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Monologue Mania Day #1775-1776-1777-1778-1779-1780 The Biggest Secrets (House 1) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan. 2-3-4-5-6-7, 2019
The Biggest Secrets
(One of the characters - this could change nightly- will come forward and look out into the audience )
You have a secret.
(Turns quickly and points to another person)
And so do you!
(Twirls pointing the whole time)
And you and you and you!
(Points both hands towards themselves)
And so do I!
And the great thing about a secret is......if you keep it long enough.....it's almost like a friend.
Even if it's a bad secret. Which most secrets are. The big ones that is......and that's what tonight is about......while you are watching this......I want you to be thinking.....about secrets......
(Turns to leave, stops, looks back)
..........about your secret......
(Lights blackout, then come up on a simple set - a couple of chairs, two purses by the chairs, and a paper bag. But there is also a sense of an emptied house - a place that was once filled that is now very empty. Moving empty.
RITA
enters, she is in her 50s and has the look of 'what have I forgotten?' that you
see on people who are moving. She
takes a deep sigh and surveys the emptiness, starting to sniff a little.)
RITA – I remember the first day we walked in here, it felt like home. The people who lived here were very nice...what were their names? (Thinks) Can't remember. But he told us a joke about birds....(thinking) two crows are sitting on a fence watching a jet fighter fly and the first crow says "I wish I could fly like that." The second crow says, "If you had two butts and both of them were on fire, you could." (Laughs) and I remember thinking it was a good sign to laugh in a new house. (Sighs again) Fifty years. Where does it go? Speaking of where does it go....Mom! (Listens, then louder, maybe a touch of worry) MOMMMMM!
(We hear a voice offstage, followed by rustling.)
RITA – I remember the first day we walked in here, it felt like home. The people who lived here were very nice...what were their names? (Thinks) Can't remember. But he told us a joke about birds....(thinking) two crows are sitting on a fence watching a jet fighter fly and the first crow says "I wish I could fly like that." The second crow says, "If you had two butts and both of them were on fire, you could." (Laughs) and I remember thinking it was a good sign to laugh in a new house. (Sighs again) Fifty years. Where does it go? Speaking of where does it go....Mom! (Listens, then louder, maybe a touch of worry) MOMMMMM!
(We hear a voice offstage, followed by rustling.)
ALLISON - I'm coming!
Hold your horses!
(A woman comes into sight, this is Allison, Rita's mother, and she is wearing a
large, old, decrepit hat.)
RITA - What is that?
ALLISON - I found it in that
closet behind the back room!
RITA - Why doesn't that
surprise me....
ALLISON - I used to wear this
at the beach! Do you remember it!
RITA - How could I
forget? It's only been in there for 40 years......Mom, there are probably
spiders in that!
(She takes the hat off her mother's head and shakes it with a cloud of dust
coming out.)
RITA - Great! Now I have to
sweep that up!
ALLISON - I'm not afraid of
spiders! You know that - your sister is the one who
hates spiders....
RITA- (A little weary)
Yes, Mom.
ALLISON - I think that's why
she wouldn't help me move....
RITA - Ya think?
ALLISON - You're such a good girl,
Rita, I appreciate how you've helped with all this.....
RITA - (Embarrassed, something on
her mind) No problem, Mom
(Allison
is quick to sense something below the surface, she now looks sharply at her
daughter)
ALLISON - What's wrong?
RITA - (Almost like a child
who is hiding something) Nothing...
ALLISON - You always got that look
on your face when you were trying to hide something from me and your father. Well,
mostly me, because you could send a tank in front of your father before he noticed anything. But I can tell,
what is the problem?
RITA- No worries......
ALLISON - (Stops her) I hate
that expression! Of course there are worries! The person who said that first should be shot! Then
they'd have no worries!
RITA - (Laughs in spite of
herself) Ma!
ALLISON - Well, it's true!
RITA - (Sighs) Okay,
there is something .....
ALLISON - (Triumphant) I
knew it!
RITA - It's...hard to tell you....
ALLISON - (Worried) Is
it the boys? Are they ok?
