Please note -this is for my book - 30 Monologues Under 30 Seconds This monologue is - for female - middle-age -older. .
All the monologues for this book have been timed - but your performance will determine the length. Usually between 30 seconds and one minute is acceptable for auditions preferring shorter monologues. Use a stopwatch for good results - video for even better. Good luck!
A 30 -second monologue by Janet S. Tiger © all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(A woman comes onstage, frantically dialing a cell phone.)
Marge? Are you there? Please pick up the phone!
(Listens)
I know you're there..(horrified)..... I can ...I can see you on Google!
(Relieved) Marge! I am so glad I got you! Yes, it's important! There is a Google camera on your house right now, LIVE! (Listens) …….And I know that you are in your back yard, doing yard work....and yes, I know that you have no clothing on! The whole world knows you have no clothing on!
(Listens)
..stop laughing, Marge! It's not funny!
You probably jiggle like the dickens when you laugh!
(Completely frazzled)
I don't care if your hydrangeas needed pruning! I don't care if all your bushes need pruning! (Realizes what she said, sputters) I mean...just go inside and put something on, for God's sakes!
(Horrified) No, I am not going to save this so you can have a …a ‘satellite selfie’!
(Listens)
What? (resigned, and just a little jealous) Well, yes, dear.....you do look great from outer space......
(She shakes her head, hangs up)
-------------------------------------------------
Original post-
Apr. 12, 2014 Day #59
Satellite Selfie (c)
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) all rights reserved 2014
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(A woman comes onstage, frantically dialing a cell phone.)
Marge? Are you there? Please pick up the phone! My God this is important!
(Listens)
Marge! I know you're there..(horrified)..... I can ...I can see you on Google! That's what this is about! And I know you have the cell phone.....near you....so please pick up!
(Relieved) Marge! I am so glad I got you! Yes, it's important! I was just on my computer, and I was on Google, and I happened to look at your house…(listens)….yes, sometimes I do go onto Google and look at our neighborhood………but pay attention, this is important! There is a camera on your house right now, LIVE! (Listens) That’s right, a camera! From Google! From outer space! …….And I know that you are in your back yard, doing yard work....and yes, I know that you have no clothing on! In fact, the whole world knows you have no clothing on! You are.....(shocked).... completely naked!
I am horrified! I mean, I always knew you were weird, but this is too much.....stop laughing, Marge! It's not funny!
(Listens)
And yes, I know it's a very hot day and you hate clothes and that's why you put up eight-foot high fences with barbed wire on top and tall trees, but that is not the issue!
I mean, I don't care what you do in the privacy of your home, but with these Google satellites, you are fair game once you step outside! I always knew going to the moon was a bad idea, but this just proves it!
Would you please stop laughing! You probably jiggle like the dickens when you laugh!
No, I am not watching you right now - I thought that would be an invasion of your privacy......stop giggling! ….And no, I am not going to save this so you can have a …what did you call it…a ‘satellite selfie’!
I wish you would see the seriousness of this!
(Completely frazzled)
I don't care if your hydrangeas needed pruning! I don't care if all your bushes need pruning! (Realizes what she said, sputters) I mean, that came out wrong.....just go inside and put something on, for God's sakes!
(Listens)
What? (resigned, and just a little jealous) Well, yes, dear.....you do look great from outer space......
(She shakes her head, hangs up)------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8--------------------------------------------------------------
* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
1 comment:
Shake it, Marge!
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