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Monologue Mania Day # 1827 -1828-1829-1830-1831-1832-1833 Tales From the Crib (a one-act) by Janet S. Tiger (c) for Feb. 25, 26, 27, 28, March 1, 2, 3, 2019
Catching up - this is a 7 page play - so this post will be for Feb. 25- March 3, 2019 ....In my mind, I am now officially caught up- if you count one page a day as one monologue a day......thanks for understanding!
Catching up - this is a 7 page play - so this post will be for Feb. 25- March 3, 2019 ....In my mind, I am now officially caught up- if you count one page a day as one monologue a day......thanks for understanding!
THE CRIB
(The stage is simple - a room with a bookcase, a window, a chair, a changing table and ....a crib. The light is bluish, it is still night, although almost morning. It is a large crib, because in it, is a full grown man, wearing a suit and tie. He is just waking up. And he is looking around.)
MAN - This is interesting. I must have had a dream, because I'm not sure where I am. Maybe I'm still in the dream.
(He looks around some more, examining where he is.)
MAN- I think, I must be in a bed. Maybe.....it's just so large. Ooh, I have to go to the bathroom.
(He tries to get out of the crib, but cannot stand.)
MAN- Help! Someone help me! I have to get to the bathroom.
(He tries to roll over, but even that is hard. He hits the bars on the crib)
MAN - Where am I? Is this still the dream? Someone get in here - I need to go to the bathroom!
(The door opens and a younger woman comes in, fastening her robe, her hair a little mussed - she just woke up)
WOMAN -- I came as fast as I could, honeybunch! What's the matter?
MAN - What's the matter? I just told you - I have to go to the bathroom! What are you, deaf?
(The lights now change color to a yellowish and we hear a baby crying. The mother leans over into the crib and tenderly touches the man's face.)
WOMAN - Did you have a good night? You slept very well after the last feeding.
(The lights now strobe from the yellow to blue as the night fights to stay.)
MAN- Who the hell are you- and what the hell are you talking about? I had a terrible night and a terrible dream and now I - let me say this very loudly- I HAVE TO GO PEE! (Takes a deep sniff) But you do smell good, mmmmm....
(The lights go yellow and we -and the woman - hear crying, with a cadence that ends very loudly and insistently, and tapers off - she now lifts the 'baby' out of the crib. We see her holding a ‘baby’ – can be a doll or pretend - and there is a sniffling noise and the crying calms to baby chatter.)
WOMAN - Oh, honey, I wish I could understand what you are saying!
(The lights are faintly blue.)
MAN- Why can't you? I'm speaking English! I'm a college graduate with a Masters in philosophy - with my dissertation having been published and received to great acclaim. It concerned t he......I don't think you would understand, would you.......the something or other of the Ancient World! I can't recall the exact title. (Deep sigh) Mmm, you do smell good.
(He raises his arms, looks up.)
MAN - And stop with those damn lights! I get it - she doesn't understand me when the yellow light is on. And the blue light is getting fainter.....
WOMAN - Do you want me to change your diaper?
MAN - (Quieter) Let me say it again - I have to go to the bathrooom. It is the morning and I have a desperate need to urinate! To relieve myself...to PEE!
(The lights switch again, although now they are blending and a green is appearing. We hear the gentle crying building to a loud cry. The woman reaches into the baby's diaper. The man is horrified.)
MAN - Oh, don't do that, puhlease don't do that!
WOMAN - You're dry....
MAN- Not for long......oh, no!
WOMAN - I'll check later...
MAN - Check now! I just went, you idiot! Oh, that's not good, it's wet, but at least it's warm.....
WOMAN - You do love to eat…..maybe you're hungry again.....
MAN - No, I'm not.....I'm wet, you colossal fool....
WOMAN - So, maybe we'll give you something to eat....
(She sits down and prepares to nurse the 'baby')
MAN - Don't do that, please, it's just not right!
(The crying returns and the mother is insistent.)
WOMAN - You're a feisty one, aren't you? Always an argument....maybe you'll be a lawyer one day.
MAN - God forbid! Stop that...I told you I'm not.....mmmm, what is that? That's awfully tasty stuff. So sweet! I love it! I may not be hungry, but I'll take it!
(The crying stops and the green light is now on.)
MAN - What is it with these lights? Is this supposed to mean things are changing? Mmmmm. that is nice. I could almost go back to sleep, but...I'm wet, and I have so much to do! Is this the way it all starts? I must write it down!
