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Monologue Mania Day # 1752-1758 The Gift of the Magic (one-act for Christmas) (c) Dec. 10-16, 2018
The Gift of the Magic
by Janet S. Tiger © Dec. 8,
2018 all rights reserved
Characters
–
JODY - female
20s nice-looking
ANNOUNCER – Voice on TV (not seen)
SHAWN – 20s male nice-looking, a bit bedraggled
POLICE OFFICER – (not seen)
Setting
–
Living room today - young people live in this
home. Not rich, but not poor.
(JODY
enters, she is shaking her head, looking at cell)
JODY
(Annoyed)- I thought we were gonna go to
dinner, where are you Shawn? Jeez! Never
on
time…..
(She turns on computer/TV, we hear
announcer)
ANNOUNCER -
And now in the international news, blah, blah, blah
JODY -
Figures….
ANNOUNCER- In
Washington…..blah, blah, blah…..unstable political situation
JODY - Does
anything ever change?
ANNOUNCER -
And in the local news…..
JODY - Blah,
blah, blah
ANNOUNCER -
That’s my line…blah, blah, blah!
JODY - Sorry…
ANNOUNCER-
That’s ok, this next is funny…..take a look at the video of a burglar that
decided
to
use a pet door!
(Jody
looks and starts laughing)
JODY - Oh, my
God! What an idiot!
ANNOUNCER
– If you are watching this and saying ‘what
an idiot’ we are not surprised! But
wait, the owner had a
video camera, so if you know who this person is, please call the police…
JODY - How
stupid can one person….oh my God! That
can’t be….
(She
takes a fast screen shot on her phone, looks closely)
ANNOUNCER -
This guy even did a close-up and smiled!
(Jody
is horrified and we hear laughter from the announcer and other reporters)
ANNOUNCER
- I think this guy could be up for one
of those prizes on that show – ‘World’s
Dumbest Crooks!’ (There is more laughter ) And now, for the sports news….blah, blah,
blah wins a close one!
(Jody shuts down the TV in shock)
JODY – I can’t believe it! Our first Christmas together and he is going
to be in jail!
(She puts her hands
over her face and starts to cry, then stands up straight and is now furious)
JODY - How
dare he! I just ordered that
surfboard! He cannot do this to me!
(We hear a key in the lock and Jody
struggles with how to react.
She decides on calm to
start – a very fake calm which Shawn does not notice as he enters, a bit
bedraggled)
JODY
- (Fake smiling) Hi, honey…..did you have a good time with
your buddies?
SHAWN – (Trying to remember his story) Oh, uh, yeah, we had fun at the….movies…..
JODY -
Good….whadja see?
SHAWN -
(Thinking fast) That new, uh,
Harry Potter one that you didn’t want go to….
JODY - Tell
me ALL about it..
SHAWN -
(Struggling) Oh, you know, magic
crap…..stuff like that…..
JODY - Yeah,
I would’ve hated it, right?
SHAWN – (Relieved)
Oh, yeah, big time.
JODY - So
what happened to your shirt….
SHAWN – Oh, you, know, I spilled some soda on it….
(He
takes it off, she grabs it and sniffs)
JODY - Yeah,
smells like soda…….KaKa Cola…..dog kaka…..
(Shawn
looks at her and she holds the shirt to him)
SHAWN – (Hunting for an answer) I fell in something…..
JODY - You
mean, like…..CRAWLING THROUGH A DOGGIE DOOR?
(She holds up the phone to him and he
looks, his jaw drops)
SHAWN - Oh,
shit!
JODY -
Truly……
(He
hangs his head)
JODY – Do you have anything to say?
SHAWN - Well,
it’s not a good picture…..it doesn’t even look like me….
(She just stares at him)
SHAWN -
(Sighs) Okay, maybe….I made a
little mistake….
JODY -
Mistake? Are you crazy? A mistake is when you forget to leave out the
empty bottles
on delivery day……A
mistake is when you told my mother – who is a go-to-church every-Sunday, head-of-the-
choir woman – when you told her that I was living with you! This….this is a…..a…(sputters)
SHAWN –(Trying to be helpful) Big mistake?
