Monologue Mania: June 2014

Monday, June 30, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #138 by Janet S. Tiger Legend of the Donut Shop Diamonds(c) June 30, 2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

                      - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #138 by Janet S. Tiger (c) June 30, 2014

Legend of the Donut Shop Diamonds
(from the one-act)

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(A woman approaches, this is Lizzie. She is in her fifties, with a lot of make-up and smoking, smoking and blowing the smoke. She waves at someone, happy to see them.)

(Fast, no chance to interrupt her)Hi, Eddie, you look great! How are you feeling today….Oooh, someone new, how are you? What’s your name? Is this your first time here at the Donut Shop? I don’t recall seeing you here before.

Do you, Eddie, huh? I know just about everyone here and you are definitely new faces! I never forget a face, do I Eddie? And you all are new, are you new to the area, or you just discovered our delicious donuts?

(She laughs uproariously)

That’s a good one, huh, Eddie? Delicious!

(She slaps Eddie on the shoulder, the coffee almost spills)

LIZZIE

Well, the donuts may be awful, but we’re fresh! Oh, yeah, always fresh and tasty! We may be old, but not as old as these donuts! You know what we always say - these donuts were old when the dinosaurs spit them out! Don’t we say that, Eddie? Don’t we? We have a whole group of people come here to this place because it’s better than Starbucks, isn’t it? The coffee is cheaper and there’s no wi-fi, so no one sits playing with themselves! I mean playing with their phones – you know what I mean! The people are fantastic! We are like one big happy family!

(She listens and she shrugs)

LIZZIE

All right, one big crazy dysfunctional family! Eddie is always right, aren’t you, Eddie? Eddie may be 86, but he’s sharp as a tack! Very sharp, we are always impressed with how smart Eddie is, he knows everything about current events, don’t you Eddie?

So you folks are here for the first time, right? There’s a lot of people who come here who are very unusual. Like Joey, the guy that comes from a very rich family, but lives in the canyon! That’s so sad, but he’s not a bad guy, you just have to watch you don’t make him mad. And then there’s Anna, who likes to hug everyone, even if she doesn’t know them, and she has like a hundred cats, so she is COVERED in cat hair, and fleas, too. I can’t give her a lift anymore because the last time I had to have my car fumigated. (Gets excited) Oh, if this is your first time here, that means you haven’t heard about Barney, he’s one of the guys who comes here and he is very strange – we don’t talk any more because he says mean things about me, things that are just not true, well, some of them are true, I do like to talk a little bit more than most people, but, that balances out the others, like Edna, who never says a word unless you tear it out of her with pliers!

(She laughs and starts to cough wildly)

Sorry about that, I have a touch of asthma. Well, more than a touch, I have to go the hospital every week because come two in the morning, I can’t breathe. I think I have died about ten times this year! Well, maybe not died, but they have to give me medicine, and then a mean old nurse tells me I should stop smoking, and then depending on how busy the emergency room is that night, some mean old doctor gives me the same lecture. Like they think I don’t know that smoking is terrible, I am in the damn hospital every other day, hello?

(Because this reminds her, she lights another cigarette)

By the way, this is Eddie, and I am Elizabeth, also known as Lizzie, and for all who know me, the undisputed Queen of the Donut Shop! Pleased to meet you.

(Reaches out her hand to shake)

Get it? Queen Lizzie and King Edward? Just like in England? Are you from England? If you are, we don’t mean anything bad by this, it’s just fun! We like to have here, don’t we, King Eddie? We have a lot of fun! Oh, wait, I was going to tell you about Barney and the diamonds…..yeah, you heard me, diamonds! Barney used to be in the jewelry business, and he used to tell everyone he had a stash of diamonds for when the society collapses, which he figures is going to be soon, and he has those extra food rations, and I think he has a secret cave someplace to go hide in, probably with guns, too! Anyhow, Barney told everyone he had these diamonds, which, although Barney is a bright guy, he has a Masters Degree in something, I think Philosophy, he told everyone, and not everyone is as honest as King Eddie here. So what do you think happened? I mean, please! Somebody must have heard him talking, or maybe somebody with a big mouth told someone who was perhaps not so honest, and one night, when Barney was walking his cute little dog, Burble, well, someone followed him home, and when he opened the door, the person hit him over the head and dragged him into his apartment, and then gave the dog some treats so Burble wouldn’t bark, and they just ransacked the whole place and when they didn’t find any diamonds, they took Burble and made Barney pay a ransom for her at the ATM! It was horrible! And a big scandal and there were articles in the paper, okay, maybe one article…..and the police were involved and it was the most exciting thing that ever happened to the Donut Shop!

(She now takes a huge breath, and starts coughing again)

By the way, we sit out here because I am no longer allowed to smoke within like a million miles of the Donut Shop, now I ask is that fair? I’m an addict, and I want to quit, but nothing works! I had those stupid patches, and they made me sick, and I’ve tried gum and even hypnosis, but I have a medical problem, I cannot stop. It’s like a part of my brain would have to be cut out! Speaking of my brain, I don’t know what I’ve been thinking about, I have to go pick up my grandkids. They’re getting art lessons so they so they can be rounded individuals. You should see my refrigerator! It’s covered with their beautiful pictures! I am so impressed!

