Monologue Mania: July 2014

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Monologue Mania Day # 169 by Janet S. Tiger Hero (Female Version) (c) July 31, 2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
--------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 169   by Janet S. Tiger         Hero (Female Version) (c) July 31, 2014

   Hero (female version)
                               A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
                                                © all rights reserved       tigerteam1@gmail.com

(A woman walks on hesitantly, shielding eyes from light. She goes to the center of the stage and shakes hands with someone, then stands up straighter, listening, smiling brightly. Then she steps out of her shoes and leaves them, walking to the other side of the stage, as if observing herself.)

Hero. They call me a hero. It is so funny .....look at all those cameras!

   (Shakes her head.)

I can't believe I am here tonight! My mother would be so proud - she always wanted me to be in those contests like she did when she was a girl, and now look at all the lights, and the cameras!

   (Listens, doesn't smile, then remembers to smile)

Have to remember to keep smiling. Don't want photos online with me all sad, because I am not sad at all! I am ....what did they call me? A hero!

   (She almost laughs, stops, keeps smile up)

I'm no hero. I'm just a researcher. A person who sits in a laboratory all day, and sometimes all night.
Science. My mother hated that I went into this, because it had no social life. Look at me now, Mom! (Thinks) Maybe she is looking.....

Look at my children. They are happy for me, too. Too bad I'm not twenty-five any more, the photos would come out better. No wrinkles. Maybe I can use some of the money from the book to get some plastic surgery.....

        (Listens)

How can they say those things about me?

   (Takes a deep breath)

I am a killer......and I love it!

        (Smiles and almost laughs again)

What hypocrisy! When I was little, everyone says, 'Do not kill' and then, because we didn't have much money, and we live in a cheap place, the roaches come. Not from us, my mother was very clean, but the neighbors. So we killed the roaches. Any way we can. Poison, baits......my favorite was squashing them. And it was OK, even good to kill them, because you didn't want them crawling into your ears like the Fujisaki's baby son had happen to him.

I didn't do anything special. Yet they give me this prize. All I did was what I was trained to do.

I knew how close we were to figuring it out, and one night, I almost went home, but then, something made me stay and I saw........

   (Her eyes light up and she can see the event.)

I still see that very moment I realized in slow motion.....I understood what we had to do!
And it worked!

All those days....and nights! All the missed dinners with my family......all to kill off cells so small we cannot see them without machines!

And everyone is happy I kill them! And they give me prizes and money and pictures and....this is the best moment of my life! And I have saved millions of people!

(She stops, thinks, her smile fades)

Is that you, Momma? Why would you say these things? I know so many died before.....if I had discovered this last year, how many less dead?   Ten thousand? What if I hadn't gone on vacation two years ago? Twenty thousand?

Hero.

Some hero......I should have worked harder......ooh, I think that gasbag is finally finished......

         (She jumps to attention, goes back to her shoes and steps back into them, shakes hands again, taking a plaque or award of some kind. She smiles weakly, nods at the crowd, starts to walk off, then looks back, smiles very large.)

Hero......what a strange word...

        (She squares her shoulders, walks off. And maybe the end of one horrible disease.)





Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Monologue Mania Day # 168 by Janet S. Tiger Hero July 30, 2014

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Monologue Mania Day # 167 by Janet S. Tiger Your Call is Important to Us July 29, 2014

Monday, July 28, 2014

Monologue Mania Day # 166 by Janet S. Tiger The Cones of Ice Cream July 28, 2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
--------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 166 by Janet S. Tiger The Cones of Ice Cream July 28, 2014

    The Cones of Ice Cream(c)
                               A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
                                                © all rights reserved       tigerteam1@gmail.com


             (A woman eating an ice cream cone is seen finishing the final licks, then popping the tip into her mouth and smiling.)

Ice cream. Summer. You can't go wrong with either of them!

