Friday, January 27, 2017

Monologue Mania Day #1080 The Magic of Caregiving (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan.27, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

            first   year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015  second year -  Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016  third year -  Feb. 13, 2016 -  today!           *********                                                        
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each                                                                                                                                              day, click here  There are now over 1050!
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #1080 The Magic of Caregiving (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan. 27, 2017

        For the series on Caregivers Anonymous - 
                           The Magic of Caregiving  ©     
                          by Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

         (Woman enters, has a checkbook in her hand)

My father is 94.  I am 67.  Thank goodness he is mentally all there, well, mostly there.  See this checkbook?  I wrote a check for him last week.  And I left it for him to sign....my brother helps on the weekend, so when I came back Monday, I look to see if he's signed the check...and the check is gone.

So I ask.....where did you put the check?

And he responds...what check?

Ah.....the magic of caregiving.  The mystery of the missing check.  Which goes in the collection of missing keys, hats, gloves, underwear, socks and anything else that can get lost.  Which is everything.

So I ask my brother, who is an artist and never liked math, did he see the check?  No, he stays away from all money stuff.  And I trust him, because, first, he is my brother, and second, he has a lot of money, so why would he steal a check for $200 made out by my father to my father?

Now of course, the mystery deepens.  Who has the check?  My father is worried.  What if the check is cashed?  I try to reassure him, several times, that if someone snuck in the house and stole the check and tried to cash it, they would be thieves, the check would not be honored,.....

But he is worried, and now, so am I.  Where did he put it?  He doesn't drive anymore, so he couldn't sneak out with it, is his mind going - at 94, he does forget things. (Yells) WHERE IS THE DAMNED CHECK?

         (She goes around the stage, looking for the check)

Where did it go?  I look in all the regular places, and unusual ones, like the freezer, but NO! No check!

And I am baffled....where could he have put it?  Is it time to have his memory checked again?  I never like these 'memory checks' because he usually does better on them than I do.....

Here is where the aliens come in.....I tell him that the aliens have taken the check, and are laughing at us on an intergallactic reality TV.game ....the game ends when we mention the aliens, now they have to return the check!  But, still, no check.....maybe it's not the aliens......

So he asks me to call the bank, did the check clear?  I tell him I have looked online - it has not cleared.  Not good enough for him - he does not trust the Internet ....actually a sign of intelligence, I believe....he wants me to call the bank.  So I go INTO the bank, and they print out the page of recent transactions - the check has not cleared.

Not good enough, he wants to see the NUMBERS on the checks.  So I go online and print them out.....

      (Sighs deeply)

Here's where the magic comes in - magic works on a very simple concept.  Get the audience to agree on a false premise.  (Illustrates by holding her arm)  There, folks, nothing up my sleeve!

Or ....(imitates the magician voice)  The box is empty!

But there is something up the sleeve....and the box is not empty.

What was the magic here?  The question - where is the check?  Who took the check?  Only three people had access.....my brother, me, my father..we are forgetting the alien option here.....who took the check?  And the answer is....

        (She looks at the group)

NO ONE!

The false premise is.....there was never a check!  I wrote the number and the check in the checkbook, but NEVER WROTE THE CHECK!  I could swear I wrote the check, BUT I DIDN'T!

So of course, no one could lose it or hide it......the disappearance was because.....of me!

(Sighs)  And so I share the magic of caregiving.....you never know.....is the old person you are taking care of sliding mentally?  Is it you......

           (She goes to her seat)

Or is it....magic?

            (Lights down, end of scene)


---------------------------------------
Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315                CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
--------------------------------------------------------------

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Monologue Mania Day #1079 Earrings (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan.26, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

            first   year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015  second year -  Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016  third year -  Feb. 13, 2016 -  today!           *********                                                        
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each                                                                                                                                              day, click here  There are now over 1050!
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #1079 Earrings (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan.26, 2017

        For the series on Caregivers Anonymous - 
                             ©     Earrings
                          by Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

         (The woman is older, but in decent shape.  She stands and looks around)

I just love seeing how this group has stayed around!  New people, old people.....older people.

           (The group hoots)

And here's my Every Daily Dilemma......but I have to go back a few days.  When I was forty, which was 35 years ago, almost half my life!....but who's counting?.....my mother was 65, and she had her first fall.  No bones broken, thank God, but, I felt, ok, it's time.  So I asked her to move in with us, my husband, our two kids, we had lots of room because we'd always planned for a lot of kids, then found out, boy do they cost money to feed!

