Monologue Mania

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 372 by Janet S. Tiger Don't Call Me Feb. 19, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!   Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here

Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day # 372 by Janet S. Tiger Don't Call Me Feb. 19, 2015

Don't Call Me
by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

                 (An older man enters, listening on a phone, he punches numbers, shakes his head, he is very irritated)

Can anyone hear me? I am trying to get through to you people! Hellooooooooo! I do not want to add any more minutes! I just added minutes, by mistake! I forgot I had auto-add minutes, so I made a payment that I want to reverse!

              (Pushes more buttons)

Oh, my God, is that a human? I am so glad to talk with you! I think I just made a payment and I had forgotten that.....yes, that's my number, I can barely hear you, can you please speak up?

I'm 92 years old for God's sake! I can't hear you! I need to get my money back!

              (Listens)

What? I didn't call you, I got a call from you.....saying my due date was approaching....that's exactly what the message said, ...my due date is approaching.....as if I was expecting a baby! And if I didn't pay, I would lose my service. So I pushed the buttons, and paid, and now you are pushing my buttons! I should never have received that call!

           (Listens, steam starts to come out of ears)

Are you joking? Of course I do not know what an inbound call center is! And if I did I would not call it anyhow! I hate to call you people, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

          (Listens)

What do you mean, you are sorry, but you have a no refund policy! That cannot be legal!......Of course the charge was authorized, I told you the numbers myself, but if you listen to that stupid recording you make, you will hear me asking why I have to pay? And not understanding why I have to pay for 6 months when I usually pay only for 3!

         (Starts hopping up and down)

Customer service! I thought I was talking to customer service! ......Hello? ....Helloooooo? I'm a 93 year old man, I can't take this! Yes, I was 92 - at the beginning of this call!   Are you transferring me or hanging up on me? Or trying to give me a heart attack? If you kill me, I will never be your customer again!

        (Stares at phone, sadly puts it into pocket)

So I paid for six months I don't need, and they will not give me a refund. And if I fight them, it will take me six months to get back, what, 25 dollars? They know no one will fight, especially old people, or people who can't speak English....or busy people they have fooled into paying what they will not refund......Now, if they cheat a million people like me every month, and 100,000 of us don't fight back.....that's a....... lotta money!

         (Stamps his foot)

Dammit, if my son had only become a lawyer instead of an engineer.......maybe I'd have a chance......to sue the pants off of them......

         (Starts to walk off, stops, looks back, scratches head, nods)

Wait a minute, if they can make that much money.....how can I figure out a scam like that.....on them?

         (He smiles an evil smile, exits to a new level of dissatisfied customer)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 371 by Janet S. Tiger Lost and Found Feb. 18, 2015

Lost and Found
by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(The woman from yesterday returns. She has another box, and a large container marked - Donations)

Today I begin for real. Amvets is coming, like the shrimp boats, only taking stuff away. The problem - I have found a box of old blouses -and other assorted clothing - and I am only able to rid myself of a few pieces (see photo)

I fear that if I give away the others, there will come a day when I wish I hadn't. A day that I miss the item and want to wear it, but since I am already wearing something else, stop thinking about it. Or - the worst case scenario - a day that I wonder where the item is and go looking for it, like a lost cloth puppy.

(She holds up a very worn tanktop)

Where is the tanktop I wore when I was 23, and it actually fit? The one I went traveling by bus all over the country, and was effective in getting good seats near the driver. The one that has holes and is stained to the point even I wouldn't wear it. Not that I want to wear it, mind you, I just want to know - WHERE THE HELL IS IT? Is it lost and gone forever, dear Clementine shirt? Or is it saved in a box, a drawer, a shed, a storage unit?

And the top question - why do I care?

It's a good question. And at the root of all the saving. I do not know why I care, except, I do love to remember those days, and when I see the shirt, touch the shirt, those days flood back into my brain from the deep dark RAM (or is it ROM?) memory that is deep storage. When I discard the item, it goes into a dark place, into the cloud of time that is now my brain.

(She pulls an old housedress out and holds it lovingly)

Will I ever recall those times without THIS SPECIFIC ONE RATTY, STAINED ITEM? Ay, there's the rub. When I go through the piles and find this item, those memories are alive again for just an instant. So, I take a picture of the items to be given away. Only a very few out of an entire box, yet it takes me an hour! And I say goodbye, horrified that these decisions are so difficult.

Had I never seen this box of clothing again, would I have cared? Probably not -except for the 'wondering where this is' moments. Would I have questioned what happened to the loose-fitting dress I wore when I was pregnant with my two children? Yet there it is, in all its stretched out glory, faded, torn under one arm, with a safety pin to hold the front together where my pregnancy expanding breasts ripped the buttons off one day.

