Monologue Mania: January 2015

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Monologue Mania Day# 353 by Janet S. Tiger Women I Love Jan. 31, 2015

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Monologue Mania Day# 353 by Janet S. Tiger Women I Love Jan. 31, 2015

Women I Love

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(A man enters, he is happy. His age is irrelevant, but it would help if he is older than young. He is smiling and thinking)

You asked me to tell the group what I love. Well, I love exercises like this! It's always interesting to hear what other people enjoy, and then, I get to talk! And everyone knows how I love to talk....but the biggest thing I love....is women. And not just any women...

   (He gets very animated)

Ever since I was a little boy, I just loved women with....

(He holds his hands in front of his chest)

I love women with big......

(He squeezes his hands together then grabs his head)

I love women with big.....BRAINS!

That's right, they are amazing! I see a woman with her head in a book, and boy, that's my downfall.

Those big....brains get me every time! And they can bounce around ideas....and I just love how they....talk.....all smart and all. It's my favorite thing in the whole world. And when you find one, you just want to grab hold and never let go of those big....brains!

And I have to say, I married a woman with big....brains. Three different times!

So, just thinking about it gives me shivers down my spine.......the thought of those big....brains, near to me.......it reminds me of a song.....oh, I like big brains and I cannot lie.......

   (He dances off, smiling and happy, stops, looks back)

My Dad always told me, you don't want just any boob!

   (He exits, humming and dancing, the poster boy for...brains)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Friday, January 30, 2015

Monologue Mania Day# 352 by Janet S. Tiger Almost There Jan. 30, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

Almost There

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(The runner races through the audience, comes to the stage, flops down, exhausted.)

I made it. No one thought I could do this distance - a half marathon! I did it! In under a million hours! Lemme catch my breath......

(Breathes heavily, wipes sweat from face)

You know, in every race, there comes a moment, well, to be honest, sometimes more than one - where you want to quit, no actually, you wanna die, you wanna shoot yourself for ever thinking you could finish this. To start with, everything hurts, and I mean EVERYTHING!

(Gets up, illustrates the different areas of pain)

If it's even a slightly warm day, your mouth is dry, no matter how much water you drink. And your knees are aching, and your elbows are tired and your shoulders, and your hips, and then, of course, there are your feet. Boy, are they complaining! They want you to stop, stop in the name of God, but, for some crazy reason, you keep going.

(Starts to run, through the audience, up to the stage again)

And, unless you are at the front of the pack, where I never am, you are now completely running on some internal steam. Something that oozes up from deep within ….. that keeps you going.

I know, because I am filled with that ooze......it is the essence of....success.

I started running after I was in a car accident, and my doctors told me I would never be able to walk again, let alone run. I had to prove them wrong. And I did. One of my doctors died last year, he was older, but he never thought I'd outlive him, and look at me, here I am. Okay, I may come in the last half, okay, the last quarter. But I get there.

(Falls down again, not as tired this time, but much sadder)

I..... used the same stride when I had to face the death of someone very close. At the end, it was amazing, the same feelings as in the final stretch of the race. Fear, horror, knowing the end is coming, wanting it to come, because.....the one you love is in horrible pain, and you hate seeing them like that......not wanting the finish line to come, because, inside, you know this race will never be run again, and you loved it.......with all the pain, it was a wonderful race.

(Gets up slowly)

And so you keep going, remembering that race, and even if you keep racing...... no race will ever be the same.

(Touches something hanging around the neck)

You keep the medal close, as a reminder of that race. So that, every race after will be compared to it...

(Turns to leave, stops looks back)

….. and so will....everyone you love.

(Exits, running)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Monologue Mania Day# 351 by Janet S. Tiger Top Ten Reasons (revised) Jan. 29, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

Monologue Mania Day# 351 by Janet S. Tiger Top Ten - revised Jan. 29, 2015

This has some changes from the day before – which do you think will work better on stage?

Top Ten Reasons Why Seniors Make Great Actors

(for the Senior Channel)

by Janet S. Tiger

(a senior who no longer remembers writing this-

but will be glad to take the credit if someone wants to pay)

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(Actor enters, has to be older for real. Dressed in dramatic clothing, carrying a clipboard)

I am....an actor! And as I no longer have an agent - my third just passed away - I am using this lovely forum on the Senior Channel to let everyone know that, contrary to popular belief, I am still alive and looking for work!

To let all interested parties in on a not-so-secret secret, I have collected the top ten reasons why seniors make great actors - and why all roles should be given to age appropriate thespians! In other words, don't use a fifty-year old with horrible aged make-up when you can get an eighty year old who is truly ravaged! It not only saves on make-up and the time applying it - the legitimate older person has true life experiences, that can never be duplicated or imitated!

So, as dear David Letterman says, without further ado, here is reason number 10 why seniors make great actors.....we can repeat a story endlessly!

Which brings us to nine......we really don't care if no one is listening......

Number eight - we can repeat a story endlessly

Number seven - we never worry about dying onstage ..... maybe offstage, but never on!

Number six - we have been acting for years - pretending to like the in-laws.....

Number five - we can repeat a story endlessly.....did I tell you this before?

Number four - you can pay us in Flomax and prune juice...

Number three - We don't mind nude scenes......wait, did you say 'new' or NUDE?

Number two - We actually knew Shakespeare ....personally

And the number one reason - drum roll.....you can bet we didn't have to screw anyone to get the part!

