Sunday, January 18, 2015

Monologue Mania Day# 340 by Janet S. Tiger What's Wrong With Me? Jan. 18, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
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Monologue Mania Day# 340 by Janet S. Tiger  What's Wrong With Me?  Jan. 18, 2015
                               What's Wrong With Me?
                                                          (for the Senior Channel)
                                             ©Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved 2015

                    (The actor enters, dressed in a doctor's outfit.  Surveys the audience with a big smile)

Hello all you sickies out there in Senior Channel land!  You heard me....sickies.  And if you didn't hear me, turn up those hearing aids!  I am about to make all of you famous....or at least give you your Andy Warhol.....15 minutes of fame.

What am I going to do?  Start production of a wonderful new show here for the Senior Channel - a show which is truly for all of us....a show that focuses on what is truly important....WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

That's right, I don't really care about anyone else's problems, troubles, aches and pains....all I give a damn about is....ME!

What's wrong with me!  And each week, we will showcase two people - one of each sex - to tell us their troubles.  And here's the best part - no one is going to tell you how to fix them!

We will have no doctors, no lawyers, no therapists, no nutritionists or plastic one, except ...YOU!

What's wrong with you?  Do you have physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, psychological, physiological, dialectical or any other ills?  Tell us now!  This is your big chance to share what is wrong with front of an audience of now...millions of people!

You will have a full half hour to tell us - our editors will, of course, edit the two people into a fascinating no one can complain that we are sexist!

Women - are you upset with yourself in any and all ways?  Your physical bodies, are they perfect.....or do you have complaints?  Your youth drained away?  Stuck in a low-paying job?  Children upsetting?  What's wrong?  Tell us!

Men- parts not working like they did?  Never accomplished what you wanted? A victim of CRS -Can't remember ....shinola......?  Family sucking the life out of you? Give us all the details!  Open your mouth and spit it out!

Does anyone care?   Why should we care about anyone else's problems.....but here's the funny thing, we all do!  Every one of us has something wrong....we all do, it's a universal common denominator.  And so we look on the Internet, on television to see....if anyone looks like us, talks like us, thinks like us, has problems....just like we do........

             (Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Why am I starting this?  Because I will be the first guest of course!   What’s Wrong With Me?…..have you got a year or two…….wait’ll you hear this…..

            (Exits, laughing.  What's wrong with me for writing one of these a day for a whole year? I guess that's another monologue...)


Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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