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Monologue Mania Day # 1745-1746 Birthday Twins by Janet S. Tiger (c) Nov. 26, 27, 2018
Happy Birthday to my birthday twins - relative and otherwise!
Have a great day, year - and many more - with good health and all things good. The two below relate to different varieties of birthday twins - who are those sharing the same day of birth (although not necessarily year)
originally from
Mar. 29, 2014 Birthday Twins Day # 45 Monologue Mania
Birthday Twins (c)
(yet another for the Senior Channel)
by
Janet S. Tiger
© 2014 all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(A man rolls onto the stage in a wheelchair. He is not fast, but steady. He faces the audience and takes a party whistle blower and blows it - twice.)
Thank you for letting me come onto the Senior Channel show, Senior Moments, because, everyone, today is a special day........ today is my birthday!
(He blows the blower again)
The big 0ne- oh.....oh!
That's right......100 years!
(He blows again)
When I was younger – in my fifties! – anyone who got to be a hundred was very special - they were on TV, and it was a big deal. Now, nothing. We are average – in fact, there was something in the paper that said….hold on, let me find it….
(He searches in his lap, pulls out a newspaper, reads.)
Says right here that, ‘100…is the new….60!’
(He laughs loudly)
Well, that’s a pile!
But not the point! Today is special not just because it’s my birthday, but because I have a birthday twin…….and we are going to call him and tell him ‘Happy Birthday’ on television!
Here….
(He now pulls a cell phone from his lap and pushes one button.)
They fixed it that all I have to do is push once…..and these days, that’s about all I can do…………if you know what I mean…. Hey, Lester, it’s me, Patrick, yeah, Happy Birthday! I got everyone in TV-land here to sing to you…….
(Holds the phone up, indicates the audience is to sing)
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to me, HappyBirthday dear Lester and Patrick, Happy Birthday to us!
Yeah, I’ll call you later, old buddy…..have a great day!
(He closes the phone)
No, Lester is not the same age, just the same day! That’s why we’re birthday twins –but he’s just a young pup…he’s only 98!
Lester and I grew up on the same street – but we are blood brothers now. I married his sister, may she rest in peace, and had four beautiful children with her, so, it may be a little backwards, but we are related by blood!
Now, my birthday used to be…. April first…that’s right April Fool’s Day. Everyone always had fun with that- I was the ‘April Fool.’
But, yes, you heard me, it ‘used to be’ my birthday. Betcha didn’t know you could switch, didja?
(Takes a deep breath)
As the story goes, my father was killed in the Great War – World War I. My mother remarried a musician – he was a little crazy, but he adopted me and was a generally decent stepfather. He didn’t beat us, he was a nice guy overall, when he was around…..
After my mother died, he died right away, like he had to go visit her again….and I got to go through all the papers. Now that…..as they say now on those silly TV shows…. is a fun job…(spits it out, loud)…NOT!
Especially since I found out that, not only was he not my father, which I already knew, but my mother was not my mother – she had adopted me, on April 1st…..which had become my birthday.
Let me tell you, it’s like being in a book, or a movie, where the main character wakes up and finds out that everything was a dream!
And the worst part was, I was sixty, and even if I had had the energy to go out and look for my real parents – which I didn’t – because finding this out, made 60 into the new 100.
I was stunned. What else was a lie?
Could I trust anyone?
And then Lester came to visit and said to me – ‘doesn’t matter who your parents are, all that matters, is who YOU are.'
Lester never talked a lot, I was the one who did the talking, but when he spoke, it usually made sense.
So I stopped worrying about looking for the past. Saved me a lot of time.
But I did do one thing – I petitioned the court to change my birthday – which I had always hated anyways. People don’t know you can do that once – as long as there was an adoption, and there is no fraud involved.
(Laughs, a little bitterly)
At least, no fraud on my part.
So……I switched the day legally….to March 30th……Lester’s birthday. So we are not only blood brothers, but birthday twins.
(He lifts his arms)
Happy Birthday to us, Lester!
(He turns to the side)
At 100, I know my time is up! And I don’t need any help from you young people! I can do this myself!
(He turns to wheel off….looks back)
Almost forgot…not a surprise at this age, just an excuse……this morning I got an amazing phone call. You see, we married young, Lester’s sister and I, and had our first child when we were just 20….first grandchild at 41, great grandchild at 62….great-great grandchild at 81 – and last night, a new baby was born….my first…..
(Counts on his fingers)
Great….great…..GREAT….that’s three greats!...grandchild……
Just after midnight……so now, we have another birthday twin, Lester…..
Happy Birthday to us all!
(He rolls off)
And many more!
(Not the end for awhile.)
Birthday Twins (c)
(yet another for the Senior Channel)
by
Janet S. Tiger
© 2014 all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(A man rolls onto the stage in a wheelchair. He is not fast, but steady. He faces the audience and takes a party whistle blower and blows it - twice.)
