Friday, October 17, 2014

Monologue Mania Day Day # 247 by Janet S. Tiger A Noble Prize for Peace Oct. 17, 2014

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Monologue Mania Day  Day # 247 by Janet S. Tiger  A Noble Prize for Peace Oct. 17, 2014 
                                           A Noble Prize for Peace
                                                   (For the Senior Channel)                                                                                                          A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved

            (The man enters, carrying a large bag.  He is smiling)

Hey there, Senior Channel people!  I have been watching this channel for months now, and I figure what I have to say is just about as crazy as some of the other nutcases you've had on!  The difference - what I'm about to say is really important!

             (He waves to the audience.)

Are you listening, you guys in Sweden?  I hereby advocate a brand new award for your Nobel prizes - an award for a device that just might cause world peace, and I present it to you now!

             (He opens the bag and removes a toilet paper roll holder.)

Is this the most beautiful thing you have ever seen or what?

             (He holds it up and admires it lovingly)

This is what made me get married to my beautiful wife!

 Now, I hear you out there, saying 'what the hell is he talking about?'  But you's the world famous, multi-cultural horribly divisive issue of......which way does the toilet paper go?

And it has been the cause of many fights - and both of my divorces!  Okay, maybe there were a couple of other minor issues like money and fidelity and drinking and gambling, but the main issue boiled down to - does the toilet paper come over the top, or from the bottom!

And lemme tell ya, this is one battle no one can ever win!

So when I went to pick up the lovely lady who would become my third wife, and I went to the bathroom for the first time.....and I saw this.......

            (He embraces the holder)

And I knew, the woman who could have this...well, she was truly a find!  That's why I married her....well, the main reason, can't you see....

           (He gazes at the holder with reverence)

From the moment I set eyes on this, I realized that it was almost like a perfect scientific discovery, like when they figure out that unified field theory or discover how to have solar energy to run my car, this answered the problem perfectly.....look!

             (He illustrates as he speaks)

For those who know that the best way is over the top, you can take the paper over the top.  For those who prefer from underneath, they too, can be happy!  It is a perfect solution to a problem that has vexed humanity since the beginning of, well, not time, but the beginning of our modern toilet age!

           (He removes the paper, flips it)

And it is so simple!  It doesn't care which way you put the paper on, it works....BOTH WAYS!

So I am proposing this new category of Noble Peace Prizes.....a category for best invention for peace, because if these devices were installed internationally, I predict a lowering of the divorce rate, the murder rate....and I bet even the rate of war!

Thank you......

           (He turns to walk off, stops, looks back, shaking the device)

Now I'm waiting to see the invention that does the same thing for religion.......

           (He exits.  Not the end for the quest for peaceful solutions.)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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