Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #286 by Janet S. Tiger The Day Off Nov. 25, 2014

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Monologue Mania Day #286 by Janet S. Tiger  The Day Off  Nov. 25, 2014 
Please see Day # 285 for background to this monologue.  
(Other monologues from Caregivers Anonymous - Day # 284, 273, 271, 270, 268)
                                                          The Day Off
                                                  (for Caregivers Anonymous)
                                  A monologue by Janet S. Tiger   © all rights reserved

            (When the lights fade on the 'birthday girl', one of the other women, older, starts to laugh hysterically.)

A birthday!  You got cake, and tonight off, but  I'll bet you don't even get the day off, do you?

             (The birthday girl nods and shrugs)

I knew it!  I never got birthdays off either!  Not for ages!    

             (She starts searching in her purse)

I even saved one of the cards from my brother.....

             (As she continues to dig through the purse)

He and my sister would come to 'help' me with mom so I could theoretically have my birthday off.....and they would arrive and I would give them a list for what Mom could eat and show them how Mom would need help in the bathroom, and how to reach me, and by the time I got to where I was going....a restaurant to meet a friend....the movies......there would be a call  (imitates)  'there seems to be a problem with your mother, please call home......'

And I would call, and there had been a problem, they had given Mom some raisins and she had choked on them, even though right there on the list had been 'food to avoid' - all items that can be choked on, like nuts and popcorn and.......RAISINS.  And when they took her to the bathroom, Mom had slipped on the rug, even though, on the list, it said...(loud) Please help Mom to the toilet, BECAUSE SHE MIGHT TRIP.

So, before I could eat, or see the movie, I had to go home.  But they gave me beautiful cards..... (happy)  Here it is!

           (She holds up the finally found card to the crowd, then reads)

'A day for relaxing......'

          (The others laugh)

'A day for dreaming.....'

          (Now the others are really laughing)

'A day for you.....'

          (They are rolling, as she opens the card) 

But not today!

          (They all hoot and holler as she puts the card back into her purse)

The best laugh in town!

           (She smiles, then shakes her head)

But then, she passed.  And not just gas my friends, but the whole enchilada.  Gone. Bit the dust. Kicked the bucket....bought the farm....crapped out......finito.....pushing daisies...cashed in her chips...croaked.....meet one's maker.....took the final bow....in case you didn't figure it out.....(takes a deep breath).dead.

And suddenly, where I saw my brother and sister at least a few times a year, for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mom's birthday......I haven't laid eyes on 'em for over five years.  Maybe I'll see them at the next funeral, but I have a lot more time now.  I can spend the whole day reading and watching TV, and many days I can't remember what day it is, because they're all the same.

That's why I come to these meetings still, even though my dear mother has been gone over eight years....to remind everyone here that it doesn't last forever, it helps to be grateful for what we have, every single day.

I guess when I asked God for a day off, he was listening, because now, I have them all off.

So, my friends, when you ask for a day off, maybe......be more specific than I was.......because....

         (She looks up)

Mom, I still miss you......and maybe now, I wish, I didn't have so many days off......    

         (As the others nod, lights down.  End of scene) 

Happy Birthday to me!  Today's the day!  Thank you my wonderful family for a fantastic day off!

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315 
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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