Thank you for letting me come onto the Senior Channel show, Senior Moments, because, everyone, today is a special day........ today is my birthday!
(He blows the blower again)
The big 0ne- oh.....oh!
That's right......100 years!
(He blows again)
When I was younger – in my fifties! – anyone who got to be a hundred was very special - they were on TV, and it was a big deal. Now, nothing. We are average – in fact, there was something in the paper that said….hold on, let me find it….
(He searches in his lap, pulls out a newspaper, reads.)
Says right here that, ‘100…is the new….60!’
(He laughs loudly)
Well, that’s a pile!
But not the point! Today is special not just because it’s my birthday, but because I have a birthday twin…….and we are going to call him and tell him ‘Happy Birthday’ on television!
Here….
(He now pulls a cell phone from his lap and pushes one button.)
They fixed it that all I have to do is push once…..and these days, that’s about all I can do…………if you know what I mean…. Hey, Lester, it’s me, Patrick, yeah, Happy Birthday! I got everyone in TV-land here to sing to you…….
(Holds the phone up, indicates the audience is to sing)
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to me, HappyBirthday dear Lester and Patrick, Happy Birthday to us!
Yeah, I’ll call you later, old buddy…..have a great day!
(He closes the phone)
No, Lester is not the same age, just the same day! That’s why we’re birthday twins –but he’s just a young pup…he’s only 98!
Lester and I grew up on the same street – but we are blood brothers now. I married his sister, may she rest in peace, and had four beautiful children with her, so, it may be a little backwards, but we are related by blood!
Now, my birthday used to be…. April first…that’s right April Fool’s Day. Everyone always had fun with that- I was the ‘April Fool.’
But, yes, you heard me, it ‘used to be’ my birthday. Betcha didn’t know you could switch, didja?
(Takes a deep breath)
As the story goes, my father was killed in the Great War – World War I. My mother remarried a musician – he was a little crazy, but he adopted me and was a generally decent stepfather. He didn’t beat us, he was a nice guy overall, when he was around…..
After my mother died, he died right away, like he had to go visit her again….and I got to go through all the papers. Now that…..as they say now on those silly TV shows…. is a fun job…(spits it out, loud)…NOT!
Especially since I found out that, not only was he not my father, which I already knew, but my mother was not my mother – she had adopted me, on April 1st…..which had become my birthday.
Let me tell you, it’s like being in a book, or a movie, where the main character wakes up and finds out that everything was a dream!
And the worst part was, I was sixty, and even if I had had the energy to go out and look for my real parents – which I didn’t – because finding this out, made 60 into the new 100.
I was stunned. What else was a lie?
Could I trust anyone?
And then Lester came to visit and said to me – ‘doesn’t matter who your parents are, all that matters, is who YOU are.'
Lester never talked a lot, I was the one who did the talking, but when he spoke, it usually made sense.
So I stopped worrying about looking for the past. Saved me a lot of time.
But I did do one thing – I petitioned the court to change my birthday – which I had always hated anyways. People don’t know you can do that once – as long as there was an adoption, and there is no fraud involved.
(Laughs, a little bitterly)
At least, no fraud on my part.
So……I switched the day legally….to March 30th……Lester’s birthday. So we are not only blood brothers, but birthday twins.
(He lifts his arms)
Happy Birthday to us, Lester!
(He turns to the side)
At 100, I know my time is up! And I don’t need any help from you young people! I can do this myself!
(He turns to wheel off….looks back)
Almost forgot…not a surprise at this age, just an excuse……this morning I got an amazing phone call. You see, we married young, Lester’s sister and I, and had our first child when we were just 20….first grandchild at 41, great grandchild at 62….great-great grandchild at 81 – and last night, a new baby was born….my first…..
(Counts on his fingers)
Great….great…..GREAT….that’s three greats!...grandchild……
Just after midnight……so now, we have another birthday twin, Lester…..
Happy Birthday to us all!
(He rolls off)
And many more!
(Not the end for awhile.)
-------------------------------------------
Apr. 25, 2014 Day #72 Monologue Mania
My Favorite Present
by Janet S. Tiger
© 2014 all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(A woman skips onstage - she can be of any age, but when she skips onstage, she is five years old, and she is very happy)
(Singing) Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy Birthday dear meeeee, Happy birthday to me!
Oooh, I just love my birthday! It is the best day of my whole life! It is better than Christmas, because....(not as happy) I have to share Christmas with the baby Jesus......(back to happy) .....and I suppose the presents are nice, but on my birthday it's all about ME!
(She continues to skip around.)
Have you figured out yet, that today is (shouts) My Birthday!
(Throws open her arms)
And I am going to be FIVE!
(She counts on her fingers)
One, two, three, four….FIVE!
