Monologue Mania: Monologue Mania Day # 1792-1793-1794 Cell Phone of the Month by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan. 20, 21, 22, 2019

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Monologue Mania Day # 1792-1793-1794 Cell Phone of the Month by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan. 20, 21, 22, 2019

CELL PHONE OF THE MONTH
by Janet S. Tiger ©

A true story…….

Setting

Cell phone store outside

Characters

MRS. SUMMER – older, nicely dressed

KEITH – 20s, T-shirt with phone company name on it, hat

Time

Now, very now

(MRS. SUMMER -older, dressed nicely -comes out of phone store. The young man – Keith, in his 20s, beanie cap, T-shirt, is closing the door, smiling. She is holding phone, talking)

MRS. SUMMER - Thank you! I really appreciate your help, I mean this is the third bad phone

from your company, but you have been very nice, and I’m sure that this time is the lucky one!

KEITH – We are happy to help you in any way!

MRS. SUMMER - I know, you stayed open an extra 10 minutes just for me! Now, just to be

clear, this is guaranteed for another year, right?

KEITH – As long as you don’t submerge the phone, drop it from higher than 4 feet, or put it in

the microwave!

MRS. SUMMER - I think I can still never do those things….

KEITH - Well, thank you again for your patronage for….(looks at his clipboard)…the last 15

years.

MRS. SUMMER - Bye!

(The phone rings, she waves and takes the call as he locks the door behind her.)

MRS. SUMMER - Honey! It works! I can hear you perfectly…..What? (Louder) Can you

hear me now?

(She looks at the phone and starts pushing buttons)

MRS. SUMMER - Maybe I pushed something…..can you hear me now? Great? What? Now I

can’t hear you! (Shakes phone, listens) What happened? Where’d you go?

(Punches in number, listens)

MRS. SUMMER - No network available? I’m standing outside your damned store, what the

hell do you mean, no network available?

(She turns around and tries to get the attention of the young man)

MRS. SUMMER - Hey, you, mister! (She looks at the paper) You, Keith! I can see you! The

phone is not working!

(He pretends not to see her, then she knocks on the door, louder, until he finally –very reluctantly – comes to the door, and opens it a crack)

KEITH - I’m sorry, but we’re closed now.

MRS. SUMMER – I know you’re closed! I was the last customer! I was here for two hours

while you tried to straighten up the mess that is my phone! And it worked while I was in the store, BUT NOW IT HAS STOPPED WORKING!

KEITH – (Too calm) I can see you’re frustrated….

MRS. SUMMER - Really? What gave you that clue? The steam coming out of my ears?

KEITH - What seems to be the problem now?

MRS. SUMMER - Seems to be? Seems to be? What seems to be is that your NEW phone has

the same problems the old phone did! It DOES NOT WORK!

KEITH - (Doesn’t want to do this) I can’t let you in the store, we’ve locked up the

MRS. SUMMER – (Looking around) Is this a dream? One of those bad dreams I get when the

phone acts extra weird? Can you pinch me?

KEITH - I’m sorry, but we are not allowed to touch our customers…..just their phones…..

(She hands the phone to him, and he punches the buttons)

MRS. SUMMER - You see, not working!

(Keith takes the phone and pokes at it)

MRS. SUMMER - (Getting more and more angry) You promised! You said it was okay! I am

hungry and tired and I want to go home! This is insane….you know, in that movie Terminator, they have the computers taking over the world….but maybe, maybe they have already! Maybe….maybe you’re a part of it….AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

(She backs away from him and runs off, horrified. He watches her, then realizes he has her phone)

KEITH - Wait, I have your…..

(Shakes his head)

KEITH – (As Schwarzenegger would sound) You’ll be back!.....

(He laughs, looks around, then, he takes out his phone, which looks a bit different and puts his tongue on it.)

KEITH - Yeah, it’s me…….another one over the edge…..that’s the plan…..

(He now removes the hat he has on and we see on his head……antenna. He laughs as he exits)

KEITH – One at a time…..that’s all it takes……

(The end…….. of our civilization as we know it)

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