Sunday, April 24, 2016

Monologue Mania Day #802 Misplaced (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Apr. 24, 2016

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!

                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015
                                                                                           second year -  Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016 
   *********                                                         third year -  Feb. 13, 2016 -  today!
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Monologue Mania Day #802 Misplaced (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Apr. 24,  2016 

                                        Misplaced
                                                    (for Caregivers Anonymous)
                                               A monologue by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2016 all rights 
                                                                            tigerteam1@gmail.com

              (The woman has her arm in a sling and a sheepish look on her face.)

Okay, I know I haven't been here in awhile.....and I told you I'd explain this....

              (She points to her sling)

So, here it is......George Clooney asked me out because he was mad at his wife and wanted to cheat on her with an older woman....me!  

              (The others laugh and she waves at them)

And we were making mad passionate love and I fell out of bed and broke my arm!  

              (The others hoot and holler)

Okay, okay!  The real truth of it is........misplaced worry....you heard me.....misplaced worry.....well maybe that's not the right word.....I knew right where the worry was......I've been taking care of my dad since mom died..... and that first year, I didn't think he was gonna make it.  He was in his 70s, and it was rough, so I took to coming over after work, and cleaning up a bit, making him a sandwich, things like that.

And it's been a few years, and I was....well, maybe nobody else here would understand this, but every time I got to his door...I would be afraid......what if....what if he was unconscious?  Or.....worse?

So, for twelve years.....that's thousands of times I had that worry......I was lucky, he was always ok.

Always......

So one day, I finish with my dad.....and I drive home and I'm tired, and I get there and I see my husband has not taken out the garbage, and this really annoys me, because I'm tired, and I am practicing what I'm going to say when I rip into him.....so I go into the house and he's not there, so I see the light on in his workshop, and I am even madder, because he is doing something HE likes while I am working and taking care of my dad, and he's retired and he is having fun!

And I go into the workshop with my mouth open and ready to yell and.....

            (She takes a deep breath)

And there he is......on the floor.......dead.

            (The others gasp and go to hug her but she holds a hand up to stop them.)

Not done!  So.....after the funeral and crying and all the details of that......I think to myself how I had worried for nothing, because it wasn't my dad I found dead on the floor.....but did that stop me from worrying?  

           (She lifts her arm and cups her hand to her ear.  The others scream 'no' and she joins them)

It made it worse, because I had actually found a dead person!  So now I call my dad as I'm pulling up in my car, and if he doesn't answer, I go nuts, because....is he on the floor?

So one day, I call and...no answer!  Images of....on the floor!.....scroll through my brain, and I race to his apartment, not taking the elevator because....I can't wait!

I get to his door.....open it.....look around....where is he?  He's not only NOT on the floor - he's nowhere to be found, and his cell phone is not answering.....BECAUSE HE LEFT IT ON THE TABLE!

I run out to see where he wandered off to, and there he is!  And he's mad that I expect him to carry his phone!  HE'S mad!  And when I see him I back up and promptly trip over my purse, which I had dropped when I came into his place....and I twist, and put out my arm to stop my fall....

            (She half illustrates and the others are horrified)

As I lay there, I started laughing because I finally  figure all those times I worried about Dad being on the floor - those were misplaced worry!

            (She goes to sit down, stops)

But  I still think the story with George Clooney is much more fun....

          (The others cheer as lights go down on worry)


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Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.