Monologue Mania

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #462 Replacement Cost (the assistant) by Janet S. Tiger May 20, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for (now over) a whole year!
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monologue Mania Day #462 Replacement Cost (the assistant) by Janet S. Tiger May 20, 2015

Please see Day # 1 for the first part of this one-act.

Replacement Cost (the assistant)

       (The assistant enters, she is in her thirties, attractive, competent, but now she is also a combination of amazed and horrified)

You have got to be kidding! I can't believe what I just saw!

I knew there was a reason you didn't want me to know what type of 'job' you were offering this young man, but now that I know........(sputtering a bit) ....now that I know .....all I can say is......I think you are insane.

Maybe not lock up insane, just garden variety nuts.

Maybe you can blame it on the chemotherapy, but you can't really hope to have some other person, another human being for God's sake! just learn about you, and then....(sputtering again)....learn about you and.....take over when you die?

        (Sees the glass of untouched wine and goes over, chugs it down)

I have worked with you for fifteen years, and I have seen a lot. I have seen you take over companies with one phone call...sometimes a phone call that was only one sentence long! I have seen you build up an industry in a matter of weeks, sometimes days! Or tear down a company, bleed it dry because the CEO beat you at a game of Scrabble!

        (She pours another glass and swallows it in one gulp)

But this, this is unthinkable! To take a person and make them over....in your image! I knew you thought you were God, but I didn't ever want to see the proof that you really believed it!

And there it is......I watched it....like a frightening reality TV show......and the most frightening part is.....

         (She puts down the glass, turns to leave, stops, looks back)

.....is that he is probably going to accept!

         (Lights down on the assistant.)

------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #461 Replacement Costs by Janet S. Tiger May 19, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for (now over) a whole year!
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #461 Replacement Costs by Janet S. Tiger May 19, 2015

                                      Replacement Costs

          (The person enters, is very elegant, well dressed, well mannered)

Thank you for coming, I am so glad you are here......

(Looks at the other)

My, my, the resemblance is amazing. If I'd had a child, it might very well look like you!

Would you care for a drink? This is a lovely pinot grigio.....

         (Offers drink, is turned down)

Well, there's no need to drink now, but that will have to change if you take this job.

I'm sure my assistant was able to give you some of the background, but I just wanted to make sure that we met in person before.....well, before I die......

(Listens, laughs)

Oh, no! I am so sorry you were under that misconception! You will not have to kill me! The tumor growing in my pancreas is doing a fine job of that! No, I do not want you to hurt me, or anyone else. What I need is for you to.....how can I put this politely and clearly?....I need for you to take over my life.

       (Takes a deep breath)

I'm so glad you sat down, I would hate for you to fall and hurt yourself. As you will learn - if you decide to accept this offer - I am not clumsy, I am very coordinated. And I need whoever steps into my shoes to also be very coordinated.

Otherwise, people might notice.....and that I do not want.

You see, I have had an amazing life. I have earned massive amounts of money from many companies I have started. I have had many affairs, with people in all walks of life, but many with very distinguished, educated and highly talented folks. I can afford the best of everything, travel, clothing, cars, friends.......they say money can't buy happiness, well, I can tell you that is one of the biggest lies of all!

The one thing money can't buy is......time. Yes, it has bought me a few extra months, with care from the finest doctors and hospitals. But I would trade all my money for your health, as the money can no longer buy that.......

So, because I cannot buy your health, the next best thing is ......to have you take over....as me.

        (Shakes head)

I can see that you are flummoxed. I just love that word! So perfect, and it has an 'x'! I love words with x - they do well in Scrabble! That's another game you'll have to learn....along with everything else I have learned, and chosen, from the socks I wear, to the toilet paper I prefer, and every reason, because I have thought everything in my life out very carefully.

And so, in exchange for learning...everything......what I am offering you is....everything. All my worldly goods, my money, my possessions - all I have acquired.......with the very simple condition that you ....take over my life. That you...become ...me.

Easy as pie. If you accept, upon my death, you will legally take my name, and it will be your job to do as I would have done.

Run my life as I would. You will have my advisers, and all the help you need at your fingertips.

This is a very unusual job - possibly the very first of its kind.   But with so much at stake in this world, with so many options for this planet......I feel that your decision will affect mankind. There, no pressure......as for remuneration, you may have it all, that is a fair cost for such an important....replacement.......

        (Turns to leave, stops looks back)

You? What an interesting question! (Thinks) What will happen to you? I honestly feel that I do not care........Why, that is just another.....part of the cost......

