Monday, April 6, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 418 by Janet S. Tiger By Appointment Only April 6, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com.  Some days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit.  Hope they are improved!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 418 by Janet S. Tiger By Appointment Only April 6, 2015       
                         
                      ..... By Appointment Only

                                        by Janet S. Tiger
                                    © 2014 all rights reserved
                                      tigerteam1@gmail.com


          (An imperious person enters, holding a modernistic clipboard.  Looks, shakes head.)

I'm sorry, you were late.  You missed the time window!  You will have to make another appointment.

          (Turns to leave, hears something)

I'm sorry, what about 'you were late' did you not understand?  The instructions were very clear, if you were even one second beyond the allotted time frame, you will simply have to re-schedule!

         (A little bit more gracious)

You don't have to cry, as you know, there will be other slots opening..... in the next twenty or thirty years.

This is too important to take so lightly! Which is why the rules are so very strict - if you cannot follow the simplest of directions, one doubts if you are ready for this next step in your path.

So, please, on your way out, make the next appointment with a more careful eye on what you can honestly expect to be on time for - whatever the day and year will be!

Thank you......and we'll see you....later....

         (Takes a marker and writes a large X on the sheet, tears it off, and throws it on the ground, stops, looks back)

And perhaps, you weren't ready.  That is, of course, why our world now believes in Death....By appointment only.....

          (Person exits, for another appointment)



----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 417 by Janet S. Tiger A Rose From Death (re-run) April 5, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.comSome days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit.  Hope they are improved!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 417 by Janet S. Tiger  April 5, 2015                
                                                     
             Happy Easter to all celebrating today!  This was first posted on April 20, 2014, Day # 67
             (and Psalm Psunday was the week before - Day# 60)

                             A Rose From Death   (c)  
                                   (for The Senior Channel)               
                                        by Janet S. Tiger

                                    © 2014 all rights reserved


                                      tigerteam1@gmail.com


            (A woman comes onstage, she walks carefully, maybe with a walker if        you can find one, a cane if not.  She looks at the audience, waves)


For all you out there in TV land, I have brought flowers for the entire audience, in honor of Easter.  And why this is a special day.  A few years ago, it was Good Friday, but not really.  In the middle of the night, just after the beginning of Good Friday, there was a fire in the retirement home where I reside.

It appears Mr. Meecham could not go to sleep without a cigarette, and so, he disabled the smoke alarms, and lit up, the old darling.

The result, after he fell asleep, was not good at all, in fact, he almost died.  And, so for that matter, did the rest of us.  But our own Beverly Hillbilly, Jethro, that nice young man who helped me here today, he pulled all 26 of us out of that burning building.  Including idiot Meecham, who suffered from smoke inhalation, but, with the wisdom of a man who still does not care, continues  to smoke nonetheless.

Our lovely establishment was burned, and sadly, so were the grounds, including the beautiful flowers and bushes surrounding our residence, which made looking out the windows so lovely.

Luckily, the bushes and grounds had formed a type of boundary, where the brave firemen fought the flames and won, before the second building – Building B – could be burned as well, so, although it was very sad, we were able to double up with the others for that night, until they were able to clean up and rebuild the smoked out rooms.

On Easter Sunday, we had our services outside for sunrise, and the nice pastor came, and it didn’t rain, the sun peeked out at us.  Amidst the charred bushes, and the withered vines, there was suddenly a gust of wind, and some of the burnt leaves blew off of a rose bush……and there, as if painted by the hand of God himself, was a perfect rose!

It had survived somehow, in the ashes, perhaps because the burned foliage had protected it, who knows?  But we all smiled, and knew that no matter what, all would be well. 

A rose from death…..a perfect moment for Easter.

And a perfect time to realize that, even though I am almost 85, I was going to do something for my birthday that week, that I had hoped to do when I was much younger, but decided was too dangerous.

            (She takes a deep breath)

I decided to go skydiving.  My thinking was that if the rose could live through the fire I could do anything, too!

And I went.  Up in a tiny plane, high in the sky, accompanied by my granddaughter, who thought I was crazy, but was going with me as support – and because my daughter would not give permission otherwise!

            (She is reverent)

How beautiful it was! And the young man going with us was so handsome! In the plane, I felt…so young…..just like a bird!

            (Listens)

Did I jump? 

            (Laughs)

Of course not!  Do I look that crazy?

I mean, I went up there, and realized the rose lived through the fire, but so did I, and that was enough for me!

