- for a whole year!
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Note: A few words about 'free' - all these monologues are protected under copyright law and are free to read, free to perform and video as long as no money is charged. Once you charge admission or a donation, or include my work in an anthology, you need to contact me for royalty info.
If you just started this blog and want to read the earlier monologues, please
scroll down for the previous days or go to http://www.monologuestore.com/ -click on the Monologue Mania button please scroll down.
To start at the beginning - Feb. 13, - click here.
For a list of the blurbs from each day, click here
Help a playwright and get more great award-winning monologues - MonologueZone.com
Thank you for your comments - and for liking and sharing this site
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First started in 2011
Naked Pie
Naked Pie
©Janet S. Tiger all rights reserved
tigerteam1@gmail.com
(Lights up we see an older woman
looking out at the audience with binoculars. She can be in a chair or
standing, but it must be clear she is excited. She leans forward, shaking
her head, puts down the binoculars. A Southern accent is called for -
almost imperative.)
Naked pie.
That's what I like. Pie with nothin' on it. Some people ice cream on their pie. (Disdainful) And some people like...whipped cream! Why cover it up - if it's just fresh outta the ove, eat it warm, if it's cooled down in the fridge, eat it cold. But me, I like my pie ...naked!
Just like my truth - unvarnished, unhidden by walls and distance. (She looks next to her.)
I am so glad you came to sit with me tonight...it is so nice to have company. Since Melvin refuses to have any sense of an inquisitive nature, I am forced to keep an eye on our neighbors all by myself! And it is a hard, thankless job.....
Of course, I suppose all you're gonna do is sit there with that newfangled phone of yours. My dear, there is so much more to life!
Naked pie.
That's what I like. Pie with nothin' on it. Some people ice cream on their pie. (Disdainful) And some people like...whipped cream! Why cover it up - if it's just fresh outta the ove, eat it warm, if it's cooled down in the fridge, eat it cold. But me, I like my pie ...naked!
Just like my truth - unvarnished, unhidden by walls and distance. (She looks next to her.)
I am so glad you came to sit with me tonight...it is so nice to have company. Since Melvin refuses to have any sense of an inquisitive nature, I am forced to keep an eye on our neighbors all by myself! And it is a hard, thankless job.....
Of course, I suppose all you're gonna do is sit there with that newfangled phone of yours. My dear, there is so much more to life!
(She indicates one of the houses)
Looka that! (Shakes her head) Those Wilkersons insisted on putting up those big jacaranda trees right in front of their windows and now the honeysuckle has grown around them and I can't see into their house!
And I told them to plant bougainvilleas - those prickly things stop any burglar and the honeysuckle stays away, too - but, nooooooo, did they listen?
But over there - that's where you want to really look....it's the Carvity place......if it wasn't for this fantastic invention (indicates the binoculars) I never would've seen that that uppity Mrs.Ella Sue Lundgren was doin' something with Melvin's partner Toby.....
And there - (she points) at the place with the sundial.....that bedroom on the upper right is the mother's room, and next to it is the son, that would be Tommy Joe...you know him, the captain and star of the football team? Well, his mama don't know that when she goes up to Thomasville to see her poor mother, that her big strong strapping son puts on her underwear! (Laughs) Boy, do I wish I could share this with everyone.....(thinks) maybe I do a little.....but I can't see why in this day and age people do not realize that anyone - and by anyone, I mean me - anyone can purchase Infrared Night Vision Binoculars for only $40 on ebay!
The things I have seen!
And you notice that cottage just to the left of the Lundgrens'.......the Bickerlys live there....and maybe it's their name, but boy do they love to fight! One time Sally Mae got so mad when Jackson broke a glass that she started hittin' him with an ear of corn she'd just picked! Was that a sight! (She stops and watches, her face changing) Hold on just one little minute....
Oh my goodness...what is that....
Well Tommy Joe sure seems to be gettin' extra dressed up tonight......and what's that...is he writing a note?
(She strains to see what is going on, then turns, as if her friend has indicated she look elsewhere.)
That can't be Sally Mae, she looks so mad.....is she turnin' purple?
(Turns the glasses again, horrified)
Looka that! (Shakes her head) Those Wilkersons insisted on putting up those big jacaranda trees right in front of their windows and now the honeysuckle has grown around them and I can't see into their house!
