Hoping this finds everyone reading this well and getting through the corona time safely.
This is the first time I've had a minute to post in a very long time- this is not a monologue, but it's not too long. (If anyone wants to do this as a Zoom, please let me know at tigerteam1@gmail.com)
There are almost 2000 monologues and one- act plays on the earlier years of this blog..
For a list of the many monologues on this post, please click here
Thank you for reading! Stay well!
I Told You So © all rights reserved 2020
A
play in one act by Janet S. Tiger
tigerteam1@gmail.com
Based on a
sadly true story
Note - The names of the cable
services have been changed to protect the guilty
Characters-
DADDY – Rachel’s father, in his 80s
RACHEL - in her 50s, very busy
Set-
Living room, with giant space for TV, but the TV is not there, it is in
a box in the middle of
the room, along with cords, wires, etc. An older man is sitting on the couch, reading
a newspaper.
(A key is heard in the door, and a woman enters, this is Rachel,
and she sees the box, is shocked)
RACHEL - (Sputtering)
Daddy, what have you done?
(She goes to the big
box marked garbage and shakes her head)
DADDY - It’s obvious isn’t
it? It’s your fault.
RACHEL - What?
DADDY - You made me do it. I can't live in the
modern world anymore so I am returning to
1955. That was a good year. The Korean War was
over, you were still a cute baby with no idea of television and I was young and
able to pee without medicine!
RACHEL (Still horrified)- But….but…
do you know how many hours I spent on this?
DADDY - Too many
RACHEL - But you wanted it!
You begged me for getting rid of the cable system you had
because it was so expensive! I tried to explain how
the Internet and streaming was even more complicated, but no....you BEGGED! And
now, now....(sputtering) ...the horror!
DADDY - Well, I don't remember
asking....
RACHEL - (Triumphant) I knew
it, that's why I recorded you!
(She shows on phone, he ignores,
waves his hand)
DADDY - It's a fraud, just
like all of this TV crap! Any child can be Steven Spielberg……
RACHEL - But...but....LOOK!
(She tries to show him himself and he throws up his arms)
DADDY - All right, I don't want to
see any more videos of some old crazy man!
RACHEL - It's you!
This video is of you!
DADDY - You are the crazy
one! This is me.....
(Takes out a photo of himself when
he was younger)
DADDY - you can't fool
me......oh, all of you can try....but I know the truth..
(She stands and steam starts to come
out of her head)
DADDY - You should get that
checked out - I think a hose might have blown....or the
temperature thingy.....
RACHEL - I have been working
for over six months, no close to a year! For you to be able to
switch! And if you switch back....it will cost more
because the new company has a two year plan that you agreed to!
DADDY - I don't remember doing
that....you must have tricked me.....
RACHEL - If I wasn't a
peaceful person, a person who meditates every damn day for thirty
minutes! I would kill you
right now!
DADDY - Really? Kill
your sweet old lovable dad? Not the cable company? The folks who are
literally driving you insane?
RACHEL- But I was the one who begged
you to leave well enough alone!
DADDY - A perfect example -
what does that mean? Well enough? I'm not well enough to do
anything except watch TV! Look, I sold TVs! I
made a nice living with the entertainment business - radios, tvs,
antennas! Simple things!
And when I started selling tvs they were easy! Push a
button, on they go! Push that same button - off! Simple! If
you liked one channel, you leave it on that channel and when you touch that
button on, there is the channel you like! SIMPLE! At least with cable, I had that, but with
this Internet crap, all they show is pictures!
And they change! And when you
push a button you have no idea what’s going to be on the set! It’s for insane people! I hate it!
RACHEL - THEN WHY DID YOU BEG
ME TO CHANGE IT! (Hissing) And you know you
did! I explained it was not a good idea and you told
me it was your money and you didn't want to waste it...you told me......
(He holds up his hands)
DADDY - Okay....listen,
and maybe you want to record this, because I am only saying this
once....
(She aims the camera at him)
DADDY - You were right.
(She gasps, grabs her chest and
stumbles back)
DADDY - Hope you got that
because it is the only time I will ever say that.....
RACHEL - I know, I thought you gave me a heart
attack.