(He looks at his hands, then at 'himself'' nursing.)
MAN- (Contemplative, not angry) I can't make them work right yet...how long will that take? Do they have a typewriter? No, they might have a computer, is that the age I'm in? That's a good question.... where am I? (He thinks for a moment) Better question - who am I? That question reminds me of something - If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when? ...Hey, that's pretty good! I must be smart! I'm gonna write that down.... as soon as I can get my hands on a pen and paper......
(The light switches and we hear the woman)
WOMAN - That's better, isn't it? Oh, how I wish you could speak and tell me what you want. I always knew this part would be a little frustrating, because I did babysit, but it's different when it's your own baby, right? (Laughs) Like you could understand this?
(He turns his attention to the woman, who continues cooing to the baby)
MAN - Was she speaking to me? Was I listening? (A revelation) Is this how the misunderstandings begin between men and women? Another brilliant thought. Where the hell is a pen when you need it? Wait a minute...is that one on the table over there?
(The woman jumps a little.)
WOMAN - Are you done already? That was fast...what are you looking at over there?
(She carries the baby to the desk.)
MAN- There it is, a pen...and some paper! Ooh, just let me at it!
(The woman picks up a stuffed animal and hands it to the baby.)
WOMAN - I knew it! You can't live without this beddy tare.
MAN - (Calm) I said very clearly and succinctly - I want the pen and a piece of damned paper. (Thinks) Beddy tare? Is that how you talk to me? It's a wonder I can understand anything.
(We hear googling baby noises and the woman laughs.)
WOMAN - Can you say, 'Ma Ma'?
MAN - Oh, my God, is this my...mother? Mama, is that you? I don't remember you like this....
(We hear sounds like an mmmmmmmm)
WOMAN - (Excited) That's great, you almost said it!
MAN- My mother was much older, and had gray hair. And she was much heavier......this woman is...beautiful....
(Really looks at her)
MAN - She is so beautiful...and she smells so good. It feels nice just to be near her.
MAN _ (Surprised) I do feel better. That feels great! Her hands are so warm... and what is that smooth stuff...it's heaven....What am I saying.....oh, my God, this is like....what's the analogy I'm looking for....
(He struggles to remember as we hear the baby cooing and the mother laughing)
MAN- I can remember...everything is fading out......it's like.....Dante's Inferno! There, I remembered!
MAN- (Struggles to say the words) Bedddy Tahhrre.......
WOMAN - (Surprised, then smiles) Beddy tare- that's what you used to call it when I was a little girl. You said your mother would call it a beddy tare....I know you're in there, Dad. You always helped me, even through those really bad years….. we'll wait for you...that’s what you taught me….that’s what family’s for…..
(She hugs him and he hugs her back.)
WOMAN - And you'll get back to the restaurant....everyone is asking about you.....We have a new motto- Joey thought it up. Eat at Dante's......Our food is (says it slowly).. devilishly good....
MAN - (Tries to laugh) Smahhhhr…. Bo….....
WOMAN -- Did you say...'smart boy?'
(He nods)
WOMAN - I know you're in there....we'll wait until you come back.....as long as you need.
(He stands up slowly, leaning on her.)
WOMAN - Do you have to go to the bathroom?
(He turns to the audience.)
MAN - Now she asks me.
(He turns back to her.)
MAN - (Struggling) Tired....
WOMAN - Let me help you......remember when I was a little girl and you used to tell me and Teddy those great stories?
(He nods, struggles to remove his pants, she helps him. He is embarrassed, but has no choice)
WOMAN - Now I tell them to my kids.....here you go....
(She helps him lie down in the crib and he holds the bear close.)
WOMAN - Have a good sleep, Dad. I'll see you tomorrow.
(She exits and he turns to watch her leave.)
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) Feb. 3, 2013 all rights reserved
CHARACTERS-
(in order of appearance)
MAN -
adult, throughout
MOTHER
- adult, throughout
SETTING
- Simple, a room with a crib
This
piece has great room for creative costuming as well as sound and lighting
effects.
(The stage is simple - a room with a bookcase, a window, a chair, a changing table and ....a crib. The light is bluish, it is still night, although almost morning. It is a large crib, because in it, is a full grown man, wearing a suit and tie. He is just waking up. And he is looking around.)
MAN - This is interesting. I must have had a dream, because I'm not sure where I am. Maybe I'm still in the dream.
(He looks around some more, examining where he is.)
