Monologue Mania

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Monologue Mania Day #802 Misplaced (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Apr. 24, 2016

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!

first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015
second year - Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016
********* third year - Feb. 13, 2016 - today!
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-

For a list of the titles and blurbs from each day, click here There are now over 780!

Get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com

If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -

How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)

Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monologue Mania Day #802 Misplaced (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Apr. 24, 2016

Misplaced
(for Caregivers Anonymous)

A monologue by Janet S. Tiger (c) 2016 all rights
tigerteam1@gmail.com

(The woman has her arm in a sling and a sheepish look on her face.)

Okay, I know I haven't been here in awhile.....and I told you I'd explain this....

(She points to her sling)

So, here it is......George Clooney asked me out because he was mad at his wife and wanted to cheat on her with an older woman....me!

(The others laugh and she waves at them)

And we were making mad passionate love and I fell out of bed and broke my arm!

(The others hoot and holler)

Okay, okay! The real truth of it is........misplaced worry....you heard me.....misplaced worry.....well maybe that's not the right word.....I knew right where the worry was......I've been taking care of my dad since mom died..... and that first year, I didn't think he was gonna make it. He was in his 70s, and it was rough, so I took to coming over after work, and cleaning up a bit, making him a sandwich, things like that.

And it's been a few years, and I was....well, maybe nobody else here would understand this, but every time I got to his door...I would be afraid......what if....what if he was unconscious? Or.....worse?

So, for twelve years.....that's thousands of times I had that worry......I was lucky, he was always ok.

Always......

So one day, I finish with my dad.....and I drive home and I'm tired, and I get there and I see my husband has not taken out the garbage, and this really annoys me, because I'm tired, and I am practicing what I'm going to say when I rip into him.....so I go into the house and he's not there, so I see the light on in his workshop, and I am even madder, because he is doing something HE likes while I am working and taking care of my dad, and he's retired and he is having fun!

And I go into the workshop with my mouth open and ready to yell and.....

(She takes a deep breath)

And there he is......on the floor.......dead.

(The others gasp and go to hug her but she holds a hand up to stop them.)

Not done! So.....after the funeral and crying and all the details of that......I think to myself how I had worried for nothing, because it wasn't my dad I found dead on the floor.....but did that stop me from worrying?

(She lifts her arm and cups her hand to her ear. The others scream 'no' and she joins them)

It made it worse, because I had actually found a dead person! So now I call my dad as I'm pulling up in my car, and if he doesn't answer, I go nuts, because....is he on the floor?

So one day, I call and...no answer! Images of....on the floor!.....scroll through my brain, and I race to his apartment, not taking the elevator because....I can't wait!

I get to his door.....open it.....look around....where is he? He's not only NOT on the floor - he's nowhere to be found, and his cell phone is not answering.....BECAUSE HE LEFT IT ON THE TABLE!

I run out to see where he wandered off to, and there he is! And he's mad that I expect him to carry his phone! HE'S mad! And when I see him I back up and promptly trip over my purse, which I had dropped when I came into his place....and I twist, and put out my arm to stop my fall....

(She half illustrates and the others are horrified)

As I lay there, I started laughing because I finally figure all those times I worried about Dad being on the floor - those were misplaced worry!

(She goes to sit down, stops)

But I still think the story with George Clooney is much more fun....

(The others cheer as lights go down on worry)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

--------------------------------------------------------------
* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Monologue Mania Day #801 Breeding Grounds (last scene) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Apr. 23, 2016

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!

If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -

How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)

Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monologue Mania Day #801 Breeding Grounds (last scene) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Apr. 23, 2016

Breeding Grounds (scene 1) is Day # 680 here scene 2 is Day # 789 here Scene 3 Day #790-1st monologue Day # 791-2nd monologue

Scene 1 was performed April 11 at the M. Larry Lawrence JCC -
winner of 1st place Audience Choice and 1st place Jury

Breeding Grounds (last scene)

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(Barry's son and Ellen's daughter are still arguing)

SON - You know what else is weird....

DAUGHTER - You heard it too!

SON - They're too old...

DAUGHTER- And this would be your Dad's third marriage!

SON - Hey, my stepmother died, and she was nice.....