Anyhow, my mom helped with the kids, and they loved her, and she was an ally, for them and me.....I left home when I was 18 for college, married and then had kids later, so she was helping raise them, but.....we took care of her......and now when she falls, she still doesn't break anything, thank God, but, it takes longer for her to get up and around.   

She is amazing.  I never liked shopping for earrings, too irritating.  Mostly too many to choose from!  
So she has always shopped for my earrings.  Sometimes I wonder, what happens when she goes?  
Am I going to have to shop for my own earrings?  My daughter does not like jewelry at all, so I can't 
depend on her......what a dilemma!

.....and then, recently, I realized something.  I have taken care of my mother longer than she ever took care of me!  

Because, in case you didn't do the math, it is 35 years later, and I have a mother who just.....turned 100!  That's right.  I'm 75.  And there isn't a day that goes by when I don't wonder.....if something happened to her......who would get me earrings......and the next thought....,,she's healthy....maybe, just maybe, she will end up getting me earrings for.....a long time.

         (Lights down, end of scene)




---------------------------------------
Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315                CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
--------------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Monologue Mania Day #1078 The Return of Savannah (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan. 25, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

            first   year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015  second year -  Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016  third year -  Feb. 13, 2016 -  today!           *********                                                        
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each                                                                                                                                              day, click here  There are now over 1050!
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #1078 The Return of Savannah (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan. 25, 2017

        For the series on Caregivers Anonymous - about a year after the pilot episode
                             The Return of Savannah©
                          by Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

(There is a sound and everyone looks and is happily surprised.  Savannah enters and the others greet her, very glad to see her, - how are you, you look great -  she is glowing, dressed in an expansive coat, which she opens to show she is pregnant.

The others are very happy, only Gemma holds back a little, but no one notices.  Savannah points at her own belly.

SAVANNAH -  This is because of you!

CLARK -  Not me!

JEANNIE -  We know it's not fault, I think she was being inclusive...

SAVANNAH -  You're right-  all of you are responsible!  I'm sorry I couldn't come for a few months, but it's been so busy!

          (The others pepper her with questions - when is it due?  How are you feeling? when Jeannie puts up her hands and everyone stops)

JEANNIE -  Why don't we let Savannah tell us, instead of the guessing game!

SAVANNAH -  I just had to come back, and let everyone know that, well, if it wasn't for this group, well, this wouldn't have happened!  (She holds her stomach)  You see, after those first few times here, Franklin got me to talk to his friend at the VA, and he called our Congressman, and all of a sudden, it was like, things started to happen!  I mean, within 48 hours, we had appointments at doctors, and the VA administration, and Terry's alcohol problem was diagnosed as part of PTSD, so everything is covered now!  They started him on a new physical therapy, and Terry, he....he stood up for the first time since the accident.  He may never walk, but, he's on a waiting list for a helper dog, and.....(she takes a deep breath)..and we started therapy, and....(hard to talk about, she's almost in tears)  and on the third visit, the therapist, Dr. Lindemann, he had Terry read me the letter, you know the letter that they write to family before they ship out......just in case they don't come back.......Terry had never shown me that letter, because he...well, he came back.....but then.....

          (She hunts for a kleenex and they all pass one to her)

SAVANNAH -  In the letter, he told me if anything happened to him, to go ahead and ....well, you know, have his baby.....because that way, I could look into the baby's eyes, and see him.....and he knew he could be with me.....forever.......   so, we started with the...well, you know how it works....

          (She rubs her belly again)

SAVANNAH -  And I didn't want to come to this meeting until we were sure everything was ok, and it is, and I'm due in four months, and ......I just wanted to thank you all....I mean I don't know all of you here tonight, but everyone here who helped me, I really appreciate it!  Look, I can't stay for the rest of the meeting, but I just had to....to let you all know that.....success happens!

          (The others cheer her and wave goodbye as she leaves.  As the lights dim, Jeannie notices Gemma watching Savannah almost wistfully.  End of scene)










---------------------------------------
Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315                CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
--------------------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Monologue Mania Day #1077 The Tester by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan. 24, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

            first   year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015  second year -  Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016  third year -  Feb. 13, 2016 -  today!           *********                                                        
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each                                                                                                                                              day, click here  There are now over 1050!
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #1077 The Tester  by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan. 24, 2017


                                                 The Tester                           
                                                            by Janet S. Tiger                                                                              (c) July 8 , 2014 all rights reserved                                                                           tigerteam1@gmail.com


            (A man is onstage, either on a bed, or flat on the ground.  He shudders, then lies very still.  After a moment, gets up and walks to look at the audience, glancing back at where he was lying.)