JODY
- Amazing! Have you forgotten that this is our first
Christmas together, our first
Christmas living together…..and what
if they catch you?
SHAWN
- They’re not gonna catch me…..I’ll wear
sunglasses, see?
(He
pulls out a pair from his pocket)
SHAWN – And I’m gonna grow my hair long…..and maybe
dye it another color…..
JODY
- Maybe pink, so you won’t be so
conspicuous…..like when you put your face up against
the
damned video camera!
(She waves the cell phone at him and
he pulls away)
SHAWN
- Look, I don’t know what came over me…..I
found out how much money you owe on
your credit card, and I
wanted to help pay it off! I thought if
I went into a rich person’s house they’d have something they wouldn’t miss…
JODY
- Like money?
SHAWN - I
didn’t break in, I just…..crawled in…..not so bad right?
JODY – And whaddaya you mean, to pay my credit
card? How do you know what I owe….
SHAWN
- They called up from the credit card company
to see if it was you who charged that
much
for a ….a surfboard…..
JODY
- I can’t believe they told you!
SHAWN - Why’d
you have to do that? We promised each other no big gifts!
(She
turns away, sighs)
JODY
- Because you love to surf and your
surfboard was stolen! And with your new
job and all
that stress, I know how
much you miss surfing! Did you not think
you might lose this job if they find out you are the doggie door bandit?
SHAWN
- How will they find out? It’s Christmas, no one watches the news in
December…..
(He
goes to her and holds her, she pulls away at first, then allows him to hug her)
SHAWN - I’m
sorry. I don’t know what I was
thinking….
JODY -
Somehow, I can believe that.
SHAWN
– But …. I mean, I love you and I wanted
to get you something nice, but I don’t get
my first check until
January, and I figured, this way, I could…I don’t know, help with the bills
now?
JODY
- So, you didn’t steal anything?
SHAWN
- Nah, I’m not a good thief. I had no idea where to look, and the dog was
really nice,
not mean at all…..I
liked playing with him……I almost left a card from the Vet Clinic where you
work, but I decided it might not be a good idea……
(There is a knock at the door. They freeze)
VOICE - It’s
the police, is anyone home?
(They
are petrified, Shawn looks to hide, but Jody stops him)
JODY - Maybe
they’ll go easy on you because it’s, you know, Christmas?
(They
sigh and he sits on the couch, his head in his hands, Jody goes to the door)
JODY -
Coming….
(She
goes to the door, opens it.)
JODY - Oh, my
God….
VOICE – Is there a Shawn Thompson here?
JODY - Shawn?
(Shawn
takes a deep breath and walks slowly to the door.)
VOICE- This was found and had ID on the bottom, is
this yours?
(Shawn
comes back in holding a surfboard, and we hear Jody almost crying)
JODY - Thank
you officer! Merry Christmas!
(She
closes the door, leans on it and sighs heavily)
JODY - That
was scary!
SHAWN - Oh
yeah……but it all worked out great!
(Shawn
is hugging the board)
SHAWN - Oh,
baby, I never thought I’d see you again!
JODY – (A little irritated) I hope you treat me the same after ten years!
(He
pulls her over to hug her, too)
JODY – Wow - I can cancel the order on that
surfboard!
SHAWN
– And I can….maybe if you go with me, I can.go back to that family and
apologize
for breaking in…..maybe, since I didn’t take anything, they’ll forgive me…..
(Jody
hugs him)
JODY
- This reminds me of a story we read in
school…..about a girl who cuts off her hair to
buy
her husband something for his watch……
SHAWN
- Yeah, I remember that one….the gift of
the magic….
JODY - That
was….’The Gift of the Magi!’
SHAWN
- Uh, uh, I remember it really
clearly….about this guy who sells his watch…..it was
kinda dumb, I mean, who
uses watches anymore? But it was nice,
all about how much they loved each other…..the gift of the magic….
JODY
- That was THE GIFT OF THE MAGI!
SHAWN – I can’t help it if somebody couldn’t spell!
(Jody
shakes her head)
SHAWN - Merry
Christmas, baby…… because you know….love is magic…..
(He
kisses her…..but not the end of magic…or love!)
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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