Thanks for walking on the boardwalk with me! I just love this time of year! And in a few minutes they'll have the fireworks! Just like when I was a kid. Only not as long, or as wild, but nothing is the same when you're taller and older, is it?

When I was a little girl, my grandfather used to take us for ice cream whenever he made a few extra dollars at his store. He loved ice cream! He was actually a young man in St. Louis, just here from Russia a few years when they had a World's Fair and the first walk-away cones were invented. He claimed he was the first boy to eat an ice cream cone, but I think that was an exaggeration......he was known for that.

But his love for ice cream was certainly not exaggerated! He would call out for me and my brothers and sisters (imitating Russian accent) 'Come along children, we are the Cohens of St. Louis and we need to get the cones of ice cream!'

My name was Miriam Cohen.....I was the middle child. And his love of ice cream had passed on to all of us, but I got it the worst. I would race to be first in line for the favorite flavor of the week. My older sister Ella only ate chocolate, and David was a vanilla guy, but me, I loved all the flavors, as long as it was cold and fit in a cone!

My mother was horrible about ice cream, she did not understand it at all. Sometimes, because there were seven of us, she would take one of us out all by ourselves, no one else to get any attention. And we could do whatever we wanted. I always picked...you guessed it! Ice Cream!

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream! That was the jingle they played at my favorite ice cream place, and my mother would always ask, 'Are you sure you just want ice cream? Not a hamburger? Or a club sandwich at Levine's Deli?' Which is, of course, what she wanted! But I insisted on ice cream, and I would get a triple scoop! And then my mother - who always claimed she didn't like ice cream, so she didn't get her own - would ask if she could have a bite.....

           (She looks up in fear)

And how I could say no? I mean, she had paid for the ice cream, how could I deny her just one bite.....so I would say....(like a child) ...ok, mama, but just a little bite....

           (She holds up her 'cone' to a much larger mother in the sky)

And there would come her huge slathering lips! And they would come down and.....

          (She looks at the cone in horror)

Suddenly, there would be no more ice cream! Just some at the top of the cone......but that was all! I would be horrified, but at least what was left was delicious. And I swore I would never do that to my children.....

         (She whirls around, looking down at a child)

Then....I had children and I learned a lot about many things, but about ice cream, suddenly I learned about.........(to the child) ....that's melting dear, you have to lick faster....it's getting all over your arms and your clothing and EAT FASTER!

But I didn't say it out loud....what I said was......

        (Looking down at her child, sweeter now)

Honey, may I please have just a little bite of that....it looks so good!

        (She leans in and opens her mouth very wide.)

Mmmmmm.....and suddenly I was the huge slathering lips!

        (To the child)

There's still lots left - and you have the whole cone!   Wait come back, I just want another tiny bite....

         (She makes as if chasing, but stops, looks at the sky)

OOOh! Fireworks! A perfect night!

          (She stops and shivers.)

My goodness, it's almost as if my mother and grandfather were here right now, ready to get some ice cream. On a night like this, they used to say something, what was it? Ooh, the fireworks are making me forget! (Deep breath) Do you want to get some more ice cream? That'll help me remember! Great! If we get two different flavors, can I have a little bite of yours......I'll try to control the slathering lips......

          (She walks off, pointing at the fireworks, then stops and turns back)

I remember! Grandpa used to say...(Russian accent) .In your life, make sure you have plenty of summer and fireworks, and....the cones of ice cream!

          (She exits ...to get more ice cream of course. The end - but never the end of ice cream!)



Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Monologue Mania Day # 165 by Janet S. Tiger Serving Time July 27, 2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
--------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 165 by Janet S. Tiger Serving Time July 27, 2014
   Parental alert - Adult material and some language

Serving Time (c)
                               A monologue by Janet S. Tiger
                                                © all rights reserved       tigerteam1@gmail.com


                (The man who walks onstage is older, blue-collar, he is not happy, almost smoldering. But he puts on a good cover.....at first.)

