Monologue Mania: October 2014

Friday, October 31, 2014

Monologue Mania Day# 261 by Janet S. Tiger Halloweenie Oct. 31, 2014

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                      - for a whole year!
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Monologue Mania Day# 261 by Janet S. Tiger Halloweenie Oct. 31, 2014

Halloweenie
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved

      tigerteam1@gmail.com

   (The same older lady comes onstage that we met in Day #261's monologue - NO KETCHUP!
This can be done as a continuation of Day # 261 - or it can stand on its own, with the actress making the most of the physical actions. She is now carrying a paper bag, along with her purse and cane.   We can hear her muttering)

No ketchup, no ketchup, there had better be no ketchup.....

              (She proceeds to start opening the bag, peering in)

I can't believe it, I actually fell for this ridiculous advertising! Halloweenie! A hot dog just for Halloween....well, if they put on ketchup, they had better be scared, because I'm not gonna be happy....

   (She removes the hot dog from its wrapping, it looks big to start, but by the time she actually gets to the hot dog, it is much smaller.)

(Very annoyed) Well, I am not surprised! If it got any smaller I'd need a microscope to find this weenie!

(She goes to take a bite.)

Nothing personal, Mr. Weenie, but you are goin' right back if I see one drop of ketchup!

(She takes a big bite and her face is a mixture of horror and surprise. She opens the bun and stares)

(Sputtering) Amazing! I told them MUSTARD and NO KETCHUP! And they have the gall to put on both mustard AND ketchup! What sacrilege will they dream up next!

(She takes another bite and shakes her head)

And the worst part is......I like it! (Confused) But I also hate change of any kind! Damn them for forcing me to question my own opinion! What a world!

(She stares at the hot dog, shakes her head, then finishes it)

And I am goin' to get another one!

(She reaches into her purse, waves her cane.)

Can you hear me in there you idiots? I want a hot dog, but with mustard AND ketchup! Think you can get it right?

   (She turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Talk about a scary Halloween....I may have to even question everything I know, everything I learned in school, maybe even my religious beliefs! (Thinks) Nah......

   (She exits and we hear her now saying.....

Trick or treat if I don't get my hot dog with mustard AND ketchup! Mustard AND ketchup! But...NO RELISH! NO RELISH!

(The end. And maybe the end of no ketchup!)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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Thursday, October 30, 2014

Monologue Mania Day# 260 by Janet S. Tiger No Ketchup! Oct. 30, 2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

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Monologue Mania Day# 260 by Janet S. Tiger No Ketchup! Oct. 30, 2014

No Ketchup!
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved

      tigerteam1@gmail.com

(A much older lady comes onstage - she is in what is politely called 'a rage.' She is brandishing a cane like a baseball bat.)

Didn't you hear me the first time? I said no ketchup! Mebbe I didn't say it loud enough- NO KETCHUP!

   (She waves the cane around as if searching for the culprit)

How many times do I have to tell you idiots in this little box! They say old folks are deaf, well how come you can't hear me when I say NO KETCHUP! I may be gettin' old, but I know what I want - and I want......LISTEN CLOSE! ONE HOT DOG WITH MUSTARD AND NO KETCHUP!

That is the only way to eat a hot dog! Anything else is like a sacrilege to God, who invented hot dogs himself! So he should know!

(She leans on the cane for a moment to catch her breath)

Whew!   But my Daddy told me, if you wanna do somethin', do it right, and do it right the first time. And if you don't want somethin', let people know....he was the one who showed me what to put on food - and I never forgot - ketchup is for hamburgers! Mustard is for hot dogs! I have lived my life with these standards and I am not stopping today just because I am 87 years old!

   (She gets off the cane and waves it around)

So, listen good! I do not wanna get my hot dog and bite into it and see ketchup! Like eatin' blood! I do not wanna see red or I will see red! Get me?

Let me say again to be clear......(builds) ...No ketchup.....No ketchup.......NO KETCHUP......NO KETCHUP.........NOOOOOOOO! KEHHHHHHTCHUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Takes a deep breath) No ketchup.

(Listens)

Thank you.

   (She takes some money from her purse and turns to leave, stops, looks back, shakes her cane)

Don't let them make you eat ketchup if you don't wanna! Just remember....No ketchup! No Ketchup!

   (She marches out chanting with her cane held high. For her, the end of ketchup.....on hot dogs)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Monologue Mania Day# 259 by Janet S. Tiger Frozen (daughter) Oct. 29, 2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

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Monologue Mania Day# 259 by Janet S. Tiger     Oct. 29, 2014

                                              Frozen (daughter)
                             A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved

tigerteam1@gmail.com

See Day # 256 Mother's Choice and Day # 258 Frozen -opening

(This is the daughter - she is in her thirties, very angry at her mother, who is totally involved with keeping her son alive and finding a way to help him.)

You would say that, wouldn't you, mom? That wolves chew off their feet to save their children. But I think that's to get out of a trap. Whatever. But it really doesn't matter what either of us say, because

it was always about Tommy - even before the accident. He was the football hero, he was the funny one. You never cared about anything I wanted!