             .(Laughs and exits, into an unusual future)





------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monday, May 18, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #460 Children of Procrastination (re-run with extras) by Janet S. Tiger May 18, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for (now over) a whole year!
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #460 M.T. (re-run with extras) by Janet S. Tiger May 18, 2015

    Below is the monologue that was written exactly one year ago- but today I put it up with notes about where it came from following the monologue.   I think today I would call this
THE CHILDREN OF PROCRASTINATION! Read on and see why.......

Monologue Mania Day #95 by Janet S. Tiger M T c) May 18, 2014

                                         M T
                                      by Janet S. Tiger    c) May 18, 2014
all rights reserved
   tigerteam1@gmail.com

            (A writer comes out onstage - the actor can represent this anyway they like. Waves arms around.)

(Loud and slowly) M...... T...... Two letters.....

That's what it feels like when there is nothing there. M T. Empty.

Nothing. Zip. Nada. Void. Zero. Blank. Totally. Containing nothing - not filled or occupied.

That is my brain, how it feels right now. I have a deadline.

But I can't write - because there is nothing there.

I love to procrastinate. My children are the children of procrastination.

I was given an advance for a novel to turn in on a certain date six months away. I waited. I had nothing.

Well, maybe less than nothing, as worry is something but it subtracts from your nothing so you have a negative sensation.

The week before everything was due, I got the idea, and started outlining. It was gonna be down to the wire.

Three days before it was due - I get a call from a friend - they had someone crap out on them at the last minute, could I come to New York to do an emergency re-write -and I would have to be there....tomorrow.

Lotsa money. Big lots of money. More than ten novels - but I had given my word, and worse.....I had spent every penny of the advance.

Except for the last pennies which I was using to buy coffee to get through the next days.

But they were depending on my turning in the novel -presses were waiting, publicity tours had been booked.   It was..... a commitment, I had promised, and to take the other opportunity would have meant breaking my word.

So I refused the lots of money - some element of my soul had some element of honor. Boy is honor expensive!

Yet I have no regrets - because when I turned in the novel, the assistant to the editor ended up ......becoming my spouse.... and we have four kids- - and the youngest just graduated from college and told me something that made me a bit proud. He said that I had taught him well - that honor is important, and not everyone knows it, but he and his siblings did, and he thanked me.

My children of procrastination. I love them and I would not have changed one second of my life that brought them to me.

Do I procrastinate still? What do you think? This was due today!

          (The writer walks offstage, smiling, looks at watch, turns back)

But it's still today!

          (Exits, still today)

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Warning - below is some non-monologue stuff from my life, that I am writing so that I do not forget it. (Not that I ever forget anything, well sometimes.....a tiny bit here and there......)

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So why would I change the name of this to be THE CHILDREN OF PROCRASTINATION? Because it is based on my life 30 years before. I had been commissioned by Kit Goldman to write a play for her Gaslamp Quarter Theatre - and the first reading was on a Monday night. On Thursday before that Monday I had exactly zero pages completed. A lot of ideas, but nothing finalized.

The play was scheduled for November, and I was sweating a bit, and then, on that Thursday, I got a call from a big producer in Hollywood (he had done Mission Impossible, Hawaii 5-O) to be the script editor on the Mike Hammer show. Nice money. A big jump for me. All I had to do was ....be there on Monday morning, ready to work.

I told him what was happening, and how I felt a deep obligation to turn in the play(partly because of honor - partly because I had already spent the money from the advance), and could he wait a few days? You know how Hollywood works - I had to give him a definite yes or no.....by the next morning.

I was in a quandary - do I keep my word? Or go for the gold? I went to sleep, hoping the answer would be there in the morning. And it was. I had a dream....too long to go into here, but it was clear there really was no choice. My honor made me tell the producer (Stan Kallis, a truly fine man) that I had to stay the course to write the play, and he told me he knew my answer when he'd spoken to me the night before.......and he wished me good luck.

Having done a great deal of research for the play, which was about Belva Lockwood, the first woman to run for President and actually receive votes - and electoral college votes, I was able to bring in the draft for the reading on Monday night - and it was produced with only minimal changes (THE THIRD PARTY -which was nominated for Best New Play of 1984 by the SD Theater Critics).

Had I not procrastinated, had I finished the play early, I could have told Stan 'no problem, see you Monday' and left the script to be produced without me. But because I stayed in San Diego, my life was different. In February of 1985, I met my future husband, and we have two wonderful children, and I have absolutely no regrets about turning down that offer - or anything else since.

And that is why I call my children, THE CHILDREN OF PROCRASTINATION.

My life is much busier now - I have no real time to procrastinate on taking care of my Dad (91 last week!) or my fighting back from stroke husband (65 this week!)

So, maybe I will re-write this one day and stay closer to the true story. Or maybe not.

