mean it, I mean, you may mean it right at this minute, but I don't think you really wanna see me dead......

I toldja I was sorry, and I am!  You know I don't wanna hurt ya!

              (Listens)

I know she's your friend.......I understand maybe not so much anymore.......she feels bad about it, too ....she wishes you guys weren't friends either.......oh, no, she doesn't think it's nicer if she didn't know you.....I'm gettin' confused, baby, lemme come inside and we can talk.....

            (He puts up his hands and jumps back)

Whoa, baby, not the shoes!  Those really hurt!

             (He steps back and stands up tall)

I hope Toby ain't home to see this, it's not good for a boy his age to see this!  ....oh, yeah, school, that's good....(gets an idea)....doncha think Toby will be upset if I'm gone?  He likes me!  We do fun things together!  He needs a man around!

             (He listens, shoulders slump)

I understand....you gotta right to be mad.....I know it ain't the first time.....but......(gets another idea).....I don't know why I do this, but there was one of those TV shows on that Toby and I were watchin' the other night, after the game was over, he likes to watch that PBS stuff, and it was interestin'......a science show, that Toby, he's a smart kid, maybe he could be a scientist!....Anyhow, they had somethin' about taste, and ....(trying to remember) ....how the first bite always is the best.....and how that's what we think about when we start gettin' hungry, and what we...(struggling to recall the word) ....what we salivate about!  That first bite!  And the second one is never the same!  So you keep goin' eatin, and when you're done, what you remember is that very first bite!

           (He smiles, thinking about that bite!)

And that's the way I am, honey!  I try hard not to look at those girls, but, it's like.....a disease!  That first look, when you know they're innerested, and then the first brush past, when their hand touches your arm, your shoulder, your leg......and then the first kiss......it's like a first bite of a steak, warm and juicy, tender, cooked just right......mmmm, remember our first kiss?

          (Steps in, tentative)

The first bite?

          (He sees this is getting a reaction, so he steps closer)

?  .........And you're the only one I love, you know I love you, you're my Patty Pizza Pie!And when I get a bite outta you, I am so happy!  I could have pizza every day!

          (Getting too sure of himself)

But, baby, sometimes, I just gotta have me a burger.....

           (He puts up his hands again, jumps back)

Wait a minute, don't throw my gun outta the window!  It could go off!

           (His eyes widen, she's not about to throw the gun)

Oh, baby, gotta go!  I'll get my stuff later!....

            (He turns to exit, stops, looks back)

But baby, when you're ready, I'd just love another first bite!

            (He exits, but he'll be back...for another bite, until she closes her kitchen)

           
----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 406 And the Winner Is.... by Janet S. Tiger March 25, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.comSome days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit.  Hope they are improved!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 406  And the Winner Is.... by Janet S. Tiger  March 25, 2015  

                                                And the Winner Is......
                                                    by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2015 all rights 
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

           (A woman enters, dressed beautifully, with a flowing cape, carrying an award, like an Oscar in size.  She waves at the audience)

Thank you, thank you all for coming tonight to share this special time with us!  You are so kind!

 Oh, this is such an honor, to present this award!  Is everyone ready?
       
          (She cups a hand to an ear, smiles at the response)

Darling, you know, when the therapist suggested we do this, I thought it was silly, but now I am very excited to find out the results!

         (She points to the audience)

There he is!  My hubby! Thirty-five years of wedded bliss... and this is our 50th wedding anniversary!

         (She does vaudeville step that goes with this ancient joke, da-da-dah)

Well, if everyone is ready, we are about to announce the winner .....what everyone has been waiting for....all evening  ......the Oscar for the best fight of our marriage!

So without further ado......the nominees for best fight of our marriage.....

         (She looks at a paper)

Ooh, this is one of my favorites!  How to wrap up the garbage bag!  And now, for a simulated clip from the actual argument......

         (She takes a garbage bag out of her pocket, removes the cape and puts in the plastic bag)

Why don't you use a twist n tie - they give you one!  It's free!  When you tie the top- especially the way you tie it...... the bugs crawl right through! 

         (She illustrates)

There!  Simple!  A twist n' tie and the bugs don't get out!  How difficult is that?

         (She bows)

The second nominee is one that I think everyone here can identify with......It's a medley.......How long did you say you were going on that fishing trip and How much did you spend on those shoes when you have forty pairs already?

Let's look at the live action clip.......

