Monologue Mania: Monologue Mania Days # 1770, 1771, Happy New Year! (part one) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Dec. 28, 29, 2018

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

Today is Day # 1770-1772 To look at the other titles - click here

first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015 second year - Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016 third year - Feb. 13, 2016 fourth year Feb. 14, 2017- Feb. 13, 2018 - now in year five - Feb. 14 - today!

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Monologue Mania Days # 1770, 1771,Happy New Year! (part one) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Dec. 28, 29, 2018

The monologues below - and the two posting tomorrow - all deal with the New Year - and I am reposting them and wishing all a wonderful, Happy, Healthy New Year! Thank you for reading and sharing!

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
(for The Senior Channel)

tigerteam1@gmail.com

            (The actor enters, carrying a bag, which is placed on the floor.)

Ladies and gentlemen of the Senior Channel. As we approach the New Year, I am reminded of all the people who have spoken here, about all the problems of the world. I believe, if I remember correctly, that they call these ......issues. I call them complaints, and in the case of some of the speakers, more like rants.

Well, I seek to discourage the future of these rants...um, complaints....so we can all focus on the important issue of peace......How will we attempt to do this? I have prepared a preemptive list of the things that can go wrong, so that, in the upcoming year, no one else will have any need to repeat these,

Here it is......

           (Opens the bag, removes a large scroll and opens it, it falls onto the ground and keeps rolling- it is long.)

I will start with the obvious things, on the human body, there are no end to how our billions of cells can get sick, but I have broken them into distinct categories according to accidents, aging and ......what the hell happened here?

             (Picks a second scroll out of the bag, opens it, it, too unrolls a great distance)

Next I have the category of mechanical items that can go wrong - including but not limited to.....automobiles, cars, toasters,. of course, computers and cell phones, and unfortunately, toothbrushes.......

              (Takes the bag and holds it up, showing many more scrolls)

As you can see, this will take some time.. Kind of like the Jerry Lewis Marathon, but without the singing and dancing. That's why I am here early....so we will all have time to consider these issues, apply the appropriate level of worry, and still have time to get ready for the New Year's party.

              (Removes glasses from pocket, wipes them, puts on nose, starts to read from one of the scrolls, stops)

Oh, I did have a summarized version of this....would anyone care to hear the shortened version?

             (Listens)

Very well.....

             (Removes an envelope from pocket, opens with a flourish to remove a folded paper. Opens the paper, removes .......an index card..... then reads)

What could possibly go wrong?

             (Turns the card over)

Everything.

             (Puts the card into pocket, turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Now, with all that worry off your plate, have a wonderful New Year!

             (Exits, blowing a paper horn thingy from the upcoming New Year's party. Happy New Year!)

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First posted - Day #315 by Janet S. Tiger What Could Possibly Go Wrong? Dec. 24, 2014

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For those counting, only 43 days left to this year of monologues!

Countdown

tigerteam1@gmail.com

           (The actor enters, dressed for the New Year, doing somersaults varied with cartwheels. Stops right in the middle of the stage. Smiles.)

Ten.....

            (Removes shoes and socks. Turns another somersault)

Nine. What a great year!

             (Cartwheel, then takes off jacket. )

Eight, seven six.....

             (Does three somersaults, takes off shirt)

Five, four, three......

             (Starts to do a cartwheel, removes pants, stops, now only in underwear)

Maybe I don't want the ball to drop this year.....maybe....I don't want to see it end.....

             (Does a half-hearted cartwheel)

Two......

              (Deep sigh, sits heavily)

Where do the years go? I mean, just a minute ago, I was turning cartwheels, and now.....

(Tries to stand, can't)

One........

              (Turns to leave, looks back over shoulder, smiles, starts crawling like a baby, giggling, happy, removes a New Year's blower thingy and starts blowing it)

Happy New Year!

(Exits......still blowing......and so does 2014. May the New Year be a Happy, Healthy Year for all!)

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First posted Day# 322 by Janet S. Tiger Countdown Dec. 31, 2014

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* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty