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Monologue Mania Day # 167 by Janet S. Tiger Your Call is Important to Us July 29, 2014
Your Call Is Important (c)
A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
© all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(A person comes onstage, covered in....phones. There are phones on arms, legs, earpieces in ears, more attached to the belt. A phone on each shoe - you get the idea. The person is smiling like a machine.)
Hello, your call is important to us, with whom am I having the pleasure of speaking. Hello, my name is ......, and I will be happy to help you today.....
(The person pushes a button and laughs)
But you will have to call back because we were just disconnected! I'm so sorry, that often happens now with all these cell phones....
(Phones start buzzing, lighting up)
Hello, your call is important to us....
Hello, your call is important to us....
Hello, your call is important to us.....
So important we spend money on specialists that design these lovely questions for you to answer! We are so interested in your responses, that we record them! Notice we never promise to listen, just to record so that you can help in our training process. So not only are you important because you buy things, you are important because you help train our employees!
Your value is endless! And valued!
And please recall that your call is so important, that we do not hire enough human beings to speak with you immediately so that you can listen to music that is chosen for its ability to both soothe and annoy almost anyone at any one moment!
Your call is so important that it is almost impossible to have one call solve the problem, because we love to hear back from you! Our motto is- please don't go away mad, just go away!
Our logic is based on the studies that show even if a customer is very annoyed, if a special bargain is offered, the customer will forget all previous anger.
So please understand how important all this is to our bottom line - and if you have any question who is at the bottom of the line, the answer should obvious.....it's you!
And now, for the most important part of the call......please hold while we connect you with our service representative........
(Person hangs up all the lines and turns to leave, looks back)
Thank you for calling! If we get disconnected, please call back because......(whispers)...your call is very important to us!
(Person tiptoes off. The end of the call, not the annoyance!)
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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