MAN- I think, I must be in a bed. Maybe.....it's just so large. Ooh, I have to go to the bathroom.
(He tries to get out of the crib, but cannot stand.)
MAN- Help! Someone help me! I have to get to the bathroom.
(He tries to roll over, but even that is hard. He hits the bars on the crib)
MAN - Where am I? Is this still the dream? Someone get in here - I need to go to the bathroom!
(The door opens and a younger woman comes in, fastening her robe, her hair a little mussed - she just woke up)
WOMAN -- I came as fast as I could, honeybunch! What's the matter?
MAN - What's the matter? I just told you - I have to go to the bathroom! What are you, deaf?
(The lights now change color to a yellowish and we hear a baby crying. The mother leans over into the crib and tenderly touches the man's face.)
WOMAN - Did you have a good night? You slept very well after the last feeding.
(The lights now strobe from the yellow to blue as the night fights to stay.)
MAN- Who the hell are you- and what the hell are you talking about? I had a terrible night and a terrible dream and now I - let me say this very loudly- I HAVE TO GO PEE! (Takes a deep sniff) But you do smell good, mmmmm....
(The lights go yellow and we -and the woman - hear crying, with a cadence that ends very loudly and insistently, and tapers off - she now lifts the 'baby' out of the crib. We see her holding a ‘baby’ – can be a doll or pretend - and there is a sniffling noise and the crying calms to baby chatter.)
WOMAN - Oh, honey, I wish I could understand what you are saying!
(The lights are faintly blue.)
MAN- Why can't you? I'm speaking English! I'm a college graduate with a Masters in philosophy - with my dissertation having been published and received to great acclaim. It concerned t he......I don't think you would understand, would you.......the something or other of the Ancient World! I can't recall the exact title. (Deep sigh) Mmm, you do smell good.
(He raises his arms, looks up.)
MAN - And stop with those damn lights! I get it - she doesn't understand me when the yellow light is on. And the blue light is getting fainter.....
WOMAN - Do you want me to change your diaper?
MAN - (Quieter) Let me say it again - I have to go to the bathrooom. It is the morning and I have a desperate need to urinate! To relieve myself...to PEE!
(The lights switch again, although now they are blending and a green is appearing. We hear the gentle crying building to a loud cry. The woman reaches into the baby's diaper. The man is horrified.)
MAN - Oh, don't do that, puhlease don't do that!
WOMAN - You're dry....
MAN- Not for long......oh, no!
WOMAN - I'll check later...
MAN - Check now! I just went, you idiot! Oh, that's not good, it's wet, but at least it's warm.....
WOMAN - You do love to eat…..maybe you're hungry again.....
MAN - No, I'm not.....I'm wet, you colossal fool....
WOMAN - So, maybe we'll give you something to eat....
(She sits down and prepares to nurse the 'baby')
MAN - Don't do that, please, it's just not right!
(The crying returns and the mother is insistent.)
WOMAN - You're a feisty one, aren't you? Always an argument....maybe you'll be a lawyer one day.
MAN - God forbid! Stop that...I told you I'm not.....mmmm, what is that? That's awfully tasty stuff. So sweet! I love it! I may not be hungry, but I'll take it!
(The crying stops and the green light is now on.)
MAN - What is it with these lights? Is this supposed to mean things are changing? Mmmmm. that is nice. I could almost go back to sleep, but...I'm wet, and I have so much to do! Is this the way it all starts? I must write it down!
(He looks at his hands, then at 'himself'' nursing.)
MAN- (Contemplative, not angry) I can't make them work right yet...how long will that take? Do they have a typewriter? No, they might have a computer, is that the age I'm in? That's a good question.... where am I? (He thinks for a moment) Better question - who am I? That question reminds me of something - If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when? ...Hey, that's pretty good! I must be smart! I'm gonna write that down.... as soon as I can get my hands on a pen and paper......
(The light switches and we hear the woman)
WOMAN - That's better, isn't it? Oh, how I wish you could speak and tell me what you want. I always knew this part would be a little frustrating, because I did babysit, but it's different when it's your own baby, right? (Laughs) Like you could understand this?
(He turns his attention to the woman, who continues cooing to the baby)
MAN - Was she speaking to me? Was I listening? (A revelation) Is this how the misunderstandings begin between men and women? Another brilliant thought. Where the hell is a pen when you need it? Wait a minute...is that one on the table over there?
(The woman jumps a little.)