(She gets up, gathers her things)

Gotta go. Nice meeting you! Hope we see you again….here’s my phone number, if you ever need anything, just give me a call….

(Stops and listens)

Why does Barney not like me? Oh, it’s silly, but he thinks I told someone about the diamonds, and that’s why he got attacked, and Burble has never been the same, and Barney still blames me, all because I told Donna, the lady behind the counter in the donut shop, that I knew who was behind the attack, but I didn’t really know anything, I just like to talk, and Barney, he never can understand when a person wants to talk, because that’s what he likes to do, and no one better talk when he’s talking! You know what I mean, he’s pretty annoyed when anyone interrupts his talking!

(She hugs Eddie and exits, still talking)

Bye, Eddie! See you tomorrow…. And it can be so irritating when people are nasty when you have to add something important to the conversation…..but since he won’t talk to me anymore…which I still don’t understand

(Listens)

Diamonds? Barney said he never had any, he was just joking. Some joke! He almost died laughing!

(She turns to leave, then stops and looks around)

But I do believe there are diamonds here……In fact, I think the real diamonds here…..are the people…..

(She exits. The end)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #137 by Janet S. Tiger Choices (c) June 29, 2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

Choices

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gma

(From Christmas Knights of the Round Table – Mary is very angry, and she wants to make sure the others realize the reason)

MARY

I KNOW! And we all know that this girl needs to pull her act together! But what you all do not know is that it is very difficult to get away from someone who beats the tar out of you! You do not understand how a man can convince a girl that she is ugly, which Ree is certainly not, and useless, which she is very certainly not, and that she cannot get along without him - which she needs help to be able to do! ... and this gift, by our illustrious group, the Christmas Knights of the Round Table, is exactly what she needs!

(Calms a bit)

- Okay, I know that it looks like she wasted our money the first time.....

(The others protest, but she holds up the deck)

And maybe in your eyes she did, but not in mine. It can take years to get the strength to pull out of a quicksand like that bum! And you need help - a strong horse, or car - and friends to throw you a rope, so you can use that car!

(She is distraught, and now takes the deck and throws it across the room)

None of you understand what that girl is going through! You, Loretta, your husband is like a giant pussycat….

And you, Jean, Jerry is annoying, but I’ll bet he’s never laid a hand on you……

And Dorothy, I’ll bet you if Richard ever thought of hurting you, you’d….you’d bake him in a cake and serve it to us at one of these poker nights!

(Listens, hard to talk)

No, my Tom is a good man……

(Mary turns back, she is trying not to lose control)

I understand Ree…. because I ...I was once Ree…..

(The others react in horror and she puts up her hands to quiet them)

You all knew I was married before…..

(She listens and nods)

I just didn’t talk much about it, did I?

(Deep breath) Before Tom…..before we moved here, and bought the coffee shop…..I was just like Ree. I worked in a donut shop, and he….my first husband, he used to come and pick up the used grease. (She laughs remembering) He was really strong, and, well, I was young. And he had me in his power. It was like...like he hypnotized me….and I could not escape his spell. I became clumsy. I had an excuse for every bruise and cut and wound. I fell off a chair, I banged my eye on the closet door, I cut myself making a sandwich……..that’s how I recognized Ree all those years ago when she first moved here. It was as if I was looking into a mirror in the past, and there I was. Smiling on the surface,, but inside, beaten down. Like eggs. Like that analogy, Dorothy? Like a beaten egg. All mushed together, waiting to be thrown into the fire to feed someone.

And I only got away, because Tom used to come into the donut shop and have a donut every day, and he would leave a five dollar tip. That’s 25 years ago, when five dollars was like 50 today. Tom would walk me to the bus, and those tips helped me save up for a car. And he helped find me a cheap, good car. And one day, when I was too scared to go home, he helped bandage up my wounds, and when my husband came to get me, Tom told him if he ever laid a hand on me again, Tom would….would go to the police. When my husband tried to fight with Tom, Tom ducked the punch and my husband, who was slightly drunk at the time, crashed into the counter, knocking himself out. We went, got my things, drove to Nevada for a divorce ……(smiles) and a new marriage. And we came here.

And I hadn’t thought about it for a long time, until Ree came in a few years ago with a big bruise on her arm, and there it was again. I know we helped her once, and she stayed with him. But this time, I have a strong feeling it’s gonna be different. So I’m going to be the one leaving the big tip for her, so she can escape. My fifty will be a start, and if you all do not want to join me, I am completely serious about leaving this lovely group – which I helped found, may I remind you – and I will not be happy to do that, but I will….so ladies, you now have a choice- are we going to help....

(She looks around the room with great focus)

Are we..... the Christmas Knights of the Round Table? – or are we...mice?

(She raises her glass. Lights out.)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #136 by Janet S. Tiger The Crown of Rightness (c) June 28, 2014

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #136 by Janet S. Tiger (c) June 28, 2014

The Crown of Rightness

by Janet S. Tiger

   tigerteam1@gma

              (A woman stands up and spreads her arms wide, she is in ecstasy)

The most beautiful three words in the whole world, and you all said them to me at the same time! I never thought I would see this day!