RITA - The twins are
fine....Jody is fine.....Eric is fine, everybody's fine!
ALLISON- Well, that's all that
counts...you know that's what I always say!
RITA - (Hard to do) That's
true.......I guess, well, I know how you are about secrets...
ALLISON - That's because.......I am ……
RITA and ALLISON -
…..Allison! ...the bearer of
truth.
ALLISON- I hate secrets!
What's so awful you couldn't tell me? Oh, let me guess...
RITA - Don't do that....
ALLISON - You were pregnant
when you and Eric got married....
RITA- Ma!
ALLISON - Everyone knew - no
premature baby is born weighing 8 pounds 6 ounces!
RITA - Ma, that was no secret
- it was 1983! Eric and I were living together for two years!
ALLISON - I always liked to think
you had separate bedrooms.
RITA - You walked in on us once!
ALLISON - (Shuddering)
Why do you have to remind me of that!
RITA - (Amazed) I didn't
bring it up!
ALLISON - So what's the big
secret then? (Thinks, then eyes light up) Wait a minute, is it that
your cousin Terry is gay?
RITA - Everyone knew Terry was
gay from when he was four years old and knew all the words
to Funny Girl! No, Mom, it's
something closer to...home....
ALLISON - (A little concerned)
When you were cleaning up, did you find something your
father hid? Did he have
a secret girlfriend? I would find that hard to believe as he never got
off the couch.......
RITA - No hidden love letters,
no surprise children....
ALLISON - You never know,
still waters run deep...when Edith's husband died she found out
he'd had an affair with her hairdresser, can you believe
that? Edith always wondered why Dan encouraged her to give such big tips
when she got her hair done.....
RITA - (Takes a deep breath) Boy, this is harder
than I thought....
ALLISON- (suddenly
horrified) Oh, my God! I know what it is! You’re going to put
me in a
home!
RITA- (Tries to interrupt, but it’s
like trying to stop a tsunami) But Mom, that’s crazy……
ALLISON- You've been planning
this for the last year with your brother and sister! I should
have
known! And I believed you! I believed you were getting that
place in back ready for me, but you're going to rent it out and put me away in
that awful place! How could you do this to me!
RITA - That's not it, Mom....
ALLISON - (Looking
around) But you can't make me leave!
RITA- Mom, the house is sold!
ALLISON - I could just stay
here....in a closet!
RITA - Listen to me.....
ALLISON - I've been a good
mother...all right a little messy......
(Rita grabs her Mom's hands and stops her, making her listen.)
RITA - YOU ARE NOT GOING TO A
HOME! THE SECRET IS NOT ABOUT WHERE
YOU ARE GOING, BUT WHAT WILL BE THERE WHEN YOU GET TO MY
HOUSE!
(This stuns Allison and makes her sit down.)
ALLISON - What the hell is
that supposed to mean?
RITA - (Getting upset)
It means that .....(deep breath)....all the junk you wanted me to save....is
gone!
(Allison stares for a moment, trying to digest this news.)
ALLISON - (Stunned) All
my things, my furniture,....(Horrified) ...the photos!
RITA - (Now Rita is horrified)
Not your furniture, Mom! That's all there!
ALLISON - Even the piano?
RITA - Yes, even the
piano.....(to herself) ...even though you haven't played it in 30
years....
ALLISON - Then what is going
on? What did you throw out that is so damned important?
(Rita picks up a bag and shakes it at her mother.)
RITA - All of this......(hard
not to curse)
ALLISON - (Confused) You
mean .......
RITA - (Getting
stronger) Yes, I mean all of the things you have saved and told me to put
into storage that are just plain (savors the word) JUNK!
ALLISON - (starting to grasp what is
going on) But where are they?
RITA - In junk heaven.
ALLISON - All of the...
RITA - (Builds to a
crescendo) That's right, Mom, all of the boxes and boxes of plastic containers that you so lovingly
washed and stored to be given to the nursery school! All of the envelopes you saved from all of the
bills you received that you counted and put into
rubber bands and stacked for the children to learn to write on! All of
the paper towel rolls that were to be
used by the teachers! Every single twist and tie that you collected that could be used in the garden! It
is all gone! All of it! GONE!
