Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Monologue Mania Day # 1329 Our Only Hope (for Two Sisters) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Oct. 4, 2017

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Monologue Mania Day # 1329 Our Only Hope by Janet S. Tiger (c) Oct. 4, 2017     
                                                 Our Only Hope
                                                      (for Two Sisters)
                              by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2017 all rights reserved     

LYNN -  What seems to be the problem now?  What is the dire issue that needs immediate attention?  Could it be the horrifying and upsetting shooting that just happened?  Or something having to do with the potential nuclear confrontation with North Korea?  Do tell?

PAM -  It's much worse than those!  Those are distant problems!  Problems that are on the Internet or TV!  This is a REAL problem!  A problem of monumental proportions!  This is a problem....of....a stain!

LYNN -  A human stain?

PAM -  Is there any other kind?

LYNN -  There was an awful movie, but I imagine yours is even more disturbing....

PAM -  It's (whispering) on the toilet seat!

LYNN -  You don't have to whisper, dear.....toilet seat get stained, and didn't we go through this a few weeks ago?  And I showed you how to use the bleach?

PAM -  That was then, this is now!  The bleach isn't working!  The stain....may be...permanent!

LYNN -  So, we'll have to get Daddy a new toilet seat....again.  Remember how we did it last time, God, it was only three months ago?  is your mind going, too?

PAM - Of course I remember, didn't I have to return the seat?  Didn't you make me go through the mortification of that experience?  And the face of that employee - I'll never forget it!

LYNN -  (Trying not to laugh, not succeeding)  So, pick a time when there's another employee to be mortified with!

PAM -  You laugh, why don't you do it!

LYNN -  You're the one it bothers...

PAM -  It bothers Daddy, too!

LYNN -  Only because you show it to him, he doesn't care!

PAM -  He should care!  Everyone should care!  Toilet seats should be WHITE!  They should not be ORANGE!

LYNN -  Picky, picky, picky...

PAM -  There is one other way.....

LYNN - This is going to be interesting...

PAM -  Maybe you could get Daddy to stop.....

LYNN -  Using the toilet?  Maybe he could go outside......although the city is now frowning on that, what with the  hepatitis outbreak and all....

PAM -  Stop that!

LYNN -  Then what is your suggestion!  I am truly fascinated!  What could you possibly want Daddy to do that would stop this offending stain?

PAM -  Stop drinking prune juice.....

         (Lynn laughs and shakes her head)

PAM -  It would work!

LYNN -  But Daddy, what about him?  He might.....explode!

PAM -  That is awful, but.....well, it would work!

LYNN -  This is what you spend your time on?  Thinking of ways to torture not just Daddy, but me?  Why not suggest he just put seat covers on the toilet, like in public restrooms....

PAM -  I never thought of that.....

LYNN -  Well, don't think of it now!

PAM -  Well what is your solution?

LYNN -  Outside of stuffing a sock in your mouth?
I'd say, ignore it, as long as it's cleaned with bleach, just don't look!

PAM -  Don't look?  What about when I sit down on the toilet?

LYNN -  That shouldn't be a problem....Since you don't have eyes in your rear end!

PAM -  Can't resist vulgarity, can you?

LYNN -  You're the one with the problem, so maybe, try to come up with a solution that will actually work.....

PAM -  (Thinks, very upset)  Our only hope is that....we must orange toilet seat!

LYNN -  That's actually a good idea!  And it's perfect, just in time for Halloween!  Now, if I had more time, we could reminisce about our Halloween experiences.....but I have to go.....

PAM -  But, it's your turn to stay with Daddy!

LYNN -  Oh, no, I have something more important to do....I need to orange potty seat!

          (She exits laughing.  Lights down.....with a hint of an orange circle at the end)

Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315      
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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