Thursday, June 26, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #134 by Janet S. Tiger The Covenant (c) June 26, 2014

         

Faithful readers - Please Note- there have been a couple of tech issues, but I have still been doing one monologue a day - please forgive if they got scrambled or did not show up for a few hours!
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Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to 
http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this sit
e

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Monologue Mania Day #134   by Janet S. Tiger   The Covenant (c) June 26, 2014    
          
                                          The Covenant
                                                     by Janet S. Tiger
                                       (c) June 26, 2014 all rights reserved
                                                     tigerteam1@gma

              (A middle-aged woman comes onstage, she has a nice, conservative purse, and a pad and pencil, from a different age, she is definitely 1940s,  Her English is good, but there is a hint of an accent.)

Hello, Mrs........

            (She checks the papers on the pad.)

Yes, 4258.....thank you.  No, I'm not from the census, just doing something the way my mother taught me.  When you have a big, important job, do it one step at a time, and do each step well.  That was very good advice, I believe.

My family came to this country when I was only ten years old, you can probably hear a touch of China from those years.....it was long ago, but I suppose where you are born is like where a tree starts to grow.  You can transplant the tree, but always, some of the original soil stays on the roots.

         (She listens)

No, I am not here to sell anything.  In fact, I do not like when people come to my door selling things.  I prefer to buy in a store, where I can go back for more if I like the item, or return it if it is not what I wanted.

          (Nods)

So we agree!  That is good, because. you see, if we were neighbors, that is good to have what you call it.....common ground together.

           (Listens, sad)

I know about the covenant here in this neighborhood, and I understand, too.  But we are a good family, my sons are all good boys, never in trouble with the police, good students, my oldest is now a teacher, and the next will graduate as a lawyer.  The two youngest are still in college, one studying to be a doctor, and the other is in business school to help with the family business.

           (Smiles)

Yes, that is our company!  I'm glad you know about it.  I will be glad to get you a special price on your dry cleaning!

           (Listens, no longer smiling)

You are the last family I need to get approval from, and I am hoping that you will help us, because we love the house there next to the corner, and it will be a good house for us, I know.  We will be good neighbors, and we will work hard to keep our home in pretty shape so as not to bring shame to the neighborhood.

I have walked and met every neighbor in this covenant.....120 families, and all of them - so far- have agreed not to protest our purchase of the house.  It is the only way we can be allowed to buy the house, and you are the last family.

We are not rich people, we have worked hard in this country for every penny, and we are looking forward to living here in this community for a very long time......(getting more insistent)...we will be good neighbors, I promise you that, and we will work hard.....(deep breath)  I cannot change the fact that we are a Chinese family.  God was the one who made that decision, before I was born, many, many centuries ago.

We had no control over who we are, or how we are born.....just as you do not!  But we do have a choice of how to live our lives, everyone has that choice, and you now have a choice - will you stay in the past, in the years of the covenant?  Or will you become part of the future?  My son fought in Europe .......

             (Listens)

(Getting more forceful)  Maybe even in the same battles as your sons!  And they fought to change the world!  (Gets even louder)  Now we have the chance to fight to change our world, perhaps not with bullets and guns, but with something as simple as allowing my family to live.....where we would like to live.  In safety.  In a place with big trees, and wide streets.... and neighbors who smile at us.

             (Takes a deep breath, she is almost in tears.  She takes a handkerchief from her purse.)

Thank you!  You have no idea what this means to me, to my family!  You are the last family on the list - no one will protest, and with some luck, after escrow, we can move in within a couple of months!  Oh, thank you!  

           (She turns, looks back)

I look forward to being your neighbor.....

