Friday, April 8, 2016

Monologue Mania Day #786 A Day in the Life of a Caregiver (duo revised) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Apr. 8, 2016

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Monologue Mania Day #786 A Day in the Life of a Caregiver (duo revised) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Apr. 8,  2016 

                                     A Day in the Life of a Caregiver
                                                (Not)  A monologue by Janet S. Tiger 
                                                   © 2016 all rights reserved 
      (Two people come onstage - for this we can have a man and a woman, middle-aged, but able to handle older and younger.  They have bags and boxes of items that they roll out in a wheelchair, walker, etc.)

MALE - Hello!  We are going to show you a day in the life of a caregiver!

FEMALE - What could be more depressing!

MALE -  Now, now, dear, we are not depressing, we are depressed!  35% of the millions of caregivers show signs of clinical depression!  

FEMALE -  Now that's a cheery statistic.....let's get past the fun stuff to begin the day...  let's see what we have.......

        (She pulls out some items and he starts to do the same....first, an alarm clock)

MALE - (Fast) BZZZZZZ!  To start the day off with a bang!

          (She has toilet paper and cleaning materials)

FEMALE - Bathroom duty....clean out the bedside commode.....

MALE -  Depends change.....
FEMALE - And meds!  

          (She throws pill bottles in the air and juggles them)

MALE - Dressings!  Let's get all those bandages on....

          (Boxes of bandaids)

FEMALE - And medical devices affixed!

          (Eyepatches, and other slings appear - an alarm rings and he turns it off, sighs)

MALE -  Up thirty minutes and I have yet to brush my teeth!

FEMALE - Or put on make-up- let's forget it for today....

MALE - Or forever, whichever comes first....

FEMALE - Caregivers have to deal with this stress every day - our odds for serious disease are tripled, and yet we rarely see our own doctors!  But enough of all the fun stuff.....
FEMALE - The person we take care of.....

MALE -  We have to do their teeth.....

FEMALE - And dressing...

MALE -  We did dressing! 

            (He holds up the bandaids)

FEMALE -  NO!  Dressing!

            (She pulls out clothing and throws it up in the air)

MALE -  Wait, have we had breakfast yet?

FEMALE -  Coming right up!
            (She pulls out a frying pan and he throws food at it - she uses it as a bat)

MALE -  And now for the rest of the day1

 MALE/FEMALE - (Together and taking turns)  Time for a walk!  It's sunny, no it's raining!

                (They pull out hats and umbrellas)

MALE/FEMALE - We have to go shopping!  And ...oh, my God....did we have.....horrors!  ...a doctor's appointment?

                (They both look at their watches, and phones, and calendars)

MALE/FEMALE -  (Together)  We're late!

                (They run around collecting all the items on the floor and throw them into the boxes, putting the boxes onto the wheelchair, walker)

MALE -  Which doctor is it today?  Primary?  

FEMALE -  No!  A specialist....but who?  Urologist?  Cardiologist?

MALE - Oncologist?  Procotologist?

               (They both shudder)

FEMALE - Dermatologist?

MALE -  Gynocologist....Orthepedic Surgeon?

FEMALE -  Wait....not a doctor...

MALE -  Dentist?

FEMALE -  Still a today is physical therapy!

              (They run the wheelchair and walker around the stage)

MALE -  Still needs a car ride!

FEMALE -  And I have to get gas.....and the engine light checked...

MALE - And find a place to park....and remember to put up the handicapped sign!

FEMALE -  Is it time for lunch?

MALE -  For them, yes......special food.....

FEMALE -  Healthy food designed by the they stay strong....

MALE -  I'm getting me a burger!

FEMALE -  I'll have one, too....

MALE - Two burgers for you!

FEMALE -  Okay!  And don't forget the milk shake and fries!  Or the oxygen tank!

MALE -  And the day isn't even half over, why am I a little tired?

FEMALE -  I don't know.....all we do is take care of hard could that be?

MALE - Easy peesy....

FEMALE -  I take care of two people, so....

MALE/FEMALE -  (Together)  Twice as easy!

            (They really go very fast through the next items)

MALE /FEMALE -  Home and time for a nap, and then it's dinner time and it's sundowning and then it's bathtime and then it's time to wash a million dishes and glasses and where did their glasses go they can't watch tv without the right glasses!  And then -on the days without physical therapy - there's exercises and a shower and washing clothes!  Lots of clothes that no matter about the Depends there's always accidents!  And then it's time for bed and did I lock all the doors so they don't wander out and is the commode ready and is the nightlight on and......

            (Both collapse on the floor)

FEMALE - Why am I still tired?

MALE -  Just lazy I guess!

FEMALE -  What did I forget?

MALE -  I know it was appointment?  To pick up the eyedrops?

FEMALE  - Am I going nuts?

             (They both hear a noise)

FEMALE -  Did I hear something?

MALE -  Maybe....

              (They both jump up in horror)

MALE -  Are they out of bed?

FEMALE - Out of the house?

MALE -  Was that a.....

MALE/FEMALE -  (Horror)  FALL!

              (They listen again......the sound of the alarm is hear)

MALE -  (Horror)  Oh, no!

FEMALE -  It can't be....I just went to sleep!

MALE -  The alarm!  

FEMALE - Well, let's get going.....a day in the life of a caregiver!

               (They stand and bow, start to walk off, stop, look back)

FEMALE -  And we do it....because we love them...

MALE -  And we know they love us.....

FEMALE -  It's not everyone who can make a difference in someone's life....every minute of every it's not so difficult....

MALE -  But you know what's really difficult?  That when we stop working in our former jobs to take the job of caring for someone, we don't get any social security.....even though we save the government and taxpayers over 350 billion dollars a year.....

FEMALE - There are several bills before Congress now.....and if they pass, it can please help us.....there's  a link below with more info  -please pass it along, and show us caregivers that someone cares about us....thank you.....

             (She turns to him)

FEMALE -  Ready for another fun day?

MALE -  Can I sit in the chair?

FEMALE -  No.....

             (They exit arguing about appointments - and we say thank you to all the caregivers who give every day. Let's help them -

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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