Thursday, March 23, 2017

Monologue Mania Day #1135 Don't Make Me Laugh by Janet S. Tiger (c) Mar. 23, 2017

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Monologue Mania Day #1135 Don't Make Me Laugh by Janet S. Tiger (c) Mar. 23, 2017    

                                                       Don't Make Me Laugh
                                                    a monologue   by 
                                               by Janet S. Tiger (c) all rights reserved (c) 2017

     (The actor enters, laughing and crying at the same time, blows nose, smiles)

Okay, you got me.  That was funny!  What is it that I  envision?  What do I want?

Now those  are funny lines!  Maybe we should put them in the play?  I mean, does it matter where?  I can find a place, you know why?  Because I am a (holds her hands out wide) A PROFESSIONAL!

Give me what you want me to do, and I'll do it!  Don't like that whole scene which the audience loved?  It's out!

My vision?  Since when the hell does that matter?  Since when did you assholes give a shit?

Oh, wait, my therapist has told me to use the mindful approach.....use 'I' sentences.  Well, I feel this project is now a pile of shit.

When you talk to me like that, I feel like you are a bunch of idiots!

I feel that I want to scream, oh, wait, maybe I just did!

How's that?  Is the therapy working?  I think so!

You see, I really don't which way to go!  What exactly do you want me to do?  May I remind you that I have done EVERYTHING you asked!  You had me write this play to your specs, not what I wanted from the very beginning.....I wanted a Vagina Monologues kind of event, using all the stories I had, some great stories!....I wanted to take a very dark subject, and make it into a comedy so people could laugh while they face some very upsetting things.

And you might have guessed it was a comedy from the title.....SUICIDE, A COMEDY!

So please, the audience liked the broad humor in the first reading, but when you told me to take it out, I did!  And now, the audience leaves because they are DEPRESSED!  And you want me to MAKE IT FUNNY AGAIN!  It can't be everything!  It can't be ...what was the word you used?....somber....and funny at the same time!  What it could have been was an audience pleaser.  It could have been able to help people get through rough times.  What it could have been is funny, and then people laugh through their tears! Just like I'm doing now!

        (Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

But please, don't have the gall to ask me what I want!  Now, that, that makes me laugh!

       (Exits to a new wisdom of how to get a better contract)
Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315      
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8