DAUGHTER - But...married?

SON - I know, weird......

(Lights up on Barry struggling to get out of a bed. As he awakens, he is shouting for them to stop)

BARRY - Shut up! Can't you stop it already!

(Lights out on them as Ellen runs in, worried, she is in a nurse's uniform)

ELLEN - Hold on! Don't even try to get out of bed! Your legs won't hold!

(She pushes him back onto the bed, and he doesn't resist)

ELLEN - Now just relax....your doctor is on the way....it's another busy night here....so it may be a few minutes....my God! You're really awake!

BARRY - What are you talking about? Of course I'm awake!

ELLEN - Well, it would be the first time in a week, so it's very good! Just relax....

BARRY - What do you mean, the first time in a week? What did you do to me?

ELLEN - (Laughs) What did I do? You were in a car accident.....very serious.....do you remember anything?

BARRY - (Starting to dawn on him) Oh, my God.......the accident actually....happened.....I thought, I mean.....that ......he missed me....

ELLEN - No, you got hit, and big time. You were incredibly lucky about broken bones......those air bags are amazing.....but your head.....that got tossed around a bit too much....so here you are!

BARRY - How long have I been here?

ELLEN - You've been in my ICU exactly one week tonight.....

BARRY - And you're...... you're not ...dying?

ELLEN - (Laughs, surprised) No! Thank God, but I'm fine......

BARRY - No...cancer?

ELLEN - Not me, but the night you came in was busy - and the woman in the bed next to you had just passed out in a restaurant, they brought her in, found out....she had brain cancer.....only six months to a year.......maybe you heard that.....

BARRY - I had the weirdest dreams.....

ELLEN - Not unusual....

BARRY - You were in them...

ELLEN - And the Tin Man, too? Well, you're not in Kansas, my friend.....let me get some vitals.....what is your name?

BARRY - Barry, Barry Leventhal....

ELLEN - You don't know what day it is....do you remember what year?

BARRY - 2016....

ELLEN - Wonderful....

BARRY - You've been divorced for 17 years.....

ELLEN - THAT you remember! I guess you weren't as out of it as we thought.....Yes, my husband left me.....

BARRY - For another woman....and you have a daughter and grandchildren.....

(Ellen does some tests - checking blood pressure, temperature)

ELLEN - (Impressed) My granddaughter was here to see if she really wants to be a nurse......after my cheater left me............ I couldn't support my daughter in the style she was very used to.....so, while teaching, I went back to school and became what you see here today....an ICU nurse.....

BARRY - I was hurt bad.....everything is numb.....

ELLEN - That would be the drugs....why you shouldn't try to stand yet......

BARRY - (Trying to figure it out) I remember thinking he missed me by just inches.......but he didn't

ELLEN - (Understanding) No....he was pretty drunk, only one who walked away....well, actually I understand he tried to run away......

BARRY - Was anyone else....hurt?

ELLEN - After you, he went into a crowd that was waiting for a light.....it was a busy street, Saturday night.......22 people injured, some pretty bad, but nobody died......(thinking) Actually, him hitting you saved some lives....it happened fast, but people had a chance to jump out of the way......you were the worst......

BARRY - That's a nice thought....

ELLEN - (Professional) I mean, your injuries were the most severe.....all the others were out of here in a few days......

BARRY - In my dreams.......I was the lucky one......

ELLEN - You are lucky.... you have wonderful kids, and grandchildren....

BARRY - How would you know that.....

ELLEN - They were here all week.....with your grandchildren....now, your ex-wife....

BARRY - Probably sniffing around to see if I had any life insurance with her as the beneficiary....

ELLEN - (Laughs) I think that might be true.....

(He tries to stand, she stops him again)

BARRY - What's your name.....or does it matter?

ELLEN - What a strange thing to say! I'm Ellen, and I hope the doctor gets here soon.....you'll be trying to walk around more.....and I don't think you're stable yet.....

BARRY - And all this stuff......I'm hooked up to everything but the kitchen sink......

ELLEN - No, we've got that, too.....and the bathroom, but not the sink...

BARRY - So.....what do you think about Las Vegas?

ELLEN - Nice.......I prefer the ocean, but.....please, stay in that bed!