WOMAN - Are you done already? That was fast...what are you looking at over there?
(She carries the baby to the desk.)
MAN- There it is, a pen...and some paper! Ooh, just let me at it!
(The woman picks up a stuffed animal and hands it to the baby.)
WOMAN - I knew it! You can't live without this beddy tare.
MAN - (Calm) I said very clearly and succinctly - I want the pen and a piece of damned paper. (Thinks) Beddy tare? Is that how you talk to me? It's a wonder I can understand anything.
(We hear googling baby noises and the woman laughs.)
WOMAN - Can you say, 'Ma Ma'?
MAN - Oh, my God, is this my...mother? Mama, is that you? I don't remember you like this....
(We hear sounds like an mmmmmmmm)
WOMAN - (Excited) That's great, you almost said it!
MAN- My mother was much older, and had gray hair. And she was much heavier......this woman is...beautiful....
(Really looks at her)
MAN - She is so beautiful...and she smells so good. It feels nice just to be near her.
(The
lights change again, more like a kaleidoscope, then finish with normal light, as
the woman reaches into the baby's
diaper)
WOMAN - And I knew it! You are wet now!
MAN - Now you figure it out? I can't believe it, just when we were getting along so well!
(She takes the baby to the changing table where she starts to replace the diaper. The crying resumes full strength)
MAN - Please don't do this! I changed my mind, I don’t care if my diaper is wet…. Can't you get someone else? (Horrified) Anyone else!
(He is anguished, pulls off his tie in distress. The mother plays with the baby and works quickly.)
WOMAN - Isn't that better? It's not so bad to have a clean diaper? Don't you feel better now?
(The crying eases)
WOMAN - And I knew it! You are wet now!
MAN - Now you figure it out? I can't believe it, just when we were getting along so well!
(She takes the baby to the changing table where she starts to replace the diaper. The crying resumes full strength)
MAN - Please don't do this! I changed my mind, I don’t care if my diaper is wet…. Can't you get someone else? (Horrified) Anyone else!
(He is anguished, pulls off his tie in distress. The mother plays with the baby and works quickly.)
WOMAN - Isn't that better? It's not so bad to have a clean diaper? Don't you feel better now?
(The crying eases)
MAN _ (Surprised) I do feel better. That feels great! Her hands are so warm... and what is that smooth stuff...it's heaven....What am I saying.....oh, my God, this is like....what's the analogy I'm looking for....
(He struggles to remember as we hear the baby cooing and the mother laughing)
MAN- I can remember...everything is fading out......it's like.....Dante's Inferno! There, I remembered!
I have to keep
remembering......what was Dante's Inferno? Oh, I know... the seven stages of Hell....that's exactly what this is
like! The horror, the pain, the frustration,
the agony, the memories..... just
like the Inferno...(thinks for a moment, smiles)
only with sweet food and nice
smells......is this a weird purgatory? (thinks) no, it was nine circles, or seven....I can't remember.....Lust,
gluttony..... which one was forgetfulness....boy am I tired....
WOMAN - There, all better now....maybe you want to sleep a little more....
MAN - Sounds like a good idea.....I am tired, it's been a busy morning.....and I have so much to do, so much to learn.....
WOMAN - There, all better now....maybe you want to sleep a little more....
MAN - Sounds like a good idea.....I am tired, it's been a busy morning.....and I have so much to do, so much to learn.....
WOMAN - There you go...
(She puts the baby down and the man takes off his jacket and climbs in to go to sleep. She hums.)
MAN - I'm so very sleepy....
(The lights dim and we see the woman exit. The man stirs, he is slower, and one side works differently than the other.)
(She puts the baby down and the man takes off his jacket and climbs in to go to sleep. She hums.)
MAN - I'm so very sleepy....
(The lights dim and we see the woman exit. The man stirs, he is slower, and one side works differently than the other.)
MAN-
Why is it so damn hot in here?
(He
struggles to take off his shirt and then gets up and walks to the chair.)
MAN- What was I doing? Why did I walk over here to the table?
(The lights come up a little and he sits quietly. The door opens and a woman's head looks in.)
WOMAN - Dad? Are you awake?
(It is the same woman, only now she is older, greyer, heavier. Tired, but still smiling)
WOMAN - Dad? They said you had a good night, so maybe we could take a little walk today....
MAN - What is she saying? Is she talking to me? Another nurse?
(He turns to her.)
MAN - Who the hell are you?