I don't know why I'm telling you this. I mean, we just met. But you asked, so yeah, I have children. Three daughters and....one son.

               (Takes out a cigarette and lights it, breathing slowly)

I try to cut these out, but when something bothers me, I dunno, smoking makes it easier somehow. It relaxes me.

My son. He was twelve when I caught him.....with those...(says it with disgust) ....magazines. Magazines with men where there should be women, you know what I mean, right? And he was, you know...enjoying them.....and I.....

              (He takes his hand and makes it into a fist)

I pounded that crap right out of him! I made him take those filthy pages and burn them! And he learned there is only one right way! And I taught him well!

And he got married, and he had a nice wife, and two kids, a family........the right way! And he was happy! Anyone could see he was happy! I mean, he loved those kids, my grandchildren, they're good girls, decent girls.

               (He crushes out the cigarette)

And he's married twenty-five years, and his wife dies. That's five years ago, and now, he tells everyone he's......(hard to say it)......he's got a........boyfriend! He says he's sick of living a lie, and that he's served his time......like it was a jail sentence being normal!

How dare he! He did everything right! And then he has to bring shame onto this family!

I can see you lookin' at me, how can I say that about my own son......how could I beat a kid like that? Well, it worked didn't it? I mean, it worked it him..........just like it worked on me...(takes a deep breath)....when my father caught me with my best friend.......Leon Kolinski.......and he beat the livin' tar out of both of us.

So we learned - that taught us good! ......and we got married, and we had kids, and we got houses near each other, and went fishing together, and..... no one ever knew. No one had to know. It was our business. And then Leon ......

             (He chokes up, lights another cigarette)

Leon goes and shovels some snow and has a damn heart attack .....and he dies. And I go to the funeral and I cry like I'm a baby, and everyone understands because they knew we were ......best friends.

And there isn't a day goes by I don't think of him. And I miss him. I miss the way we could be together for hours and not talk. I miss the way he smiled, and the way the cigarette would hang outta his mouth like Bogart used to do. (Shakes his head) Maybe I shouldn't miss the cigarettes, that's probably what helped give him the heart attack. But look at me. I smoke a pack every day, now, it's a lotta years, and here I am. The doctor says I'm healthy as a horse. But who the hell wants to be a horse? (Snickers) Maybe parts of a horse! (Thinks for a minute) I'll be eighty years old in two months. He died forty years ago today. Forty years alone for me......

            (He takes a last drag on the cigarette, crushes it out.)

Thanks for talkin' to me. I don't usually come around here.

(Listens, smiles)

Without a prostate I'm too old to come.....let alone come out! But, thanks for the offer......

             (He turns to leave, looks back)

Talk about serving time! .....You see, MY wife didn't die.......

             (He laughs sadly as he exits. The end.)

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Monologue Mania Day # 164 by Janet S. Tiger Escape from Storage Unit 273 July 26, 2014

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Monologue Mania Day # 164 by Janet S. Tiger Escape from Storage Unit 273 July 26, 2014

Escape from Storage Unit 273

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(A woman crawls onstage, pushing a large box, that is obviously very heavy. She stops, exhausted, hot, sweaty, not in great shape.)

That's it. It's over. After five years, I'm free!

(She struggles to her feet.)

This is the last box. I promise! And I will throw most of the stuff out. I promise!

(She opens the top of the box.)

Oh, my God......

(She lifts out a bag of items)

This is my stuff from the top of my dresser. I looked for this for years!

(Opens a bottle, makes a face of disgust.)

I guess that perfume was better five years ago when we moved.....

(She lifts a calendar)

This is from ten years ago...what the hell was I saving it for?

(Flips through, shaking head)

It's empty......why would I save an old, empty calendar?

(Flips through again)

Oh.....now I remember! These pictures were so beautiful, I was going to frame them! But now....

(She examines the pages)

I think the years made them not so beautiful.......

(She puts a hand through her hair.)

