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Monologue Mania Day # 106 by Janet S. Tiger Into Every Life (c) May 29, 2014
(An older woman comes onstage, she is waving a handful of keys on assorted rings.)
Locked Out! Of course I know that I have been locked out ten times in the last month - for heaven's sake, I was the one locked out!
All of you think I am going senile- and maybe I am, who knows? But I believe....
(She leans over conspiratorilly)
............these keys are actually cursed!
I have no idea by whom, of course, but why else would they disappear? There is no other logical explanation!
Even now, when I keep three sets outside - just in case- they still disappear. Of course I realize that the unfortunate thing, is that when I use a set, I often forget to replace it in its hiding place outside! This way, when I get locked out again, I go crazy looking for a set of keys that isn't there in the first place...or maybe it's in the second place......ooh, this is confusing!
(She holds the keys up to her ears)
I was thinking of having earrings made with them - don't laugh, I've seen bigger earrings on the young people! Maybe I'd start a new fad, who knows? But I decided it wasn't a good idea, because if I lost the keys, my head would go with it, and losing my marbles is hard enough, what would I do if I misplaced my head?
(Shakes her head, annoyed)
All right, I will try not to joke about it. I realize it is rough for you to come running and make new keys every time this happens. But at least we have keys....
(She looks off, she is remembering)
When I was twelve, it was the middle of the depression, and my father was dead, and it was hard for my mother to get enough work as a seamstress to pay all the bills. So....we had to move a lot, and one time, they actually locked us out. We came back to our apartment, and all our things were on the street. Everything. Even my box of underwear - we didn't have dressers, it was too hard to move, so we had boxes. the keys didn't work, and one of the neighbors told us what had happened.
The funny thing is, I thought it was kind of fun, exciting in a way, new - but perhaps that is the difference between twelve and 86!
So I suppose - in some strange way - that is why, my dear children, I am so odd about keys. And why I give to every charity for the homeless, and why I hope you understand that......I am ready to give up my keys.
(Listens, takes a deep breath)
I know you're all happy. Now you can fight about who gets crazy old me.......this is not an easy decision, but I think, based on this last time, when I almost fell out of the window breaking into my own place, and the police had to help me when I got stuck there........it is time.
So......here they are......all of them.......
(She drops the keys on the floor)
I only keep one key........
(She clasps her hands over her chest)
The key to my heart - and that, one, my dear children, you already have all the copies.
(She turns to leave, picks up the keys, looks at them, then walks off, head high.)
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8