And I get to go to real school, and that is going to be SO much fun!
I can hardly wait for this afternoon! We’re going to have a party, and I am going to get my favorite present of all time! Can you guess? It’s a bicycle!
(Holds her arms around herself and whirls around)
Oooh! I have wanted a real bicycle since I was a baby!
(More serious) Not one of those …(says it with disgust)…TRI-CYCLES!
I am not a baby! I want a real bicycle! One with training wheels that get taken off! One with blue stripes!
(Looks at the audience)
Oh, Aunt Hattie, I didn’t realize you were here! Did you come for the party?
(Listens)
What?
What do you mean, momma had a baby? Last night? (Suddenly realizes) Is Momma ok? (Listens, relieved) Oh, good! (A bit deflated) I don’t understand.
(Less happy) …. we already have a baby, my brother, Luke, doncha remember?
……..(Back to herself) ….I don’t remember much about when Luke came, I was little then, I still had to ride a….Tri- cycle.
(Listens)
(Disappointed) So, Momma won’t be here today? Oh, that’s too bad…….but what about the party? (Listens, relieved) Oh, thank you, Aunt Hattie! My party is so important!
(Listens, getting very upset)
What do you mean my birthday present is a new baby? I don’t want a new baby! All babies do is cry and I have to be quiet so I don’t wake him up, and Mommy and Daddy are too busy for me! And anyhow, I was supposed to be getting a bicycle! (Almost in tears) I want a bicycle!
(Looks at the audience, listens, relaxes)
Okay, I won’t worry…too much. I mean, how many babies do we need? That will make….
(counts on her fingers)
One, two babies……(wails) .and I don’t even have one bicycle!
(She now changes – if the actress wants, she can remove a sweater to reveal a party dress, but the easy way is to take out a birthday hat and strap it on, it’s party time….she is listening, others are singing to her, she mouths the words, very happy)
(Quiet) Happy Birthday to……me!
(Jumps up and down – blows out the candles)
Let’s open the presents! I don’t care about the cake today!
(She rips open the packaging, throwing things to the side.)
Very nice, very nice…….
(Looks around, isn’t there anything else?)
(Disappointed) Is that all? I thought……that….well…..
(Her head slumps, then picks up)
Where are you going, Aunt Hattie?
(She starts jumping up and down)
Is that for me? Oooh….it’s just what I wanted!
(She holds the bicycle, down on her knees and wraps her arms around it)
It’s the most beautiful thing in the whole wide world! I love it! I’m gonna keep it forever!
(She ‘rides’ it around the stage in ecstacy. Looks to the audience)
Can I sleep with it?
(Sad)
But I love it so much!
(Thinking) Will Daddy be able to teach me how to ride today – without the training wheels?
(Looks around.)
Where is Daddy? I mean this is a special day!
(Listens)
Mommy’s home! Yeah! Maybe she can teach me how to ride this bicycle!
(Listens, disappointed)
Oh, she’s in bed…….can she teach me later. When she gets out of bed?
(Listens) What? Another present?....But I have everything I want…..
(Looks into audience.)
Oh. My new……(surprised)……sister?
(Holds out her arms a little reluctantly)
Okay, but then I’m gonna go out and start riding my bicycle…..
(She holds the new sister…..gingerly at first, then less so, then she is bored)
Can I go play now?
(Listens, she just wants to go)
Yes, she seems nice…..
(Turns to go, is called back)
(Sincere) Thank you, God, for Mommy being all right….(less sincere) and for my new sister, and ….can I go now?
(As she leaves, she is joyous, taking her bike)
This is the best birthday of my whole life!
(She takes off the party hat, and puts on a mature jacket, she is now an adult)
And it was…….. because that bicycle lasted for years!
And now, I have a slightly better bicycle….and I am looking forward to using it, this weekend for the Pedals for the Cause, because we’ve been lucky, my dear sister, you and I and our children are healthy and strong - but others haven’t been so lucky, so off we ride! Thank you Senior Channel for letting us spread the word on such a good cause.
(She starts to leave, then turns back)
(More serious) I may have loved that bicycle.....and I sure love my new 10-speed!... But you…..(chokes up a bit)….you were and are .....the best present, and, on our birthday, I am sending you this Happy Birthday - Happy Birthday twin!
(She exits, we hear her singing lightly - 'Happy Birthday to us....' The end - but we also need to see an end to cancer, so please support Pedal the Cause San Diego)
Thank you!
My Favorite Present
by Janet S. Tiger
© 2014 all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(A woman skips onstage - she can be of any age, but when she skips onstage, she is five years old, and she is very happy)
(Singing) Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy Birthday dear meeeee, Happy birthday to me!
Oooh, I just love my birthday! It is the best day of my whole life! It is better than Christmas, because....(not as happy) I have to share Christmas with the baby Jesus......(back to happy) .....and I suppose the presents are nice, but on my birthday it's all about ME!