(And this is where I always put in - 'turns to leave, stops, looks back')

But one thing will probably remain constant - I still do and probably always will - procrastinate! It is now 11:59 p.m. - thanks for staying with all these crazy monologues.......and for all the great comments. Good night!

------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Monologue Mania Day #459 Always in My Heart by Janet S. Tiger May 17, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for (now over) a whole year!
Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #459 Always in My Heart by Janet S. Tiger May 17, 2015

      This is a duo piece - but am putting it up in honor of Jeff Tabler's class - have made a few changes, please let me know which version you prefer! This can also be a monologue - see below the duo.

                      Always in My Heart

(Set – an airport. A man and a woman enter, they can be 40s-60s. They see each other and gasp.)

Together – Oh, my God!

HE– Is it…

SHE -………you?

HE– I can’t believe it…

SHE– After all these years….

HE– You look…..

SHE– …exactly the same!

(They hug)

HE – We were in that show together, right?

SHE - What was the name…….

HE – Not Shakespeare…..but it sounded…..

SHE – British accents!

HE - That was it! We had accents!

SHE – The director was just horrible!

HE – Has it been…

SHE -…….so many years?

HE – Ten?

SHE –Fifteen!

Both – Oh, my God!….Where did the time go?

SHE – You’ve always been in my heart…

HE – I’m married…..(he indicates offstage)

SHE – So am I….(she indicates offstage)

HE – I have two kids…

SHE – I have three…

Both – Wonderful!

HE - You look wonderful!

SHE – I had cancer….

HE - I had a heart attack….

SHE – I almost died…

HE – I did die – for three minutes. But they got me back. It’s almost as bad as dying onstage!

SHE – I’m so glad you’re OK.

HE – And I’m so glad you’re OK.

(Both look offstage toward their spouses.)

HE – My plane leaves in 10 minutes

SHE – My plane leaves in 5 minutes.

BOTH – Gotta go.

(They look at their spouses, the following is said quietly, so the spouses can’t hear.)

HE – We never should have broken up…..but I had to do that show out of town…

SHE - And I got that series……

HE – Wasn’t that the one where…..

SHE – I was the sister-in-law….

HE - Why did we break up again?

SHE – We were silly…

HE – We were stupid…

SHE – We were fools…

HE – We were idiots!

BOTH – I’ll never make that mistake again!

SHE – Here’s my card..

HE- Here’s mine…

(They exchange cards quietly, so no one will see)

HE – I’ll call you.

SHE – I’ll call you!

BOTH - You’ll always be in my heart!

(They hug and separate, then head back to their spouses.)

BOTH – (mystified) Who was that?

(When they get to opposite sides of the stage, each looks at the card they have been given. He rips his up and throws it out, she crumples hers and throws it out. Then they look back at each other across the stage and wave goodbye. Curtain)

The end.

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Monologue version of ALWAYS IN MY HEART by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(Set – an airport. A person enters, they can be 40s-60s. Sees another person and gasps.)

Oh, my God! Is it……you?

I can’t believe it…

After all these years….

You look…..exactly the same!

(Hugs other person)

We were in that show together, right?

What was the name…….

Not Shakespeare…..but it sounded…..

(thinking) we had British accents!

And the director was just horrible!

Has it been…….so many years?

Ten? Really? Fifteen!

Oh, my God!….Where did the time go?

You’ve always been in my heart…

I’m married…..(indicates offstage)

You, too!

I have two kids…

(Listens) You have three…

(Truly happy) Wonderful!

(Gives person a look up and down)

(Appreciative) You look wonderful!

(Horrified) You had cancer….I'm so sorry!

I had a heart attack….

(Shakes head)

You almost died…I'm so sorry!

I did die – for three minutes. But they got me back. It’s almost as bad as dying onstage!

(Listens) Thank you....and I’m so glad you’re OK.

(Looks offstage toward spouse.)

My plane leaves in 10 minutes

(A little sad) Gotta go.

(Looks in the spouse's direction, the following is said quietly, so the spouse can’t hear.)

We never should have broken up…..but I had to do that show out of town…

(Listens) Oh, yes, you got that series……

Wasn’t that the one where…..

(Listens) ..... you were the sister-in-law….

(Wondering) Why did we break up again?

(Shakes head) We were silly…

(Nods) We were stupid…

We were fools…

We were idiots!

I’ll never make that mistake again!

Here’s my card..

(Hands over a card quietly, so no one will see, takes a card in return)

I’ll call you.

(Looks at the card, then smiles)

You’ll always be in my heart!

(Another hug and then heads back to spouse, stops, looks back.)

(Mystified) Who was that?

(Looks at the card, then rips his up and throws it out. Then looks back at other person across the stage and waves goodbye. Curtain)

The end.

------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8