Monologue Mania

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Monologue Mania Day #1126 Something About by Janet S. Tiger (c) Mar. 14, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

first year - Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 12, 2015 second year - Feb. 13, 2015 - Feb. 12, 2016 third year - Feb. 13, 2016 - today! *********
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.

If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues- for a list of the titles and blurbs from each day, click here There are now over 1100!
Get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com

If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -

How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)

Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day #1126 by Janet S. Tiger (c) Mar. 14, 2017

Something About

a monologue by

by Janet S. Tiger (c) all rights reserved (c) 2017

(Actor enters with a big bouquet of flowers)

Yes, for you! There's something about flowers! And candy.....and, if I remember my classic movies, something about the smell of napalm in the morning! There's something about just about everything, but most of all.....

There's something about cancer! What a sentence! Luckily, no longer a death sentence, but even now, just the word itself is enough to throw people into a horror! And that's now - thank goodness - unlike my childhood, when the word was whispered like the name of a syphilitic relative!

(Puts hand to lips, cupping, very furtive)

Cancer.....did you hear about so and so...they have.....cancer! Uncontrollable.....cell division....abnormal....cell growth! Uncontrollable, abnormal....and all with the ever-present presence of the always possible.....death.

Funny how those words are linked....uncontrollable......yet death is the ultimate control. Abnormal....yet death is the only normal constant among all living creatures!

And there is something about cancer....... something about hearing that diagnosis.

Little like a sledgehammer hits you in the head from both directions at the same time over and over and then for variety not at the same time one side than the other. Bong..bong....bong...bong....

(Illustrates with head as if it's being hit from side to side)

The funny thing is that I have had many other things wrong with me that could have killed me much faster!

An accident where a metal line almost sliced off my head! An infection that was stopped only with experimental anti-biotics....an infection in the bone of my jaw that resisted even chemotherapy!

Yet all of these pale in comparison to hearing the word cancer. Positive for cancer, Funny use of the word positive I always thought.

Cancer.

But in many ways it was positive for me ......

(Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

And I am praying it will be positive for you too.....

(Exits to cancer-free future)

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For all those reading this or involved in a fight right now or who have been in the fight- keep the faith.

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* Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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Monday, March 13, 2017

Monologue Mania Day #1125 Ride of the Caregivers (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Mar. 13, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -

How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)

Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day #1125 Ride of the Caregivers (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Mar. 13, 2017

Ride of the Caregivers

(Not) a monologue by
by Janet S. Tiger (c) all rights reserved (c) 2017

(Not sure where this scene will go, but it will start something like this)

JEANNIE - I think this group has given the wrong impression...

GEORGE - That has been known to happen!

ANN - I think you're right, perhaps our demeanor is too light-hearted....

CLARK - It's just too low-brow.....we need to show that we have....

ALL TOGETHER - CLASS!

(At this, one of the group brings out a boom box, or speaker)

JEANNIE - And what is the symbol of true and utter ....class?

FRANKLIN - Everyone knows it has to be......(great flourish) the opera!

(At this Ann and Jeannie turn around, and while the music is turned on, they will don headdresses. The music begins, it is ....the Ride of the Valkyrie! The two women turn around, they are wearing...bedpans with horns. They run around the stage and then face each other in a duel of words)

JEANNIE - I am exhausted! I am exhausted! I am exhausted!

ANN - I am so worried! I am so worried! I am so worried!

(The others sing - 'They are so tired, They are so worried!' Someone stops the music)

JEANNIE - I am so tired!

ANN - I am so worried!

JEANNIE - I AM SO TIRED!

ANN - I AM SO WORRIED!

JEANNIE - Well, I am so tired AND worried!

GEORGE - What a surprise!

(Savannah is stunned by this, and Clark goes over to her, looks)

CLARK - I guess she's not an opera fan. My dear, that is our group's rendition of RIDE OF THE CAREGIVERS, with apologies to Wagner.......Nate hated the opera......anyone here remember my Nate?

(Jeannie nods)

GEORGE- (under his breath) He was a good man...any man who hates opera is a good man.....