(The lights change and she hears ……)
MAN - Wha the heeee izzzzzzzzsss?
WOMAN - It's good to see you, too, Dad. The speech therapy seems to be helping. They say a stroke is hard to get over at your age, but you're working hard, so maybe one day...
MAN - Shut up! I can't understand when you talk so fast!
(And she hears)
MAN - Shhhhhow! I cannnnnwhen youooooootalllllssssfssss.....
(He holds his head and shakes it)
WOMAN - (Holding back tears) I can't brings the kids again so fast, it's kind of upsetting for them.....
(She looks in the crib, picks up the doll)
WOMAN - There it is, I knew Toby left it somewhere.....
(The man makes a motion to get the doll from her, she gives it to him.)
MAN- What was I doing? Why did I walk over here to the table?
(The lights come up a little and he sits quietly. The door opens and a woman's head looks in.)
WOMAN - Dad? Are you awake?
(It is the same woman, only now she is older, greyer, heavier. Tired, but still smiling)
WOMAN - Dad? They said you had a good night, so maybe we could take a little walk today....
MAN - What is she saying? Is she talking to me? Another nurse?
(He turns to her.)
MAN - Who the hell are you?
(The lights change and she hears ……)
MAN - Wha the heeee izzzzzzzzsss?
WOMAN - It's good to see you, too, Dad. The speech therapy seems to be helping. They say a stroke is hard to get over at your age, but you're working hard, so maybe one day...
MAN - Shut up! I can't understand when you talk so fast!
(And she hears)
MAN - Shhhhhow! I cannnnnwhen youooooootalllllssssfssss.....
(He holds his head and shakes it)
WOMAN - (Holding back tears) I can't brings the kids again so fast, it's kind of upsetting for them.....
(She looks in the crib, picks up the doll)
WOMAN - There it is, I knew Toby left it somewhere.....
(The man makes a motion to get the doll from her, she gives it to him.)
WOMAN - If you need it, you can
have it until we comes back to visit- I'll tell him you need it sleep better. He'll understand.
MAN- (Struggles to say the words) Bedddy Tahhrre.......
WOMAN - (Surprised, then smiles) Beddy tare- that's what you used to call it when I was a little girl. You said your mother would call it a beddy tare....I know you're in there, Dad. You always helped me, even through those really bad years….. we'll wait for you...that’s what you taught me….that’s what family’s for…..
(She hugs him and he hugs her back.)
WOMAN - And you'll get back to the restaurant....everyone is asking about you.....We have a new motto- Joey thought it up. Eat at Dante's......Our food is (says it slowly).. devilishly good....
MAN - (Tries to laugh) Smahhhhr…. Bo….....
WOMAN -- Did you say...'smart boy?'
(He nods)
WOMAN - I know you're in there....we'll wait until you come back.....as long as you need.
(He stands up slowly, leaning on her.)
WOMAN - Do you have to go to the bathroom?
(He turns to the audience.)
MAN - Now she asks me.
(He turns back to her.)
MAN - (Struggling) Tired....
WOMAN - Let me help you......remember when I was a little girl and you used to tell me and Teddy those great stories?
(He nods, struggles to remove his pants, she helps him. He is embarrassed, but has no choice)
WOMAN - Now I tell them to my kids.....here you go....
(She helps him lie down in the crib and he holds the bear close.)
WOMAN - Have a good sleep, Dad. I'll see you tomorrow.
(She exits and he turns to watch her leave.)
MAN – (Remembering)… I retired from the
college. And I opened a restaurant, like
my mother and father had.
And then I got sick……It’s confusing when you get old……and it’s confusing when you’re young. Come
to think of it, it was pretty confusing in the middle, too……..maybe there’s something I can study in that place I
went with all the books, what was that called? Philoso something……philosophy. (Laughs)
Now that’s a funny word. Hey,
anyone out there wanna hear a funny word?
(He
struggles to turn over, but can’t. The
lights change, we hear a baby cry.)
MAN -
Where’s that nice smelling nurse with the sweet tasting food….
(The
woman opens the door as mother now, just waking up.)
WOMAN-
Are you awake already?
MAN -
Of course I’m awake, I have to go to the bathroom…..but first, I want to
study the funny word and then….maybe open
a restaurant…..because I love to eat…..
(The
lights dim as we hear the baby crying, the mother laughing and the sounds of a restaurant, fading into dark.)
The end. Or the beginning. Who really knows?
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