And I told them to plant bougainvilleas - those prickly things stop any burglar and the honeysuckle stays away, too - but, nooooooo, did they listen?
But over there - that's where you want to really look....it's the Carvity place......if it wasn't for this fantastic invention (indicates the binoculars) I never would've seen that that uppity Mrs.Ella Sue Lundgren was doin' something with Melvin's partner Toby.....
And there - (she points) at the place with the sundial.....that bedroom on the upper right is the mother's room, and next to it is the son, that would be Tommy Joe...you know him, the captain and star of the football team? Well, his mama don't know that when she goes up to Thomasville to see her poor mother, that her big strong strapping son puts on her underwear! (Laughs) Boy, do I wish I could share this with everyone.....(thinks) maybe I do a little.....but I can't see why in this day and age people do not realize that anyone - and by anyone, I mean me - anyone can purchase Infrared Night Vision Binoculars for only $40 on ebay!
The things I have seen!
And you notice that cottage just to the left of the Lundgrens'.......the Bickerlys live there....and maybe it's their name, but boy do they love to fight! One time Sally Mae got so mad when Jackson broke a glass that she started hittin' him with an ear of corn she'd just picked! Was that a sight! (She stops and watches, her face changing) Hold on just one little minute....
Oh my goodness...what is that....
Well Tommy Joe sure seems to be gettin' extra dressed up tonight......and what's that...is he writing a note?
(She strains to see what is going on, then turns, as if her friend has indicated she look elsewhere.)
That can't be Sally Mae, she looks so mad.....is she turnin' purple?
(Turns the glasses again, horrified)
Well, what is my Melvin
doin' in Ella Sue's livin' room.......he can't be....(stunned) takin' off his
shirt? (Yelling) And what is doin' with that....(peering intently) what
is that? Oh, no, it’s whipped cream!
(She is now turning the binoculars back to the other houses)
(She is now turning the binoculars back to the other houses)
This is
...frightening......Tommy just put a rope up on the beam! What is he
gonna do?
And....(she gasps) ......Jackson has his shotgun......Some very wrong things are goin' on, right here in this neighborhood!
And....(she gasps) ......Jackson has his shotgun......Some very wrong things are goin' on, right here in this neighborhood!
(She tries to watch all the houses at once)
Wha.........Oh, maaaaaaah.......
(Turns to her friend)
Wha.........Oh, maaaaaaah.......
(Turns to her friend)
Are you just gonna sit there texting at a time like
this! Call the police!
People are gonna kill themselves or each other and you are just gonna sit there! (She turns back, mesmerized)
Hurry! Call! (Thinks) Do you have a camera on that damned thing? I bet we could put this on the Internet....
People are gonna kill themselves or each other and you are just gonna sit there! (She turns back, mesmerized)
Hurry! Call! (Thinks) Do you have a camera on that damned thing? I bet we could put this on the Internet....
What am I saying? This is a calamity of the highest proportion!
(She turns back to her friend, now is extra surprised.)
What are you doing with those binoculars? I didn't know you had binoculars.
(She lifts her own binoculars to the houses)
What the.......they all have...binoculars...and they are all.....lookin' at me......
(For the first time, we see she is a little embarrassed.)
Well, I am happy that SOME people have the time to plan elaborate pranks like this..... (takes another look with the binoculars)
What finger is that boy holdin' up?
(Horrified, she puts the binoculars
down)
Maybe it's time to put the binoculars away for awhile.....maybe you take 'em for me, why doncha?
(Reluctantly, she hands her binoculars away, turns to exit, and she is walking into her home)
And we can go in and watch one of those silly reality shows on TV......
(She looks back at the audience, shudders, then exits. We hear her as she leaves...)
(Distant) Maybe with a nice piece of naked pie...and no, I do not want whipped cream....)
(The end)
------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.PlaysByJanetSTiger.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
Maybe it's time to put the binoculars away for awhile.....maybe you take 'em for me, why doncha?
(Reluctantly, she hands her binoculars away, turns to exit, and she is walking into her home)
And we can go in and watch one of those silly reality shows on TV......
(She looks back at the audience, shudders, then exits. We hear her as she leaves...)
(Distant) Maybe with a nice piece of naked pie...and no, I do not want whipped cream....)
(The end)
------------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
www.PlaysByJanetSTiger.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
------------------------------------------------
Janet S. Tiger
858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