And my children are fine, thank God, now 23 and 20, so this is one old piece of cloth. How can I justify saving it? Because I know that no one will ever use this. Amvets sells only what still looks good, and the...the other, lesser items, are relegated to the literally rag heap. That's right, they take all the old material items that cannot be sold, and these items are, oh, it is so hard to say, these sad ones are......turned into rags.

Rags that are sold to others who have no idea of the memories attached. These people take the rags and use them for God only knows what, and never wonder from whence these fibers came. And now, when I look, I see that my dear old friends, I mean old clothes, may also become carpet padding, insulation, or even rubberized playgrounds! Now that is a better image for me than rags. I can see children playing on the fibers that used to cover my swollen pregnant body. A fitting end to some wonderful material.

(She puts the dress into the Donations container)

So maybe, now, I can let that dress go.......

(She stops, looks back)

......or maybe, I'll wait until next week's pick-up. It'll give me some time to say goodbye.

(She picks out the dress, holds it, sits looking at the boxes as lights dim)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 370 by Janet S. Tiger The Beginning Feb. 17, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!   Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 370 by Janet S. Tiger   Feb. 17, 2015

Am starting the new blog here - Happy Hoarder

but am also going to continue this blog, using the pieces from Happy Hoarder as starting points. Don't know if I can keep up a daily regimen of both, but will see what happens. Who knows? Maybe this will become the start of....the Happy Hoarding Monologues! So will start with yesterday's HH blog, turned into a monologue. (For those reading HH, if you read both - a monumental task! - please let me know how they translate, thanks!)

The Happy Hoarder - The Beginning

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(A woman enters, she is carrying a box of items which she sets down, looks through and then turns to the audience)

After visiting my mother's home today, I have come to a complete realization - I am a hoarder. And I have made a decision - I do not want to be a hoarder.

I have known that I am.....this...... for years, but now I have also decided to have a goal...... to write about the weird things I hoard - and then discard them. I read that if you take a photo of the item to be discarded, it is easier to let go. Although I truly doubt this, I am going to try.

(She picks one of the items from the box)

For today's item, I have chosen blouses. That may seem like more than one item, and I hope it will be, but I fear I may not be able to choose more than one blouse to give away. For help, I am hoping to use an extremely mathematical method. I am donating any blouse that has a stain pattern rating beyond level three. Since this is a personal system, I will elucidate.

(She illustrates using the blouse.)

Level one - One stain is allowable usually no matter where it is - although directly over a chestal region can be iffy, usually you can pretend the stain just happened. You take off your sweater or jacket, and pretend to notice the stain for the first time. 'How did THAT get there?' you can exclaim, with the surprise worthy of a fine actress. Of course, you can never wear that blouse again in front of the same people, but who cares? This is a good incentive to make more friends.

(She now holds the blouse against herself)

Level two - Stain two creates an even iffier situation - fully dependent on the geography of the stains. If one is high and one is low, you can strategically place your hands over the lower stain. However, if the two stains are close, you can use the same reaction as in the one stain scenario - the logic being whatever caused the first stain caused both. But if the stains are of different origin, near to each other, therein lies the beginning of trouble. What can you do? Does a Tide pen really work? We all know the answer to that - the answer is.....maybe.

Just to clarify - these stains referred to here....(points).... are old stains. Just like older people, they have a history, and their history can be happy or sad. A delicious chocolate sundae that creates a permanent stain never yields the same anger or annoyance as the spattered taco sauce from when your ex told you he was leaving you- for your 18 year old cousin- and you sputtered something unintelligible as the hot redness dripped on your brand new white silk top.

(She holds up another blouse - it has a big orange stain. She is torn between holding it and ripping it, decides to put it back)

So, we are now to stain level three- the highest level attainable. Why? Because by the time there are more than two stains, you are past wearing the blouse in public, this blouse has now been reassigned to the clean-up pile of clothing- only to be worn when cleaning the bathroom or helping a hoarding friend move.

Makes some sense, right? Then why the hoarding? Because, no matter how I rationalize saving to avoid spending, I cannot find a reason to have 39 blouses that are designated as 'clean-up only'. And that does not include the uncounted blouses in the boxes in my storage shed.....

So, now, I am going to look at the blouses.

(She takes out her phone)

And photograph them, stains and all. And then I will ....(hard to say).....give them to Amvets. And pray they have a home for them......that some poor soul will pay a quarter for a stained blouse that has seen better days.

(Starts to take a photo, stops, looks at the phone)

Oops, it's getting late, and it is hard to see stains at night. So I will wait until daylight, and I will sleep well, and hope to rid myself of more of this hoard......day by day.

(Starts to exit, stops,looks back)

But I can have a good laugh over this because .....this is the way I will become....the Happy -former- Hoarder!