(He sits heavily, legs still wobbly)

ELLEN - You're gonna need therapy before you leave......not moving around for a week, all those muscles weaken....

(When she holds him, he reacts and hugs her, she is surprised)

ELLEN - Down boy......you have a lot of therapy before you get to that!

BARRY - But you're not dying......

ELLEN - I'm really not supposed to talk about some things.....but I know how Dr. Jenkins is....he hears good news, he'll stay with the patient who needs him....so.....no, I am not the one dying, but, you, my friend......

BARRY - (Brightens) Friend!

ELLEN - You are the one who almost died....

(He stops trying to stand and looks at her)

BARRY - How bad was it?

ELLEN - (Like a comic) It was soooo bad......(serious) that the woman in the bed next to you....remember the woman with the brain cancer? She didn't want to be in the same room with you - she was depressed!

BARRY - That does sound bad.....
.
ELLEN - Yes.....it was bad.....and you were very lucky.....the drugs helped the swelling in your brain go, and - I mean, they will test you, but from what I see and hear, you probably don't have a lot of permanent damage....you are a lucky man! (Very serious) In fact....they even called in the rabbi.......

BARRY - Rabbi......

ELLEN - Rabbi Gold........he was on call ....same as me! It was funny, we know each other from a group we were going to that night....

BARRY - I remember.....

ELLEN - I don't think you can remember my life! We never discussed it here......

BARRY - JSS.....Jewish Senior Singles......

(She stops, stunned)

BARRY - That's where I was headed....I guess, before the accident.....

ELLEN - My God, that is weird! I was going there, too! The Jewish Forever Alone Club!

BARRY - My first time.....

ELLEN - Not me, I'm the
BARRY - (Joins in) the...Queen of First Dates!

ELLEN - There were so many injured, they were slammed in the ER and ICU, so they called me in....think about it.....wouldn't it have been strange......if that drunk had been one minute later.....we might've met that night!

BARRY - But we did meet that night!

(He stands and pulls her to him, they kiss, then he turns to the audience)

BARRY - And that, my dear great-grandchildren is the story of how I met your great-grandmother!

ELLEN - More or less......I was a good nurse....I never let him get out of bed that night!

BARRY - Poetic license....but the moral is.....all of you please remember, when something bad happens, there could be something very good right after!......Now let's get a photo of everyone.......and a big thank you for all of you joining us on our 20th anniversary!

(He holds out his arms as he and Ellen pose for the 'picture'. Spotlight on them, the blackout. The end.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Monologue Mania Day #800 Cheetah by Janet S. Tiger (c) Apr. 22, 2016

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!

If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -

How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)

Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monologue Mania Day #800 Cheetah by Janet S. Tiger (c) Apr. 22, 2016

Cheetah

A monologue by Janet S. Tiger (c) 2016 all rights
tigerteam1@gmail.com

(An older man enters, sets up his phone to record himself)

Hello friends and family!

Because I am real close to the end, I have decided that if I come back as an animal, I want to come back as a....cheetah. You heard me....not a lion or a tiger....but a cheetah. Why? Because I was such a cheater in this life!

(Laughs) That's funny, right...but, I am a cheater.

There, the truth.

I have been a cheater since I was a kid.

I never liked tests, so I hated studying for them, and then I saw Suzy was smart, and she liked me, so I would look at her paper and copy it - not all of it, just enough to pass.

And then I figured out about cheating!

How easy, and if you were careful, you don't have to get caught!

I cheated on my taxes.....never caught.....I cheated on all three of my wives....of course, they cheated on me, too, so that was an even exchange.

And then I cheated on all my students - half the time I never read their papers, just glanced through and gave a grade! Most never knew - and if anyone complained, I fixed it. So what? Who cares what a grade is 30 years later? I cheated on my tests, I assumed they all cheated! Because cheating is what everyone does....some more than others.

Everyone watching this has cheated....at least once. You know it even if you don't tell anyone.......

(He leans in closer...this is a secret)

Now I'm cheating the nurses......I told them I needed a sleeping pill, but I don't really.

So I sell them ....to the other patients.....well, actually..... not all of them.