Ain't that the sad truth......

(She reaches in again, pulling out another object)

And what, pray tell, is this?

(She looks closely, shaking head)

I have absolutely no idea! And I paid......

(Reaches into a pocket and pulls out a paper which she examines in horror.)

That I paid....not hundreds, but thousands! Thousands of dollars to save!

(She drops to her knees)

What is wrong with me Oprah?

I watched your show and I tried to simplify! I did my best! And look at me! Five years to empty out two storage units! And I still have junk in the van I rented to carry all this.....(sputtering)....JUNK!

(She shakes her head, now goes to the box, starts to laugh, pulls out an old issue of Oprah)

Amazing! I saved this! And why?

(She reads the cover and starts to laugh, almost maniacally)

‘How to avoid using storage units - Tips on decluttering before, during and after a move’

Wow, did that work well! I even had a bookmark in there!

(Opens, reading)

' You can save a great deal of money by de-cluttering before your move, avoiding lengthy rentals of storage units.’ (Mocks) ‘Those can really add up!’

You tell me, Oprah, you have a billion dollars to spend on storage....or maybe.....

(Looks around)

Maybe you own this place?

(Shivers, keeps reading)

‘Unless the item has true sentimental value, do not store replaceables like.......(smiles)...perfume, that you might forget, and which will lose their fragrance after years of storage.’

(Throws head back laughing)

There's a newsflash!

(Reading) ‘Avoid saving unnecessary papers. This includes old calendars with nothing written on them.....’

(She picks up the calendar.)

‘And office supplies that can rust or lose working ability, like staples or scotch tape......’

(She now opens the box gingerly, reaches in, brings out....you guessed it.....scotch tape and a box of staples. She opens the staples, nods.)

Rusted.

(Tries to get a piece of tape, the dispenser....doesn't work.)

Oooh, this is too weird......

(She reads quickly to herself, looking into the box occasionally, horrified.)

Amazing, she wrote an article and it's just for me......

(Reads, starting to sound more like Oprah as she goes)

'Of course it's just for you, and you deserve it after finally gettin' rid of that storage unit! Come on, you know you did good! Give yourself a pat on the back! Go ahead.....do it!'

(She gives herself a pat on the back, smiles, keeps reading)

'There, didn't that feel good? Now I want you to do this...it's gonna be hard, but you can do it... I want you to walk away from the box.....'

(She looks around, did she actually read that? Continues to read)

'You heard me, girl, one step...you can do it.... you know there's nothin' in there you need!'

(She looks back in the box, then she reads)

'Don't go back to the box! You haven't needed anything in there for five years! So there is nothin' in there you need now! Walk away! Do it for me! Do it for yourself!'

(She starts to walk away, reading)

'There you go, I knew you could do it! You are now free of Storage Unit 273.....'

(She looks around, how .....reads)

'Of course I knew which unit! I know everything! I have more spies than the CIA! I have more money than the CIA! Now keep walking!

(She walks to the edge of the stage.)

'That's the way, one foot in front of the other.......it's not so hard.....you can do it! And when you leave here, you go take a shower and get your nails done, girl you look like crap!'

(She takes the magazine and starts to throw it into the box, but stops and reads one last thing)

'But never throw out this magazine! Or I will come and get you and fill your house with more junk! And that's not a threat, that's a promise!'

(She tries to throw the magazine out, but she finally just takes it and runs off.....but then runs back on and into the box it goes! She lifts her arms high and smiles)

Free!

(Now she exits. The end......of some of the junk.)

-----------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Friday, July 25, 2014

Monologue Mania Day # 163 by Janet S. Tiger The Shover July 25, 2014

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Monologue Mania Day # 163 by Janet S. Tiger July 25, 2014

The Shover

tigerteam1@gmail.com

            (A Japanese man enters, dressed in a suit, with white gloves. He bows to the audience)

(Slight accent) Hello, I am very honored to be a guest on your esteemed Senior Channel. In Japan, the old are revered. It is a good thing to have a television show which also reveres the older people.