CLARK - I heard that.....well, that little song was his gift to me....before he died....funny thing, I'm the one with the HIV, twenty years now.....he was the healthy one....big healthy stupid man....just had to go up on that ladder, because God forbid!.... he did not want to ever appear like a sissy, even though he was 67 years old, and even though we HAD the money to hire some nice-lookin’ young man in tight shorts to climb up on the roof......(sings) it had to be him!.......(back to himself).....he just hadta go up the top rung to make sure our gutters were clean!

(The others react with hoots and he shakes his head)

MATTIE – We know your MIND is always in those gutters, Clark!

GEMMA - Mattie, you’re terrible!

JEANNIE - Let him finish!

CLARK - We always thought I would go first......and then he goes and has a heart

attack........and he dies.....and he falls off the ladder and breaks his hip....which wouldn't matter if he had stayed dead, but noooooo, the paramedics jumpstarted him and kept him going, and then I kept him goin.....another six years...... the delights of decubitus! (turns to Savannah) In case you don’t know, that’s bedsores! on his back and then there were the shots, and bathroom and showers and everyone here knows what I'm talkin' about..........because he was nevah outta that wheelchair after the fall......
and even though it has not been a picnic havin HIV,,,,,(shudders) Takin care of someone....now that was brutal! To be totally honest, I have no idea how I woulda survived those years without alla you.......even if I am the only person here who can make a decent cuppa coffee!

(The others jeer and he smiles)

GEMMA – So what happened, tell about Nate and that song!

CLARK - He knew I would be upset goin back home to have to deal with all the family stuff, and I loved Wagner, so he got an opera troupe to come over and do the whole opera for me....in our living room. It was beautiful.....and then the next day, when I started bitchin and moanin about something, he started singing this....what they just did. And I brought it here because it helps me remember him....

(He spins the wheelchair, turns to go back to his seat, stops, looks back)

GEMMA - (soft) Why didn’t you two get married, Clark?

CLARK - (Affected by this) Because Scarlett, I have told you…..I am not the marrying kind!

(The others laugh and applaud as he sits)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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Sunday, March 12, 2017

Monologue Mania Day #1124 Not Gonna Be Me (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Mar. 12, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -

How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)

Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day #1124 Not Gonna Be Me (for Caregivers Anonymous) by Janet S. Tiger (c) Mar. 12, 2017

Not Gonna Be Me

(for Caregivers Anonymous)
a monologue by
by Janet S. Tiger (c) all rights reserved (c) 2017

(Older actor stands, the group quiets as the actor waves hands)

Please! No more applause!

(The others laugh and clap)

That's better. It's nice to hear some hands clapping just for me. You know why?

(No one answers and cups his hand to ear)

You know why?

(They shout, 'Why?')

Because......I came to an amazing conclusion today, or maybe, that's the wrong word, maybe the word is...discovery? Realization? Anyhow, I am positive about very little, but this, I am definitely positive about.....I am never, ever, in my life, going to be President.

(The others jeer and some suggest the actor would be a better President, actor waves hand dismissing this)

I'm sure I could be a better President, but that's not saying much, the issue is not the quality, but the opportunity, which is now, baring some type of odd situation where I got a genetic transplant and billions of dollars and won an election.....not gonna happen.

(The others pretend to be disappointed)

And here's another revelation.....I'm never gonna be....Miss America.....

(The others roar)

Or win an Oscar or a Tony. Or get a Nobel or a Pulitzer.....or go to the moon.....I don't care if Elon Musk gives me a free ride, I ain't going!......I'm never gonna find a cure for cancer....or invent a new kind of toilet paper.....on all of these things.....It's just not gonna be me.....

Now, when I was a bit younger.....

(The others hoot)

Okay, when I was young.....I guess I figured anything is possible. You could wake up and decide...hey, I'm gonna climb Mt. Everest! And you believe it could be true......or you see someone who takes your breath away, and you figure...you got a shot, that anything is possible.....(sighs deeply) but now, I look at the movie stars and I know.....if they're going to be on the red carpet and want a date.....it's not gonna be me! And it won't be me having dinner with the Pope or the Queen or....Elvis! Those ships have sailed and I'm not on them..... It's not gonna be.....me......

(Turns to leave, stops, looks back)

But....when my sweetheart needs help in the morning to put on socks, or has to go to the doctor or figure out which pills to take.....well, that is gonna be me......