(Puts up a hand, irritated)

And don't tell me that you don't think I should speak this way in front of my brother!

(Shouting)

Mom, he can't hear us! He hasn't heard us in 7 years! You made me have my wedding in this stupid hospital - you have forced me to live my life in his shadow, well I am finished with it!

And for God's sake, don't tell me (imitates, has heard this many times) 'Once you have a child, you'll understand. You'll know that you can sense if your child is gone. There's something about it you cannot explain, but you'll know it when you see it. And you will do anything to keep that child alive. You'll see. It doesn't matter if every doctor on the face of the earth tells you - you will know the truth and you will make sure that everything you can do is done to keep your child alive.'

(She calms, looks at her mother)

Would you do the same for me? If it was me, would you be visiting every day, reading me books? Making sure the nurses are nice to me? Would you, Mom?

(Her head jerks- she has been slapped. She turns to leave, holding her cheek, stops, looks back)

(Very cold) I may not know a lot, according to you, but one thing I know is, if I have a child and the doctors say he's dead, I will be the one to say 'pull the plug!

(She exits, end of scene)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Monologue Mania Day# 258 by Janet S. Tiger Frozen (opening scene) Oct. 28, 2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

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Monologue Mania Day# 258 by Janet S. Tiger   Frozen (opening) Oct. 28, 2014

                                                Frozen (opening scene)
                             A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(We see a young man on a hospital bed, he is not moving at all, with all types of tubes in him. The sound of machines beeping. He suddenly sits up and the tubes remain behind. He looks around, starts to smile and jumps out of bed, now starts laughing and then, skipping. He looks at the audience,smiles.)

Pretty good for a guy in a coma, huh?

Well, watch this.

(He does a handstand/cartwheel.)

It's amazing what you can do in your head. I realized I have to talk to someone, and since no one can hear me speak, I'll have to talk to all of you in my head.

            (Points to the back) You, Coach Richardson - I could always talk with you about anything.   And you gave me good advice.   And over there (he indicates someone in the front) Aunt Ella, I'm gonna sit and have some cookies with you and make you laugh and laugh!

   (He eats a cookie and bends over laughing)

And I can talk to you anytime I want!

(He goes back to the hospital bed and points at it.)

I've been in there over five years now.

(Indicates the bed.)

At first, I wanted to die.   You see, I cannot move a muscle. Interesting expression. But this is the situation -

             (He illustrates while talking)

...I was 23, in good shape, just had dinner with my friends....(rubs his stomach) we had steak....I remember how delicious it was....and .I was driving home (indicates a steering wheel)   I hadn't been drinking......but the guy in the other car was wasted .....................so... BOOM!

I wake up here, and when I try to move....nothing.   But I can hear everyone talking - and worse, I can feel everything!   Every bone that was broken, every time they jab me....I can feel the pain, but no one knows.

It's kind of like being invisible...or frozen. The only one who knows I'm still in here is my mother. She comes every day, and she talks to me, and (this is hard for him) she tries to get them to understand that I'm still in here.

But no one listens to her either. Well, they pretend to listen. But they're humoring her, I can tell. They feel sorry for her. Her only son, and he's a vegetable and she's just watering him.

(Deep sigh) The first few months I wanted to die. I prayed to die. I prayed to reach my mother to let me die. And then I realized I was like a tree, only not growing. A petrified tree. (Laughs a little)

And then I realized that since people didn't know I could hear them, they would say things and do things.

Like Nurse Gonzales......(he bends over to indicate a little nurse, imitating her voice).......Mister Bautner, I am going to change you now, please excuse me. Ooh, you have a little doody today.......I am going to clean it up and you will be all nice and fresh....

(Back to himself) In some ways I feel like an animal - people see an animal, but assume the animal doesn't understand. (Changes) But what if the animal did understand? What if he heard something that the person figured he never would be able to act upon.....That's why I don't want to die anymore, you see....I know something. Knowledge IS power. It is the power that is keeping me going. It is the inner strength that now has me praying to have my mother find a way to help me - rather than let me die.

You see.....someone told me a secret. Actually, many people tell me secrets - most of them are very boring. The man who cleans this room for the last year has a girlfriend in the pharmacy - and a wife in Mexico. The nurse who used to give me sponge baths is addicted to soap operas. Everyone has a secret to tell me - like I was a priest....a silent priest......it helped pass the time.....and then... (he is remembering) ...then.....someone told me a different kind of secret. A very bad secret. They figured their secret was safe with me! That I could never repeat it, because I..... never heard it.

But the person who told me had no idea that knowing this secret has inspired me to live so that I can.....(stops to listen) They're coming back...a nurse, a doctor, a janitor...a visitor? No, not after 5 years. Probably just someone to check my diaper. That's always fun. So ..... I think I'll get back into my body.

(He moves towards the bed.)

What's the secret? (Laughs loudly) Do you think you can get away with hearing it in only a few minutes? What has taken me years of being frozen to hear? (Holds up his arms) Okay, I'll give you a clue....someone died....and no one knows it was murder....except the murderer.....and me....

(He gets into the bed as we hear voices coming. Blackout.)
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Frozen has another monologue - Day # 256

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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