(The following is done quickly as Allison looks through the brown bag and shows
the items
to Rita)
ALLISON- All of the green plastic
baskets from the strawberries that grocers don’t use
anymore?
RITA – (Calm) Gone.
ALLISON – And the magazines?
RITA –(Smiling) Gone.
ALLISON- (Sad) The glass
jars from the English jam….the ones with the pretty flowers?
RITA – (Happy) Gone!
ALLISON - (She lets the word sink
in) So where did they go?
RITA - I threw them all
out!
(Allison
throws up her hands in horror!)
ALLISON - Didn't I teach you better
than that! What about our landfills….
RITA – To the DAV, and into the
recycler and into the garbage and when you live at my
house you will not be saving
anything! And when you go to your class at the gym and bring
home all the towels and jackets and (shudders) underpants…..the DAV will be getting them every month! No,
every week! (As if to a child) Do you understand?
ALLISON - You always had that
streak of Hitler, didn't you?
RITA - (Sighing deeply) I feel
better.
ALLISON - So what was the big deal
about telling me?
(Rita is stunned by this and just stares at her mother.)
ALLISON – That was the big
secret? You have no idea of what a good secret is! Your grandmother and grandfather were
divorced for 16 years and never told us children – now that’s a secret! Aunt Hilda and that stupid son of hers Ralph
won the lottery and never told anyone in
the family – we only found out when they both died in that auto crash that they were rich and didn’t need the money we
sent every month! Now there’s a secret! Did you think I’d be upset? Didn’t I always
teach you children that things aren’t as important
as people?
(Rita nods, then thinks.)
RITA - (Amazed) Then why
did you save all that crap?
ALLISON - It gave me something
to do.
(Rita
starts laughing, we can see she’s thinking about all that she had
to do involving the junk.)
ALLISON – I can’t believe you were
so worried about telling me this!
(Rita laughs harder)
ALLISON – I guess we can never
understand our children. Do you want to
know a secret?
RITA – Do I?
ALLISON – I knew.
RITA - You knew what?
ALLISON – That you were…..how can I
say it politely? Discarding my carefully
saved items.
RITA – (Stunned) Are you joking?
ALLISON – One night, you forgot one
of the bags, and it had some important coupons in it that I
knew you used, you know the ones
from Kentucky Fried Chicken.
RITA – Eric loves the colonel’s
breasts!
ALLISON – So I followed you in my
car back to your house…..
RITA – Why didn’t you just call me
on my cell phone?
ALLISON – I can’t remember the
number for that! Anyhow, I was down the
street and I saw
you taking items from your car and
dumping them directly into the garbage pail.
RITA – Oh, my God!
ALLISON – So I kind of knew.
RITA – (Apologetic) I only threw out the things I couldn’t
recycle, like the plastic holders from
the fruit. Nobody wanted them! I tried!
ALLISON – What about the nursery
school? (Laying on the guilt) That’s where you TOLD me
you were dropping them off for the
kids!
RITA - I did! For years, I did! Really!
But then they caught me…..
ALLISON – Caught you?
RITA – Yeah, originally, when Jody
was going there, they said they could use stuff like that, but
then after she was …older….I would just drop the items off
when it was closed. But one day the
principal was there and she said all they did was throw out most of the junk,
so I shouldn’t bring any more.
ALLISON - It must’ve been sad….
RITA – That’s not the word I was
thinking of….(Gets a funny look, remembering the drop offs)
Wait a minute, Jody has two kids of her own! It’s been a long time - So why didn’t you tell me before?
ALLISON – (Deep breath) Because it was nice to see you every week.
RITA – (Chuckles) You know, we could have just gone to lunch
together every week, like most
daughters
and mothers do….
ALLISON – No, they don’t. And didn’t we have some good times when you
came and I showed you all the goodies I got from the gym?
RITA – We did….and now, we can have
lunch together every day if you want.