I stayed in the airplane while the handsome young man jumped with my granddaughter……and now, two years later, they are getting married.

So, the morale is……if you get a rose from death, take it and run with it, and love it, because it is a gift……

Thank you….

            (She exits, looking back0

I know all the people who come on this show have something else to say when they leave….but I don’t!  Oh, wait a minute, I do!

     (She removes a paper from the walker or cane’s carrying bag.  She reads)


Of all the gifts I got from death
I found that one I chose

Surprised me by its beauty
It was a lovely rose

It smiled at me one morning
I picked it there and then

And put it on my table
As if it were a friend

The other presents I received
Came quietly at best

The hope of resurrection
And the chance for peaceful rest

So I am glad to share my rose
That I kiss with my last breath

I won’t regret one moment
Since I got … A rose from death…..

            (The woman puts away the paper, smiles, and really exits)

            (The end.)

------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-274-9678
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

 

----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 416 by Janet S. Tiger How to Be a Failure April 4, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.comSome days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit.  Hope they are improved!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 416 by Janet S. Tiger How to Be a Failure  April 4, 2015
                                                  How to Be a Failure
                                                              (for the Senior Channel)
                                                      by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2015 all rights 
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

              (The older man enters, he is moving slowly, but steadily)

They tell me that, for this show, I can talk about what I know best.

So, I can tell everyone....how to be a failure.

What...you say.....I could never learn to be a failure...I have too much going for me.  That may be true, but, if you age, I can assure you, failure is the goal.

You heard me.....you want to fail.  I have failed at many things in my life.....jobs, a lotta them, three marriages, four children who will not talk to them.

And here's the way......quick, before you go any further, take a minute and go get a drink.

That's all, it's guaranteed....I have been drinking for 69 years, since I was 12 years old, and I have found it to be very effective at producing what I call....the failure effect.

One drink will not be enough, so take another......when are you through?  When you can't remember how many you've had.

Failure is easy after that.....I know.  

You see, two years ago.....I crashed into a tree, and they took away my license.  The car was totaled, the tree was killed, but me.....I am still alive.  I even failed, at dying......
          (He turns to leave, stops, looks back)

Well, but there is good news, I need a new liver.....and because I'm still drinking, I failed to get on the transplant list.....

          (He shakes his head and shuffles off.  Not the end of his drinking, though)

----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Friday, April 3, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 415 by Janet S. Tiger Into the Desert April 3, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.comSome days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit.  Hope they are improved!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 415 by Janet S. Tiger Into the Desert  April 3, 2015
                                                      Into the Desert
                                                        by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2015 all rights 
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

              (We see the woman comes onstage carrying a lot of things from what looks like a few thousand years ago.  She is sweating, puts all the items down.)

How did they do it?

I mean, without cars and diapers and....my God, paper towels!  They left as slaves and they only carried what they could carry in their hands, or on a cart.

               (She looks at the items, shakes her head)

I am moving five miles away, and I have a team of three guys I'm paying to do the heavy stuff, plus friends and family, and I am exhausted!  Plus, I know where I'm going!  When they left Egypt, they had no idea!  No forwarding address!

(Amazed)  And all because they wanted to be free.....

              (She picks up one of the bags, examines the contents.)

And me, I complain because I have too much junk.......

               (She looks up)

God forgive me!

               (Reaches into another bag, removes a candy bar, starts to unwrap it.)

I promise I will try to do better....

                (She turns to leave, stops, looks back)

But I guess for now, I get to go....into the dessert.....

                 (She takes a big bite of the candy bar and she exits, only to reappear at a destination nearby)
----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 414 by Janet S. Tiger Twitch April 2, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.comSome days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit.  Hope they are improved!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 414  by Janet S. Tiger  Twitch April 2, 2015
                                                             Twitch
                                                             (for the Senior Channel)
                                                        by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2015 all rights 
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

           (The twitching is the first thing noticed as the younger man enters.  He is not bad looking, but the twitches are.....irritating.  He tries to control his hand by holding it with the other hand, but his head, that he can't stop.  He slowly gets a hold of himself. takes out a paper, reads)

 (Very formal, fast)  I am very pleased to be here today on the Senior Channel....

           (The twitching gets worse, he starts to get irritated)

 I, um, I'm sorry if you're upset by the twitching, but that's part of the medicine I take, so, live with it.