           (She exits.  The end of covenants started with women like this.  Inspired by a story in the San Diego Union-Tribune)

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Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8





Monologue Mania Day #133 by Janet S. Tiger We Will Fight.... (for The Senior Channel) (c) June 25, 2014


Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to 
http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this sit
e

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Monologue Mania Day #133   by Janet S. Tiger  We Will Fight... (c) June 25, 2014    
          
                                      We Will Fight.....
                                          (for the Senior Channel)
                                                     by Janet S. Tiger
                                       (c) June 25, 2014 all rights reserved
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

              (A woman of indeterminate age but very definite British connection storms on - she is incredibly filled with vigor.  She is...Winnie.  She has a substantial British accent - not Cockney, not the Queen, somewhere in between)

()h, welcome to all you in Senior Channel land.  I am here to help everyone watching!  I am Winifred Elizabeth Allenhall and I am a person who is opposed to clutter in every way possible!  I hate clutter, and with my help, I will enable all who watch and heed my sensible words to rid yourselves of clutter ...forever!

I have hated the excess of items since I was a small child, even discarding or donating birthday gifts before using them if I did not like them.  My parents were horrified, as they were reknowned accumulators of massive quantities of clutter, also known as antique collectors.  But I told them, even at an early age....why I want to waste my precious time and energy finding a place to store something....I do not want to play with?  Today,  I ask you that very same question!

Do you have clutter in your life?  If you are watching this show, I know you do, because you are bound to watch other channels that have ridiculous commercials that clutter your brain!  And I know you want to change, and that is my purpose in life!

           (She takes out an enormous magnifying glass)

In just a few moments, we are going to put your life under a magnifying glass!  We are going to find some clutter and eradicate it!

           (She looks through the glass - her large eye is very....large)

Right now there is something near you that is clutter.  Go to it, NOW!  You know what it is.....it's a piece of paper, probably, from some newspaper or magazine.  Perhaps a note you should have discarded when you did the task, like shopping for a nice piece of carp for dinner, but left the paper on the table as a reminder you did get the fish, so now it is merely ....CLUTTER!

Perhaps it is trash, a napkin, or even something larger, like a bowl you have always hated but were afraid to give away because your dear friend Hildegarde gave it to you and you didn't want to anger her.....here is a news flash....SHE DOESN'T CARE!  And if she does, then she is another type of clutter...... friend clutter!...... and you should get rid of her!

So, have you found the clutter?  I know you have!  I'm proud of you!  Take it, go do it while I tell you!  Take that clutter and throw it out!  Now - don't wait till summer, the time is ripe for getting rid of all your tripe!

             (Puts her hand to her ear.)

What did you say?  This horrid bowl from Hildegarde is not garbage, you do not want to throw it out....Well, then, put it in your donation box!  (Horrified)  Don't have one?  MAKE ONE NOW!

             (She points to the screen)

And there are phone numbers for your local clutter pick-up companies, right here......

            (She holds up the magnifying glass)

If you can't see the numbers, they are online, too.  I just love computers!  If you refuse to buy one of those infernal printers, a computer can help you get rid of even more clutter!

            (She puts down the magnifying glass)

(Calmer)  Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for letting me come into your homes to help you....and help me to live my dream of de-cluttering this beautiful world.

I hope you will join me....in my hate of clutter.  I hope you will pledge, as I do, to fight clutter wherever it is found....(Starts to get louder)....We will fight clutter....we shall not flag or fail!

We shall go on to the end.  We shall fight in the attics, we shall fight clutter in the garages and in the sheds, we shall fight clutter in the closets and in the basements, we shall fight clutter in our drawers!

          (She stands tall and salutes)

We shall fight clutter with growing confidence and growing strength in our cupboards, in our automobiles....we shall defend our right to live an uncluttered life, whatever the cost may be....and it won't be much because we will be saving money on storage units!

          (She really gets loud now)

  We shall fight in our public places to keep out artwork that is hideous and takes up open space!    We shall fight in our pantries, we shall fight on our bookshelves....(Builds big)
We shall fight in our purses, and in the pockets of our coats!  We will never surrender!!!!
            (She takes a deep breath and marches off, looks back)
I will be back in a moment after I de-clutter my bladder.  Take this time to get a big garbage pail and your donation box and bring it close to the television......we have only just begun to fight!
            (The end.....maybe even of clutter.  Nah, that's here forever, ask my storage unit.)


