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Monologue Mania Day #126 by
Janet S. Tiger A Stroke of Luck (c) June 18, 2014
A Stroke of Luck
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) June 17, 2014 all
rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(A
woman comes onstage, wearing loose clothing with lots of pockets. She is walking almost normally, it is only if
you really pay attention that you can see one leg drags a little and the arm on
that side doesn’t swing as much. She is
a bit grumpy.)
Stroke
of luck, huh? Talk about an
oxymoron!
(She
holds up an arm. It is fine, holding
tall.)
Pretty
good, right?
(The
arm starts to drift down.)
I’m
not telling it to come down, it’s doing that all by itself. Like it has, I dunno, I mind of its own.
(A
phone rings. She reaches frantically in
her pockets for it, going a tiny bit berserk during the search.)
A
simple thing like a phone! You’d think
by now I could find the phone….
(She
finally retrieves it and starts poking at the buttons. The ringing stops.)
Hello? Hello?
Did I get to you in time? Are you
there? Did I hang up on you?
(She
shakes her head and screams. The phone
rings again during her scream.)
Is
that me or the Memorex?
(Listens,
puts it to her ear – yes, the phone is ringing.)
I
hear ringing sometimes when it doesn’t ring….but now….which button do I push?
(Once
again, she pushes repeatedly at buttons.
Phone finally stops. She starts
shaking – is it laughter or tears? She
can’t tell either.)
It’s
like I’m in some old vaudeville routine!
And I’m Lucy…but there’s no candy and there’s no Ricky…and there’s sure
no money!
Now
the question is – do I wait until it rings again, or do I put it away? Did they give up? Or they now trying again and as soon as I put
it back in my pocket, it will go off, like a time bomb, driving me even more
crazy than I am already!
Or
– are they calling the nurse’s station, which will get a nurse in here to check
on me and if I have lost the phone again, and if I don’t remember how to use
the phone, maybe I’m not getting better and they’ll kick me out sooner!
I
can’t win! It’s like a whack-a-mole game
– you know the kind (she illustrates) where you have a hammer and you whack the
mole when it pops up. Except the mole
keeps popping up in different places.
This is a fun game when you have the hammer – and you are five years
old. When you’re 75 and you are the
mole…not so funny.
Funny
thing is, I used to love scary movies.
Now, I’m the scary movie. I’m
afraid to stay here because I’m going crazy here – (more serious) but I’m
afraid to go home because…well, that’s where I had the stroke.
Two
weeks ago. New Year’s Day. We had stayed up late for the first time in
ten years. I don’t even remember falling.
(thinks) What a way to start the
year!
But
would you believe it? Something amazing happened right after we left
for the hospital. (She illustrates
this.) A giant meteor came down and
flattened our house! We missed it just
in the nick of time! (She waits for a
reaction.) I didn’t think you’d believe
it.
(While
she’s saying the next, she puts the phone slowly in one of her pockets.)
Now
that would have been a stroke of luck.
Well, maybe not, all our stuff would have been gone. So, I guess I just have to learn to live with
it. My grandmother always said there’d
be days like this….or is that a song?
(She
removes her hand from the pocket, just as…the phone rings. She looks like she’s going to explode, then
takes a deep breath, reaches in her pocket and pulls out the phone. It stops ringing – she looks at it, throws it
across the room. Turns back and looks at
the audience, then smiles)
Wrong
number.
(She
laughs and leaves.)
The
end - but never for stroke victims.
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Janet S. Tiger 858-274-9678
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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