(She exits.....End of scene)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monday, February 16, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 369 by Janet S. Tiger Introducing a new blog Feb. 16, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!   Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 369 by Janet S. Tiger Introducing a new blog Feb. 16, 2015

Am starting the new blog here - Happy Hoarder

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

and, I will also be deciding if I want to make the blog posts into monologues. Don't want to overload myself after this year, but I just find the writing to have become a habit (good or bad, time will tell!)

To my reading hordes.......Thanks for following along.........

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 368 by Janet S. Tiger The Happy Hoarder Feb. 15, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!   Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 368 by Janet S. Tiger    Feb. 15, 2015

Below The Happy Hoarder I have my 34 Holiday monologues
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              I realize this new concept may need a different blog, but for now, am staying with this one, as, after a year, I have forgotten how to start a new blog.

                                                The Happy Hoarder - Day 1
by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

     After visiting my mother's home today, I have made a decision. I am a hoarder and I do not want to be a hoarder.

      I have known this for years, but now I have a goal to write about the weird things I hoard - and then discard them. I read that if you take a photo of the item to be discarded, it is easier to let go. Although I doubt this, I am going to try. (Somehow I sense I will be hoarding in the cloud)

      For today's item, I have chosen blouses. That may seem like more than one item, and I hope it will be, but I fear I may not be able to choose more than one blouse to give away. For help, I am hoping to use a very mathematical method. I am donating any blouse that has a stain pattern rating beyond level three. Since this is a personal system, I will elucidate.

      Level one - One stain is allowable usually no matter where it is - although directly over a chestal region can be iffy, usually you can pretend the stain just happened. You take off your sweater or jacket, and pretend to notice the stain for the first time. 'How did THAT get there?' you can exclaim, with the surprise worthy of a fine actress. Of course, you can never wear that blouse again in front of the same people, but who cares? This is a good incentive to make more friends.

      Level two - Stain two creates an iffy situation - fully dependent on the geography of the stains. If one is high and one is low, you can strategically place your hands over the lower stain. However, if the two stains are close, you can use the same reaction as in the one stain scenario - the logic being whatever caused the first stain caused both. But if the stains are of different origin, near to each other, therein lies the beginning of trouble. What can you do? Does a Tide pen really work? We all know the answer to that - the answer is.....maybe.

Just to clarify - these stains referred to are old stains. Just like older people, they have a history, and their history can be happy or sad. A delicious chocolate sundae that creates a permanent stain never yields the same anger or annoyance as the spattered taco sauce from when your ex told you he was leaving you- for your 18 year old cousin- and you sputtered something unintelligible as the hot redness dripped on your brand new white silk top.

          So, we are now to stain level three- the highest level attainable. Why? Because by the time there are more than two stains, you are past wearing the blouse in public, this blouse has now been reassigned to the clean-up pile of clothing- only to be worn when cleaning the bathroom or helping a hoarding friend move.

   Makes some sense, right? Then why the hoarding? Because, no matter how I rationalize saving to avoid spending, I cannot find a reason to have 39 blouses that are designated as 'clean-up only'. (And that does not include the uncounted blouses in the boxes in my storage shed)

        So, now, I am going to look at the blouses. And photograph them, stains and all. And then I will give them to Amvets. And pray they have a home for them......that some poor soul will pay a quarter for a stained blouse that has seen better days.

Oops, it's getting late, and it is hard to see stains at night. So I will wait until daylight, and I will sleep well, and hope to rid myself of more of this hoard......day by day. But I can have a good laugh over this because that is the way I will become....the Happy (former) Hoarder!

Holiday Monologues - (Click on the title and it will take you to that monologue)
I may have missed a couple, but I did a pretty good job - if you are looking for a holiday monologue- or one that involves a celebration like a birthday, anniversary, etc. there should be one for you on this list -

Valentine's Day     Day # 2 - Valentine's Day Lament

Presidents Day      Day # 7 - When Was President's Day

Purim -                 Day # 27 - Esther and the Pimple (A Purim Spiel)

St. Patrick's Day - Day # 33- The Great Corned Beef Hunt

Birthday                Day # 46 - Birthday Twins

Palm Sunday         Day # 60 - Psalm Psunday

Passover    Day # 61 - Last Passover in Cairo

Tax Day                 Day # 62 The Ides of April (Tax Day)

Mother's Day         Day # 64 Mother's Day

Easter Day # 67 A Rose From Death

Mother's Day          Day # 88 The Unknown Mother

Memorial Day         Day # 103 Memorial Day Memories

Sabbath    Day # 107 1352 Sabbaths

D-Day    Day # 114 M-Day

Father's Day            Day # 123 Father's Daze

First Day of Summer Day # 129 First Day of Summer

4th of July    Day # 142 A Benjamin Franklin Fourth

4th of July sort of Day # 143 The Anti-Fourth

Summer Story    Day # 189 Cat Days of Summer

9/11 Day # 211 9/11

Rosh Hashanah         Day # 224 Apples and Honey

Yom Kippur              Day # 235 Day of Atonement

Halloween                 Day # 261 Halloweenie

Election Day             Day # 265 Election Day Winner

Thanksgiving    Day # 287 Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving -2        Day # 288 Stuffed