         (She removes the shoes and hides them under the cape, puts her hands on her hips)

 You are going to be away for .....(spluttering)....a whole week?  And you think I believe you?  You do realize that this is the week of the school's Musical Madness Event?  I know it's a bit long, but you don't think you can sneak out of......what did you say?

        (She pushes the cape backwards, hiding the shoes)

(Evasive)  I....um, can't remember how much I spent on those shoes......and I need them, for the Musical Event!  They have sparkles!  Everyone loves sparkles.....and don't try to change the subject, Mr. Super Fisherman!

        (Listens, horrified)

They did not cost as much as a week's fishing vacation!  And if you do not want me to look nice when we go out, then go fishing, see if I care!

        (She picks up the cape and shoes, walks off, returning to wave with the shoes and cape on, carrying a shopping bag)

And now, nominee three....which is, I admit MY  personal favorite......the one that brings us to World War III every time we bring it up......the great ......HAM TOSS!

        (She lifts the bag)

A Christmas ham!  All set to be cooked!  Our first Christmas together in our very first apartment, and the argument.....WHAT TEMPERATURE SHOULD THE HAM BE COOKED AT?  My family is a scientific one - the ham must be defrosted, then cooked at precisely 325 degrees for 10 minutes per pound.....(very sarcastic). His family believes in some mystical cooking system .....low and slow.... 200 degrees for a hundred hours, until the house is steaming and the smell of the cooking is soaked into your furniture!

So we have a fight and I take a walk and come back and......

       (She wraps the ham up tight and waves it around her head)

WHERE IS THE HAM?

         (She sails it into the wings and starts screaming)

HOW DO YOU THROW AWAY A HAM?  IT'S A SIN TO THROW AWAY FOOD, ESPECIALLY AT CHRISTMAS!  JESUS WILL HATE US!

          (She walks to the wings, brings back the bag)

But he has discarded the ham triple wrapped - next to the garbage pail - and one of the neighbors has heard our argument, found the ham and taken it to finish cooking....for their family!  They cook it with honey and beer and it smells delicious and.......... they invite us over for Christmas dinner and we laugh about it for years.....when we are still arguing about who was right.......

          (She wipes her eyes)

And my husband says to me.....maybe we both were........

          (She turns to leave, stops looks back)

And the winner is.........wait a minute, let me open the envelope.....

          (She reaches into a pocket, nothing there.  She is furious, looks into the audience)

You have the envelope!

           (Listens)

I told you to give it to me before I went onstage.....I'm gonna get you for this.......

           (She runs into the audience, chasing, then stops)

Maybe this can be one of next year's nominees!

            (She exits....on to the next argument!)


----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 405 iPhones for Peace (rerun) by Janet S. Tiger March 24, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.comSome days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit.  Hope they are improved!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 405 iPhones for Peace (rerun)  by Janet S. Tiger  March 24, 2015  


         This monologue was Day # 10 last year - and this year, just learned a fascinating fact - by the year 2020 - 80% of the world population will own a smartphone!  So maybe this idea can work- please pass it around.  Who knows?  Let's give iphones - and smartphones! - a chance.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dedicated to my Dad’s friend at the Donut Shop, Veronica, one of the last ten people on earth who does not have a cell phone - thank you!

Day  #10    First produced at the Oregon AARP Vital Aging Conference Nov./2014

                             iPhones for Peace by Janet S. Tiger
                             (c) all rights reserved  Feb. 22, 2014 
                                    tigerteam1@gmail.com


             (A woman comes out onstage, she is older, but not ancient, very alive, and animated.  Some might call her feisty.  She holds up a cell phone, shakes it at the audience.)

 I’ll bet you right now, that everyone here has one of these…right?

And I’ll bet you that some of you have more than one – so that means, that in this room, there’s more of them, than us!

 Amazing – the machines have taken over already and we never knew the battle had begun!

 But since so many people love these damn things, I think we should use them for good – and in the precious search for peace on earth, I am going to suggest a way to achieve almost instant peace……internationally.

 Are you ready?  It’s simple…….hold onto your hats….better yet, hold onto your phones!

 The solution to peace on earth is…..an iPhone for everyone!

 There – I told you it was simple!  Let me explain…..

 Half the world has them already, and for the other half, can you imagine if all the billionaires got together and made sure that every single man, woman and child had an iPhone……what the world would look like?  A little scary?  No!  It would be ….fantastic!  Knowledge IS power!  It's hard to fool people if they can have the truth......in their fingertips......