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For those historically interested, this is from the original speech made by Winston Churchill.......

"......we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender......."







        


Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8





Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #132 by Janet S. Tiger Storage Boy (c) June 24, 2014


Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to 
http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this sit
e

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Monologue Mania Day #132   by Janet S. Tiger  Storage Boy (c) June 24, 2014    
          
                                           Storage Boy
                                                     by Janet S. Tiger
                                       (c) June 24, 2014 all rights reserved
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com



           (A nice-looking smiling man comes onstage with a rolling cart - anything that can be used to drag items from one place to another.  He is pleasant, wearing clean clothes and a perky hat.)

Oh, no, ma'am, I'm happy to help.  I like being a storage boy at Sunshine Storage.  That's what we're here for, helping you move in to Sunshine Storage, where we are happy to make you happy to keep your stuff safe...at Sunshine Storage.

           (He goes back for more, brings another pile, stacks it up)

Would you like it here?  I think you were wise to get the bigger unit, more space for your stuff!  And if you run out of space, we have lots more.....just let me know,,,,the first month is always free, and we always help you move......in.

           (Listens)

Yes, it is tough to move to a smaller place.  Always lots to store.  We help lots of people just like yourself.  No one wants to give away memories.  Especially happy ones, right?  Like in this box...

            (He reads off one of the boxes)

Photos from 1989 to 1991.  Those have to be special.  And putting them onto the computer takes so much time, and they never look the same....and you can't touch them....

             (He touches the box)

And since we're open 24 hours a day, you can come here and touch anything you want, any time you want.......we just want you to be happy.


I like to think about this as a happy place, not like in the old days, when there was no storage like this, and people would have to get rid of beloved items, items that had deep sentimental value, gifts that were special…and how they must have cried over these lost items!  How they must have mourned the loss of family heirlooms and tiny handmade children’s gifts!  The pain!  The sorrow!  And here, we have none of that, because, at Sunshine Storage, your stuff can be here…forever!

         (He goes back and gets the last load, packs it in tightly)

I think that's all....no more in this load.  But it's getting a bit tight in here, maybe if you have a lot more, another unit would be a good idea....and there's a special if you get more than one unit....half off the next month's rent on this one!  What a deal!  It's like getting this unit for almost nothing for two whole months!

           (Listens)

I'm sorry, but if you move out, you have to do that yourself, or hire someone.  No, I'm not allowed to help people move out, just in.

           (Listens, laughs)

Actually, I've been here three years, and I have never seen anyone move out....

              (He takes the cart - then leans over conspiratorially)

I hear no one ever has!

              (He starts to walk off.)

At least not, while they're alive......

              (Laughs as he exits from the Sunshine Storage, where stuff checks in, but it never checks out)

        


Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8





Monologue Mania Day #130 by Janet S. Tiger Meltdown (c) June 22, 2014



 Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day

                                                                        - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to 
http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this sit
e

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------
Monologue Mania Day #130   by Janet S. Tiger  Meltdown (c) June 22, 2014     

                                             Meltdown
                                                     by Janet S. Tiger
                                       (c) June 22, 2014 all rights reserved
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

(We hear screaming offstage, wailing mostly, a faint  'Where is it?' emanating from the wings.  Then a girl emerges, her hair askew, wild-eyed, she looks around wildly)
Where is it?  I know I had the cell phone with me when I came!  I know it because I remember talking on it and the teacher told me to turn it off!  And now I can't call it to find it!  What am I going to do! 
(She looks some more, under things, behind things, in the audience under people's chairs, all the while muttering)
I have to show them I'm responsible!  And this is really doing it!  Are they looking at me?  I bet they are!  I knew i shouldn't come to this advanced class- they're all older and I'm just starting out....where is that cell phone!
(She stands and starts to shudder)
I can feel it somewhere in this room- it is calling out to me!  Oh, cell phone, dear cell phone!  Wherefore art thou dear cell phone?  Foresake thy hiding place and show thy plastic face!  Puhleeeeese!
(She is quiet now, listening)
Wait a second, did I remember something?  When the teacher told me to turn off the phone, I turned it off and I was so embarrassed, I put it somewhere very safe...let me think, where would that safe place be? 
(She re-creates the scene)
Ring, ring, ring.....oh, no, Mrs. McKinley, I'm sorry.....(listening)  I know I promised to turn it off....(she is visibly embarrassed) ...I'll turn it off and put it far away....I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!  Please forgive me!  Sorry class...I'll do better next time!