DADDY - Another cheery
thought. And with all this money I’m
paying…LITERALLY
HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS! -you’d think, no commercials. Because after all, that’s why pay TV was
invented, right? So you could pay to
have NO ADS! And yet, what do I see,
nonstop! Commercials! For every type of medicine that doesn’t work
to make you look younger!
Commercials! For every type of
lawyer to sue when the medicines don’t fix you and make you 25 again! And for every type of physical ailment you
can imagine! My favorite so far has side
effects that include….(shaking head)
gangrene of the genitals!
RACHEL – I remember when I told you
people would pay for no commercials….and you said…
DADDY - …..But they will be paying for commercials
eventually….. there is no such thing as
free – there is always a price. And now, I can say ….I told you so……
RACHEL – And you have every right to
say it because….. you were right, Daddy.
DADDY - Are you going to record that?
RACHEL - No. I
always admit when you are right, YOU are the one who cannot admit when I
am right about anything.
DADDY - Well then, here’s another rightie for you……
RACHEL - What are you talking about?
(Hands
her a stack of envelopes)
DADDY - Remember when you suggested getting the
internet TV service might mean I could
click on things by mistake. Well…take a look…..
RACHEL - What are these? Oh, my God..
DADDY - No they are not God….they are bills. Lots of bills. For things I apparently signed up
for on that Internet and now they are charging me lots of
money – and I do not even remember doing anything.. It was probably something I clicked
on…….click…click…click…
(She
is horrified all over again)
RACHEL - Oh, my God – you are signed up for…….lots of
channels, and programs and apps! I
told you this could happen!
DADDY – Please be sure to record
that so I can listen to more ‘I told you sos’
Just what I need
in my old age.
RACHEL - So….what am I supposed to do now? With all this….
DADDY - I want an old TV, with no cable, no
internet…..just old shows
RACHEL - So, a VCR?
DADDY - Did I say VCR? No, I want a TV from 1970 –
RACHEL - What happened to 1955?
DADDY - Better remotes in 1970 – but no cable, no
VCRs. Simple
RACHEL - Great.
I’ll get us a time machine from that TV show Dr. Who….or maybe Back to
the Future?
DADDY - I don’t care what store you get it from,
that’s what I want.
(She
goes over and puts her arm around him)
RACHEL - Okay, I’ll start looking after we go to get
your coffee. You still want to go get
some
coffee, right?
DADDY - Yes, that’s what I want. Coffee.
Simple. Black, no sugar.
RACHEL - And when we come back, I’ll figure it all
out.
DADDY - You do that.
You’re good at all the details.
RACHEL - Thank you, Daddy. I always appreciate appreciation.
DADDY - And when we get back there’ll plenty of time
for you to set up the TV so I can watch
Everybody Loves Raymond
- that’s my favorite show.
RACHEL - I know Daddy, you just love Raymond.
DADDY - Actually I love the
food. Now that was a show with a lot of
good food!
RACHEL - Maybe we can have dinner out…..sound good?
DADDY - Okay, as long as we’re back in time for…
RACHEL - Raymond…..
(She
is picking at the TV parts)
RACHEL - I must say this is impressive – how did you
get this all taken apart?
DADDY - It was easy….that’s one thing nice about the
future, no tools needed…..although if
I’d had a hammer….
RACHEL - (Shudders)
Let’s not go there….
(She
is getting his jacket, hat, cane during the next)
DADDY - You know what the next thing I’m gonna do?
RACHEL - Waiting breathlessly to hear….
DADDY - I’m gonna sue these companies! That’s what wrong with this country today,
everybody puts up with a lot of crap
and nobody knows how to sue anymore!
RACHEL - Oh, I think there’s plenty of sewage in this
country……
DADDY - I’ll dictate the letters, and we can send
them out to the TV stations…..
RACHEL - So…. we’d better get the TV back together,
right?
DADDY - Of course we will, and by ‘we’, I mean ‘you’
….
RACHEL - Of course…..
(They
start to head to the door)
DADDY – By the way, what kind of
play are we in now?
RACHEL - What are you talking about?
(He
indicates the audience)
DADDY - I mean, this…..it’s not a drama, not a
comedy….it doesn’t have a horse so it’s not a
Western……What do you call it?
RACHEL - You mean, slice of life?
DADDY - That sounds good, I could use some pie for
dessert…..
(They
exit laughing, the end)
