Monologue Mania

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Monologue Mania Day # 74 by Janet S. Tiger (c) 2014 Does This Outfit Make Me Look Dead?

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site!

-------------------------------Apr. 27, 2014 Day #74 Monologue Mania

Does This Outfit Make Me Look Dead?

by Janet S. Tiger
© 2014 all rights reserved

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(A teenage girl comes onstage – she is ……odd. Odd make-up, beyond goth. She is wearing an odd…..black dress. And she is clearly worried. She speaks...oddly.)

Hi…..I’m sorry to bother you, I know it’s busy with all the others shopping, too, but could you just help me?

(She whirls around in the dress)

Whaddaya think?

(She listens)

I know it’s tough with everyone showing off all these dresses, but I need some help…(a bit excited) ….this is my first prom!

(Smiles, listens)

Thank you! I was asked by this one guy, Tripper, and he’s ok, I guess, for a zombie, I mean, but I really wanted to go with this other guy, who’s way cooler…I mean he’s the coolest guy in the world!

And then I told the first guy I didn’t know and the prom is next week! So I was getting nervous, you know, and then Dmitri, that’s the cool guy, ….(sighs)…he has these beautiful blue eyes! ….then he finally asked me! (Almost squealing with delight) Oooh….it was …amazing, he looked right into me and said….’Prom?’ And I said….’Yeah’ and it was like a movie it was so romantic!

(She whirls again, remembering the moment)

So I really have to find something fast, and this was the one I like most...

(Listens)

Oh, I know it’s black! I want it to be black! It matches my make-up, doncha think?

(She pushes her face out and bats her eyelashes.)

Thank you…it takes a long time. I’m even gonna have a black heart tattoo!

(Thinks for a minute)

The other guy? Yeah, I told him – he took it hard, walked right into a wall. But that’s what zombies do anyhow, right? I mean, he couldn’t kill himself, could he? He’s a zombie! Oh, no, (a little disgusted) I’m not a zombie! Me, I’m a vampire, we are different! And that’s why I want to know –

(She does a final twirl)

Does this outfit make me look dead?

(Listens, very happy now)

Ooh, thank you! I’ll take it!

(Listens)

A gift? Wow! And I didn’t even have to suck it out of you! Get it? That’s a vampire joke…..I didn’t say it was a good one, but I really appreciate this! That gives me the money to save on soles……shoes that is……. Can you show me something that’ll go with this dress?

(She exits. The end, but never the end of vampires!)

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Monologue Mania Day #73 by Janet S. Tiger (c) 2014 Betcha

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Apr. 26, 2014 Day #73 Monologue Mania

Betcha

by Janet S. Tiger
© 2014 all rights reserved

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(A woman walks onstage. She is smoking. She waves at the audience.)

Hiya! This is Gamblers Anonymous. My name is Agatha, and I am an addict…..I also like to take things I haven’t paid for yet, but that’s another meeting.

(Takes a deep puff of the cigarette.)

As you can see, I am an addict of several things – one of them is these….

(She waves the cigarette around)

I also have other addictions – but I have trouble remembering them all because I also have ADD – and its brother, ADHD, which together gets me a little bit of OCD, which is why I say I have COPD – because my OCD makes me smoke – over and over again.

(Thinks) Hmm, does that make me an alphabet soup of problems?......(Scratches her head)

Now why am I here? You’ll have to excuse me, you see all the medicine for all my problems give me CRS - which stands for….Can’t Remember Sh…..

(Looks at someone in audience, nods)

Okay, okay…I’ll watch my Ps and Qs…..Hey, more letters! I graduated with a BS and became an RN!

(Laughs, starts to cough, almost chokes)

Ooh, if I keep doing that, I’ll be SOL!

(Tries to stop coughing by lighting a cigarette – not easy when one is coughing, as the light goes out often – finally taking a deep breath and getting some control.

BTW - I have a BFF who says that I should stop smoking these things – but I don’t listen to her because she’s an A-S-S!

(Listens)

Okay, okay, I get it! Original introductions are frowned upon here at GA!

(Takes another deep breath of cigarette smoke)

What was I saying? So, I am an addict…..I am a gambler……

Betcha can’t tell if I haven’t gambled this week!

(Laughs, stops quickly)

Sorry, I just want everyone to know that I did NOT gamble this week, unless you consider smoking to be gambling, which some people tell me it is, and I do not agree with. This is still my body! I’ve been through eighteen surgeries – from my back to my elbow to my toe to my neck, and everywhere in between!

And if I want to keep smoking these damn things I will do that! Because it is the only damned pleasure I have! I can’t gamble, and I can’t eat foods that have the letters A to Z in them, and I can barely pee anymore, and maybe I smoke because it’s the last thing I can do for myself without some damned machine being stuck into my body!

(She stands up tall)

And if all of you don’t like sitting outside for these meetings so I can smoke, because my rich old daddy paid for this whole center, then go to some other damned meeting!

(Takes a deep breath of smoke, blows it out)

There my friends, you have it, the truth, like you never hear it on the news! Welcome to Gamblers Anonymous……which usually works for a lot of people……and now....lets have a great meeting!

(She takes the cigarette and stubs it out, coughing and choking as she leaves. The end…. just don’t bet on it)

Janet S. Tiger 858-274-9678
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Friday, April 25, 2014

MONOLOGUE MANIA by Janet S. Tiger Day #72 (c) 2014 My Favorite Present

Welcome to Monologue Mania- one new free monologue a day
                      - for a whole year!
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
     To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
     For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site!