(The others applaud, lights down)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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Saturday, March 11, 2017

Monologue Mania Day #1123 Esther and the Pimple by Janet S. Tiger (c) Mar. 11, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -

How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)

Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monologue Mania Day #1123 Esther and the Pimple by Janet S. Tiger (c) Mar. 11, 2017

For more info on Purim- http://www.jewfaq.org/holiday9.htm and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purim

Esther and the Pimple

a monologue by
by Janet S. Tiger (c) all rights reserved (c) 2017
  tigerteam1@gmail.com

(A woman comes onstage, she is in her 30s, maybe early 40s, looks good for her age. She is smiling, holding a scroll, which she opens as if to read.)

This is a megillah, the story of Purim in the Bible.

(She closes the scroll, puts it down on a chair or table.)

When I was a little girl, I used to hate the story of Purim. Well, I didn't hate the whole story, the whole story was wonderful, how a mean man, Haman, tried to kill all the Jews, but Mordecai and his cousin Esther save their people, and Esther was very brave and stood up before the king and could have died, but she did it anyway.

So why did I hate it?

Because my name is Esther.

And, in the story, Esther has no pimples, she was beautiful, she was perfect. So our names were all we had in common! Her silky skin was milky and satiny and creamy and all the adjectives from all the commercials for all the creams that have been used by women for all time.

But me, I was far from perfect. I had allergies, so I always had rashes and pimples and things on my skin. Now, at age eight, when you have pimples, it is far from pleasant, but at age thirteen when you have pimples, things do not improve, and whatever self-esteem you cobbled for yourself is now completely overwhelmed by the combination of rash and the delightful onset of hormonally induced acne. And we will not mention the other hormonally affected teenagers reactions to my pimples - not enough time!

So, at age 19, when you have even more pimples - it is not good - especially when you have now had many years of hearing the story of Esther - beautiful, perfect Esther, whose name is the only thing you have in common. For you see, the Esther of the story is checked out for pimples by the King's special pimple spotters - I can only imagine what the job description for that looked like!- if a girl had any problems with her skin - which meant eruptions and blemishes and.....you guessed it, pimples! - she could not be the queen. She couldn't even compete with the other 400 winners in the King Ahasuerus Beauty Contest - she was sent home!

So pimples were prohibited - and so was anyone who had them, and since that was me, I was doomed - never to get to be one of the finalists, never to be one of the chosen, never to save my people.....it meant, simply, that pimply was .....not so good.

What was to become of me? What was my fate? To be cast into the scrap heap of Jewish history, somewhere behind Lot's salty wife and Leah, whose biggest faults were being born first and having a lazy eye?

I decided, after having to wear pounds of make-up just to get a first date, and that with a cousin, to my senior prom, and that he only took me because my father gave him $20......I decided I would focus my attention on marrying a nice blind Jewish young man - which of course was not the easiest thing to find.

So I accepted my fate - to be alone, unloved and unable to save my people.

Well, since this was my fate, I put my full focus on learning, as I wasn't going to do much else with my life. In those days, the saying went - those who can, do, those who can't....stay in school until they're 35.

So I took classes in everything. Didn't help much, but it kept me busy. At some point, I actually found myself enjoying the search for learning. This was rarely in class, but when I could read about something I liked, that was...different.

And I started thinking. You know, when you have a chance to think about things, sometimes a thought occurs.

Maybe it was because I read more about the Holocaust - and how in the camps, sometimes t he guards used pimples as an excuse to pick people for the selections. So one pimple could be the difference between survival and a trip to the showers. That was truly scary. Would I have been picked to die right away? Life and death pimples. I had more than one nightmare after that.

One night, I was reading about famous women for a class in female heroism. I had taken the class because I figured it was an easy A. Then, for some reason, I thought of Esther, and I started researching her.

Yes, it was because of a pimple - secretly, I was hoping to find someplace that showed that sometime, somewhere, Esther, too, had one pimple. It was just logic - how could any one person go through life with no pimples! Oh, finding out she had even one pimple....it would have meant so much to me!

(She now picks up the scroll again, opens and looks through.)