Thanksgiving - 3 Day # 289 The Day After

Pearl Harbor Day    Day # 298 This is No Drill

Hanukah                    Day # 313 A Great Miracle Happened There

Christmas Eve Day # 314 Christmas Evie

New Year's Eve          Day # 315 What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Christmas Day            Day # 316 The Gift of...

New Year's Eve           Day # 322 Countdown

New Year's Day          Day # 323 Expiration Date

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 367 by Janet S. Tiger What is a Monologue? Feb. 14, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!   Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 367 by Janet S. Tiger What is a Monologue? Feb. 14, 2015

What Is a Monologue?

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

After a whole year of monologue mania - I just can't stop! But instead of writing a monologue every day, I am going to take the monologues written last year and put them into collections. The first will be Holidays (or Holidaze, haven't decided on a title) - and will include the holiday-related monologues I wrote throughout the year.

But to fill in some gaps, I also want to explain what a monologue is - it is essentially, the tiniest building block of theater. A good monologue, performed well, can be a fantastic piece of theater. It can be a story, a moment in a story, a revelation - and it can often stand on its own, being able to be understood outside of a largest piece, either one-act or full-length.

To put the monologue in perspective using a more common vernacular - the monologue is like a one-night stand. Fast and furious, intense. Exciting. Or upsetting and frightening. Usually too short to be boring. It is able to be many different things, but it is one thing for sure - over in a moment, in one night. It may interest those watching to want to know more - but it can stand on its own, and can be remembered fondly - or with horror! - for the rest of one's life.

In comparison, a one-act is like an affair - it needs to know more about the characters, have a rising arc of action, but can also handle some falling before the climax. A one-act can have the same duration as an affair - shorter, longer, almost like a marriage in some cases - but never past that hour length that determines when the one-act/affair becomes......a marriage.

For the full-length is like a marriage in many ways ( or a very long-term relationship) It has characters that we learn a great deal about - both historically, and by watching what they do in many situations.

The action mirrors that of a marriage - with slow times as well as the fire that comes with the first passion of love. The humor that only time can provoke - and the pain and suffering inflicted and endured, that a married couple embraces. There is also rising and falling action over an entire evening. There are multiple surprises, and, with the introduction of children - the subplots of a good full-length - the audience is sucked into a vortex of reality that becomes more and more layered as the night wears on to the ultimate climax of any marriage, a death, the revelation of a deep truth, or a combination of these two.

So how does the tiny monologue fit in? It is the atomic level of theater, the essence of what works. For even though every theatrical piece needs action - from the monologue to the full-length play - only the monologue can stand alone for a few moments. And where the audience might fondly remember that great production of Hamlet - or Glass Menagerie - what they will mention will be a line from a famous part - 'To be or not to be' or 'Blow out the lights'

Why do actors love monologues so much? For these very reasons - the actor is the center of the stage during their monologue. And great playwrights know that when an actor reads the script for the first time, they can hear themselves saying those lines. Feel the audience watching......and they want to do that part.....read those words.....get that applause that will be...just for them.

So why do I write monologues? Because I love actors! And I love a great moment, and this past year was a very difficult year, so I had little time to finish more than a few one-acts. It is necessary to have blocks of time to have a full-length play, but a one-night stand, I mean a monologue, well, that only needs.....one night, I mean, one day.

Now that it seems that I may have more hours together that are free, I hope to finish some of the work I began this year. But I wanted all my faithful readers to know that this does not mean I am abandoning the monologue, I am just wanting to have......a bit of a more meaningful relationship.

So I will keep in touch on this blog, and perhaps start another location with my one-acts and full-lengths, as they grow and deepen.

Thank you all again for staying with me this year, and I look forward to keeping on writing - only not just for the moment, but for the long run. Does this mean a ring is in the future? Well, it is Valentine's Day.....you never know. I do know one thing - I just love the theater!

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Friday, February 13, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 366 by Janet S. Tiger Stops, Looks Back Feb. 13, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 366 by Janet S. Tiger Stops, Looks Back Feb. 13, 2015

Stops, Looks Back

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(The author walks onstage, script in hand. Looks at the audience, smiles, waves, turns to leave. Stops, looks back)

Well, that's all folks!

(And that is really all, folks, as always, I had to have a last word! Thanks for listening- will let you know what my plans for next year are as soon as I know - have a great year!)

Truly the end.........

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8