Whoa!    I had no idea this would be so cool!

Look at them!

They are really trying to save me!

          (He stands, hands on hips, nodding in appreciation)

Amazing!  I think that last procedure pinked me up a bit......got some color back in the blood, not that it helped.

           (He looks at the audience again.)

You may think I'm just a dead bum they found behind some bushes.  And....to be completely honest, that would be true.  But that's not all I am....I volunteered, right before I fully died, when they were taking me towards that big white light, to become....a tester.

You don't know what that is, do you?  That's good, because you have a chance to find out something.  Learning is good.  All these people.....

          (He indicates by where his body was)

All these people have learned a lot about how to save people. They have gone to lots and lots of classes in big fancy schools with smart teachers....most of them.  And they have studied and stayed up late and read all kinds of hard books, books with big words, and fancy diagrams, and lots of ideas they have to remember so - when you end up falling in the street because you had a stroke, or you get hit by a car, or someone beats the crap out of you because ....because they can....these people....they can save you. ......(Smiling) ....But you see, no matter how much they memorize, and how many As they got...... they need to practice.  And, again to be brutally honest, you really don't want them practicing some of this stuff on you!

         (Looks, then shudders and grabs his throat)

Ooh, that would have unpleasant if I'd still been alive.  They have a new guy intubating me...that's when they put a tube down your throat so you can get oxygen....it's not an easy job, if the tube goes past your vocal cords without damaging them...and if  the tube gets  right into your lungs...then it can help save your life.... but..... he missed, and that would have caused all kinds of trouble on a warm body.

         (He points to someone in the crowd)

Like if it had been you!

Scary, huh?  But this guy won't make that mistake again......and that pretty girl, the one with the blue eyes over there, she's learning how to put in an IV on an arm with collapsed veins......  After tonight, she will be happy to find the vein on you, if not on your arm, then on your foot, maybe, especially because your foot is probably not dirty, not crawling with bugs.......

And the older guy, the one with the new job using those electric paddles.....we call them jumper cables!......the electric shock that could bring you back to reality......he never thought he'd have to be learning something new at his age, but he's glad to try out  on me, because even though he pretends he's in control..... he's a little nervous about all that juice.

           (He watches again)

They're doing a good job trying.  It's been more than half an hour now.  They know I'm gone.  Now they're just practicing, not worried if what they do would kill me.  I'm gone.  That's  his fourth intubation.......He'll be so much better now.......more confident.......And her, that's try number seven for an IV.  Lucky seven.  Because it's also not so easy to do......needle marks make it a tough job to find a good spot. 

        (He listens)

(Sadder)  That's not what killed me though.  I've been using a long time.  You name it, I've tried it, meth, ludes, horse......tonight it just plain old dope and my old friend Jack....Jack Daniels! I was pretty wasted.... and I fell and hit my head on that rock there......

        (He points)

So I've been pretty out of it for a few hours.  That's why, when they gave me a shot at being a tester, I said, 'so what's involved here?  And they told me....and I said......

      (Takes a deep breath)  

OK.  So I guess you could say this was my last job.  I've been a busboy, a waiter, a guy who cleans out lockers, a dealer, .a bum..(quieter).....a father.....not a very good father.....(stronger) ....and now, I'm a tester.  Not for much longer, they're almost done.  I think they just started zipping me up for the last ride.

       (He stares for a moment, then turns to go, stops, looks back)

 Maybe now, something good will come out of my life.....even if it's....my death.

       (He turns to exit, but there is a fast blackout and he is.....gone.)

The end. 
---------------------------------------
First posted  Day #146    The Tester  (c) July 8, 2014    

Don't like a rerun?- well, here's a new one -  

                      Day # 1077  January 24, 2017

          (Actor enters, slinking on...ok, maybe this is the writer)

(Annoyed)  You're all so smug.  You listen to these monologues, and then you chuckle about when they are (imitates).....'just a RERUN!'  

or how about the famous.....THEY'RE ALL THE SAME!

Well, of course they are!  Every possible thing to write has already been written, and seen and thought of......and there is nothing new under the sun, Horatio, not even this line!

(In anguish)  But why do I do it?  Why slog on through the mud of all the weeks, the months, now THE YEARS? ALMOST THREE HUNDRED YEARS!  Okay, three years.....but why try to come up with something a tiny bit new.....original, or maybe just a tiny bit entertaining?

Well, here's the answer -  (Loud)  I DON'T KNOW!