Some I'm.... saving.....right now I have over 100 of them....I think that's enough.....

Because....one night..... I plan to take them all. You see....I'm going choose when I go to the big sleep!

(He goes to turn off the camera, stops)

Because the last one I plan to cheat.....is the Grim Reaper....

(He shuts off the camera.....really almost the end)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Monologue Mania Day #799 Last Passover in Cairo (revised rerun for The Senior Channel) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Apr. 22, 2016

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-

For a list of the titles and blurbs from each day, click here There are now over 790!

Get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com

If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -

How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)

Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monologue Mania Day #799 Last Passover in Cairo (revised rerun) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Apr. 22, 2016

            Note - this piece was so popular the last two years, Day # 61 am rerunning it because Passover is tomorrow.


                       Last Passover in Cairo
                                       (for the Senior Channel)
                                            By Janet S. Tiger
                                      © all rights reserved 2014
                                         tigerteam1@gmail.com

         (A man comes out, in Army fatigues, he is holding a box of matzohs. He speaks calmly, with    no discernible accent to start)

First let me say I was inspired by that gentleman who told the story about Palm Sunday - which always comes around Passover, followed by Easter. In my lifetime, I was lucky enough to experience Passover in many locations, but my favorite was ...the last Passover in Cairo.

Now when you say,'Cairo', people think.... exotic...and pyramids. But actually - in the United States, there are 36 places named Cairo - most of them in the South, and one, the one I am fondest of, was near where my father was based for two years of his Army career.

(More of a Southern drawl) You will notice, that as I speak more of the South, my accent returns. The South is a place that weaves its spell on you, like the tentacles of the honeysuckle do - pretty, so pretty, you barely notice the life being squeezed out of you. Or at least that's what my New York born and raised mother used to say.

We were oddities - a Jewish family in the military. My father had been drafted for WWII, and stayed on when they offered him a reserve commission after the war. My mother objected, but he - as always - ignored her, saying, 'Miriam, there's not gonna be another war! We won't allow it! So, I was born in New York, but Korea and that other war we wouldn't allow - Vietanm - made sure my father and our family traveled all over this great big country for over 20 years.

But this memory is of one of the most memorable Passovers that our family enjoyed - the last one in Cairo, as my mother used to call it.

Now in most small Southern towns, there are few Jews, and our Cairo was no exception. There was a traveling rabbi who handled the 50 or so families throughout the county - but mostly we had to spend time explaining to people what Jewish holidays were, and why we did not celebrate Christmas or Easter.

To avoid fights, I soon found it easier to explain Easter as being Jesus' last Seder - and the other kids understood that.

And, over the years, we invited many families to join us for Seder, allowing my mother to explain the peculiarities of her family's Passover observances - that the hard boiled egg came AFTER the soup, and that the horseradish had to be VERY hot, so your eyes teared - and each of these came with its own family tale, always appreciated by the story-loving Southerners at our tables.

And people loved coming - my mother made sure the Seder itself was shortened for their benefit - easy to understand, and with amazing amounts of food - something Southerners truly appreciated.

But the problem with the year I remember best was one of transference - the transfer of my father, that is. He was being transferred right around Passover that year - and my mother was in a tizzy.

You see, she had always hated the moving, but had gotten used to it - in fact, she had it down to a science. Our first few moves, she was ready one week before the actual day. But then, there was the fated Passover in Texas - and we were all set to move, all packed, items sent on ahead, when the order came through - we were staying! Another 3 months! You could hear my mother's shrieks in the real Cairo!

Since then, my mother had decided to wait until the absolute last minute - armed with lists and lists of lists and places where she had secretly stored boxes - to make sure orders hadn't changed.

This worked fine - until, in our last year in Cairo, it turned out the last week when the FINAL decision came down – was right before Passover!

We couldn't leave - what if the orders changed?

And yet, everything was almost packed! What could we do?

My mother was horrified - to pack or not pack the fancy dishes? Did the Army care? For those who have never been in the Army, here's a news bulletin - the Army never cares!

So, our very Passover was in doubt.....just like the Jews waiting for Pharoah's decree, we huddled and worried, well, maybe not huddled, but we went to school and worried.

