Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Monologue Mania Day # 112 by Janet S. Tiger Whose Dog's Life is It Anyway? (c) June 4, 2014

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Monologue Mania Day # 112  by Janet S. Tiger    (c)   June 4,  2014

                          Whose Dog's Life is It Anyway?
                                                by Janet S. Tiger   
                                     c) June 2, 2014     all rights reserved

(A woman walks onstage, shielding her eyes from the lights.  She stands, as if listening, looks behind her and straightens up, suddenly smiling.  If a light can be flashed, this will help, but otherwise, she can turn sideways, so it is clear she is taking mug shots.
After she finishes with the pictures, she will move to a part of the stage with a chair on it.
She sits, looking around, then straight into the audience.)
Hi!  I've seen enough TV to know someone is behind that big mirror, so, hello!
(Stops to think)  I just realized, 'hello, is really, 'hell' oh!   God, I can't believe it, I'm how old, and I just figured that out, wow!
Since you probably will keep me waiting awhile to try to crack me, I will save you all a lot of time.  I am guilty.

That's right, I hope you had the tape machine on......did you hear?
That should make it simple for you - I don't need an attorney.....
I just want to get one phone call....I'm entitled, that's the law.
And you know who I'm going to call?  No, I just told you NOT an attorney.
I am calling the newspaper.....(thinks)  or wait a minute, maybe I should call one of the TV stations......or one of my friends to have THEM call ALL of the TV stations!
There, that's a plan........Wait!  what if the person is not home?  Do I get a second call?
Anyway, I told you I was guilty, but the fact is, you should have arrested the other guy, too!
That's right.....I may be guilty...(she says this with great drama)...I took the dog..... but I was doing it for the dog's protection!
I have been watching that guy for weeks, maybe months....he has the dog off his leash!  Ok, I know that it's a leash free zone in the Kumquat Park.....but he let's that dog run into the street!   And it's a busy street!  The dog could bit hit by a car!  It could be hurt!  Or worse!  Killed!
(She starts to take deep breaths, gets a hold of herself.)

Sorry about that, I am very affected by wounded animals.  I am a volunteer for the Wounded Animal Program through the local humane society....yes, some might call it the ....(says this with disgust)  ...RoadKill Patrol, but many of the animals live for awhile, and some can be saved, but it just makes me even more aware of how important each animal life is!
And I may be guilty of some stupid law, but not another, more basic law - the Constitution!  That's right, his dog has rights!  Put down in the Constitution by our forefathers - Washington, Franklin, Lincoln, and Roosevelt.....
(She counts on her fingers.  Yeah, that's four)
And those rights are inalienable!  That means for every one on earth, but not aliens!
And that every dog has the right to be happy, and taken care of, and fed properly....I'll bet that if that guy lets the dog run into the street, you have no idea what he's feeding that poor dog!
He probably gives it table scraps!  Or....(more disgust)....chocolate!
(thinks, side-tracked)  Hey, isn't it getting to be dinner-time?  On TV, they always offer something to eat or drink!  Where's my food!
And MY dog, who's gonna feed MY dog!  I wanna see a lawyer!
I have changed my mind - I can do that, can't I?  I may be guilty, but I reserve the right to plead innocent like all those murderers who are found chopping up their relatives, but plead innocent!
(Starting to get desperate)
I'm sorry I took the dog, I just wanted to get your attention!  I just wanted to make you see you weren't paying attention to .....your dog! 
And what kind of a name is Rosie for a dog that is not red?  I mean, she's a cute little cocker spaniel, give her a name that Lulu, or Snickers.....and she got along great with my dog, who I named Bailey in honor of that great American hero from that Wonderful Life movie.  Because he likes to help people.....the way I do!
(She is trying not to get emotional, not succeeding too well.)

But you never noticed!  You never noticed anything!
How I brought along those books to help you with raising your dog, and training your dog not to run in the those homemade cookies for you and your dog......
(She looks around, realize she could be talking to herself.)

Okay, I'm getting a little nervous in here...what if you forgot me?  Have you forgotten me?
That dog's owner never paid attention to me!  ......(Thinks)  Yes, I know his name.........the's......(says it with affection, even though she's trying not to)  ...Bryan......with an 'a' not an 'o'
I just wanted him to pay attention!  To!  I mean the dog! (She stops, thinks)  I  I wanted him to see that I wanted him to pay attention  In reality, he takes pretty good care of that dog, that's why, I think he's not such a bad guy.  I never see any sign that he treats that dog badly - it's well fed, no bruises or's just he doesn't pay enough attention.....(s if listening)  .and maybe ....I did this to get his attention....maybe.....(back to herself)  or maybe I just love dogs!
(Hears a noise, turns)
What?  I can go?  The charges have been dropped?
(Listens and smiles)
By Bryan?  Yes, that was nice of him. 

(She goes to leave the room, waves at the audience in the mirror.)

Well, this was an interesting day.  Better than finding a dead skunk on the street.......

(She turns back)

.(Thinks) Maybe I'll make him some more cookies.....I mean I'll make his dog more cookies.....
(Smiles and exits.  The end.)

Janet S. Tiger    858-274-9678
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Janet S. Tiger    858-274-9678
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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