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Monologue Mania Day # 1748-1749 -1750 Murder Your Husband, She Wrote (scene 1)by Janet S. Tiger (c) Nov. 29-30, Dec. 1, 2018
Because this is the first scene of a new play am counting it as the equivalent of 3 days of monologues. Looking for a better title, too! All input greatly appreciated!
Murder Your Husband, She Wrote
Setting - Bedroom in an upscale home
Characters - Richard, 50s
Bernadette, 50s
Murder Your Husband, She Wrote
by Janet S. Tiger (c) 2018
tigerteam1@gmail.com
Characters - Richard, 50s
Bernadette, 50s
(We hear grunts and groaning in the darkened room,
then an ‘ouch’ and ‘are you ok’. A light
turns on and Richard, in his fifties, is sitting up holding stomach, his wife
Bernadette/Bernie is wrapped in a cover)
BERNIE - What
happened? Everything was going so well!
RICHARD - Isn't that what they said on the Titanic!
BERNADETTE - Horrible! Look, I can’t help it if all the body parts are
aging! On both of us!
RICHARD -- I hope you’re thinking about what to tell
the coroner – how you killed your husband!
BERNADETTE– Why do you say things like that!
RICHARD -- You’re
the one who writes the novels about killing your husband!
BERNADETTE-
What are you talking about? That
was one book!
RICHARD – Your FIRST book - Titled… the Joy of
Murdering Your Husband!
BERNADETTE - The
detective’s name is Joy!
RICHARD --
And you’ve done 20 sequels! The
Dead Husband’s Society! Murder Your
Husband, She Wrote……. and then the Deceased
Husband Chronicles! There was Romeo and Other Dead Husbands! Where you have the wives get the husbands to
commit suicide! (Thinking) Oh, boy, this
is making me a little nervous!
BERNADETTE -
But honey, you’re still alive!
And don’t you see…you’re my inspiration!
All the annoyances I have with you…well, I write about them, and they
have funded a lot of fun!
RICHARD -- So
what’s the next one gonna be? Death by
Sex?
BERNADETTE -
Oooh, I like that!
(She
gets paper and pen and starts scribbling)
BERNADETTE - Remind me, did it really hurt when I put my
elbow on your…..
RICHARD --
Yes it hurt! And No, I do not
want you to write about it!
BERNADETTE -
But I never use your name, dear.
And I always change the height, weight, race…..no one knows it’s you who
is my inspiration!
RICHARD -- Really? Instead of Richard, you call the Spanish
husband Ricardo in– In book # 17 - Muerta de un espouse!
BERNADETTE -
But it sold so well! We went to
Hawaii on the royalties that year!
(She goes over and hugs him)
BERNADETTE - And I have a great idea for my next
novel! Listen up!
(They
stand together and she whispers in his ear.)
RICHARD --
You want to do what?
BERNADETTE-
Just look right there…
(They
stand and stare forward, )
RICHARD -– What’s that? Who are those hideous old people!
BERNADETTE-
Our computer has a camera! That’s
us!
RICHARD --
Impossible!
BERNADETTE – Now you stand here…
(She
steps back and we see her with a large knife which she lifts high)
BERNADETTE -
This is for the cover of the next novel!
(We see
the knife come down and he falls)
BERNADETTE – How to Kill Your Husband in 10 Easy
Lessons!
(Blackout. Sound of a police car.
Ambulance. Then lights up and we hear an
announcer)
ANNOUNCER – Today our guest is Bernadette Bagelstein,
reknowned writer of the Dead Husbands series who has announced her newest novel
– and there’s a novel twist…..
BERNADETTE - A
novel twist! I like that! Yes, I have
designed a special new way for my fans to be involved with my book…… I have a scavenger hunt to find my husband’s
body! The clues are in the book! And the police are working to figure this
out, so it’s a race against the authorities to see who gets to him first!
ANNOUNCER – Are you worried that other women will
try to murder their husbands?
BERNADETTE-
Them copy me? How silly! Women have been offing their hubbies since
the Bible! Where do you think I get all my ideas from? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go answer
my fan mail! Chop, chop!
(end of scene)
(end of scene)
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