My mother decided that we would have a 'petite' Passover - scaled down to the very basics - no extra charoset, chopped with those delicious Southern pecans, just enough for one mouthful as the Seder dictated.

It was very sad - and that was on top of the sadness that always went with moving away from new friends that you would usually never see again - or if you did, they would have changed.

Actually, it was sadder - because Passover was always such a family event - with us and all the new friends and Dad together, and now it was just going to be lonely and....sad. Especially because Dad had been called out of state, and would not be back until after Passover. He would call us, of course, but he had only missed one other Seder, and that was when he was in Korea, and it was truly a distant memory.

Passover was on a Monday night that year - and when my mother came to pick us up at school, the principal came out to wish her a Happy Holiday. The woman spoke for what seemed like hours - as Southerners and Jews are very good at - and finally we got to leave.

As we pulled up to our home, we noticed there was almost no parking, just one spot in front of our house.

My mother was surprised - then she remembered the principal had mentioned one of the neighbors had gone into labor early, and so maybe the baby had come.....

We went to our front door, and just as we got there.....

          (He takes out a handkerchief and wipes his eyes)

Just as we got there, the door opens and everyone screams - in a Southern accent, of course - (Yells) Hog Someach!.....Which should be...Chag Sameoch, but it didn't matter, you see, all the neighbors had gotten the traveling rabbi, who was there, too, by the way, and they had gotten the rabbi to give them recipes for Passover.

And they had lovingly made all the items - from the roasted shankbone done by Mrs. O'Reilly, to the delicious Matzoh Ball soup by the Dunns to the hit of the evening, Ole Miss McClintock's KFC - kosher fried chicken.......the women had brought fancy tablecloths and napkins and silverware and dishes - all the packed away items had been lovingly replaced by beautiful Irish linen and Waterford crystal and even some silverplated candlestick heirlooms that looked like they had been through the Civil War.

My mother took one look and started to cry, and her friends and neighbors hugged her and it was a very incredible scene.

We sat and the rabbi did the Seder - edited a bit due to the fact everyone had to be at work and school in the morning.

When he talked about the Exodus from Egypt, somehow it meant so much more that night than any other time I've heard it.

And that, my friends, was my most memorable holiday.

         (He turns to go, stops)

Almost forgot. There's a part where the door is opened for a mystical guest, Elijah. And when the door opened, we half expected my father to be standing there....

But he wasn't. You can't have everything! Then the phone rang.......that was my father! Calling all the way from Montana, he was thinking about us, and how much he missed us.

(Sighs) I've been all over the world, but that last Passover in Cairo will stay with me forever.......

         (He leaves)

Hag Sameach!

         (And next year in Jerusalem, too! The end)

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Wishing all a wonderful Passover!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
--------------------------------------------
* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Monologue Mania Day #798 Into the Desert (for Passover-revised) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Apr. 20, 2016

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!

If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -

How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)

Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monologue Mania Day #798 Into the Desert (for Passover-revised) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Apr. 20, 2016

First posted Day # 415 April 3, 2015

                                            Into the Desert
    (for Passover)
by Janet S. Tiger (c) 2015 all rights
tigerteam1@gmail.com

              (We see the woman comes onstage carrying a lot of things from what looks like a few thousand years ago. She is sweating, puts all the items down.)

How did they do it?

I mean, without cars and diapers and....my God, paper towels! They left Egypt as slaves and they only carried what they could carry in their hands, or on a cart.

               (She looks at the items, shakes her head)

I am moving five miles away, and I have a team of three guys I'm paying to do the heavy stuff, plus friends and family, and I am exhausted! Plus, I know where I'm going! When those people left Egypt, they had no idea! No forwarding address!

(Amazed) And all because they wanted to be free.....

              (She picks up one of the bags, examines the contents.)

And me, I complain because I have too much junk.......

               (She looks up)

God forgive me!

               (Reaches into another bag, removes a candy bar, starts to unwrap it.)

I promise I will try to do better....

                (She turns to leave, stops, looks back)

But I guess for now, I get to go....into the dessert.....

                 (She takes a big bite of the candy bar and she exits- wishing all a wonderful Passover!)

----------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
------------------------------------------------------------
* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.