ALLISON – I may be looking forward
to that…..are you sure you didn’t throw out the stuff from
the gym?
RITA – Every piece to Goodwill or
DAV…….
ALLISON – Positive?
RITA – (Starting to get
irritated) Ma!
(There is the noise of a large truck outside.)
RITA - That must be the
cleaners - I think it’s time to go…
ALLISON - Maybe I should take
one last look....maybe I left something in one of the drawers…
RITA – (Annoyed) Ma! I
went through all the drawers! Here’s the
junk…stuff I found…
(She
starts to rummage in the brown bag.)
RITA – Look, a brochure from the
Tibetan Society for Earthworm Rescue…
ALLISON – (Brightens) Such lovely people!
RITA – It’s from 1992! You don’t know if it even exists
anymore! It’s garbage!
(Allison
goes to grab it from her)
ALLISON – I can give to Mr.
Tedley - he can roll it up and light his
barbeque with it…
RITA – And here’s a great Woman’s
Home Journal magazine……
ALLISON – That’ll be worth a lot….
RITA – When, in a hundred years?
ALLISON – And what’s this?
RITA – That’s the (pronounces it
with gusto) ‘pee-ess day la resistahnce’
(She pulls
out a fancy toothpick and holds it out to her mother. Her mother examines it closely.)
ALLISON – (Misting up a little) I know what that is – it’s from your wedding,
the prime rib was so delicious
your father saved this as a memory.
RITA – (In shock) Daddy saved this! Impossible!
It still has food particles on it!
ALLISON – Well, if that’s the way
you feel about it, maybe I do have to check one more time…
(Rita watches as Allison
goes over and starts pulling out drawers.
She turns to the audience.)
RITA – This has been a fairly
lightweight story until now – for those who prefer not to hear a dark theme inserted,
please cover your ears until I wave my hand in the air. It’s only a few minutes, and the playwright considers
it necessary for some unknown reason. And one
last thing - please remember
not to tell the playwright’s mother anything about this play-especially this part!
Thank you.
(Rita
now turns back towards her mother, who is still digging into the drawers.)
RITA – Be careful, Mom – God only
knows what’s crawling around in there!
ALLISON – Nothing….
(She
starts to pull her hand out, and then stops….)
ALLISON - Something….
(She
removes her hand and she is holding something that jingles.)
RITA – If it isn’t the key to a
safety box with a million dollars, leave it!
(Allison
dangles the object in front of Rita)
RITA – (Smiling) Oh, my God, it’s…..it’s a bunch of old
keys! Just what we need!
ALLISON – (Remembering something)
Look at the attachment…
(She
forces Rita to look and now Rita is starting to recognize the item.)
RITA
- I made that key holder doohickey for you when I was in
kindergarten…..for Mother’s
Day, right after we moved in here!
ALLISON – It was a good luck charm…
RITA - Well, it served well and now it’s time to
throw it out….the moths have had a nice meal of
it and I think the car is gone, too…..was that the old Ford?
ALLISON - No, the Chevy wagon…..
RITA – The one you used to use the
old umbrella to get us to be good on long trips …we’d hide in the back, by the window, but
that umbrella must’ve been eight feet long!
(She laughs, seeing the
memory. Then she remembers something
else.) You and Daddy had a huge fight over these keys! I remember that day! I thought you were going to kill each other!
(Allison
does remember, but it is more painful.)
RITA - (Sifting through memories) Where were you
going?
ALLISON - To the airport.
RITA – That’s right! Dad never could find his keys anyhow, and
that was the only time I ever remember
you losing your keys! You even told him
not to call a cab, or a neighbor, you would
find them. It was amazing – we had just finished unpacking and you took everything
out of the drawers.
(Rita
goes to a side and reaches up.)
RITA - That’s when Daddy put in the hooks for the
keys….I don’t think he lost them again…
ALLISON - That’s why your brother was born…
RITA – Please, Ma, I do not want
to hear about that…..
ALLISON - I was already pregnant with your brother…
RITA - But then……
(The
reality starts to dawn on her and she comes back to look at her mother.)
