Saturday, September 24, 2016

Monologue Mania Day #955 Teaching Cats by Janet S. Tiger (c) Sept. 24, 2016

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 Monologue Mania Day #955 Teaching Cats (revised)  by Janet S. Tiger (c) Sept. 24, 2016

This monologue was originally posted on Day #118 (c) June 10, 2014.   For other monologues from The Book of Teas, please see Days #  41-53, 69, 84, 96, 105, 118, 156, 173, 175-8, 181-5, 269, 331, 361, 452, 506,542, 554, 555, 558, 590, and 624.  Southern accent.
                                      Teaching Cats
                                          (for the Book of Teas)

              (T comes onstage, still older, still with a Southern accent.)

What in God's good name are you doing, my dear?  Let me see that?

              (She looks)

You have scratched yourself until you are bleedin!

I know it itches, but you just have to wait it out....but if you can't, here....

              (She goes to a cupboard and takes out something and cuts off a slice, puts it on the itchy part)

There, doesn't that feel better?  Of course it stings!  But it's better than itchin away all night...and bleedin all over your new socks!  Vivien, I have told you a hundred times, if you are gonna scratch, use your knuckles, at least they do not make you bleed!

What am I gonna do with you, my baby girl?  


How did I learn about onions for itchin?  How do you think I learned?  Same way you are.  Remember that old cat we saw a few weeks ago?  I have never had a house cat since my beloved Mittens was taken away by a tornado, but that old tabby was out by the back tree, remember now?  With her new kittens?  And she was teachin them to get out of a tree properly.

Now some people will tell you that a cat cannot get out of a tree once it is up high in the branches, but the truth is, a well-brought-up cat can do it very easily.

Do you remember now?  How the mother walked up the branch, a small one to start, and then, slowly, she walked backwards, down the same branch.  She proceeded to take each kitten and....I guess you could say, 'walk them through it'

Some of them were not interested in learnin - they would climb up, but then, ignoring the wisdom of their lovin mother cat, they would turn around and try to go back down the branch - and they would fall and start to complain.  But that did not stop her from teachin them.  If you listened closely, you could hear her sayin, (cat voice) 'Maybe one day, the information will be useful, my baby cats, so pay attention, now, this is important!'


Yes, my dear, all mothers sound the same, even cat mothers!

The lesson is the same - there is a right way, and a wrong way, and - if you have been properly trained, the choice is yours.  If not, you are like a cat up a tree - waitin for the fireman to come and drag you out, embarrassed and screamin in front of the entire neighborhood.

And all mothers teach their children, whether the children want to learn or not is completely irrelevant.  And the one thing a good mother knows is that she did her best.

Of course, there are the unusual mothers, some cat, some dog, some...human....who do not teach their children at all.  The result is what we see in bad places, like in barrooms or in prisons - or in the government.

                 (Listens, then reaches out a hand)

Why do I tell you all these things?  Because, my dear, whatever else I do, I wish to be known as a good cat mama......

                 (Starts to walk off, we hear her ....)

And one day, I hope you will, too.....

                  (The end of the scene)

Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315      
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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