If I was older like all of you watching, you wouldn't be bothered so much.  Old people can get away with things young people can't.....like picking your nose in public.

          (He points to the audience)

I see you!  You're not perfect! Anyhow, I'm not here for nose picking, I'm here..... to talk about ....bi-polar disease.

And about that guy who crashed the plane this week.  He was a sick guy, very sick.  When he did that, and it turned out he wasn't a terrorist, then I waited to hear what people would say, and I wasn't surprised.  What he did was terrible, but I thought, what if...just what if, he had a stroke or a heart attack and the plane crashed because of it?

Then, everyone would feel sorry for him, too, because everyone knows a heart attack or a stroke is not your fault.  But your brain being sick, that is your fault.  I know because that's what everyone sees when I look at them.

They don't see me, they see a twitch.

And they wonder, will I crash and burn?  Well most of us with mental illness never ever hurt anyone.  I never have, except myself....I tried suicide.  As you can see, it didn't work..... I still twitch.

But I have been beaten up a lot, in jail, on the street.  It's not easy when your body doesn't work right, but when your brain goes loopy, then, you have real problems.

That's why I came to talk to you, seniors.  You are in the same boat as those of us who have bi-polar.  No one understands - it's not your fault you got old and can't do things anymore.  People tell me I'm lucky to have meds, and they tell you you're lucky to be alive.

If that's luck, I think they could use another word, don't you?

I want my luck to be the winning lottery numbers, not the twenty-seven pills I have to take every day so that I can stand here and struggle to find the words....and twitch.  The twitching is the bonus I get for being able to think more normally.

Bonus.  There's another word to examine more closely, right?

Anyhow, my goal is to get people to think about .....thinking.  What if you couldn't think anymore.....in a way others accept?  What if you got in your car and crashed it, just so you wouldn't have to think anymore?

If you're old, they'll assume it was your heart.....but what's the difference?  It's all the same body, right?

            (He turns to leave, stops, twitches, looks back, raises his twitching hand)

Twitch power!


           (He exits, twitching)

----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Monologue Mania Day # 413 by Janet S. Tiger The Short End of the Hoe April 1, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.comSome days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit.  Hope they are improved!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 413  by Janet S. Tiger Short End of the Hoe  April 1, 2015

                                                     Short End of the Hoe
                                                        by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2015 all rights 
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com
  
               (The older man who enters is dressed in a suit, but not comfortable in it.  His hands show years of work, and the suit is itchy.  He removes his hat as he approaches the front of the stage, puts a hand into a pocket and takes out a handkerchief to wipe his brow.  He has a slight Mexican accent, just enough to be heard when he gets angry)

 Hello, thank you for letting me speak in front of the council.  I know how busy it is, I have been listening for two hours, I understand.

I, uh, am here to ask that you do not rezone the neighborhood in which I live.  When I moved in, I was the youngest farmer, and now, I am the last.  When I moved in, the other farmers were not that friendly to start, but they saw I had good workers, and so we became friends over the same problems - water, always, workers, every day, the insects that eat our precious crops, why the tires always go when you don't have money for new ones!

As you know, I grow oranges, and some tomatoes, mostly citrus, because I love the trees.  To understand why I am here today, I need to tell you about who I am.

I started out in the fields with my parents, with a short handled hoe, weeding the lettuce so people could have good healthy sandwiches.  That's why my parents always told me.  We worked hard so we could eat, but also, that others could eat.

Because I was a child, it was not so bad, but I saw what it did to my parents.  I used to ask my father, 'why do we have to use this, it fits me, but for you and mama and the others, maybe something longer?'  Because the short handled hoe was only 24 inches.  And he would laugh and say, 'Because we always get the short end of the stick!  Only this is the short end of the hoe!' 

When Cesar Chavez fought to get rid of the short handled hoe, my father helped him, and my father made us children help, too.  It took a long time, and I kept asking my father why, always,(imitates) 'this is the short end of the hoe!' and my father would get mad at me, but then one day, my father said....maybe I was right....so he had decided to switch to tree work, oranges, lemons - also with danger, bees and falling,but not as much pain.

We came to this city when it was mostly farm, and the man who hired us, he was the man who sold my father and me his farm, Mr. Danworth, a good man.   We worked hard, the whole family together, and we survived.

Thirty years now I have had this farm, it is paid off, things change and now....I am the old-timer.  Things change, I understand, some good, like no more short handled hoe.  Some funny.  (Laughs)  My father died angry at me because I actually voted for a Republican in the last election.