  And besides, everyone would be too busy trying to figure out the crazy things - no one would have any time for war!

            (She takes her arm and moves like she’s about to throw something.)

 (Sounds like military man)  Hey, I have to throw this grenade…..(stops, listens)  but wait a minute….I have to get this…….(picks up the phone)  Whatta you mean, I’m out of minutes? 

 (Back to herself)  Already people don’t talk to each other – which is wonderful!  No talk, no misunderstandings, no war!

And think about it – if everyone had the same phone, there would be no need for learning new languages, the phone can translate!

 If people wanted to keep their other phones, that would be ok, too – the more phones, the better!  More phones, less war!

            (She goes into the audience, handing out papers, hears a question)

What about all the arms manufacturers?  What will they do?  I say, maybe it’s time for them to think about re-tooling …..how about plowshares?  Or timeshares?  Something less explosive!

 (Contemplative)  Years ago, there was a woman called the Peace Pilgrim, who walked all over this country for peace.  She touched the lives of thousands of people, maybe even millions…..

 (Back to feisty) That’s so old school!    Today I want to reach BILLIONS of people, so I channeled her spirit and that’s why now…. I am advocating…say it with me!.......iPhones for peace.

 And I hope you all join me – maybe someone (thinking this through) ….can design….. an ‘app’ for peace –  that would be ….I was going to say wonderful, but I think the current word is….awesome!

 So…..please join me in my quest for world peace – computer guys, have a hackathon to make that app for peace!  Or you can write to your congressman, your senators, your mother – she probably needs a phone! – and tell them how they can help.  But most of all, write to Apple and Bill Gates, and Warren Buffett and all those other rich guys - anyone you can think of to spread this idea…thank you!

                (She turns to go)

 …wait a minute, did I say ‘write’……..

               (She is now almost off the stage, she turns back, hits some buttons on the cell phone)

 I meant….tweet!

 Tweet for peace!  I like that……I think I’ll add that to the next flier…..

                (Looks back, raises a fist.)

Say it – iPhones for Peace, iPhones for Peace…….

               (She exits. The beginning of the end ….of war!)
----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monday, March 23, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 404 by Janet S. Tiger Where's My Thank You Note! March 23, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 398!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 404 by Janet S. Tiger Where's My Thank You Note! March 23, 2015      
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                      Where's My Thank you Note!
                                 (opening scene from a one-act of the same name)
                                                    by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2015 all rights 
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

        (Stage lights up to see an older woman wearing white gloves to complement her purse and shoes,   She also has a hat, which she wears with great aplomb. She is knocking firmly at the door of a room in a fleabag motel. She stops, listens.  No response. She  pounds on now, still nothing.  Finally, it sounds as if a hammer is hitting the door and she hears something inside)
 Jeffrey!  Open this door immediately! 
 It is your grandmother! 
Open this door immediately or I will call the hotel manager and inform him that you are ill and he is to call the police!
        (Listens)
I do not care if you are dressed!  I changed your diaper when you were a baby, I do not care if I see your wingle now!  Open this door.....NOW!


        (The door opens and she storms in, she is furious)

 Well, this is a fine way to treat your grandmother! And don't tell me you didn't know I was coming,  I sent you a letter.  (Thinks)  Or maybe you just didn't read it....
        (She takes her cane and poke a pile of trash)
I am not here to castigate you.  Rest assured I am also not here to convince you to return home.
         (Listens)
It is very simple what I am asking you to do.  I am asking you to sit down, this minute and write me a thank you.  It doesn't get much simpler than that, my boy.

You are still my boy, aren't you?
    
         (Listens, hint of a smile)
So then you understand me completely.  Here's a pen and paper.....I brought them with me as I had extreme doubts that this superior establishment where you now reside carries such amenties in the drop drawer.