-------------------------------
Apr. 25, 2014 Day #72 Monologue Mania

                                           My Favorite Present
                                                     by Janet S. Tiger
                                         © 2014 all rights reserved

tigerteam1@gmail.com

(A woman skips onstage - she can be of any age, but when she skips onstage, she is five years old, and she is very happy)

(Singing) Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy Birthday dear meeeee, Happy birthday to me!

Oooh, I just love my birthday! It is the best day of my whole life! It is better than Christmas, because....(not as happy) I have to share Christmas with the baby Jesus......(back to happy) .....and I suppose the presents are nice, but on my birthday it's all about ME!

(She continues to skip around.)

Have you figured out yet, that today is (shouts) My Birthday!

(Throws open her arms)

And I am going to be FIVE!

(She counts on her fingers)

One, two, three, four….FIVE!

And I get to go to real school, and that is going to be SO much fun!

I can hardly wait for this afternoon! We’re going to have a party, and I am going to get my favorite present of all time! Can you guess? It’s a bicycle!

(Holds her arms around herself and whirls around)

Oooh! I have wanted a real bicycle since I was a baby!

(More serious) Not one of those …(says it with disgust)…TRI-CYCLES!

I am not a baby! I want a real bicycle! One with training wheels that get taken off! One with blue stripes!

(Looks at the audience)

Oh, Aunt Hattie, I didn’t realize you were here! Did you come for the party?

(Listens)

What?

What do you mean, momma had a baby? Last night? (Suddenly realizes) Is Momma ok? (Listens, relieved) Oh, good! (A bit deflated) I don’t understand.

(Less happy) …. we already have a baby, my brother, Luke, doncha remember?

……..(Back to herself) ….I don’t remember much about when Luke came, I was little then, I still had to ride a….Tri- cycle.

(Listens)

(Disappointed) So, Momma won’t be here today? Oh, that’s too bad…….but what about the party? (Listens, relieved) Oh, thank you, Aunt Hattie! My party is so important!

(Listens, getting very upset)

What do you mean my birthday present is a new baby? I don’t want a new baby! All babies do is cry and I have to be quiet so I don’t wake him up, and Mommy and Daddy are too busy for me! And anyhow, I was supposed to be getting a bicycle! (Almost in tears) I want a bicycle!

(Looks at the audience, listens, relaxes)

Okay, I won’t worry…too much. I mean, how many babies do we need? That will make….

(counts on her fingers)

One, two babies……(wails) .and I don’t even have one bicycle!

(She now changes – if the actress wants, she can remove a sweater to reveal a party dress, but the easy way is to take out a birthday hat and strap it on, it’s party time….she is listening, others are singing to her, she mouths the words, very happy)

(Quiet) Happy Birthday to……me!

(Jumps up and down – blows out the candles)

Let’s open the presents! I don’t care about the cake today!

(She rips open the packaging, throwing things to the side.)

Very nice, very nice…….

(Looks around, isn’t there anything else?)

(Disappointed) Is that all? I thought……that….well…..

(Her head slumps, then picks up)

Where are you going, Aunt Hattie?

(She starts jumping up and down)

Is that for me? Oooh….it’s just what I wanted!

(She holds the bicycle, down on her knees and wraps her arms around it)

It’s the most beautiful thing in the whole wide world! I love it! I’m gonna keep it forever!

(She ‘rides’ it around the stage in ecstacy. Looks to the audience)

Can I sleep with it?

(Sad)

But I love it so much!

(Thinking) Will Daddy be able to teach me how to ride today – without the training wheels?

(Looks around.)

Where is Daddy? I mean this is a special day!

(Listens)

Mommy’s home! Yeah! Maybe she can teach me how to ride this bicycle!

(Listens, disappointed)

Oh, she’s in bed…….can she teach me later. When she gets out of bed?

(Listens) What? Another present?....But I have everything I want…..

(Looks into audience.)

Oh. My new……(surprised)……sister?

(Holds out her arms a little reluctantly)

Okay, but then I’m gonna go out and start riding my bicycle…..

(She holds the new sister…..gingerly at first, then less so, then she is bored)

Can I go play now?

(Listens, she just wants to go)

Yes, she seems nice…..

(Turns to go, is called back)

(Sincere) Thank you, God, for Mommy being all right….(less sincere) and for my new sister, and ….can I go now?

(As she leaves, she is joyous, taking her bike)

This is the best birthday of my whole life!

(She takes off the party hat, and puts on a mature jacket, she is now an adult)

And it was…….. because that bicycle lasted for years!

And now, I have a slightly better bicycle….and I am looking forward to using it, this weekend for the Pedals for the Cause, because we’ve been lucky, my dear sister, you and I and our children are healthy and strong - but others haven’t been so lucky, so off we ride! Thank you Senior Channel for letting us spread the word on such a good cause.

(She starts to leave, then turns back)

(More serious) I may have loved that bicycle.....and I sure love my new 10-speed!... But you…..(chokes up a bit)….you were and are .....the best present, and, on our birthday, I am sending you this Happy Birthday - Happy Birthday twin!

(She exits, we hear her singing lightly - 'Happy Birthday to us....' The end - but we also need to see an end to cancer, so please support Pedal the Cause San Diego)

Thank you!

Janet S. Tiger 858-274-9678
www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

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