Friday, December 2, 2016

Monologue Mania Day #1024 The Sniffing of the Turkey by Janet S. Tiger (c) Dec. 2, 2016

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Monologue Mania Day #1024 The Sniffing of the Turkey by Janet S. Tiger (c) Dec. 2, 2016

                           The Sniffing of the Turkey
                                                by Janet S. Tiger
                                           © all rights reserved
             (Young man enters, carrying a roasting pan, he puts his nose close and sniffs loudly)
My mother would ask who wanted to sniff the turkey.

That was the signal that Thanksgiving was about to begin.

And Thanksgiving began with a sniff.

The turkey had been got through some finagling of my father, so we never knew where exactly it had come from, but my mother always had doubts, even when the wrapper said 'Von's' or 'Ralph's' because the first year they had been married, he had brought home the famous.... 'smelly' turkey.

My Dad was like, you know, kind of a crazy guy, and he had some wild friends, and one of 'em was always selling stuff that well, the way they put it fell off a truck.  This musta been some bigass truck, cause a lotta stuff fell off it over the years!

He had bought some things for their first apartment, a table, couch, stuff like that, and then it was Thanksgiving, and he got a turkey off one of his buddies, and when he brung it home to my Mom, she was like, 'what's that smell?' and my Dad goes, 'this is a fresh turkey right from the farm, and that's what farms smell like.' So my Mom opens the bag, and she almost passes out, and they had this big old fight and then she hit him with the giblets or somethin' like that and some of it got in his eye and he got an infection, and it cost them all the extra money they had saved for Christmas gifts and the whole point of the story was, always take a sniff of the turkey....especially before you hit someone with it!

So ...every Thanksgiving after that, when my Mom would get the turkey, frozen, a few days before the big day, she'd leave it out overnight, then put it in the fridge, and then, on Thanksgiving, she would open the bag.......and take a sniff.  But to be sure, she'd have the rest of us sniff it, too.....and this became, like, the weirdest family tradition I have ever heard of......ever.

        (He turns to leave, stops, looks back)

But one thing we were always thankful for - nobody ever got food poisoning from our turkey!  

       (He lifts the pan high)

Come on!  Let's eat!

      (He exits to more strange Thanksgiving memories)
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315      
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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