Sunday, October 2, 2016

Monologue Mania Day #963 Apples and Honey (for Rosh Hoshanah) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Oct. 2, 2016

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 Monologue Mania Day #963 Apples and Honey (for Rosh Hoshanah) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Oct. 2, 2016

First posted  Day # 224  by Janet S. Tiger Apples and Honey Sept. 24, 2014  

                                                Apples and Honey
                                A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved   2014                                                                             

              (An older man enters pushing a walker.  He slowly goes to a table where he sits down.  He is dressed nicely, tie, suit, but has on no shoes.  As he sits he looks down at his feet.)

I knew I forgot something.

             (He tries to stand, it's hard for him, so he gives up)

Maybe no one will notice.

              (He looks at his watch, then shakes his arm, looks again, shakes his head)

Amazing, fifty thousand different kinds of electric things, and they still can't get here on time.

               (He looks up at the ceiling.)

Well, God, I guess I can talk to you until they get here.   I'm not gonna call anyone because everyone I know is either at the synagogue already, or dead.  So, that leaves you and me.

(Laughs)  I have to say, God, you're a very good listener.  And, unlike my daughter-in-law, you never interrupt.  Whew, I guess I shouldn't complain about them being late.  When they're late, they can't find parking near the temple, so they drop me off and I get to talk with that nice security guard, Brian.  And it's cooler outside than inside, so, forget about my complaint.  Of course, now that I've rescinded my complaint, they'll probably show up in two minutes and find a place in front, and I will be inside, boiling, before I can say, 'apples and honey.'

I kind of feel sorry for you, God, I mean, it's not as if you don't have a lot of troubles anyhow, but this time of year, I imagine, it gets worse.  All the people who don't pay attention to you for most of the year start calling in, and I have never heard that you have a call waiting system, so it's gotta be hectic.

             (He picks up a calendar)

What year is it?  5-7-7-7.......that's a lot of years.......almost sounds like my number.

             (Looks up again)

You know,  we've been talking for a lot of seems like just a minute ago......I was 19, I was still in Montreal, you remember?  Look who I'm talking to, of course YOU remember.  It was not a good Rosh Hashanah that year.  My Uncle Sol, he had just gone into the hospital.  He was in bad shape, a heart attack, and they didn't know if he was gonna pull through.  I loved Sollie, he had raised me after my Daddy had died, so he was the only father I knew.

And I was walking, and it was a late Rosh Hashanah, end of September, already getting cold and I didn't have my coat, so I was shivering on my way to that shul I went to....what was the name?  (Struggles to remember)  Bet Moshe, that was it!  (Happy to remember)  They had a rabbi who could talk forever, but the kiddush after the service had the most amazing kugel!  Mmm, I can still taste it......

But that night, I wasn't thinking about the kugel, I was walking.....the wind was blowing through my sweater......I was cold and miserable,  I didn't even have a cigarette to warm my hands..... and I had lost faith in you, God.  I remember thinking, is there really a God?  Why should I believe in something I'm not sure exists?  And then, I had a brilliant idea.

           (He gets up, reliving the moment)

I was walking down the street, Hutchison, and I was about to get to the corner, and I said, 'if there is a God, if you exist, when I turn this corner, I will see a pack of Craven 'A'cigarettes.......and I held my breath....

          (He takes a deep breath and starts coughing)

Okay, I was younger then......

          (He turns the corner and stares)

And there it was........on the ground.....

          (He leans over, almost falls, but gets the pack and looks at it.)

Amazing!  There is a God!  And he just gave me a free pack of Craven 'A's........and I said those words out loud, and, coming onto the street from the other direction, a woman saw me, a beautiful woman and she looked at me holding those cigarettes and said, 'you know, it's not good to smoke those, my father's a doctor, and he says it's better to smoke Pall Mall'

And that was it, I fell in love right then.  But you know that, God!  In case you forgot, she was going to the same shul - and her mother was the woman baking the delicious kugel.  Unfortunately, her mother was sick that night, so she was bringing the kugel which she had wrapped up - but I could still smell it!

What a remarkable night!

           (He sits down, smiling and very happy, then suddenly sits up straight)

You know, God, I just realized something......maybe you made Hava's mother get sick that night, so I could meet her daughter.

            (He slaps his hand to his forehead)

My aunt couldn't come because she was in the hospital with Sollie, so she sent me with apples, I never thought of it!  We have apples and honey on Rosh Hashanah for a sweet year, and I always called Hava, 'my honey'

Apples and my honey.....all because I wasn't sure you existed!  You do work in mysterious ways!

            (He hears something)

They're here......I have to go put on some shoes and socks, see you in the synagogue.....

           (He turns to go, stops)

And, God, thank you for a good year.....I hope you have another good one.....for the whole world.....L'shanah Tovah........

           (He shuffles off.  The end of a good year, and my best wishes for a Happy, Healthy, Successful Year for all in this upcoming year. L'shanah Tovah Tikatavu)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315      
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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