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I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
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Monologue Mania Day #1125 Ride of the Caregivers (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Mar. 13, 2017
Ride of the Caregivers
(Not) a monologue by
by Janet S. Tiger
(Not sure where this scene will go, but it will start something like this)
JEANNIE - I think this group has given the wrong impression...
GEORGE - That has been known to happen!
ANN - I think you're right, perhaps our demeanor is too light-hearted....
CLARK - It's just too low-brow.....we need to show that we have....
ALL TOGETHER - CLASS!
(At this, one of the group brings out a boom box, or speaker)
JEANNIE - And what is the symbol of true and utter ....class?
FRANKLIN - Everyone knows it has to be......(great flourish) the opera!
(At this Ann and Jeannie turn around, and while the music is turned on, they will don headdresses. The music begins, it is ....the Ride of the Valkyrie! The two women turn around, they are wearing...bedpans with horns. They run around the stage and then face each other in a duel of words)
JEANNIE - I am exhausted! I am exhausted! I am exhausted!
ANN - I am so worried! I am so worried! I am so worried!
(The others sing - 'They are so tired, They are so worried!' Someone stops the music)
JEANNIE - I am so tired!
ANN - I am so worried!
JEANNIE - I AM SO TIRED!
ANN - I AM SO WORRIED!
JEANNIE - Well, I am so tired AND worried!
GEORGE - What a surprise!
(Savannah is stunned by this, and Clark goes over to her, looks)
CLARK - I guess she's not an opera fan. My dear, that is our group's rendition of RIDE OF THE CAREGIVERS, with apologies to Wagner.......Nate hated the opera......anyone here remember my Nate?
(Jeannie nods)
GEORGE- (under his breath) He was a good man...any man who hates opera is a good man.....
CLARK - I heard that.....well, that little song was his gift to me....before he died....funny thing, I'm the one with the HIV, twenty years now.....he was the healthy one....big healthy stupid man....just had to go up on that ladder, because God forbid!.... he did not want to ever appear like a sissy, even though he was 67 years old, and even though we HAD the money to hire some nice-lookin’ young man in tight shorts to climb up on the roof......(sings) it had to be him!.......(back to himself).....he just hadta go up the top rung to make sure our gutters were clean!
attack........and he
dies.....and he falls off the ladder and breaks his hip....which wouldn't
matter if he had stayed dead, but noooooo, the paramedics jumpstarted him and
kept him going, and then I kept him goin.....another six
years...... the delights of decubitus! (turns to Savannah) In case you don’t know, that’s bedsores! on his
back and then there were the shots, and bathroom and showers and everyone here
knows what I'm talkin' about..........because he was nevah outta that
wheelchair after the fall......
and even though it has not been a picnic havin HIV,,,,,(shudders) Takin care of someone....now that was brutal! To be totally honest, I have no idea how I woulda survived those years without alla you.......even if I am the only person here who can make a decent cuppa coffee!
(The others jeer and he smiles)
(The others laugh and
applaud as he sits)
by Janet S. Tiger
(Not sure where this scene will go, but it will start something like this)
JEANNIE - I think this group has given the wrong impression...
GEORGE - That has been known to happen!
ANN - I think you're right, perhaps our demeanor is too light-hearted....
CLARK - It's just too low-brow.....we need to show that we have....
ALL TOGETHER - CLASS!
(At this, one of the group brings out a boom box, or speaker)
JEANNIE - And what is the symbol of true and utter ....class?
FRANKLIN - Everyone knows it has to be......(great flourish) the opera!
(At this Ann and Jeannie turn around, and while the music is turned on, they will don headdresses. The music begins, it is ....the Ride of the Valkyrie! The two women turn around, they are wearing...bedpans with horns. They run around the stage and then face each other in a duel of words)
JEANNIE - I am exhausted! I am exhausted! I am exhausted!
ANN - I am so worried! I am so worried! I am so worried!
(The others sing - 'They are so tired, They are so worried!' Someone stops the music)
JEANNIE - I am so tired!
ANN - I am so worried!
JEANNIE - I AM SO TIRED!
ANN - I AM SO WORRIED!
JEANNIE - Well, I am so tired AND worried!
GEORGE - What a surprise!
(Savannah is stunned by this, and Clark goes over to her, looks)
CLARK - I guess she's not an opera fan. My dear, that is our group's rendition of RIDE OF THE CAREGIVERS, with apologies to Wagner.......Nate hated the opera......anyone here remember my Nate?
(Jeannie nods)
GEORGE- (under his breath) He was a good man...any man who hates opera is a good man.....
CLARK - I heard that.....well, that little song was his gift to me....before he died....funny thing, I'm the one with the HIV, twenty years now.....he was the healthy one....big healthy stupid man....just had to go up on that ladder, because God forbid!.... he did not want to ever appear like a sissy, even though he was 67 years old, and even though we HAD the money to hire some nice-lookin’ young man in tight shorts to climb up on the roof......(sings) it had to be him!.......(back to himself).....he just hadta go up the top rung to make sure our gutters were clean!
(The others react with hoots and he shakes
his head)
MATTIE – We know your MIND is always in
those gutters, Clark!
GEMMA - Mattie, you’re terrible!
JEANNIE - Let him finish!
CLARK - We always thought I would go first......and then he goes and has a heart
and even though it has not been a picnic havin HIV,,,,,(shudders) Takin care of someone....now that was brutal! To be totally honest, I have no idea how I woulda survived those years without alla you.......even if I am the only person here who can make a decent cuppa coffee!
(The others jeer and he smiles)
GEMMA – So what happened, tell about Nate and that song!
CLARK - He knew I would be upset goin back home to have to deal with all the family stuff, and I loved Wagner, so he got an opera troupe to come over and do the whole opera for me....in our living room. It was beautiful.....and then the next day, when I started bitchin and moanin about something, he started singing this....what they just did. And I brought it here because it helps me remember him....
(He spins the wheelchair, turns to go back
to his seat, stops, looks back)
GEMMA - (soft) Why didn’t you two get married, Clark?
CLARK
- (Affected by this) Because Scarlett, I have told you…..I am not the marrying kind!
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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
1 comment:
Sweet. And a bit nutty!
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