So, if you have a part for me – I’m available! My phone number and email is up here on the screen (points overhead) and I hope to hear from you soon…. Just, remember, no casting couch!

(Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Except, maybe for a nap……

(Exits, waving, hopefully to a new part)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Monologue Mania Day# 350 by Janet S. Tiger Top Ten Reasons Jan. 28, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

Monologue Mania Day# 350 by Janet S. Tiger Top Ten Reasons Jan. 28, 2015

Top Ten Reasons Why Seniors Make Great Actors

(for the Senior Channel)

   by Janet S. Tiger
                              (a senior who no longer remembers writing this-
   but will be glad to take the credit if someone wants to pay)

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(Actor enters, older is better. Dressed in whatever they think the audience wants to see. With a clipboard)

I am....an actor! And as I no longer have an agent - my third just passed away - I am using this lovely forum on the Senior Channel to let everyone know that, contrary to popular belief, I am still alive and looking for work!

To let all interested parties in on a not-so-secret secret, I have collected the top ten reasons why seniors make great actors - and why all roles should be given to age appropriate thespians! In other words, don't use a fifty-year old with horrible aged make-up when you can get an eighty year old who is truly ravaged! It not only saves on make-up and the time applying it - the legimate older person has true experiences, that can never be duplicated or imitated!

So, as dear David Letterman says, without further ado, here is reason number 10 why seniors make great actors.....we can repeat a story endlessly!

Which brings us to nine......we really don't care if no one is listening......

Number eight - we can repeat a story endlessly

Number seven - we never worry about dying onstage .....

Number six - we have been acting for years - pretending to like the in-laws.....

Number five - we can repeat a story endlessly.....did I tell you this before?

Number four - you can pay us in Flomax and prune juice...

Number three - We don't mind nude scenes......wait, did you say 'new' or NUDE?

Number two - We actually knew Shakespeare ....personally

           (Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Almost forgot! and the number one reason - drum roll.....you can bet we didn't have to screw anyone to get the part!

           (Exits, waving, hopefully to a new part)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Monologue Mania Day# 349 by Janet S. Tiger The Gap Theory Jan. 27, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

Monologue Mania Day# 349 by Janet S. Tiger The Gap Theory Jan. 27, 2015

(In memory of my dear friend, Jean, who always loved a good theory, may she rest in peace, in whatever gap she now occupies!)

The Gap Theory

(for The Senior Channel)
by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(The woman enters, still in the labcoat from Day # 345. She can have an eraseboard or

blackboard)

Welcome back, seniors. There was so much interest in Real Life Science, that I am returning to introduce
you to one of the most amazing parts of this entire series -

(She gives a major flourish)

.......... the theory of......gaps!

The Gap Theory began, like most great theories, in a flash of understanding so many years ago

that I no longer recall the exact moment of its first revelation. As a child, I was aware of some anomalies of the

world – items put into the wash that never came back, pens that were on a table one minute, then gone

the next - that had no rational explanation.

Jokes were made about these occurrences, but no one could give a sensible explanation.

So I grew up wondering – where did these items go? Why did they never return – or return in a

different, impossible location days, weeks, months, sometimes years later?

No science class gave a hint of possible logical rationale,. My mother used to say,

‘oh, that’s in a gap,” and laugh. But she could give no further explanation. And then one day,

I knew the truth. Just like one day I started remembering things in sequence of time.

Although those specific days are gone in the mists of time, I refined the concepts over many years of

painstaking research.

So, without further ado, I will answer the question –“Where does that stuff go?”

It’s simple, it’s in a gap. Like the simplicity of my mother’s answer? Well, I figured out what

that gap is! Our world is surrounded by other worlds, and between them is space, and the spaces

are gaps.

When people exude electrical energy – from anger, excitement, whatever – this energy opens

up the portal to a gap and whatever is nearby flows in, kind of like a tide. The item is not visible

in our world, but it is close by – sometimes you can almost feel it! And it stays in the gap until

the energy reverses in some way, and the item flows back into this dimension.

Everyone I know has experienced a situation like this. Now I’m not talking about lost objects.

Or misplaced objects. These are obvious – they have been moved by a human or animal. I am talking about the objects that are right there on the desk and then you turn your head for a minute, and look back and they are gone! No one has been near you, no person, no animal – you, yourself have not moved or created a draft or shudder to cause the item to fall. But you have been angry, perhaps a big fight with a spouse or child. The air is electric with the energy of this argument – and then, the gap opens! The item is gone, and the mystery is repeated to everyone – where did it go? It was right there!

Have I ever been involved in a gap episode? Many times! Have you? Probably, if you are honest!

I myself have witnessed these events often throughout my life, and now, in this series of Real Life Science, am happy to share the truth with the world - GAPS DO EXIST!

The unbelievers shake their heads - that includes my son, by the way. But I stand undeterred!

I will prove this theorem! They laughed at all the great minds - Louis Pasteur, and Benjamin Franklin had detractors - and there were those who giggled at Einstein I am told, so I do not shudder to join them in the annals of history . For I am right, and here is the proof!.....

(She reaches into a pocket, then another pocket, getting frantic, then stops and smiles) There you have it! I put those papers into my pockets just before I came out here, and now look-

(She turns her pockets inside out)

.......they are gone! And there is no rational explanation.......

(She turns to leave, stops, looks back)

To prove a theorem like this.....live on TV! I have to run, I need to start writing my Nobel Prize acceptance speech!

(She exits.....into the gap in her brain)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8