        (He smiles, then sighs, gets a hold of himself and points)

He is there, one of you - a friend of mine!  He is the only vote I can depend on to help me now, but he is only one of seven!

Yes, I understand my neighbors complain about the smell of manure and the sound of the pickers coming in their cars early in the morning before it gets hot.

(Getting annoyed)  But I did not complain when their houses were built and all the construction made dust that I had to wash off all my plants! And  I did not complain when their bulldozers clogged the roads, making it hard to bring my oranges to the market!

(Really angry) Now they want me to leave.  But they are not men, they are cowards.  They come to me in a back way, with laws I do not have money to fight! 

So I am asking you, please to listen to me.  Without the oranges I grow, this community is no longer the place people will want to come to, to visit, to live.  You pave over my trees, and you will pay the price!  Maybe not today, but tomorrow....you might get, el extremo corto de la azada.....

        (He turns to leave, stops, looks back)

.....the short end of the hoe.......

        (He exits, never the end of the fight)

----------------------------------
This may be April Fool's Day, but the short handled hoe was no joke - for more info - http://www.pbs.org/itvs/fightfields/book1.html

----------------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monologue Mania Day # 412 by Janet S. Tiger When Does the Day Begin March 31, 2015

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day- for a whole year-and still going!
                                                                    first year -  Feb. 13, 2014 - Feb. 13, 2015
I've continued with a monologue a day until the spirit moves me to stop, so if you have any ideas for a monologue you want me to write, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.comSome days - like today - will be reruns that are re-written a bit.  Hope they are improved!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues-
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here  There are now over 400!

 
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com

 If you'd like to write your own monologues, I happen to have a book for that -
            How to Write a Monologue in 10 Easy Lessons (Well, maybe not so easy)
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site.  Wishing you much success!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day # 412  by Janet S. Tiger When Does the Day Begin  March 31, 2015

                                                When Does the Day Begin?
                                                              (for Caregivers Anonymous)
                                                        by Janet S. Tiger  (c) 2015 all rights 
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

         (The woman stands up, comes to the center of the stage, looks around)

You're right, I haven't talked in awhile.  Perhaps...I have nothing left to say?

          (She laughs and the others join in)

Okay, you don't have to laugh that hard!

Whoo...what's happened since I last spoke?  Oh, my Uncle Ted is going into a home......that is new.  Of course, it could a year...and in a year, who knows?  Maybe he will get better....

           (She laughs)

I told you, you don't have to not laugh that hard!   Yeah, I have to go through the VA - what a joy!  First the people go through war, then they get old and go through hell.....am not sure which is worse.

Here's the funny thing, I realized that...everyone knows, right?  That one of the signs for dementia and Alzheimers is not knowing what day it is.....but here's my question - what happens when you don't know WHEN the day begins?

Sometimes people talk to me, and they find out I'm caring for someone with Alzheimers and I can see it on their face, that horror.  Some know from experience.....others just know.  But the thing they don't understand unless they've been through it is.....24/7 means, there is no start..... or end ....to the day.

(Smiles, remembering)  After the kids went to college, before Uncle Ted moved in....and started declining.....boy I hate that term!.....before.....I got a fantastic job at....don't laugh!....Walmart.  I was a....greeter.  People felt sorry for me at that job, too, but I loved it!  I had a demarcated job!

I got there and punched in, and the job started.  I had specific breaks, and a whole half hour, uninterrupted!...for lunch!  It was like....a miracle job!

And, at the end of the day, I clocked out, and went home, and the job was off my mind until I clocked in again!  It was ....bliss!

No one called me to ask my opinion on the color of the carts, and no one asked why I hadn't purchased the right crackers for Ted.....why I was late, or early, or what I was doing......and every day, when I woke up, I knew that's when the day started.  No midnight calls, no midnight falls and trips to the hospital at 3 am......

Don't get me wrong, my Uncle Ted was always good to me.  He taught me how to play baseball when I was a kid, and when he moved to town, to be near me when Aunt Muriel passed, he bought a van for me, to help out, with the kids, and it could carry his walker to start, then his.....wheelchair.

I used to remember when the others would complain about Walmart, and, I know, they had things to complain about, but all I know is, I wish....I wish I could work there again.....I wish....I could know, when the day begins......

          (She sits down.  Spot on her, then blackout.  End of scene)

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Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8