But reading the megillah, reading about her - maybe it was the class, I don't know - I realized that Esther didn't have such an easy time of it.

She was an orphan - both parents dead in the Diaspora, which, at that time, was like the Holocaust is today. And she had been raised by her cousin, Mordecai, and then, when she was just getting old enough to think about boys, along comes the king's people, looking for beautiful, pimple-free girls. And she is hauled off, to be further beautified for a year, no less! - in order to be given to have sex with the king! No experience, no Dr. Ruth or Internet! - just right into the king's arms - a man with the ability to kill her at one command!

And she has to entice and allure him and hopefully become his wife, out of 400 other pimple-free girls! Because, if she fails, she becomes a part of the king's 'widows' - a woman he slept with that no one else will marry!

On top of it, she can't tell anyone she's Jewish, because Haman - one of the King's top advisors - is a big-time anti-Semite. So she has to live a lie....also not so simple.

I finally figured out - maybe Esther did not have such an easy life, after all.

And then, after she does win the big prize - he marries her, just like in the romance novels, and she is ...ta, dah! The Queen! then she finds out that Haman is going to kill her people. And not just ten or a hundred - but everyone!

What can she do? How can she save herself- and them?

In a twisting, turning, nerve-wracking plot, Esther risks her life - and succeeds at saving her people.

So maybe it was a good thing she had no pimples - maybe I wouldn't have been sitting there, reading books in a fancy library, if Esther had a pimple. I finally forgave Esther - and started to live my own life.

It didn't happen overnight, but things started to change. Then, one evening in the library, I became friends with another student who was also studying. She was a bio student, and after we talked a few times, she said to me - I used to have break-outs like you do, then I stopped eating dairy. Have you tried that yet? Three little words - 'No more dairy.'

I stopped drinking milk and eating cheese, and all my pimples disappeared in what was it, two days?

Two days. Well, that's not completely accurate - it was more like - 24 hours!

I stopped eating dairy - how simple could that have been for someone, anyone to have figured that out! I could have saved an entire lifetime of pain, and horror, and sorrow - and lots of money on make-up.

But there is a positive note - after I lost the rashes and the pimples, I decided to become a doctor - specializing in juvenile allergic response. And I help children of all kinds now, so that they will not have to endure what I did for all those years.

So, maybe,  this Esther's pimples - MY pimples! - were more like ...like diamonds!.(thinks for a minute, shakes head).....no, they were pimples!

And I hope that you understand I am not advocating you accept your pimples - your flaws, whatever they are. I'm merely saying that, in my story, my megillah, I found that pimples..... are only a part of the whole story.  We all have our own story, our own megillah. But, I hope, like the original Esther - that my story- and your story, too - can change the world.

(She rolls up the scroll and exits. The end.)

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For more info on Purim- http://www.jewfaq.org/holiday9.htm and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purim

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http://www.monologuestore.com/monologue-mania---a-blog-with-one-new-free-monologue-per-day/monologue-mania-day-27-by-janet-s-tiger-esthers-pimple-a-purim-spiel-c-2014
This was done 3 years ago!
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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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Friday, March 10, 2017

Monologue Mania Day #1122 Blank Page by Janet S. Tiger (c) Mar. 10, 2017

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free* monologue a day- -and still going!

If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -

How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)

Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site. Wishing you much success!
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Monologue Mania Day #1122 Blank Page by Janet S. Tiger (c) Mar. 10, 2017

Blank Page

(Actor enters reaches for a paper handed by a person in the audience)

This is highly irregular! I usually have a few minutes to prepare.....but.....

(Looks at paper)

Wait a minutes here, this is blank!

(Waves the paper at the audience)

How do they expect me to entertain you when no one can even print out a damned script!

(Looks at paper)

Nothing! They have given me nothing!

(Starts to get very angry)

I've waited three hours for this damned audition! And now a blank page? What is this?

(Takes the paper, rips it up)

There! You can take this job and shove it......and you know where!

(Stops, listens)

That was the audition? You wanted to see how I adjust under pressure......

(Shakes head, turns to leave)

What? The pay is how much?

(Smiles)

Where do I sign?

(Exits to a new theatrical position)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315 CaregiversAnon.org

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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