(She continues to skip around.)
Have you figured out yet, that today is (shouts) My Birthday!
(Throws open her arms)
And I am going to be FIVE!
(She counts on her fingers)
One, two, three, four….FIVE!
And I get to go to real school, and that is going to be SO much fun!
I can hardly wait for this afternoon! We’re going to have a party, and I am going to get my favorite present of all time! Can you guess? It’s a bicycle!
(Holds her arms around herself and whirls around)
Oooh! I have wanted a real bicycle since I was a baby!
(More serious) Not one of those …(says it with disgust)…TRI-CYCLES!
I am not a baby! I want a real bicycle! One with training wheels that get taken off! One with blue stripes!
(Looks at the audience)
Oh, Aunt Hattie, I didn’t realize you were here! Did you come for the party?
(Listens)
What?
What do you mean, momma had a baby? Last night? (Suddenly realizes) Is Momma ok? (Listens, relieved) Oh, good! (A bit deflated) I don’t understand.
(Less happy) …. we already have a baby, my brother, Luke, doncha remember?
……..(Back to herself) ….I don’t remember much about when Luke came, I was little then, I still had to ride a….Tri- cycle.
(Listens)
(Disappointed) So, Momma won’t be here today? Oh, that’s too bad…….but what about the party? (Listens, relieved) Oh, thank you, Aunt Hattie! My party is so important!
(Listens, getting very upset)
What do you mean my birthday present is a new baby? I don’t want a new baby! All babies do is cry and I have to be quiet so I don’t wake him up, and Mommy and Daddy are too busy for me! And anyhow, I was supposed to be getting a bicycle! (Almost in tears) I want a bicycle!
(Looks at the audience, listens, relaxes)
Okay, I won’t worry…too much. I mean, how many babies do we need? That will make….
(counts on her fingers)
One, two babies……(wails) .and I don’t even have one bicycle!
(She now changes – if the actress wants, she can remove a sweater to reveal a party dress, but the easy way is to take out a birthday hat and strap it on, it’s party time….she is listening, others are singing to her, she mouths the words, very happy)
(Quiet) Happy Birthday to……me!
(Jumps up and down – blows out the candles)
Let’s open the presents! I don’t care about the cake today!
(She rips open the packaging, throwing things to the side.)
Very nice, very nice…….
(Looks around, isn’t there anything else?)
(Disappointed) Is that all? I thought……that….well…..
(Her head slumps, then picks up)
Where are you going, Aunt Hattie?
(She starts jumping up and down)
Is that for me? Oooh….it’s just what I wanted!
(She holds the bicycle, down on her knees and wraps her arms around it)
It’s the most beautiful thing in the whole wide world! I love it! I’m gonna keep it forever!
(She ‘rides’ it around the stage in ecstacy. Looks to the audience)
Can I sleep with it?
(Sad)
But I love it so much!
(Thinking) Will Daddy be able to teach me how to ride today – without the training wheels?
(Looks around.)
Where is Daddy? I mean this is a special day!
(Listens)
Mommy’s home! Yeah! Maybe she can teach me how to ride this bicycle!
(Listens, disappointed)
Oh, she’s in bed…….can she teach me later. When she gets out of bed?
(Listens) What? Another present?....But I have everything I want…..
(Looks into audience.)
Oh. My new……(surprised)……sister?
(Holds out her arms a little reluctantly)
Okay, but then I’m gonna go out and start riding my bicycle…..
(She holds the new sister…..gingerly at first, then less so, then she is bored)
Can I go play now?
(Listens, she just wants to go)
Yes, she seems nice…..
(Turns to go, is called back)
(Sincere) Thank you, God, for Mommy being all right….(less sincere) and for my new sister, and ….can I go now?
(As she leaves, she is joyous, taking her bike)
This is the best birthday of my whole life!
(She takes off the party hat, and puts on a mature jacket, she is now an adult)
And it was…….. because that bicycle lasted for years!
And now, I have a slightly better bicycle….and I am looking forward to using it, this weekend for the Pedals for the Cause, because we’ve been lucky, my dear sister, you and I and our children are healthy and strong - but others haven’t been so lucky, so off we ride! Thank you Senior Channel for letting us spread the word on such a good cause.
(She starts to leave, then turns back)
(More serious) I may have loved that bicycle.....and I sure love my new 10-speed!... But you…..(chokes up a bit)….you were and are .....the best present, and, on our birthday, I am sending you this Happy Birthday - Happy Birthday twin!
(She exits, we hear her singing lightly - 'Happy Birthday to us....' The end - but we also need to see an end to cancer, so please support Pedal the Cause San Diego)
Thank you!
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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
1 comment:
I liked this and it reminded me of my Birthday Twin, Carol Burt!
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