There - are you happy now?  And here's the finale for today, my coda, my signature.....

        (Does the action as is yelling it)

TURNS TO LEAVE, STOPS, LOOKS BACK....

       (Takes a deep sigh)

TAKES A DEEP SIGH...... AND EXITS......

        (Walks offstage, shaking head....then turns again)

I do know.....I do it because.....in my heard of hearts.....I.....kinda like it.....

        (Exits laughing.....not the end...yet)
---------------------------------------------------

HA!  Betcha thought it was just an old one, well, I admit maybe I misled you a little.....sorry!  
And.for all those slogging with me, THANK YOU!  For reading, for commenting.....for joining me on this journey!  Hugs to you all!
   
---------------------------------------
Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315                CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
--------------------------------------------------------------

Monday, January 23, 2017

Monologue Mania Day #1076 My Life in Cars (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan. 23, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

            first   year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015  second year -  Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016  third year -  Feb. 13, 2016 -  today!           *********                                                        
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each                                                                                                                                              day, click here  There are now over 1050!
Get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Monologue Mania Day #1076 My Life in Cars (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Jan. 23, 2017

        (Am still not sure exactly where this will fit, but it will!)

                                                       My Life in Cars

                          ©Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

         (Franklin enters, he is in his late sixties, but could pass for 50s - he is very debonair, hat, cane.  The others greet him)

CLARK -  Well, Franklin, so good to have you back!

GEMMA-  Everything ok at home?

FRANKLIN -  Everything is fine......

          (He looks around, sees Savannah and smiles, goes over)

FRANKLIN -  Our new face!  Have they bored you to tears yet?  Hope not!

GEMMA -  That's what you like to do!

           (Franklin makes a face at Gemma, and turns back to Savannah)

FRANKLIN -  Firsts......it's all about firsts.....it may be difficult to believe now, but as a youth, I was very shy......

          (The others hoot and holler)

FRANKLIN -  All right, maybe not 'very' shy'...

           (Jeannie gives him a look)

FRANKLIN -  OK!  I loved to talk, but I also loved to read, and my grandmother was into self-help books, and my favorite was one by Barbara Walters, How to Talk to Absolutely Anyone About Absolutely Anything.....or something like that! Well, I read the book and nothing in it was new, but she did have a suggestion about talking to older people ....that you could ask them to talk about something that might be interesting to you too. 

My favorite question was,,,,,,, 'what was your first automobile?

It was incredible - when you asked......

         (He points to one of the others)

............ people's eyes would light up!  You could tell they would be seeing that car in their mind's eye. And they would be back 50 years.... 60 years and the story about the car would be interesting because it was a car usually long gone........ Everyone remembers learning to drive.... and which car they learn to drive in.......  I am 63....but my first car....

         (He closes his eyes and sniffs)

.........I can still smell it!   It was a VW bug.....and it smelled like the hippies I got it from for only $2!...... ....I had been hitchhiking to get places and one day I had this incredible sensation....I smelled the car before I saw it......It was sputtering, but it moved, I stuck out my thumb, and.... it stopped.  The couple inside were stoned.....and they were very happy.....I told them that I loved their car.....the girl said that I could have it and I told her I had no money, and she said, OK, it's yours....and I was stunned, and I gave them the change in my pockets, $2 and 32 cents!  And we drove into town and they walked off with their stuff.....like a dream!  

 It was before the days of seat belts and I could squeeze myself and six other people into that tiny car!  It was tight - four in the back seat three in the front but we did it one time. I think we were going to the beach but I don't remember..... I just remember the squashed feeling even though I had the most room being the driver!!

There was a sense of joy and wonder to have a new car for me even though it was 12 years old. As soon as I got a good job and saved some money, I got a brand new car and I have owned new cars every since.   I have had quite a few vehicles.  Each one, a different part of my life.....a new chapter.... A new VW - a Ford Mustang....- a mini-van for the kids.....now a solid Buick with doors and windows that lock, (sighs) so my wife can't escape........

New.....the new ones don't break down so fast.......but of all the cars I still love that first VW.......kind of like any first love it stays with me ......the feeling of driving.....well maybe 'putt-putting' my own vehicle down the road..... down a new road .....and the sense of freedom it brings. It is only now, 45 years later, that I realize that sense of freedom has to be inside your soul. Because when you take care of someone....or a few someones....... ......riding down the road is not always the first choice you can make.

         (Lights down, end of scene)

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Note: A few words about 'free' -  all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty 
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Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315                CaregiversAnon.org
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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