RITA – (Quiet) Where were you going that day?
ALLISON - Does it matter?
RITA - Since
you made sure you found those keys…I think it does.
ALLISON – (Hard to say, but necessary) I was going…to another state…for an operation…
RITA – (Surprised at the
euphemism) An operation?
ALLISON – I did not want to have
another child. We had just moved, your
father’s parents had just been killed
in that car crash, you two were young, the
house was a lot of work….and your
father’s job was not that secure in those days… I had tried to find someone
local, but they were all…..how can I
put it politely…butchers, so I got the name of someone from a friend, Sophia, I don’t know if you remember her….
RITA – The one married to the guy
who owns that big electronics chain?
ALLISON – That’s the one. She knew a lot of people who could afford...a real doctor. That’s why
he was out-of-state…reporters couldn’t track down the stars when they went for this type of thing. Remember, it wasn’t legal then….
RITA - (Surprised)
And Daddy went along with this?
ALLISON - He didn’t have much choice – I had tried
some….home remedies and ....he was afraid I’d
hurt myself and then he’d have two kids on his hands. So we’d made all the arrangements, and I’d packed and …
RITA - And you were going to drive us over to my
friend….what was her name?
ALLISON – Valerie….
RITA – And because you were fighting
so much, we were late, and you hit the traffic from the game….
ALLISON –(very affected by
this) And I missed the plane…..as we drove
up the airport, we saw it fly
over our heads. I….I felt it was a sign.
(Rita
looks around as if seeing the house for the first time.)
RITA – So there’s still secrets
here…I guess no matter how empty, a house still holds its secrets.
ALLISON - It’s not the house that holds them, it’s our
hearts.
(They
hug then pull apart.)
ALLISON –I never once regretted my
decision. And I love your brother very
much, just like you girls, but I
appreciate your not telling him about this – he hates me enough as it is..
RITA – (Laughs) Mom!
He doesn’t hate you…he’s still mad that you saved everything but threw out his old
T-shirt collection! Especially his
Metallica T-shirt….
ALLISON - It was a pile of junk!
RITA – (More serious) Mom, thanks
for telling me this – it clears up a lot of stuff..
(Rita
lifts up her arm and waves at the audience.)
RITA - All clear!
(She
turns back to her mother.)
ALLISON - I’m glad!
(Gets an idea) Maybe there’s
something else…
(She gets up to go to the back of the house and Rita grabs her arm.)
RITA - It's enough.....I don't
think I can handle any more.....
(She holds up the hat - it sheds dust again.)
RITA - Discoveries.....
ALLISON - If you insist...
RITA - I insist.
(They
gather their purses, etc. to go, and Rita takes one last look at the house,
then turns to her Mom, who is also affected.)
ALLISON - (Upset) Rita, when you threw everything away, by any chance did you also throw
away......the.....(chokes up)
RITA - Mom, I know what you
are talking about....I would never throw away something you truly love so much....
(She
reaches into her purse and takes out a very ugly item with a part that has been
broken off - Allison takes it and looks at it with loving eyes.)
ALLISON - Oh, honey......(gives
her a deep, loving smile)......this is the wrong one.......
(Rita grabs her head and starts to shake it in desperation. Now Allison
starts to laugh.)
ALLISON - I'm only kidding,
sorry.......this is my favorite bird…..
(Allison
starts to laugh with Rita and they walk out, arm in arm. They turn to
look at the house one last time.)
ALLISON - You know, Rita, even
though I'm still very angry I have to be honest, I'm glad you threw it all out.
RITA - (Surprised)
Really?
ALLISON - (Takes a deep
breath) No, but I thought you might like to hear me say that.
(As they exit we hear...)
RITA - (Smiling) Oh, ma.....
ALLISON - Besides, I can
always get more twist 'n ties at the market. Now those green baskets,
those I'm
gonna miss......oh, wait....maybe I have a few in this bag.....
(Lights out, end of Act 1.)
Act 2 will arrive in a couple of days.
----------------------------------------
* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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