Three little words that mean so much, and are so hard to get!    (Slowly with great feeling) You.....are .....right!

   (She suddenly spins and then reaches for her head)

Wait, do I feel it? Do I feel that magic sensation?

   (She pats the top of her hair)

I do believe I can sense the mystical weight of that rare coronet of correctness, that tiara of power, that.......CROWN OF RIGHTNESS.

(She hugs herself.)

Am I over-reacting? I sure hope so! This is such a change for me - no one ever admits - at least not to my actual face - that I have been right.

So, thank you all for letting me revel in it.

I feel almost......ethereal! Maybe I'm dreaming....

(She pinches herself, and squeaks)

It must be true! I can feel it.    (Wipes her eyes) I am truly touched. You all have given me a great victory. This is a true honor, as one cannot give oneself this honor, no matter how much one knows one is right - the Crown of Rightness can only be bestowed by others........

   (Takes a deep breath)

I must breathe in the wonder of this moment, as I know the Crown of Rightness quickly dissipates - a sad victim to future issues, which are already here, I imagine, as soon as the crown dissolves.

And I also realize that - in the future - this crowning glory will be a distant memory for only me - as it will drop from the memory of all others within hours, sometimes minutes.

But before the moment evaporates, before this joy is gone forever.......

   (She turns to go, looks back)

Would someone please tell me ........

What was I right about?

            (She laughs and leaves, the end of the Crown of Rightness, but which will remain a beautiful memory forever)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Friday, June 27, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #135 by Janet S. Tiger It Pays to Be Pretty (c) June 27, 2014

It Pays to Be Pretty

(From the Book of Teas)
by Janet S. Tiger

   tigerteam1@gma

                (T is onstage, brushing her hair. Still old, still with a Southern accent)

Amazin - the only part of me that is thin is now my hair. I take those supplements, but they don't make much difference. (She mimics) 'This will double the thickness of your hair....guaranteed.' Well, one of the few things I remember in math is that double nothin is still nothin.

Zero times a million is still a big fat zero. Fat zero. There's a good one.

             (She looks in the mirror)

My momma used to say, 'It pays to be pretty. So you have to pay to be pretty.'

So we do all sorts of things to make ourselves pretty when we are young. What a waste of time and money - the pretty is in the bein young. Youth is pretty. Now my momma also would say, 'pretty is as pretty does'. Another vicious lie they inculcate onto young people to try to get them to do good things. Well, I have known many very unattractive lookin people who did beautiful things.

And some movie star folks who do very ugly things. So where is the logic of that?

'The eye needs food, too,' is what my daddy would add to this delightful collection of useless sayins that parents collect in their attempt to raise their children properly.

Well, just like everythin else, there is a little truth in all of those old sayins.......you just have to dig a bit to find it. And, like diggin for buried treasure, usually you come up with nothin.

I look at you, my dear, the next generation. You are young and pretty. And that is a good thing, because it does pay to be pretty.

Pretty is like money in the bank, it gives you choices.

The trick in life is to use those choices well.

You look nice, and the young men will gather round, like flies to sugar. You have the odious task of pickin the best fly of the batch.

No, your grandpa is not a fly! But, he did come a buzzin around and you will have the fun of swattin them away. It is fun, until you hit one hard enough to squash him, then it's not so much fun. Pretty comes with a whole bunch of responsibility,. Young men are strong is some ways, but very fragile in others. When they love, they do not think. And when you have to left them down, you need to learn to do that easy, so as not to damage them too badly for the next girl.

You see, love is not always pretty. One of my aunts, your great-aunt Juliet, who was very pretty in her day, you look a lot like her, you know, she had a whole pack of buzzin flies around her! When I visited, it was very impressive. Buzz, buzz, buzz. They were always drivin by in the cars, on their bicycles, callin her up on the phone.

(She smiles, can see the time.)

Anyhow, she had a boy who was just crazy about her. He had read some foolish play in a high school class, something by that annoyin Shakespeare fellow, and he would come over -and it would still be the middle of the night mind you! - and do the lines from it......(imitates Romeo)

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?

It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,

And then he would try to climb up to her room, and she would be a gigglin away, because she thought it was so funny, and it was, until one night, after he had gotten almost to her room, her Daddy stuck a rifle out the window yellin at him to go home....and that poor boy was so scared, he fell down and broke his leg.

Which never healed properly, so he limped his whole life. In the long run, it worked out because he didn't get drafted, and out of his whole high school graduatin class, he was the only boy who survived the war in his town. All 16 died - two in the air, and most on Normandy Beach.

So I guess the moral turns out to be, that.....(thinks) I have absolutely no idea what the moral is here. Pretty silly, huh?

Wait, did I say...pri......tea. I think I can live with that as the title. Pretty...pre-tea....I can stretch it, just like they stretch the truth in those commercials.

(She holds out her hand, and then starts to exit)

Now let's see what we can find in my closet that will help you get all...pri...tea....

(She exits, end of scene)

-------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8