         (She looks around the room and shakes her head)

But your choice of habituation is your decision, as you are of majority age now, but your choice not to send me a proper thank you, that is not acceptable.
        (She waves her hand to dismiss his response)
I have no interest in your prediliction for progressively self-destructive behavior, I am only interested in receiving what is rightfully mine - a thank you note for the gift I sent you for your birthday.
And I also have no interest in what you did with that gift, whether you enjoyed it, lost it, sold it to buy drugs that will intensify your slide into complete and utter ruin, or still have it in an unopened box - I am only interested in......are you listening to me, Jeffrey?  .....a thank you note.
(Laughs) Now that's interesting.  You can't remember!   It was a check.  From the trust fund your grandfather and I set up for you when you were born.  A check in the amount of twenty thousand dollars.
 When do you think I sent it, Jeffrey?  When is your birthday?   (Nods, waiting) So glad you can remember!  Yes, the third of June.  An almost summer baby.  That's what we called children born in June, but before the 21st.  Almost summer babies.

Today? (A tiny bit kinder) It's Sept. 30th.  
Unlike the friends you have now associated with, I do not lie.  Today is the last day of September.  30 days hath.
 It appears as if you have lost an entire summer, which, in a lifetime, won't mean much, but now, as it stands, is definitely noteworthy.

Why did I come?  I find it hard to believe you still have no idea.  I came because......(hard to say)
because your parents are still grieving your untimely  - and, to be accurate - the inaccurate reporting of your demise.
It appears as if one of your reprobate associates borrowed your birthday check while you were in a state of, shall we say, inebriation......and, it appears..... this aforementioned associate found the gift I sent, and cashed it himself.
It also appears as if one day, after purchasing and ingesting some form of psychedelic medicine...he was walking, in a state of some type of hallucination, and was hit by a trolley that was unable to stop in time.

The police said he probably thought the trolley was part of the dream.  I imagine the man driving that trolley now has many unusual dreams, none of them pleasant.  But I digress.  Because of the fact that, when a trolley which is made of tons of steel hurtling down a track at fifty miles an hour, hits something made out of skin and bones and flesh, how shall I put this politely?  He was splattered like a bug  on a windshield.
Your identification was found on his body, and it was assumed that...well, I'm sure you can understand the mistake.  Now, if your brain is working at all, you might be wondering how I found you.   (Takes a deep breath) My boy,  I just could not believe you were dead.  I would have known, in my heart, and I .....(almost gets emotional, stops herself)....wanted proof.  So I paid a very unsavory gentleman more money than he was worth, but he turned out to be worth every penny, as he found you, and now, I am here.  Not to tell you what to do with your life - you are an adult, and have chosen your path.  Not to tell you to contact your parents - I will do that out of courtesy to their sorrow and pain.
No, I am here for one reason only, and that is.......to get my long overdue thank you note!
So, for the sake of both our lives to continue........here is the pen.......I will sit here and wait....

       (She goes to a chair and sits)

...and remember!  If there are any mistakes, I will make you do it over!
        (Blackout.  End of scene)


-----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8












Sunday, March 22, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 403 by Janet S. Tiger A Modest Request March 22, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 398!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 403 by Janet S. Tiger A Modest Request  March 22, 2015      
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
        
 
                                           A Modest Request
                                                        (for the Senior Channel)
                                             by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2015 all rights 
                                               tigerteam1@gmail.com

           (An older person comes onstage, carrying a sign held high - 'Fair Wages for Grandparents')

I am here today on the Senior Channel to do what others have inspired me to do - start a new protest group!  We are sick and tired - literally and figuratively! -of elder abuse!  Especially when it comes from our own children!

We are not free babysitters!  And we both know money is not the issue here - although we are the only people who work for free - and smile while we do!  Because we love those kids -but we are not here to raise your children - we didn't raise you that way!  And we have not lived this long to become slaves to your need for us to watch your kids!  We want our freedom!  Now!

          (Opens wallet/purse, shows photos)

Aren't they cute?  Of course they are!  They're my grandchildren!  But, please, understand that we are really tired, and really not wanting to see them EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK!  On the weekends, for a few hours, to go to eat out or to a ballgame, to the zoo.  Every few months to something bigger, maybe Seaworld or  Disneyland - but not everyday!

And don't tell us it's a gift - we know grandchildren are a gift, and we love them, but enough is enough!  We have things to do, too, like doctor's visits, and friends of our own, and the gym, and trips in the motorhome, and classes at the senior center that teach us how to use those crazy computers.....and did I mention doctors visits?

So, give us a break, not our hips, please, just a few minutes for ourselves.  And we will thank you - and, guess what?  The grandkids will thank you, too!

           (Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Now once the grandkids can drive, that'll be a different story!

           (Exits, turning  the sign around to show  'Just Say 'No')

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8