I am here to tell you about my job, to introduce the idea of my occupation to your country, because I feel it would be a good thing to use people like me in your cities that are crowded.

I am a....ショーバー a Shōbā.....in English, a shover.

I wear these gloves to keep the people clean, because I am very careful at my job.

When it is too many people getting into an elevator, or a train, that is what I do.

        (He illustrates by pushing gently with his hands.)

That is the motion if there are only a few people left on the platform.

        (He pushes harder, his teeth clenched now)

And this is what we do when there are more people......

       (He now goes crazy forcing and shoving hard)

And this is what we have to do on cold days, when people wear too much of clothing!

       (He is now almost in a flurry of activity, and he is breathing hard, simulates final shoving and jumping back as doors close)

It is a very unfair thing to say that babies suffocate as a result of my job, because this has happened to only a very few babies over many years. It is true some people can suffer broken arms, but it is really their own fault, they should not be carrying those heavy purses, and they should be prepared for the shoving - it is not a surprise.

And as for the missing and lost shoes, those are a cost of traveling by the train, just as you have a cost of gasoline in the car.

So now that you see how efficient we shovers are, I hope you in America will consider using us in your trains, and elevators, and at other events like conventions. I was just at your Comic Convention and the need for shovers is very great. Many more people would enjoy the lectures if you employ our services.

Thank you for listening to me, and I wish to leave with final words......

        (He lifts a gloved hand)

........please shove it!

        (He turns to go, marches off. He stops, looks back, bows)

Thank you.

   (Now he exits. Hey, I had to shove in the last line -this is my blog!)

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Monologue Mania Day # 162 by Janet S. Tiger Un-Comiconscious July 24, 2014

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Monologue Mania Day # 162 by Janet S. Tiger Un-Comiconscious July 24, 2014

Un-Comiconscious

tigerteam1@gmail.com

               (The actor stumbles onstage, wearing the wildest type of costume that might fit in at Comic-Con. Looks around,.wiping sleep from eyes, then peers at an alarm clock, horrified.)

Oh, my God! How could I have overslept? (Screams) For four days!

I mean, I had on all these alarm clocks....

   (Looks at watch, pulls another alarm from a pocket, almost in tears.)

I took a shower last night! I slept in my costume and I even ate breakfast before I went to sleep so I could be there early! What happened, Thor?

Or is it Thorette?

It took me all year to make this costume, okay, maybe only since I got the tickets....ok, maybe the last two months but.....I can't wait another year!    What am I gonna do?

         (Has an idea, puts out arms and starts running around stage)

I think I'll fly over to the Convention Center......maybe something is left over....

Ooh, look at all the garbage! And wait, is that me? From last year? Let me take a closer look....

        (Holds fingers around eyes like binoculars)

That is me! It is last year! But if I overslept, how can it be.....

       (Puts arms down, shakes)

Is this....is this a dream? Oh, please let it be a dream!

       (Pinches self)

I can't feel anything, must be a dream.....

       (Hears something, looks around)

That sounds like an alarm, is it time to get up?

       (Looks at watch)

Oh, no, I can't believe it! I'm late! How could I have overslept! For four days!

      (Stops)

I heard that before....I think I'm still in the dream!

      (Bends over, then lies down, starts shaking and shivering, sits up suddenly, breathing very deeply)

Hold on.....

       (Pinches an arm)

Ouch!

       (Looks at cellphone, very carefully)

Today is.......

       (Stands up and cheers)

Yeah! It's Comic-Con!

   (Looks at costume)

And I have my costume, and I'm ready!

Comic- Con, here I come!

         (Puts arms out, starts to 'fly' off, looks back, smiles)

I knew that fourth alarm clock was the charm!

         (And it's off to Comic-Con - Irene, thanks for today's idea! Have a great time everyone!)

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8