(Stops, thinks,  starts smiling)
Now I remember.....
(She smiles and skips offstage, then turns back)

Yes, Mrs. McKinley, I wrote this all by myself.  And guess what?  It was based on a true story!
(Exit.  The end.)
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Just made this in under the wire - because I went to see a great show in Ramona - two lovely one-acts by Out of the Box Players - well acted by two wonderful casts and directed by Juliana Stewart.  Thank you for a delightful afternoon!
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Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8




Monday, June 23, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #131 by Janet S. Tiger Call Now! (c) June 23, 2014


Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                                                                        - for a whole year!If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to 
http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - 
click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, 
click here
Help  a playwright and get  more great  award-winning monologues - 
MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this sit
e

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monologue Mania Day #131   by Janet S. Tiger  Call Now! (c) June 23, 2014    
          
                                          Call Now!
                                                     by Janet S. Tiger
                                       (c) June 22, 2014 all rights reserved
                                                     tigerteam1@gmail.com

         (The spokesperson runs onstage, wearing a giant nose.  He waves at the audience)

I am a non-attorney spokesperson for the drug pinochioxidol, which has been shown to cause increased nasal development after prevarication!

If you, a friend or a member of your family has ever used the drug pinochioxidol for ANY REASON whatsoever, you may be at risk!

This is a picture of me....before pinochioxidol......

          (Holds up photo of normal face)

And look at me now!

           (He sticks out his nose)

I used pinochioxidol for a year to help with nasal blockage.....and it barely worked, but the side effects have been horrific!  First I noticed that, after my divorce, when I started dating, my nose had increased in size.........but then, right in front of the judge in my divorce case, my nose popped out about two inches!  Just because I underestimated my net worth by a few dollars......

          (He grabs his nose)

Stop that!  All right!  I underestimated by a lot, but the thought that others will be afflicted by this horrific side effect has caused me to become a spokesperson for the class action suit against the manufacturer - GepettoMed - an Italian company with no morals whatsoever!

If you have ever taken this drug, CALL NOW!  to the number on your screen....you will be directed to the nearest attorney handling the case.....and you will be given the name of one of our discount plastic surgeons for the....uh......resulting disfigurement.

           (He now removes most of his nose)

This is what they took off in the first surgery!  And this is what they can do for you right away if you CALL NOW! 

And if you hurry, a special price will be given for the follow-up surgeries ....as the, um......surgery is only temporarily useful if you continue to issue prevarications, untruths or falsehoods.

Pinochioxidol - it should never have been used on humans, but since it was, and every one knows humans don't always....tell the entire truth.....you deserve remuneration for your suffering and disfigurement.

CALL NOW!   This look may have worked for Jimmy Durante….or Cyrano de Bergerac…..but it is not in style now!  Don't wait until woodpeckers are inviting you home for dinner! Don't wait until your nose is dragging on the ground! Don't wait until everyone is asking you embarrassing questions to watch as your proboscis enlarges!  CALL NOW!

             (He takes his nose and  puts it in his pocket, which makes him smile and he looks back at the audience.)

And if you would like to buy some pinochioxidol for your family and friends....to find out the truth about anything…….this is the number.....

            (He points to the screen)

And if you call now, you get twice as much for the price of one!  With no hidden costs!

             (He grabs his nose)

Oops, well, maybe a little hidden cost......

And I almost forgot, the most important warning - if your nose sticks out for more than four hours, see a doctor immediately....and tell him the truth!

             (He exits, shielding his face.  Never the end of these horrid commercials!) 







Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8